A personal issue...

[MrHollow]

First off, let me say that I am posting this here because I believe that it will actually be handled with respect in this section of the forums.

Our pastor told me and my fiancee that he will marry us in his office so that we can get right before God, before our child is baptized. Now, the problem is, my fiancee feels as though she is being rushed into this, and wants to wait until her trust issues have been healed more. I just don't know what to do. I mean, separating just isn't feasible, because I take care of the children while she is at work. We are set to go in on the 7th to have a little counseling session with the pastor regarding this.Other than that, I am lost.

 

[DaRev]

First off, let me say that I am posting this here because I believe that it will actually be handled with respect in this section of the forums.

Our pastor told me and my fiancee that he will marry us in his office so that we can get right before God, before our child is baptized. Now, the problem is, my fiancee feels as though she is being rushed into this, and wants to wait until her trust issues have been healed more. I just don't know what to do. I mean, separating just isn't feasible, because I take care of the children while she is at work. We are set to go in on the 7th to have a little counseling session with the pastor regarding this.Other than that, I am lost.

If you two are going in for a counselling session, then this is where this needs to be brought up and discussed. It could possibly be worked out there, or at least started in the right direction.

 

[LilLamb219]

Sticky situation...keep praying.

 

[porterross]

I'll pray for you, Mr. H. Let us know how it goes.

 

[TheCosmicGospel]

You know what they say, "damned if you do - damned if you don't."

But in Christ, it works out much better. "Grace if you do - grace if you don't."

I have suggested separation and never seen it followed. I was not going to be Moses about it. I wanted a relationship with the couple after they got married. That was the opportunity I felt God was offering.

You could tell the pastor you will consider his advice. Realities may be different. Perhaps he could use a word of absolution in his message that this union is brought together in forgiveness without finger pointing the obvious. The service should be where you are now going, not roadmapping where you have been.

The pastor would be in his rights to ask that you abstain and use this as a season of prayer and spiritual preparation. You are asking for God's blessings in this. The whole "take up your cross and follow Me" was never meant to be only at our convenience.

But I wish you much happiness together. Have a day of joy and new beginnings in Christ. I would resist any offer of a rushed office wedding. You will have to live with that the rest of your life. Most wives would not see that as a wedding but a shotgun approach.

Peace,
Cos

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

CG hinted that this is going to be the rest of your life. If a Christian foundation isn't set now then it will be harder to do later on in the marriage with all the extra responsibilities marriage entails.

Is your mate Christian/Lutheran? How does you situation affect your relationship with each other. Knowing that you have both committed a sin does it make either one of you indifferent towards that sin and then maybe indifferent towards living a Christian life? Sometimes people have a tendency to sidestep God and ignore Him when they have committed a sin and are living that sin. They try and take on a liberal attitude that everyone is doing it and it's not so bad.

 

[Flipper]

Can you sleep in separate rooms?

I found myself homeless months before my wedding, so I moved in with Mr. Flipper, in the spare bedroom. Pastor wasn't happy, and frankly I don't think he believed us, but it seemed to be good enough.

 

[DaRev]

Can you sleep in separate rooms?

I found myself homeless months before my wedding, so I moved in with Mr. Flipper, in the spare bedroom. Pastor wasn't happy, and frankly I don't think he believed us, but it seemed to be good enough.

The problem with seperate rooms is that there is still the temptation asscoiated with living together. The only real solution is either seperate residences or get married now.
The couple can be married by the pastor in a simple private service. They can then have the "wedding" any time. That was the case with my daughter. They were married in a simple ceremony and they will have a regular "wedding" at some future date.

 

[Flipper]

The problem with seperate rooms is that there is still the temptation asscoiated with living together. The only real solution is either seperate residences or get married now.
The couple can be married by the pastor in a simple private service. They can then have the "wedding" any time. That was the case with my daughter. They were married in a simple ceremony and they will have a regular "wedding" at some future date.

What ya do is one person works 50+ hours every week, while taking 9 hours of classes, and lead a confirmation small group, and the other works an opposite 60+ hours every week, while also handling pharmacist scheduling for the entire district, which is a 24/7 on-call job. Then you are too exhausted to have any temptation. Trust me, it worked.

Seriously, I know what appearances mean, and part of me thinks we should have just gone to the courthouse and be done with it, but who would that have pleased? God, who knew we weren't doing anything, or Pastor?

I'm not saying you are wrong. It was not a fun period of time unfortunately. Going to the courthouse would have solved many problems. You do have to think about your future and your integrity. Every time our pastor and some members of the church look at us, I'm sure they still think about how we lived together before we got married, even if we never saw each other or did anything.

 

[DaRev]

would that have pleased? God, who knew we weren't doing anything, or Pastor?

God, who knew you were living in a situation that is not pleasing to Him.

 

[Flipper]

God, who knew you were living in a situation that is not pleasing to Him.

Maybe, but I didn't feel His displeasure - just the ostrazation by so-called friends who would brag that they weren't so good themselves, but they had separate residences and that blasted "appearance."

No, I tell people that if they really want to get married, and they find themselves in similar circumstances, just go to the Courthouse. It feels like you are being pushed, but in the big picture, it will save you a lot of stress.

 

[DaRev]

Maybe, but I didn't feel His displeasure - just the ostrazation by so-called friends who would brag that they weren't so good themselves, but they had separate residences and that blasted "appearance."

No, I tell people that if they really want to get married, and they find themselves in similar circumstances, just go to the Courthouse. It feels like you are being pushed, but in the big picture, it will save you a lot of stress.

I guess I am having a hard time following your logic here. Let's see if I'm following you right...

You feel as if God is "pushing" you, so you take Him out of the picture completely either by just living together and committing adultery, or by going to the "courthouse" instead of the Church...

Am I following you right here, or am I missing something?

 

[LilLamb219]

There's nothing wrong with getting married at the courthouse.

 

[Flipper]

I guess I am having a hard time following your logic here. Let's see if I'm following you right...

You feel as if God is "pushing" you, so you take Him out of the picture completely either by just living together and committing adultery, or by going to the "courthouse" instead of the Church...

Am I following you right here, or am I missing something?

I felt others pushing me, but not God. No conscious tuggings that usually mean the Holy Spirit is talking to me - nothing. A lot was going on then, I'm the first to admit that maybe I was too stressed and hurt by the judgment by others to see reason.

I should have elaborated on the courthouse and say that I learned from the situation, if you can't afford to live apart, and you want to do it right, then go to the courthouse and make it legal, then you can have your wedding by the church when you can (or when your pastor wants to perform it).

Are you saying that a courthouse wedding isn't a legitimate wedding under God?

 

[DaRev]

Are you saying that a courthouse wedding isn't a legitimate wedding under God?

Not necessarily, but what is it that you are vowing to in a civil ceremony? Where is the couple making a committment before God in such a ceremony? There isn't, bucause it isn't allowed by law.

Most pastors will perform a simple ceremony in the Church. I'm not sure why a Christian would not want to do it that way instead of taking it out of the Church.

I wouldn't tell someone "go to the courthouse", I'd say "go to the Church."

 

[LilLamb219]

Not that we worship Luther...but didn't he say something about weddings having something to do with civil law? And my video shows him getting married outside, not inside the church

 

[Flipper]

Not necessarily, but what is it that you are vowing to in a civil ceremony? Where is the couple making a committment before God in such a ceremony? There isn't, bucause it isn't allowed by law.

Most pastors will perform a simple ceremony in the Church. I'm not sure why a Christian would not want to do it that way instead of taking it out of the Church.

I wouldn't tell someone "go to the courthouse", I'd say "go to the Church."

Not all pastors are as accomodating.

 

[DaRev]

Not that we worship Luther...but didn't he say something about weddings having something to do with civil law? And my video shows him getting married outside, not inside the church

Was he married by a priest or by a gumshoe with a Cracker Jack license?

 

[DaRev]

Not all pastors are as accomodating.

Well, shame on them.

 

[LilLamb219]

Was he married by a priest or by a gumshoe with a Cracker Jack license?

Is the ceremony more important than the marriage?