a masturbation issue

[.Mikha'el.]

After seeing a thread by someone I am vaguely acquinted with in this forum, I think I might seek some help. It first started about two years ago, and since then, I seem to be masturbating about twice a day ever since then. I am not seeking to eliminate the habit entirely, but twice a day is far more than the once weekly session to eliminate an involuntary release that I would ideally like.

Any help would be appreciated.

 

[UnitynLove]

After seeing a thread by someone I am vaguely acquinted with in this forum, I think I might seek some help. It first started about two years ago, and since then, I seem to be masturbating about twice a day ever since then. I am not seeking to eliminate the habit entirely, but twice a day is far more than the once weekly session to eliminate an involuntary release that I would ideally like.

Any help would be appreciated.

When you are struggling with problems/troubles you need to get your eyes off of your weakness/habit and get your mind on God. The bible says: "Walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh." What does that mean: Read the bible more, listen to good music, praising and worshipping God, less time worrying, less time trying to figure out your problems, less time struggling, less time being afraid that if you don't overcome this God will reject you and more time just Hanging on the vine. Guess what? God will give you the strength to overcome that weakness and that flaw. If you are struggling with something you don't need to put more effort in it you need to spend more time with God, you don't need to call up four friends ask them what to do you need to spend more time with God. - Joyce Meyer

 

[dayhiker]

Why do you touch twice a day?

 

[Benji Essex]

Amen to that,
i have been struggling with this also.
not so much but once a week.
i go to the word of God and I seek and read the word.
and its like i am left just curled up in a ball on the ground gritting just battling and try not to go there.
major struggle.
I'm very strong in the word and in Faith as you may be but its undeniably there.
the Sin waits and prays for your week moments.
I'm a born again of two years and befor i came to know God i engaged in lots of sexual activity when i was unaware in big relationships and other stuff.
so it puts you behind definately cos your trying to overcome things that you used to be....
God Bless you.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I think it may have to do with how non-existent my love life is. Anyone willing to be an accountability partner?

 

[his1]

Hey there.
I struggle with the same issue. I am also looking for an accountability partner. I would love for us to help each other with this. I dont feel I can talk to people I know about this.

 

[Johnnz]

Its possible you have a high sex drive. Some married couples have sex on a daily basis.

John
NZ

 

[lehctim]

what is an accountability partner??

 

[lucas2]

Hi there, I too struggle with what is right or wrong and have just recently recommitted my life free of masturbation. The main reason was for my wife and two children. In an ideal world were there was no sin the husband and wife would be a perfect picture of God and his bride the Christians. In the bible God stresses that we are to love our wife as God loves the church which is a sacrificial love and the wife also is to submit and lift up her husband with support and love which is magnified in the shadow of her husbands love for her.

My point here is that our goal as Christians is to try to mirror the example
God gave us and that our body is meant only for our wife and not for selfish pleasure which is precisely what it is. I believe that the act of masturbation alone is selfish love and should be treated accordingly. If it is accompanied with other perversions and fueled by them then it is a more serious matter that has to be dealt with different help.

I also don't believe that we should be heaping on guilt to stop the habit. God is more forgiving, loving, just, and holy than we will ever understand with our human brain and I don't believe that guilt is something that he wants us to hold on to. Even if you touch fifty times a day he will forgive you and free you of that habit if you will ask. Guilt is something that God, the Holy Spirit uses to convict us of the act; but we should be released of by the Holy spirit as soon as we ask for forgiveness. If we still have guilt it is humanly formed and in my opinion would go as far as to say that it will bring you down the same way as sin will.

To everyone out there who is masturbating, don't be selfish with your sexuality. Keep your sexuality sacrificial for only your wife and you will reap the benefits even if it is a gray area with a lot of Christians. I haven't really found anything in the bible that says it is right or wrong when it comes specifically to masturbation, that is why it is so hard to talk about. But when it comes to Purity or a high Christian standard to what would Jesus do, I think the answer is clear.

 

[writergirl4god]

what is an accountability partner??

An accountability partner is another Christian to whom you agree to be accountable. This is a biblical thing to do if you're stuggling with an addiction of some kind. I'm going to post the guidelines for accountability partners from a Setting Captives Free course (which I highly recommend):

"Here are some guidelines to follow when you initiate accountability with your partner:
1. You agree to openness and honesty. Bondage to sin brings deception with it, and some of us have been deceptive for years. If we want to lose the slavery to sin, it starts with honesty, even if it is humbling. If your accountability partner asks how you are doing, and you have just fallen into sinful behavior of some kind, you must honestly admit this.
Proverbs 28:13 (ESV)
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.


God never blesses deception, so stay in the light, friend.
2. You agree to prepare and share with your accountability partner your "break the chain" plan as described later in the course. Expect your accountability partner to help you by making suggestions to your plan and holding you accountable to it.
3. You agree to give your partner freedom to ask the hard questions, without taking offense. For instance, "Have you participated in sexual sin of any kind today (i.e. internet pornography, cruising, etc.)?"
4. You agree to initiate communication daily for the first 30 days, as far as is possible.
"It is good for two to travel together, for if one happen to fall, he may be lost for want of a little help. If a man fall into sin, his friend will help to restore him with the spirit of meekness; if he fall into trouble, his friend will help to comfort him and assuage his grief" (Matthew Henry). 37"

ALSO -
"In closing, I will briefly touch on a few things that an accountability partner is not. They are not:
A janitor. The purpose of an accountability partner is for you to contact them BEFORE a potential fall, and not afterwards. Their job is to help catch the vase before it hits the floor and not to come alongside you afterwards and try to sweep up all the broken pieces.
A crutch. The purpose of an accountability partner is to help you, pray for you, encourage you, and exhort you onto paths of righteousness; but they are not to be leaned on indefinitely.
A doormat. If you are one who is used to having accountability partners to whom you confess to falls over and over again and they keep patting you on the back and soothingly say, "That’s OK, God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, etc. Deep down, I know you’re a good person and I just encourage you to get back up again for the ten thousandth time and keep trying…" then he is not fulfilling his role as an accountability partner with you.

Proverbs 27:5-6 (ESV)
5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse (many) are the kisses of an enemy.


A Savior. The Bible says in John 14:6 that there is ONE Savior. Too often, students try to elevate someone or something else onto the throne and they look to them for freedom instead of the Lord Jesus Christ. You may have looked to a group to "save you" or are trusting in your accountability partner to keep you from falls. Unfortunately, in the long run, these are only temporary fixes that are short-lived."

Hope this is helpful! And if you want to consider the free Setting Captives Free Course on sexual purity, you can check out the link here: www.settingcaptivesfree.com

 

[lucas2]

Before you get an accountability partner be very careful to find one that is going to keep this confidential. I had one about three years ago and he ratted on me to his wife which I thought was fine at first since it is his wife. Then his wife told friends of hers and our whole life with all my problems came out in the gossip and nearly ruined our life at church. I had to really convince my wife to not let gossip ruin our life and to just ignore it. As the years go by, we still don't really have the same relationship we had with people at the church; partly because of our knowing that people know and partly because those people know and treat us differently.

 

[writergirl4god]

So sorry that you had that experience! You're right, an accountability partner also needs to be trustworthy and should be chosen carefully. I hope you won't let your bad experience stop you from utilizing accountability in the future; when done correctly it is an effective and biblical tool in the battle against sexual sin.

Before you get an accountability partner be very careful to find one that is going to keep this confidential. I had one about three years ago and he ratted on me to his wife which I thought was fine at first since it is his wife. Then his wife told friends of hers and our whole life with all my problems came out in the gossip and nearly ruined our life at church. I had to really convince my wife to not let gossip ruin our life and to just ignore it. As the years go by, we still don't really have the same relationship we had with people at the church; partly because of our knowing that people know and partly because those people know and treat us differently.

 

[josh81]

An accountability partner is another Christian to whom you agree to be accountable. This is a biblical thing to do if you're stuggling with an addiction of some kind. I'm going to post the guidelines for accountability partners from a Setting Captives Free course (which I highly recommend):

"Here are some guidelines to follow when you initiate accountability with your partner:
1. You agree to openness and honesty. Bondage to sin brings deception with it, and some of us have been deceptive for years. If we want to lose the slavery to sin, it starts with honesty, even if it is humbling. If your accountability partner asks how you are doing, and you have just fallen into sinful behavior of some kind, you must honestly admit this.
Proverbs 28:13 (ESV)
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.


God never blesses deception, so stay in the light, friend.
2. You agree to prepare and share with your accountability partner your "break the chain" plan as described later in the course. Expect your accountability partner to help you by making suggestions to your plan and holding you accountable to it.
3. You agree to give your partner freedom to ask the hard questions, without taking offense. For instance, "Have you participated in sexual sin of any kind today (i.e. internet pornography, cruising, etc.)?"
4. You agree to initiate communication daily for the first 30 days, as far as is possible.
"It is good for two to travel together, for if one happen to fall, he may be lost for want of a little help. If a man fall into sin, his friend will help to restore him with the spirit of meekness; if he fall into trouble, his friend will help to comfort him and assuage his grief" (Matthew Henry). 37"

ALSO -
"In closing, I will briefly touch on a few things that an accountability partner is not. They are not:
A janitor. The purpose of an accountability partner is for you to contact them BEFORE a potential fall, and not afterwards. Their job is to help catch the vase before it hits the floor and not to come alongside you afterwards and try to sweep up all the broken pieces.
A crutch. The purpose of an accountability partner is to help you, pray for you, encourage you, and exhort you onto paths of righteousness; but they are not to be leaned on indefinitely.
A doormat. If you are one who is used to having accountability partners to whom you confess to falls over and over again and they keep patting you on the back and soothingly say, "That’s OK, God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, etc. Deep down, I know you’re a good person and I just encourage you to get back up again for the ten thousandth time and keep trying…" then he is not fulfilling his role as an accountability partner with you.

Proverbs 27:5-6 (ESV)
5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse (many) are the kisses of an enemy.


A Savior. The Bible says in John 14:6 that there is ONE Savior. Too often, students try to elevate someone or something else onto the throne and they look to them for freedom instead of the Lord Jesus Christ. You may have looked to a group to "save you" or are trusting in your accountability partner to keep you from falls. Unfortunately, in the long run, these are only temporary fixes that are short-lived."

Hope this is helpful!

Thanks for sharing on these principles. They're really comprehensive yet succinct.

 

[writergirl4god]

You're welcome! Setting Captives Free is really good - for a time I was an accountability partner for a friend and this course was one of the things we did. Saying a prayer for everyone on this thread!

 

[Marie D]

Hi there, I too struggle with what is right or wrong and have just recently recommitted my life free of masturbation. The main reason was for my wife and two children. In an ideal world were there was no sin the husband and wife would be a perfect picture of God and his bride the Christians. In the bible God stresses that we are to love our wife as God loves the church which is a sacrificial love and the wife also is to submit and lift up her husband with support and love which is magnified in the shadow of her husbands love for her.

My point here is that our goal as Christians is to try to mirror the example
God gave us and that our body is meant only for our wife and not for selfish pleasure which is precisely what it is. I believe that the act of masturbation alone is selfish love and should be treated accordingly. If it is accompanied with other perversions and fueled by them then it is a more serious matter that has to be dealt with different help.

I also don't believe that we should be heaping on guilt to stop the habit. God is more forgiving, loving, just, and holy than we will ever understand with our human brain and I don't believe that guilt is something that he wants us to hold on to. Even if you touch fifty times a day he will forgive you and free you of that habit if you will ask. Guilt is something that God, the Holy Spirit uses to convict us of the act; but we should be released of by the Holy spirit as soon as we ask for forgiveness. If we still have guilt it is humanly formed and in my opinion would go as far as to say that it will bring you down the same way as sin will.

To everyone out there who is masturbating, don't be selfish with your sexuality. Keep your sexuality sacrificial for only your wife and you will reap the benefits even if it is a gray area with a lot of Christians. I haven't really found anything in the bible that says it is right or wrong when it comes specifically to masturbation, that is why it is so hard to talk about. But when it comes to Purity or a high Christian standard to what would Jesus do, I think the answer is clear.

I agree 100%. To the OP: maybe a better strategy would be to try to eliminate the activity (I won't call it a sin, because I recognise that some people don't regard it as such, though I do) entirely, rather than 'allowing' yourself to do it once a week. If you stop it, and keep it out of life, you will feel very differently about your sexuality, that it's about selflessness rather than selfishness, and your body will remain pure.

You wrote that you committed this act once a week in the past 'to avoid involuntary release'. If something happens involuntarily, I don't think God would see it as a sin.

 

[SionDS]

Can you tell us more? How long has it been like this, and what do you mean non existent love life? Do you mean no release with a girl, or just no emotional connection with a girl?

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Can you tell us more? How long has it been like this, and what do you mean non existent love life? Do you mean no release with a girl, or just no emotional connection with a girl?

Well, both. I am really longing for an emotional connection, which I have neve eally had. NO gf for me yet. I feel that if I got that connection, then the energy devoted to masturbation could be channeled elsewhere. But I'd be lying if didn't admit to having a libido too. I must carify that I have no issues with pornography, just masturbation.