A Confusing Guy

[ScarlettRose]

Over the past few months I've made the decision to get to know & mingle more with different people at my church. Doing this has opened up some wonderful friendships that have become a real blessing. But there's one person who is rather confusing.

This person is a guy who is the same age as me. He is a single, on fire for God guy who comes across as being a bit of a joker around his close friends at church. But without them, he's standoffish (as in he will sit by himself, won't initiate conversation) & comes across as being quite rude towards me (eg: being ignored). If I try to initiate a conversation it is usually one sided where he tries to avoid any direct eye contact with me & would end the conversation by just walking off. Yet, if I'm having a conversation in a group where he is there or nearby, he often tries to get my attention or would just stare at me with a goofy smile on his face. All I want is friendship, so I'm definately not flirting and not being overly friendly. But there are times where I get the impression that I've somehow offended him. It can be quite intimidating actually.

Does anyone have an idea on what his problem could be? And if you were/have/are dealing with something like this, what would you do? Comments and advice would be much appreciated thanks!

 

[supn9]

Clearly you like the guy. And it appears he likes you too. It is quite possible that he just simply does not know what to do. Hence his awkward behavior. He is reserved most likely and may be trying to figure out a way to approach you or be friendly.

Generally people are comfortable around people they know that is why he is more open with his bud and not you.

It appears whatever is going on is normal for both of you. Give it some time.

 

[bhayes]

^^ This is good advice. Maybe you dont like him but it sounds like he likes you. Probably has a bit of an ego as well but nothing to be intimidated about. Just hold your ground and be yourself!

 

[Allenard77]

Might have ADHD.... Or he could just be a sillywilly ().... or he might actually like you but does not have the guts to say the right words....? I don't know. Try to get to know more about him and maybe he might not be as irritating as he might be when he is around you.

 

[wrexsti]

Honestly, it sounds like he has the hots for you.

Definitely a "shy guy."

A "shy girl" I was trying to go on a date with would also run away when the conversation got stale aka I stopped talking to her and it was her turn. She would find something random she had to do without saying anything and leave.

He is fidgety because he is nervous around you, and probably loses his words when alone with you.

He can talk to you when his friends are around because they can help him take the edge off of his nervousness, and can help keep the conversation going. But when he is one on one with you, he probably can't talk because he either forgets what to say around you or he thinks what he will say will sound stupid.

Trust me, he is not intending to be rude. His nervousness is just being perceived as rudeness.

Your extroverted outgoing friendliness is probably wigging him out and he just doesn't really know how to handle it coming from a girl he likes.

If you like him back, I encourage you to continue what you're doing, maybe take it up a notch and try to sit with him when you can. Just try to keep talking to him, eventually, maybe even a couple months, he will come around once he gets to know you. He seriously will most likely never make any kind of a move because he is inexperienced with girls in general. Again, if you like him, ask one of his friends if he has a girlfriend, word will eventually get back to him which should get him to make a move eventually once he KNOWS that you like him too.

If you don't like him romantically or are currently in a relationship, I encourage you to ignore him from now on in a friendly way.
Like acknowledge him, say hi when you see him, but since he likes you, any action you take towards him he will overanalyze and pick apart "does she like me? does gesture/hug/hi mean that she likes me?"
basically don't lead him on in his mind, its best to cut ties altogether if you don't see it going any further.
Just stay friendly but not outgoingly overly friendly.

 

[EmeraldRadiance]

My advise would be if your not interested in him and if you don't like how rude he's treating you, don't be outgoing/talk with him when he's alone. If he likes you he'll be analyzing your actions trying to figure out if you like him. Going out of the way to be outgoing with a guy like that is enough to lead him to the wrong conclusion.