A non-sinful act, but won't do it regardless

[bèlla]

I beg to differ. We are called to enter marriage with only another God-seeking Christian. If we are living our faith, we should be able to be compatible with any other believer who is also focused on following God.

That wasn’t the compatibility I was referencing in that statement. And it isn’t the sort that blows up marriages either. They’re secular issues.

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

if she was okay with hand-holding, hugs, or kisses, maybe. if she had boundaries against doing such things before marriage i'd be totally fine with that. she would already have shown me that romantic interest is there. I don't have an issue with waiting until marriage for such things.

That’s admirable and uncommon. We’re you always restrained or did that arrive with time and maturity?

~Bella

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

That’s admirable and uncommon. We’re you always restrained or did that arrive with time and maturity?

~Bella

definitely came with maturity(getting saved certainly helped). I was the total opposite before Christ.

 

[blackribbon]

I disagree. Relationships have challenges and many exist without the attributes mentioned. Including Christian ones. The absence of the qualities named doesn’t minimize their belief. No marriage is perfect.



The bible is full of biblical commands that believers fall short on every day. Husbands and wives are no different and neither will walk out His precepts perfectly. Both will fail many times.



Few people plan for bad events. Life happens. How we handle it reveals the depth of our tether to Him. The unexpected is a part of life. No one can escape it.



No one is advocating foolhardiness. Today’s singles have longer periods of singleness. We’re older, more mature, and less prone to idealistic sentiments.



The gospel rests upon God’s love for us. The bible is filled with references to love from beginning to end. Our ability to love like He does is the difference.

The choice is surrendering to His will over your own. Choosing His way above yourself.



The feeling you’re referencing is related to acceptance and validation. It has little to do with overcoming. The common denominator are positive results. That’s what they’re responding to. It’s comfort not challenges.



That takes time and constancy to build. With two surrendered souls pursuing the same.



God’s foreknowledge is always present. He knows we’ll veer off course and works through our mistakes to accomplish His will.



I think that’s perfectly fine. But the qualities you believe are most important may not hold true for others and their difference doesn’t make them wrong. Or you for that matter.



My fealty is to God. Saying no comes easy for me. I’ve placed my choice of suitor in His hands. But even if I go astray, forsaking Him is not an option.

~Bella

So how do you choose to enter into marriage? There is no book that assigns you to your spouse. It involves prayer, intelligence, obedience, and faith. God doesn't send you an invitation to the marriage He chooses for you.

Much of what you are talking about is what happens after you make the decision on whom to marry, after you have (hopefully) already submitted the decision to God and found peace from God along with evidence that you are marrying a God fearing Christian spouse. If you don't spend reflectful thought and prayer before you say "I do", then the issues are more likely to be significant after the wedding date. If you really have married a God seeking spouse and you are also God seeking, the problems are overcome relatively easily by seeking God together. Major issues such as abuse should not be an issue if you married a man living a truly God lead life. Other issues are easier when God is an active part of your marriage. I can't see how two Christians will suddenly become "uncompatible". They may not agree on an issue but that does not mean they are not compatible.

 

[bèlla]

definitely came with maturity(getting saved certainly helped). I was the total opposite before Christ.

How long have you been saved? Were your ideas on manhood firmly entrenched or did they undergo a change with God’s input?

~Bella

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

How long have you been saved? Were you ideas on manhood firmly entrenched or did they undergo a change with God’s input?

~Bella

born again on april 29th 2012. my views on manhood also came with maturity.

 

[bèlla]

God is the authority on marriage. He knows our strengths and weakness and addresses them in our walk. What you’re emphasizing doesn’t correlate with the things He’s impressed.

For obvious reasons. Our difference in makeup, season, and calling. He knows how to prepare us each for the path He’s set. And that’s what I focus on.

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

born again on april 29th 2012. my views on manhood also came with maturity.

That’s wonderful.

My thoughts on womanhood were instilled in my youth but He’s altered a few and made them more inclusive.

Do you mentor or shepherd men? If not, have you considered it?

~Bella

 

[blackribbon]

God is the authority on marriage. He knows our strengths and weakness and addresses them in our walk. What you’re emphasizing doesn’t correlate with the things He’s impressed.

For obvious reasons. Our difference in makeup, season, and calling. He knows how to prepare us each for the path He’s set. And that’s what I focus on.

~Bella

You honestly believe that two people who are dedicated to following God can be incompatible ?

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

That’s wonderful.

My thoughts on womanhood were instilled in my youth but He’s altered a few and made them more inclusive.

Do you mentor or shepherd men? If not, have you considered it?

~Bella

as already demonstrated in this forum, the things I have to say about men make other guys angry. funny thing is, I was these guys at one point. finding out these things about manhood didn't anger me though, they gave me peace and set me free. that's what Jesus said the truth does for you.

it can also be due to the fact that when I understand how things work, I have more peace about it. it's true what they say that peace is the absence of confusion. that's certainty been true for me.

 

[bèlla]

You honestly believe that two people who are dedicated to following God can be incompatible ?

Compatibility goes beyond faith. And that is rarely the reason someone opts not to go forward. It usually relates to other factors.

It’s a catch-all for everything from appearance, personality, interests, goals, beliefs, etc.

Few people have identical wants and needs. That’s the comparability they’re referencing.

~Bella

 

[blackribbon]

Compatibility goes beyond faith. And that is rarely the reason someone opts not to go forward. It usually relates to other factors.

It’s a catch-all for everything from appearance, personality, interests, goals, beliefs, etc.

Few people have identical wants and needs. That’s the comparability they’re referencing.

~Bella

I would think that two genuine God seeking Christians would have the similar goal of pleasing God and following His will. The God seeking Christian woman would have entered marriage with a man she was committed to submitting to, making the tie breaker already pre-decided, eliminating that conflict...and sending her to her knees instead of finding strife with her husband. I do not have identical wants as God but that doesn't mean I find conflict with God when life goes in a direction that I didn't want or foresee. I don't see the word as a catch-all or something that changes in the wind.

Physical compatibility as in we "feel" good together is an ungodly definition and isn't compatibility by any real definition.

 

[blackribbon]

Compatibility is what takes a marriage through the hard times and into a mature state of marital love.

 

[bèlla]

as already demonstrated in this forum, the things I have to say about men make other guys angry.

Sometimes difficult truths are challenging to swallow if they’re presented all at once. It is usually easier to guide them to that point over time. I’ve seen this firsthand with others who felt like you.

This is especially true in today’s culture of male emasculation and constant scrutiny. They want to feel safe in the company of men. They’re looking for acceptance first. Then the hard stuff afterward.

funny thing is, I was these guys at one point. finding out these things about manhood didn't anger me though, they gave me peace and set me free. that's what Jesus said the truth does for you.

Are you diminishing the presence of strength and other attributes before you came to faith? I suspect you were pretty tough already.

it can also be due to the fact that when I understand how things work, I have more peace about it. it's true what they say that peace is the absence of confusion. that's certainty been true for me.

I feel a similar peace. Have you found likeminded companions?

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

Compatibility is what takes a marriage through the hard times and into a mature state of marital love.

I think we’re addressing different things and you are referencing behaviors upon marriage that I wasn’t speaking of in my earlier posts.

Maybe you should start a thread on the subject and allow others to weigh in.

~Bella

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Sometimes difficult truths are challenging to swallow if they’re presented all at once.

yeah, too much heat. I burned the roast.

Are you diminishing the presence of strength and other attributes before you came to faith? I suspect you were pretty tough already.

I was a hot mess before I came to Christ. I was living a different life.

I feel a similar peace. Have you found likeminded companions?

companions, no. most of what I now understand is from being around people who are smarter than me and know more than me and just listening to them.

 

[bèlla]

yeah, too much heat. I burned the roast.

A delicate hand is best. You mold the clay with gentle strokes. You know this.

I was a hot mess before I came to Christ. I was living a different life.

I’m sure you have your share of stories. I was really fun. Or so I’m told.

companions, no. most of what I now understand is from being around people who are smarter than me and know more than me and just listening to them.

That’s a wise practice. Are you willing to share your knowledge? I’m sure you have a lot by now.

~Bella

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I’m sure you have your share of stories. I was really fun. Or so I’m told.

I look back on my pre-Christ past with shame. i'm disgusted with who I was.

That’s a wise practice. Are you willing to share your knowledge? I’m sure you have a lot by now.

if you have questions i'll do what I can to help.

 

[bèlla]

I look back on my pre-Christ past with shame. i'm disgusted with who I was.

There are many lines I never crossed. Unfortunately, I was in the company of those who did or would. That’s equally bad.

if you have questions i'll do what I can to help.

Thank you. I look forward to our discourse.

~Bella

 

[Not David]

While I don't agree with making a thread mainly for "refusing to kiss", I totally disagree with the idea of shaming someone who prefers to kiss, cuddle and hug in a relationships.