A gentle rant?

[covenantwmn]

I'm sitting looking out my kitchen windows at the mountains that are slowly changing hue, the clouds hanging low. The last couple days have been rough. For whatever reason, this season of life seems to be fraught with looking back. I seem to be mourning all over again the loss of marriage (not the man, the dream) and the future I thought lay ahead. The one that's here is so radically different that my heart and mind still subliminally combat the reality of it, tho so much time has passed. This is not a reluctance to face reality, it is that finally I realize i'm ready, but there's no one to be ready for. For those of us who went thru a divorce we didn't want, we know how hard the battle was to make a new life and allow the Lord to heal what we at times clung to with righteously indignant hands. But at this time of life, there is an urgency, and I am more sure than I ever have been, I don't wanna do this alone anymore. So, my prayers will also include an urgency, made to the One who loves me best. I'd like to hear what others in this forum have to say.

 

[Princess Pea]

I've never been married, but I can relate. I have a deep desire to share my life with someone, and to not be alone any more.

 

[nb37]

Your words touch me in some deep way. It's like I feel your emotions but of course I couldn't possible know what you feel. I have never been married, thus so I've never been divorced. But the longing I can identify with. Stay strong and prayerful, and the Lord who knows what we all need will surely supply it.

 

[GritsnGrace]

I'm sitting looking out my kitchen windows at the mountains that are slowly changing hue, the clouds hanging low. The last couple days have been rough. For whatever reason, this season of life seems to be fraught with looking back. I seem to be mourning all over again the loss of marriage (not the man, the dream) and the future I thought lay ahead. The one that's here is so radically different that my heart and mind still subliminally combat the reality of it, tho so much time has passed. This is not a reluctance to face reality, it is that finally I realize i'm ready, but there's no one to be ready for. For those of us who went thru a divorce we didn't want, we know how hard the battle was to make a new life and allow the Lord to heal what we at times clung to with righteously indignant hands. But at this time of life, there is an urgency, and I am more sure than I ever have been, I don't wanna do this alone anymore. So, my prayers will also include an urgency, made to the One who loves me best. I'd like to hear what others in this forum have to say.

I can totally relate. I have been through two divorces that I did not want. But, I know that God was in it, and that He will bless! We just have to be patient. I know, easier said than done!

 

[smiledaily]

Hello covenantwmn, your post really touched me. I have been divorced too and after a while God sent someone and I remarried. He is home with God now, I have let go of the pain and am moving on with life. I can understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you. I can also understand you not wanting to live your life alone anymore, I believe God will send us all the person He wants us to be with, in His time. At first coming back to this site I marked widow, then realized as true as it is, I am single too and I am moving on. One day I hope to have someone to share my life with again, and I will join you and everyone here in prayer for God to send you someone to share your life with. I guess waiting is the hard part, have faith, God knows your heart. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[jane1]

Wow CW ! What a powerful and moving post. That is why I love this forum.

A divorce you didn't want--- says it all right there. A lot of pain and anger comes with that... so so sorry.
As a single person who always wanted to be married (still do) I find myself struggling -- some times more than other times -- it is very very tough to be single. Not only the lack of shared affection and companionship, but also the
day to day mundane tasks and chores are all on our shoulders. No rest for the weary I tells ya ...

Ah, now I'm starting to rant !

You are in my prayers CW.

Take Care,
jane

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Hi CW. I know what you mean about this time of year being a time to look back. Fall seems to effect me in ways no other season can on an emotional and spiritual level that is difficult to explain here.

I'm a divorced one too but at this season in my life I am torn...torn between not being able to imagine sharing my life with anyone (or being a burden to them more likely) but wishing I had a 'helpmate' to make paying the bills easier, someone to work on the car, fix the mower, etc...

I'm not wishing to be married. I'm just wishing to once and for all be CERTAIN beyond any reasonable doubt that I am meant to live alone til death due me and my cats part. hmmmm...

 

[faithopelove]

CW you are always so insightful I will continue to pray for everyone on this forum who desires marriage as I hope we all will.

Matt 18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I have that aching. I didn't want my divorce, but it was a relief and the best thing for my son and the baby I was carrying. I don't long for him, he was such a poisonous person.

Last year at this time the Christian man that I had given my heart to so quickly, broke my heart parked along the beach after dinner. I had just shared some personal information with him the week before and he had said it was ok. I believed he was about to bring up engagement, but instead he said we should stop seeing each other. I couldn't breathe and thought I was going to pass out. We didn't date long, but we were so compatible and were halfway through an 8 week pre-marital class. I remember misting up when we discussed submission in class and I realized I would be honored to submit to such a man. We never even kissed. He was waiting until the end of our classes.

I fell in love with him completely after hearing him sing in church. I didn't want our hugs to end. I could just sit and listen to him talk. I remember sitting across from him while he ate voraciously after a long drive back from a tournament. He hadn't shaven and had some stubble. That nerdy man had become the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on......

I'm in the 8th month of dating someone I care about and enjoy spending time with, but those strong feelings of love aren't there. I met another Christian man who says all the right things and wants to get serious with me, but still the feelings aren't there.

Tonight my ex-bf is probably attending the last pre-marital class with his new girlfriend. I wonder if he will be kissing her for the first time. He didn't know her long before starting the classes either. He told me he had started dating someone, but when someone told me about the classes I almost started crying right there. I finally sent him an email telling him that I was having trouble hearing about the classes and told him it would be ok if he stopped communicating with me out of respect for his gf. He never responded. I lost my prayer partner and there have been so many times in the last month that I have wanted to email him, but I can't. I just downloaded some pictures; one of which is me dressed up for a dance. I received a lot of compliments and I really wanted to send him a copy-one more try to get him back? I know that's the only reason. If we had dated longer I might have realized that we weren't suited for each other, but now all I have is that fantasy. It bothers me to hear people say "I know God wants us together and we will marry". Bull! I knew it too! We were talking about weddings, rings, married life. I gave him all of my heart because I knew God had brought us together. I gave up his friendship. Can I be healed now?

 

[covenantwmn]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately, no one on this earth is able to be as trustworthy as our God, who is always faithful. His grace is sufficient for whatever we face. I do not say that lightly, I have my own nightmare, but the Lord was with me always, still is, and that is what gets me thru. I understand, it's so very hard when all you desire is a Godly man, a home, family and to serve together in a body of believers. Seems like a small dream really. But we have to trust God's character, He cannot do bad, He is love. We must trust that somehow, this is for our good, if we are certain our hearts are right with him. I will say a prayer for you regarding this. God bless you!

 

[KarrieTex]

I'm sitting looking out my kitchen windows at the mountains that are slowly changing hue, the clouds hanging low. The last couple days have been rough. For whatever reason, this season of life seems to be fraught with looking back. I seem to be mourning all over again the loss of marriage (not the man, the dream) and the future I thought lay ahead. The one that's here is so radically different that my heart and mind still subliminally combat the reality of it, tho so much time has passed. This is not a reluctance to face reality, it is that finally I realize i'm ready, but there's no one to be ready for. For those of us who went thru a divorce we didn't want, we know how hard the battle was to make a new life and allow the Lord to heal what we at times clung to with righteously indignant hands. But at this time of life, there is an urgency, and I am more sure than I ever have been, I don't wanna do this alone anymore. So, my prayers will also include an urgency, made to the One who loves me best. I'd like to hear what others in this forum have to say.

I understand where you are coming from. I have yet to be married but I know when a dream dies how badly it hurts.

I too long for my other half. I long for every blessing and hardship that it brings.

Hugs to you!!

 

[OhhJim]

I seem to be mourning all over again the loss of marriage (not the man, the dream) and the future I thought lay ahead.

I understand what you're saying. I mourn the loss of my marriage regularly, usually twice a year, on her birthday, and our anniversary. It doesn't mean I want her back, but I'm sad it happened.

 

[covenantwmn]

Nice to be understood, our anniversary would've been yesterday, but it was ok, a little sad, but ok.

 

[Jenster]

covenantwmn!

 

[covenantwmn]

Thank you very much!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I had this twinge of wishing I could set CW up with a godly man who would hopefully lead to something wonderful. I've prayed for all of us hoping for a husband, but especially for those who've had their husbands taken by death or no fault of their own.

I hope God blesses you in this area soon and I'd love to hear about a romance blossoming and growing.

 

[covenantwmn]

How nice are you!!!! What a tender heart you have, thank you so very much. If anything happens, you'll be the first to know.

 

[Bridgit]

I feel differently from one day to the other. I am the one who asked for the divorce because of emotional abuse. Now that I have my own place with my kids, there is peace every day and it's so wonderful. However, I do feel lonely sometimes and wished I would meet a considerate, loving, christian man. I sometimes think about meeting such a person and how great it would be to go on with life with him at my sides. But then, I wonder if that person would change for the worse like my ex did. I wouldn't want to be stuck in the same horrible situation I painfully got out of. Will I ever be stuck on the fence, wanting somebody in my life, but fearing I'll get hurt once I let him in my world?