A Divorce A Day
If you think that weddings, funerals, hospital visits and big events cause stress in ministers, you are mistaken. All of our responsibilities make for a challenging life; however, they are not the cause of overwhelming stress. The real drama of ministry is rejection. We in the ministry are rejected by people we have befriended on a regular basis. Just imagine the breakups you have experienced and then multiply them by 1,000. Its like going through a divorce a day. We become close personal friends with people, and then poof, theyre gone. And most of the time, we ministers have no idea why.
Instead of launching into a long and complex discussion on why ministers face so much rejection, I figured I would give you a glimpse of what its like in our world. Someday Ill write more extensively on the subject, but for now, here are three true stories that I hope you will find interesting.
I became friends with a woman at my church because she had kids the same age as mine. We used to spend time together in the nursery watching over the little ones during the church service. Over time she became very unhappy with the church because when not on nursery duty she used to sit in the balcony and let her kids play under the pews. The floor under the seats was dusty and so her kids would be filthy after the service. She complained to the staff and they cleaned up there, but her little rug rats got dirty anyway. Duh. Every floor Ive ever seen gets dirty, even after its cleaned. She and her brood left the church in a huff, and I assume her kids never got dirty again.
I became friends with a man who was also my age, married and was having kids the same time as I was. He was a very passionate believer, as was I. We had a great many things in common at the time, and so we hung out outside of the church. He became increasingly agitated with the pastors sermons. He didnt consider them biblical enough. This is a complaint that all of us pastors face at some point in our ministries. Everyone has different expectations on what good preaching looks like, and it is never objective. Therefore someone is bound to be unhappy with a ministers preaching, even if that minister is really good at it. So, my friend complained to our pastor, who told him that he wasnt going to change anything in her sermons. My friend took his family and went to another church, where I assume the sermons lived up to his lofty expectations. The punch line of this story is this; our pastor had already announced his retirement, and was leaving the pulpit within a year.
I spent a lot of time with an older woman and her husband. They attended church; they came to my home for Bible study. They were wonderful people, but the wife was a little unstable. She had a history of getting mad at the people in a church and then leaving. I knew a little about her history and figured that someday she would take her husband and storm out. That day came when she complained to me that our parishioners were not bringing their Bibles with them to church. I countered that they didnt have to if they didnt want to because we had Pew Bibles and we gave away free Bibles as well. This did not make her happy. And she soon took her husband and left our church. She made sure to take a free Bible with her on the way out.
This is just a small sampling of the amount of rejection that we face. I have many more stories like these. Most ministers do not commit heinous acts. Most churches do not abuse their members. We are imperfect people, but for the most part, we are good people. And yet, we are regularly rejected by people we have befriended. It could be worse, I could be a politician.
God bless you,
Pastor Bill
www.fbc-rahway.org
If you think that weddings, funerals, hospital visits and big events cause stress in ministers, you are mistaken. All of our responsibilities make for a challenging life; however, they are not the cause of overwhelming stress. The real drama of ministry is rejection. We in the ministry are rejected by people we have befriended on a regular basis. Just imagine the breakups you have experienced and then multiply them by 1,000. Its like going through a divorce a day. We become close personal friends with people, and then poof, theyre gone. And most of the time, we ministers have no idea why.
Instead of launching into a long and complex discussion on why ministers face so much rejection, I figured I would give you a glimpse of what its like in our world. Someday Ill write more extensively on the subject, but for now, here are three true stories that I hope you will find interesting.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Adele Adkins
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Adele Adkins
I became friends with a woman at my church because she had kids the same age as mine. We used to spend time together in the nursery watching over the little ones during the church service. Over time she became very unhappy with the church because when not on nursery duty she used to sit in the balcony and let her kids play under the pews. The floor under the seats was dusty and so her kids would be filthy after the service. She complained to the staff and they cleaned up there, but her little rug rats got dirty anyway. Duh. Every floor Ive ever seen gets dirty, even after its cleaned. She and her brood left the church in a huff, and I assume her kids never got dirty again.
But you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you.
they say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.
- Miranda Lambert
How dare you?
I miss you.
they say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.
- Miranda Lambert
I became friends with a man who was also my age, married and was having kids the same time as I was. He was a very passionate believer, as was I. We had a great many things in common at the time, and so we hung out outside of the church. He became increasingly agitated with the pastors sermons. He didnt consider them biblical enough. This is a complaint that all of us pastors face at some point in our ministries. Everyone has different expectations on what good preaching looks like, and it is never objective. Therefore someone is bound to be unhappy with a ministers preaching, even if that minister is really good at it. So, my friend complained to our pastor, who told him that he wasnt going to change anything in her sermons. My friend took his family and went to another church, where I assume the sermons lived up to his lofty expectations. The punch line of this story is this; our pastor had already announced his retirement, and was leaving the pulpit within a year.
Why do you have to make me feel small
So you can feel whole inside
Why do you have to put down my dreams
So you're the only thing on my mind
- Taylor Swift
So you can feel whole inside
Why do you have to put down my dreams
So you're the only thing on my mind
- Taylor Swift
I spent a lot of time with an older woman and her husband. They attended church; they came to my home for Bible study. They were wonderful people, but the wife was a little unstable. She had a history of getting mad at the people in a church and then leaving. I knew a little about her history and figured that someday she would take her husband and storm out. That day came when she complained to me that our parishioners were not bringing their Bibles with them to church. I countered that they didnt have to if they didnt want to because we had Pew Bibles and we gave away free Bibles as well. This did not make her happy. And she soon took her husband and left our church. She made sure to take a free Bible with her on the way out.
This is just a small sampling of the amount of rejection that we face. I have many more stories like these. Most ministers do not commit heinous acts. Most churches do not abuse their members. We are imperfect people, but for the most part, we are good people. And yet, we are regularly rejected by people we have befriended. It could be worse, I could be a politician.
God bless you,
Pastor Bill
www.fbc-rahway.org
