A non-internet mate

[stormgade4]

I have often wondered if the internet could be used to find a mate? Call me old fashioned but I've always felt like the internet took the challenge away. All of my friends find found their siginicant others by means of natural circumstances. No, I'm not trying to gain their approval. I just think its a better story to say when (or if) I were to meet my mate "We met at so and so" rather than "We met online." To be fair, I have read about people in the early 1900s marrying after becoming pen pals. Do pen pals exist today? Yes, I have many. Is that what the internet can do that the postal system did so many years ago?

 

[Princess Pea]

Is that what the internet can do that the postal system did so many years ago?

Sure, why not?

It's certainly not my dream to meet a mate over the Internet. However, it also wasn't my dream to be single at 35. Things don't always work out the way we would prefer, and I guess if someday I end up having to tell a story about meeting my wonderful and beloved spouse online rather than in some wonderful romantic serendipitous moment - well, at least I'll have a wonderful and beloved spouse to tell a story about! If you really start listening to people's "how we met" stories, there are sooo many variations that I feel like ruling out a particular scenario would put limits on God. I think the Internet has become just another way to meet people. Yeah, you have to be cautious - but wouldn't you want to be cautious anyway?

But I'm interested in what you said about the Internet taking the challenge away. I hadn't thought of it in that light. Would you expand that statement a little, please?

 

[Living4Him03]

I don't know, I guess there are a lot of opinions on the matter. I'd like for the way I meet my future husband to be romantic or interesting so that I can have a good story for my grandkids, but I'd rather have a good marriage than a good story. I guess if God wants me to meet my future husband online it will have to be at CF lol because I don't want to do dating sites and stuff. I'd also like to know what you mean by taking the challenge away?

Whether the Internet is the modern day version of penpals is hard to say. Check out You've Got Mail and The Shop Around the Corner for research hehe

 

[KeilCoppes]

I....Call me old fashioned but I've always felt like the internet took the challenge away.

Are you kidding? It's been extremely difficult! Helps some, yes, but you still have to get to know a real person and build a relationship and there are side effects. Large cities and "smorgasbord choices", media and the net make it so that you effectively compete with the idea of a market. "I'll just go on and 'have it my way'". It all gives unrealistic fanastasies all that much more momentum.

I'd venture that media and the net make the world even more challenging.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Given my extremely uncommon personality (I'm a moderate introvert and a VERY high intuitive personality, meaning that I tend to be much more abstract in communication style, and I naturally focus on the theoretical rather than the practical), it is much easier to find people I connect with online. Larger pool to choose from.

 

[KeilCoppes]

IB - let me guess - rational - INTx or INFx? Less than 5% of the general population.... generally get things the first time, expect that people would ask if they didn't understand what you're thinking?

 

[Living4Him03]

INFx is actually Idealist Just to point that out. Rational and Idealist are TOTAL opposites lol. At least INTJ and INFJ. Anyway, back to the original question!

 

[MadeInOz]

I met someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with on the internet, we got on like a house on fire, racked up the phone bills... met up, and went on dates for about a year... and then... her dad died... she moved back to sydney to take care of her mum... I couldn't leave brisbane... *sigh*

we're still good friends, and talk a lot, but... I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

edit.

 

[Tuffguy]

Everyone on the internet dating circuit is a TOTAL LOSER. Loser Loser Loser.

I'm just kidding. Who knows? Maybe the perfect person is just a mouse click away. I think i would be an internet dater if i was in a rural area, or if i had just moved to a new area and didn't know anyone.

 

[stormgade4]

To follow up with regards to "the challenge," I simply think the internet provides a wall to personality. For me, and I am far from normal, a person's charcteristics, their mannerisms, their person is hard to fully grasp online. These things are hard to capture on the phone, even though voice can be expressive a little moreso than online. I met a girl from the internet once and she made it plainly aware that I was not attractive to her. Callous yes, but I 'd rather save the agony if I can avoid it in the first place. Sorry if this became a rant.

 

[TriptychR]

INFx is actually Idealist Just to point that out. Rational and Idealist are TOTAL opposites lol. At least INTJ and INFJ. Anyway, back to the original question!

No, I missed a brief discussion on Kiersey!

But as for the Internet being a "challenge," I've actually found it easier to go beyond small talk with people online and learn more about them. Maybe I'm just better at communicating through writing than speaking.

 

[Living4Him03]

You definitely have to get to know someone in person before you actually begin dating them, imo.

I think it's the same with penpals writing to each other via regular mail, or two people getting to know each other via letters/emails after having known one another in person. An example is my friend in Iraq. We knew each other somewhat when we were RAs together for a semester...it was hard not to get to know him because of the fact that we had to work with each other every day. But, now that he's in Iraq we talk via emails/instant messages and are getting to know each other better. I still think though that if we were to date at some point, we'd need to be in the same area...because with him in Iraq or Germany, I dont think keeping up a relationship is feasible being so far apart. Of course, you never know what God's will is, but I know it would be difficult to have to wait a long time to actually get to spend time with someone in person. I don't think I'd make it for too long!

 

[invisiblebabe]

IB - let me guess - rational - INTx or INFx? Less than 5% of the general population.... generally get things the first time, expect that people would ask if they didn't understand what you're thinking?

Good guess. Actually I'm INxJ. Right between Idealist and Rational, although I do say the Rational (INTJ) side is slightly dominant, if I had to pick. If I got my stats right, either type, INTJ or INFJ, comprises ~1% of the general population.

INFx is actually Idealist Just to point that out. Rational and Idealist are TOTAL opposites lol. At least INTJ and INFJ.

Yes, Rationals and Idealists do have many opposite qualities, but I am quite the odd mix. I work well with strategies and systems, I'm very open with people yet have a tight rein on my emotions... generally I don't "feel" things as strongly as most NF's, nor am I a physically affectionate type at all, outside of romantic relationships. I am very analytical and sometimes dispassionate when relating to people, yet as far as dreaming and romantic relationships go, I'm totally idealistic. I also have a very developed creative and artistic side that is atypical of NT's, I'm much more "girlie" than a typical NT, and I've been told my fictional writing style is that of an NF, whereas my academic writing style is definitely NT.

See my post in Social Sciences "NT, NF, Nx??" for more details. It should be on maybe the second or third page by now, but 'tis there


Annnnyways. TriptychR, I'm definitely much better at written communication than verbal (although I have learned to get good at expressing ideas verbally, expressing them by way of writing is my natural preference by far).

 

[KeilCoppes]

Good guess. Actually I'm INxJ. Right between Idealist and Rational, although I do say the Rational (INTJ) side is slightly dominant, if I had to pick. If I got my stats right, either type, INTJ or INFJ, comprises ~1% of the general population.

I thought that was the case. I have similar challenges as ENxP, with low E and P scores, sitting between the inventor and the philosopher, doing both engineering and art with a slight emphasis as ENTP suiting my personality well. It makes finding folks difficult , though as it's an unusual mix. Put all the N types together and you don't have much of the population. :^)

 

[waterbear]

I thought that was the case. I have similar challenges as ENxP, with low E and P scores, sitting between the inventor and the philosopher, doing both engineering and art with a slight emphasis as ENTP suiting my personality well. It makes finding folks difficult , though as it's an unusual mix. Put all the N types together and you don't have much of the population. :^)

All the N types compose about ~25% of the population (so I've heard), with EN varieties being ~80% of that 25%

In response to Idealists and Rationalists being completely different, I'm a strong INTJ yet I'd consider myself an idealist. Of course, I have very rational reasons for being an idealist

 

[TriptychR]

I'm an INFx, leaning slightly more toward INFP (healer) than INFJ (champion). Another small part of the population.

 

[caitlincares]

My personality type is INTJ (mastermind) - very much an introvert and I like to see things completed.

 

[harmmony]

I have often wondered if the internet could be used to find a mate? Call me old fashioned but I've always felt like the internet took the challenge away. All of my friends find found their siginicant others by means of natural circumstances. No, I'm not trying to gain their approval. I just think its a better story to say when (or if) I were to meet my mate "We met at so and so" rather than "We met online." To be fair, I have read about people in the early 1900s marrying after becoming pen pals. Do pen pals exist today? Yes, I have many. Is that what the internet can do that the postal system did so many years ago?

Ok, so my following statement would probably be dependant on if the person on the interent lived in your general proximity or not. So, I simply don't see the difference between meeting someone on the internet and then arranging to meet for a coffee somewhere, or meeting someone in any other place (eg - someone new to church) and then arranging to go out for coffee. To me it is a just another method of introduction.

And, yes I believe that email could be compared to penpalling. You are exchanging letters with someone, the only difference is the speed of the exchange. If you find yourself romantically interested, you are still going to have to arrange to meet them, right, it's exactly the same as far as I can see. Where do people get Penpals from anyway, say they signed up for a Penpal matching service or something, I know there used to be at least heaps of them. So, what's the difference between penpalling with a stranger or emailing, or internet meeting a stranger?

I don't believe necessarily in internet dating, as in going on forever communicating via the internet, but never meeting - I mean what's the point if you are after a potential spouse. But, as a method of simply meeting people, it's great and I really think any stigma attached to meeting someone this way, is simply ridiculous. How many people have met there spouse out somewhere and who were complete strangers in the beginning, it's the same.

 

[the_man]

I think the internet is another tool to meet people (and hence possibly meet a spouse). Like any other tool, it can be abused/misused. Personally, I live most of my life with people that I see. Not to say that I haven't built awesome relationships online..the ratio just doesn't favor online as far as meeting a potential mate.