a new obsession

[jc9992]

Ive sort of had a new obsessions the past couple weeks but its been most evident the past few days.Its kind of hard to explain but i think im sort of haunted by past struggles, for about 6 or 7 months now OCD has been very managable and the past 2 or 3 it has been real easy to handle mainly because of prayer, church, and bible reading.The past few days i keep getting thoughts like "ive never been able to shake these struggles why should now be any different?"Or "what if i am condemned and thats why OCD is still bad."

Its almost like, i got so used to struggling with feeling condemned that now when I am happy and know that im saved that i end up convincing myself that im not saved or that i havent been truly happy,and when i am having a bad day it feels like ive still been struggling for a long time when i havent.I guess part of the reason is because i fear a relapse so whenever OCD is bad , ithink ive relapsed and when its under control i think im about to relapse.

Im confused

 

[gracealone]

Ive sort of had a new obsessions the past couple weeks but its been most evident the past few days.Its kind of hard to explain but i think im sort of haunted by past struggles, for about 6 or 7 months now OCD has been very managable and the past 2 or 3 it has been real easy to handle mainly because of prayer, church, and bible reading.The past few days i keep getting thoughts like "ive never been able to shake these struggles why should now be any different?"Or "what if i am condemned and thats why OCD is still bad."

Its almost like, i got so used to struggling with feeling condemned that now when I am happy and know that im saved that i end up convincing myself that im not saved or that i havent been truly happy,and when i am having a bad day it feels like ive still been struggling for a long time when i havent.I guess part of the reason is because i fear a relapse so whenever OCD is bad , ithink ive relapsed and when its under control i think im about to relapse.

Im confused

Hi Jc9992,
I know exactly what you mean. The very fact that you are making progress can thrown in your face by OCD as yet one more question, one more doubt, one more thing that you need to solve or get certainty about.
I've had that same obsession.
It goes something like this - "I don't feel upset anymore, like I was in the past that I might not be a Christian. I wonder if that might mean that I don't really care anymore?... I mean if I really cared about whether or not I was a Christian then wouldn't I still be upset that I might not really be one?...etc., etc., etc.,"
And then the rumination, the trying to solve that question, trying to get reassurance about it begins and right alongside of it the increase in the anxiety that I thought I'd gotten rid of.
OCD is a chronic thing that waxes and wanes and grabs and latches on to and twists it's themes all the time. But each new theme has to be treated in the same way as all the others... with a shrug of our shoulders and an..."OH well, that's just my OCD making one more last ditch, sneak attack on me. The difference is that now I've learned all it's tactics, now I know that the only way to fight it is to not fight it at all. I'm just gonna let that thought be there and not waste my time and energy struggling against it. So bring it on... I'll not be pushed around by my OCD enemy anymore."
What you are experiencing is really a common thing for someone with OCD. But common OCD things never feel common do they?
Praying for you,
Mitzi

 

[jc9992]

i ive messed things up.a couple months ago i was strong spiritually and mentally, now ive let myself slip spritually and i just feel sort of dry.I was always having good days, now when im having a good day, i always go back to sinning or my old ways and the day is ruined.I would just like everyone on here to pray for me to get back on track because i know i can.

 

[dizzydoll]

i ive messed things up.a couple months ago i was strong spiritually and mentally, now ive let myself slip spritually and i just feel sort of dry.I was always having good days, now when im having a good day, i always go back to sinning or my old ways and the day is ruined.I would just like everyone on here to pray for me to get back on track because i know i can.

prayed for you today. God is bigger than any sin we could ever commit. Hugs

 

[jc9992]

im also getting tired of doing the ever so present cancelling compulsion, but im doing my best to stop which is not easy.

I have faith though that ill will get back to not doing the compulsions like before i started them less than 3 months ago.

 

[jc9992]

Some great things have happened this week,but im kind of feeling like i was early last month.

I havent been praying or studying the bible lately and when i think about doing those things i get the "whats the use" thought, on top of that im struggling with OCD never going away so im kinda like "well im not getting any better mentally so why should i try to get better spiritually it not gonna help"

I know thats not true but its how ive been feeling.