A Difficult Scenario

[Beck Paisley]

So because Casey’s not interested in sex with Bobby, it just stands to reason that his lust must be going elsewhere. And - since the friends are his type, it just stands to reason that they must be the target of that lust ?

If you mean that Casey is having a tough time dealing with lusting after Bobbys friends, while at the same time dealing with not being sexually attracted to Bobby in the least...... then yes.

I suspect that if Casey was attracted to Bobby (at least a little)..... then obviously the lust issue could easily be avoided (that IS after all one of purposes of marriage - see the words of the Apostle Paul). This is not the case.

"But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: it is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

 

[DZoolander]

If you mean that Casey is having a tough time dealing with lusting after Bobbys friends, while at the same time dealing with not being sexually attracted to Bobby in the least...... then yes.

I suspect that if Casey was attracted to Bobby (at least a little)..... then obviously the lust issue could easily be avoided (that IS after all one of purposes of marriage - see the words of the Apostle Paul). This is not the case.

"But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: it is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

That's not what I'm getting at, actually.

I'm trying to figure out if you're Bobby (although there are some things that you've said that makes this questionable) and your husband has said/confirmed that he is indeed attracted to and lusting after your friends, or if you're hypersensitive due to the disfigurement/consequent lack of interest and figuring that he MUST be directing his lust elsewhere then.

Or if you're Casey, in which case it doesn't need to actually be said, because you know that you're lusting after her friends.

 

[Deidre32]

Great observation indeed.

If both were secular unreligious people they would have gotten a divorce a long time ago.

They were married for a variety of reasons... none of which really had to do with love.

They both found God after being married and are now dealing with this issue. If it wasnt for the words of Jesus, they would have divorced long ago.

But, if Casey and Bobby don't really practice their faith, and just call themselves Christians, then why do they stay married? Casey sounds like she is one step away from having sex with Bobby's friends, and Bobby just tolerates it. That has nothing to do with Jesus, to be honest.

 

[One God]

Bobby and Casey should Marry and then forsake ALL OTHERS.

1 Corinthians 7:9
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

 

[Beck Paisley]

But, if Casey and Bobby don't really practice their faith, and just call themselves Christians, then why do they stay married? Casey sounds like she is one step away from having sex with Bobby's friends, and Bobby just tolerates it. That has nothing to do with Jesus, to be honest.

Casey and Bobby are very faithful to each other. Satan is filling Casey's head with lustful thoughts and she/he cannot seem to find a way to ignore them and get past them. Most people simply find fulfillment in their spouse. Casey cannot. And its not just Bobby's friends that are the driver. Casey fights thoughts about other spouses and non spouses all the time.

 

[DZoolander]

I'm curious as to what this deformity is that makes it so impossible to work around.

 

[Deidre32]

Casey and Bobby are very faithful to each other. Satan is filling Casey's head with lustful thoughts and she/he cannot seem to find a way to ignore them and get past them. Most people simply find fulfillment in their spouse. Casey cannot. And its not just Bobby's friends that are the driver. Casey fights thoughts about other spouses and non spouses all the time.

Only Casey can change this by turning to Jesus. Bobby can't change it. I hope things get better.

 

[Dave-W]

Casey in this case, never loved Bobby to begin with. So the marriage is a sham, and God likely never blessed it. Just because two Christians get married, doesn't mean that was God's will.

True, but once the "I DOs" are said, the covenant is forged and GOD holds them accountable to it.

Go read Josh 9 how God warned them to not make covenants with the inhabitants of the land they were taking, but the men of Gibeon tricked them into a covenant of protection. GOD held Israel to that covenant; even bringing curses generations later when the King tried to kill them off.

 

[Deidre32]

True, but once the "I DOs" are said, the covenant is forged and GOD holds them accountable to it.

Go read Josh 9 how God warned them to not make covenants with the inhabitants of the land they were taking, but the men of Gibeon tricked them into a covenant of protection. GOD held Israel to that covenant; even bringing curses generations later when the King tried to kill them off.

Idk ...I don’t think we are expected to stay in emotionally abusuve or relationships that destroy our dignity.

 

[Beck Paisley]

I'm curious as to what this deformity is that makes it so impossible to work around.

Not that it matters (there are many situations and injuries that could cause this problem - lost libs, tumors, etc) but in this particular situation there is a severe burn injury involved.

 

[Beck Paisley]

Idk ...I don’t think we are expected to stay in emotionally abusuve or relationships that destroy our dignity.

Scripture is very clear that fornication/adultery is the only exception to the binding nature of marriage.

 

[Deidre32]

Scripture is very clear that fornication/adultery is the only exception to the binding nature of marriage.

So if a spouse is being physically beaten by their spouse for example, he/she should remain married?

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Since God designed the sex drive, it is very rare for him to take it away.

He (He) can help one to control it.
M-Bob

 

[Beck Paisley]

So if a spouse is being physically beaten by their spouse for example, he/she should remain married?

Staying married does not mean you have to continue to live with the person.

I dont know, I'm just referring to what scripture says.

 

[Dave-W]

Staying married does not mean you have to continue to live with the person.
I dont know, I'm just referring to what scripture says.

What exactly does scripture say about being married but living seperately?

 

[DZoolander]

What exactly does scripture say about being married but living seperately?

It apparently says that preserving the label is what matters.

 

[Dave-W]

It apparently says that preserving the label is what matters.

LOL!. Nothing like reading in your own thoughts.

 

[Deidre32]

Staying married does not mean you have to continue to live with the person.

I dont know, I'm just referring to what scripture says.

Ah that’s a good point!

 

[DZoolander]

That whole "not living with them but stay married" idea has always been fascinating to me.

So, to my earlier post, it's the label then that matters and not attempting to dissolve the label? It doesn't matter if you're actually contributing to each other as husband and wife. It doesn't matter that you're not acting as a team. You could be effective strangers never darkening each other's doorstep for the rest of your lives living completely independently - so long as you preserve the label? That's what matters most to God?

Or maybe - it's the prevention of remarriage that's most important?

 

[Beck Paisley]

That whole "not living with them but stay married" idea has always been fascinating to me.

So, to my earlier post, it's the label then that matters and not attempting to dissolve the label? It doesn't matter if you're actually contributing to each other as husband and wife. It doesn't matter that you're not acting as a team. You could be effective strangers never darkening each other's doorstep for the rest of your lives living completely independently - so long as you preserve the label? That's what matters most to God?

Or maybe - it's the prevention of remarriage that's most important?

By definition if you are not divorced then you are not remarried. If God did not think much of the word 'married' then as you say He could have said 'Be with' or 'Live with' but He chose the word married for some reason. And so... since that word was chosen... whether they love each other for normal reasons or not.... whether they get along or are attracted to each other or not... whether God has blessed the marriage or not (which He has not obviously).... then Casey and Bobby have been commanded to stay legally together no matter what (excluding fornication).

Can we get back to the OP as to what Casey should pray for?