A letter to my ex pastor

[Kenny'sID]

What a path you have traveled!!

My caution to you is that your cousin sounds like a psychopath, i.e. someone who is self focused and feels no empathy for others. To a certain extent you may be throwing your pearls before the swine, so to speak, in this letter.

If you send it, I'd caution you to expect either (a) she never acknowledges it so, or (b) she decides to cause more trouble in your life than she has already. Be sure you are strong enough for the second option before sending it.

Based on what you have described, I would not expect this letter to cause her to examine herself or change her behaviors.

I would almost bet that is exactly what's going to happen. If they didn't get it then, they won't get it now, but I do believe it will haunt them on a certain level for the rest of their life, and maybe thereafter.

These type people are usually very narcissistic, and that of course, means they are never wrong. Wondering if the OP would be interested in exposing them to others with a sum up of how she was treated? Just a thought.

 

[Endeavourer]

These type people are usually very narcissistic, and that of course, means they are never wrong. Wondering if the OP would be interested in exposing them to others with a sum up of how she was treated? Just a thought.

Idealistically this might be the right thing to do. However, it all depends upon how strong she feels to have this problem invade her life and relationships even more than it already has. It sounds like quite a few of the exposure targets would be in her family.

Sometimes you have to choose self preservation over an ideal action. I have had to do that sometimes. You have to be in a strong place to take that step. Would others be hurt in the resulting commotion? would the OP?

 

[Emerald518]

Ah, OK. I didn't realize IFBs had female preachers. Well, my background is akin to IFB, so we have something in common.

I hope we were helpful with your letter situation. More than anything I'm worried that you're exposing your heart to more abuse. Your cousin doesn't care about you, and if you turn the heat up on her she'll just strike back harder at you (possibly involving other people) because she not only doesn't care about you, she doesn't care about the other people either.

When you deal with an abuser and assume they have a heart like yours that can be tender and actually care, you are making a big miscalculation. It can't and they don't.

The IFB actually doesn't, but the strictness sounds like it would be IFB or some other conservative cessationist denomination. The only other denominations I'm aware of that allow for female clergy outside of Pentecostal/Charismatic churches are Free/United Methodist, Episcopal, Congregational, United Church of Christ and maybe Anglican.

 

[Emerald518]

Ah, OK. I didn't realize IFBs had female preachers. Well, my background is akin to IFB, so we have something in common.

I hope we were helpful with your letter situation. More than anything I'm worried that you're exposing your heart to more abuse. Your cousin doesn't care about you, and if you turn the heat up on her she'll just strike back harder at you (possibly involving other people) because she not only doesn't care about you, she doesn't care about the other people either.

When you deal with an abuser and assume they have a heart like yours that can be tender and actually care, you are making a big miscalculation. It can't and they don't.

The way I see it, what I'm doing is taking an opportunity to walk in the ministry God called me into four years ago and try to help someone who is deceived. Even if I end up throwing my pearls before swine and this person ends up treating me badly, I see it as nothing more than persecution and suffering for Christ. One thing that I think about too is Ezekiel where God tells the prophet that if he warns people to repent, whether they are saved or not, his hands are clean and if the person being warned does not repent, their blood is on their own hands...but if I were to neglect to warn someone and they end up missing salvation because of my failure to warn them, then their blood is on my hands...no matter what the outcome, I will have done what God has asked me to do...and obedience is righteousness.

 

[ChicanaRose]

I believe that He may have very well have intended for me to call people out like that....

Generally speaking, it is not the victim's role to call out her abuser. There should be an advocate for the victim that calls out the abuser on her behalf.

(This is generally speaking, as there could be exceptions).

There is however, a possibility that your experience with your cousin have prepared you to call out someone similar in the future.