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a little advice please...***Possible ED Trigger***

want2change

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I wasn't quite sure if this belonged in the 'eating disorders' category or 'depression' or the 'struggles with sexuality' one, so I stuck it here.

first of all, I've been struggling to stop masturbating for a while now. it's something I'm absolutely ashamed of, and not just for moral/religious reasons - I see it as a disgusting lack of self-control. anyway, I thought I was doing really well, I could go for weeks without feeling the urge to touch or feeling anything sexual at all. but lately it's been increasingly bad and I've even looked at porn. I'm going to try that "setting captives free" thing, though, which brings me to my next subject.

I don't really know what I believe in. my old youth-group leader had a quote on her binder that said "my faith is like shifting sand" and I don't know where the quote comes from, but I can't think of a better way to describe my own "faith." it's like I'm a pendulum constantly vacillating between humanism and christianity. it's physically and emotionally draining. to make matters worse, my church is corrupt and my parents, who have always been the ones taking me to church, are doubting their own beliefs. as I go off to college next year, I don't know if I'll be looking for a church - the experience has always been disappointing.

lastly, I've been struggling with an eating disorder, depression, and a low self-image for a while. I went to therapy for a little while, but that didn't seem to help. I felt my counselor was patronizing and it isn't easy to talk about feeling fat at 95 lbs when your therapist is shorter than you and easily over 200. I only had one friend that I spoke of this to, but she's changed completely. she has issues of her own and probably couldn't take on mine too, but I'd like to share it with someone. I just don't know how to share it or who to share it with. it's still a pretty big part of me and, in a messed up way, I don't want to get rid of it because it's a stabilizer. I feel like such a liar hiding this from everybody, but I don't want them to take it away.

I'd just like to say that I know my ed is dangerous and harmful and all that, I'd just like to know how to tell someone. I mean, the last person (besides my parents) I shared it with left me totally alone and was really freaked out about it and I don't want that to happen again. she doesn't even look me in the face these days and she was like a part of my family for four years! if that was my best friend, how are any of the others supposed to react? for example, a few of my friends were talking about therapy one day during lunch and I mentioned something about my experience with therapists and they laughed hysterically like it was a joke... I just don't know how not to make this scary, weird, or humorously bizarre to the people I consider my friends.

now that I sound like a basket case, I'd really like your advice and prayers on any of the above.

and even if no one does respond, it was nice to vent. :sigh:
 
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Onlythingavailable

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I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

Masturbation can be quite hard to control, but it's possible with God's help. He helped me quit it, so no reason He can't help you as well. Just don't try going at it alone. Pray to God for strength and wisdom. When you combat masturbation, start the fight in your mind, against lustful thoughts, not only against the physical act itself. When you dismiss lustful thoughts, the need, or desire, to touch will go away.

You didn't go into details regarding your faith, but I will suggest reading the Bible and praying to God. Ask Him to reveal the truth to you. Don't go looking for truth from human concepts, even though they might seem like really good ones. Build your faith on Jesus, and then you will always have a solid foundation.

I don't have much experience with eating disorders, but the people I've run into that have suffered from an eating disorder either refuse to accept they have it or they don't believe that it is harmful for them. You say you realize it's dangerous, but are you sure you do? There are extreme cases where people have DIED because of it. You are aware of it now, it's time to get rid of it! It doesn't make you special, it doesn't increase your worth, so fight it! Realizing it is your enemy and fighting it, now that would be something special.

Attitudes regarding disorders vary heavily. I don't think how people respond is dependent on how you present it, but more on how much experience/knowledge they have of it. It seems your friends have very little experience with any sort of counseling, and probably your ex-best friend as well, and that's why their responses are so naive. When it comes to psychological issues, people also tend to get scared because they don't know how to help. If someone breaks a bone, you take them to the doctor, but when someone suffers from a psychological disorder people don't know what to do. Sure, they encourage you to seek help, but they don't really know what they can do to help you personally. This usually causes a wedge as well. So I guess it's ignorance that causes these problems, not always malice.

I don't think you sound like a basket case, not by a long shot. I hope your friends will realize that too. I will pray for you.
 
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_CJ_

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If I had the power I'd take your addiction, cut its throat open down to its feet and toss it aside like a rag.. unfortunately I don't have any resonable advice on this problem..mine is dead now.:clap:

Just endure..hold on!

About faith - don't worry, the trials will come, and when this happens we usually stick with God cause we're already too weary to solve things on our own. Maybe this is this 'strenght in weakness'?I never really got this one..:confused: :sorry:

Life, just life. Endure it. Just a sentence we have to serve before, well, just read the bible;)
 
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qrabbit

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<edit>

imho -- self-condemnation and your distorted self-image
are bigger problems. these can only be solved by taking
appropriate, normal measures: eating sensibly,
exercising, keeping a disciplined sleeping pattern going.

you'd be amazed at how many problems clear up with
just a little self-discipline. be reasonable with yourself.
take baby steps in the positive direction.
 
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artjack

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perhalps study jesus fasting and try to follow him as best you can for most of your questions, it may not be healthy to suffer to much or past unrealistic goals, thats all I can advise you on except that it sounds like one is to bussy compeating at life at the moment to see it perhalps,if you have other issues, seek qualified help that you can trust god has in place for you.
 
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inHisgripkim

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I wasn't quite sure if this belonged in the 'eating disorders' category or 'depression' or the 'struggles with sexuality' one, so I stuck it here.

first of all, I've been struggling to stop masturbating for a while now. it's something I'm absolutely ashamed of, and not just for moral/religious reasons - I see it as a disgusting lack of self-control. anyway, I thought I was doing really well, I could go for weeks without feeling the urge to touch or feeling anything sexual at all. but lately it's been increasingly bad and I've even looked at porn. I'm going to try that "setting captives free" thing, though, which brings me to my next subject.

I don't really know what I believe in. my old youth-group leader had a quote on her binder that said "my faith is like shifting sand" and I don't know where the quote comes from, but I can't think of a better way to describe my own "faith." it's like I'm a pendulum constantly vacillating between humanism and christianity. it's physically and emotionally draining. to make matters worse, my church is corrupt and my parents, who have always been the ones taking me to church, are doubting their own beliefs. as I go off to college next year, I don't know if I'll be looking for a church - the experience has always been disappointing.

lastly, I've been struggling with an eating disorder, depression, and a low self-image for a while. I went to therapy for a little while, but that didn't seem to help. I felt my counselor was patronizing and it isn't easy to talk about feeling fat at 95 lbs when your therapist is shorter than you and easily over 200. I only had one friend that I spoke of this to, but she's changed completely. she has issues of her own and probably couldn't take on mine too, but I'd like to share it with someone. I just don't know how to share it or who to share it with. it's still a pretty big part of me and, in a messed up way, I don't want to get rid of it because it's a stabilizer. I feel like such a liar hiding this from everybody, but I don't want them to take it away.

I'd just like to say that I know my ed is dangerous and harmful and all that, I'd just like to know how to tell someone. I mean, the last person (besides my parents) I shared it with left me totally alone and was really freaked out about it and I don't want that to happen again. she doesn't even look me in the face these days and she was like a part of my family for four years! if that was my best friend, how are any of the others supposed to react? for example, a few of my friends were talking about therapy one day during lunch and I mentioned something about my experience with therapists and they laughed hysterically like it was a joke... I just don't know how not to make this scary, weird, or humorously bizarre to the people I consider my friends.

now that I sound like a basket case, I'd really like your advice and prayers on any of the above.

and even if no one does respond, it was nice to vent. :sigh:


Dear Wanttochange:

My heart pours out to you. When I read your story I saw bits of me when I was your age. I come from a history of sexual abuse and I have battled depression and a condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. You and I have similar battles though they may manifest differently. When I was a teen, I also had an eating disorder, but by the God's grace and hard work on my part, I have beaten my ED.

You have to find a counselor that you like. I have gone through many until I found one I liked. When You find the one that works for you, stick with them.

As for your masturbation issues, it's just one more form of addiction. Addiction is born when we feel bad and are unable to cope with these bad feelings so we turn to something that makes us feel good. That's how addictions start.

You are quite young and you are just starting out on your road to recovery. I want to tell you that you will get better, but it takes time, work and committment to good health. Recovery is a series of baby steps forward and a step backward and then several baby steps forward. When you get the counseling, you will acquire the tools to help you understand your underlying issues that causes you discomfort. You will develop ways to cope, ways to ward off urges, and ways to make yourself feel good about you. You are God's masterpiece. He made you and you are, therefore, perfect in His eyes. You are His masterpiece and don't you forget it. God doesn't make mistakes.

Know that some people who do not share the same struggles as you do will not understand when you talk to them about it. Do not take their reactions to heart, for they just don't know. Group therapy or forums where people share similar struggles is the best place for understanding. People with same issues respond entirely different from those who not. Don't be overly sensitive to the people who you have talked to. They just don't know what it's all about. We do here in ED, OCD, MH Forum do. MH conditions scare some people who do not struggle with them. Not knowing or not understanding lends itself to fear in some people. Do not take them to heart. Here is a thread started by one of our members who has similar battles. The thread is called ways to love your body. Within its pages is some practical things for you to do which you can ponder over and possibly incorporate into routine to help yourself up. Here is that thread: http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=32484828#post32484828

It is so important for you to find a counselor that you like. I can't emphasize that enough.

Press forward, don't give up, look up and stay hopeful. You are young, but with time and work you will be far along the road to recovery.

God Bless you with grit and peace of mind. We are here for you anytime.

Godly love,
Kim
 
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madison1101

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I totally understand your struggle with these issues. There is a shame based belief system in place, as I have that same struggle as well.

There is hope. My first suggestion is to get to a medical doctor for a complete physical, and to ask for a referral to an eating disorder treatment center. Get an evaluation there, and get help for the eating disorder. There is a psychological component in play here, and treatment for the eating disorder will help you uncover what is going on.

In addition to the treatment, seek an older Christian woman with whom you can have a discipleship relationship. Share with her what you learn about yourself, and ask her to teach you what scriptures say about what you are learning. Make yourself accountable to her, and be honest with all of your struggles, including the masturbation.

I speak from experience. I have been in eating disorder treatment. My eating disorder is binge eating disorder. I am also in a discipleship relationship with a loving Christian woman, and have told her everything about me, includiing my struggles with sexual purity.

In the meantime, study what scriptures say about you. Read Psalm 139.

Hugs,
Trish
 
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plmarquette

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do you have some one you can speak to ...
not necessarily about the issue here , but some one to fellowship with ... some of the problem is being alone and feeling unwanted .

do you have some hobbies , can you get involved with others in fishing , hunting , bowling , softball ... some thing you are good and where you can get some + feed back in one area of your life

do you have any outreaches at your church to jails , hospitals , nursing homes , bread lines ... for in giving to others we receive

I write letters to inmates in prison , a weekly newsletter with a word puzzle , some cartoons , and a simple bible message ( there are sites for prison pen pals ... gals should write gals and guys / guys )

part of victory over temptation is keeping your mind occupied with some thing good or a tasks to do
 
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