sprucebruce

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Feb 9, 2012
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Tired of the judgement and condemnation we've gotten from our church, I've been looking for a community that would welcome and accept us as we are (a family of three) and not try to change or make us give up our lifestyle.

My wife has Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease and I've been her caregiver for over 7 years.
We've always had a wonderful relationship and able to communicate in ways that few can even imagine. Early on, she realized that she would not be the wife I married but would require assistance 24/7.

Dementia caregiving a loved one is one of the most noble endeavors a person can undertake but, it's a long lonely process that saps the life out of a caregiver. Often the caregiver dies before the ill spouse does.

With her encouragement, my wife and I went on a dating site looking for a suitable woman to join us.
We were completely honest, posting photos of us, our homes etc. We held nothing back.
I could not believe the positive responses we had.
After sorting out the obvious gold diggers, loonies etc., we finally met someone who matches our personalities, background, education and life goals.
The response and support from our families and (most) of our friends, has been amazing.
The response from the church? Not so much.
This is the same church where, five years ago, the pastor called my wife up front and invited everyone to lay hands on her to "cast out the demons of dementia", with the admonition, "If HER faith is strong enough, she will be healed".
She turned and in tears, ran through the people and out the front door.

We have been looking for a church that will accept us as we are, a loving caring family of three hearts who enjoy each others company and are totally at peace with ourselves and our decision that we will care for my wife in the time she has left and give her the best quality of life imaginable.

Are there any churches open minded enough to understand that, by choosing this lifestyle, I'm able to keep my marriage vows better than ever and not to become it's second victim?
 
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SkyWriting

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Tired of the judgement and condemnation we've gotten from our church, I've been looking for a community that would welcome and accept us as we are (a family of three) and not try to change or make us give up our lifestyle.

My wife has Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease and I've been her caregiver for over 7 years.
We've always had a wonderful relationship and able to communicate in ways that few can even imagine. Early on, she realized that she would not be the wife I married but would require assistance 24/7.

Dementia caregiving a loved one is one of the most noble endeavors a person can undertake but, it's a long lonely process that saps the life out of a caregiver. Often the caregiver dies before the ill spouse does.

With her encouragement, my wife and I went on a dating site looking for a suitable woman to join us.
We were completely honest, posting photos of us, our homes etc. We held nothing back.
I could not believe the positive responses we had.
After sorting out the obvious gold diggers, loonies etc., we finally met someone who matches our personalities, background, education and life goals.
The response and support from our families and (most) of our friends, has been amazing.
The response from the church? Not so much.
This is the same church where, five years ago, the pastor called my wife up front and invited everyone to lay hands on her to "cast out the demons of dementia", with the admonition, "If HER faith is strong enough, she will be healed".
She turned and in tears, ran through the people and out the front door.

We have been looking for a church that will accept us as we are, a loving caring family of three hearts who enjoy each others company and are totally at peace with ourselves and our decision that we will care for my wife in the time she has left and give her the best quality of life imaginable.

Are there any churches open minded enough to understand that, by choosing this lifestyle, I'm able to keep my marriage vows better than ever and not to become it's second victim?

My wife and I visited new congregations on a regular basis for about two years. Our only prerequisite was that they be wheelchair accessible. Each building of members has it's very own personality. You will be blessed to learn about humanity and religious practices in general the more congregations you visit. Many churches will "do handstands" to welcome newcomers without judgment.
 
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PloverWing

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I don't know of any churches that accept polyamory as a general policy. However, you have found a solution that makes sense in your particular situation. You might be able to find a congregation in one of the mainline traditions (UCC, TEC, PCUSA, etc.) that would embrace your family, given your circumstances. Speak privately to some pastors of congregations near you, and see what they say.
 
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hedrick

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The 1989 PCUSA study on sexual ethics explicitly endorsed arrangements like this. It was rejected by the GA at that time, but I believe it expresses the views of the leadership. And as acceptance of gays, etc, has increased I think the views of the church have come closer. It's going to depend upon the congregation and how visible your arrangement is.

Gen 16
 
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