A bad depression phase going on.. :(

[zefora]

Hi everyone! I'm new here...

I feel that it will never be possible for me to overcome my depression.. I've been depressed since the age of 14. I've had many years of loneliness, untill God helped my a year back and I finally found a church that I felt welcomed to and joined it. Since I've had more friends than ever (all girls, though ) and they've all been a gift from God -I know it and that's why I trust that they'll stay.. (I've lost almost all of my friendships before ).. But I have one gap in my life.. I never had a male-figure.. My father left before I was born, he is dead now. I've never had a boyfriend. Therefore I feel, that I'm too ugly and too worthless to be loved by a man... I do feel nowadays that I am beautiful, and many people tell me so.. But that doesn't change the inner-me, that says "you're ugly, you're worthless".. When I have my worst self-hatred days, I cut myself or burn myself with cigarettes...

And lately.. Though God has been able to do so much in my life (even though I'm stubborn and unwilling sometimes, but He still helps me <3), I feel I'm going back to the worst depression, that I had a few years back... It's because I don't feel accepted by men. And I've had a good non-christian friend, who's just like me -feeling ugly, afraid she'll never find someone. And now she has&#8230; And she goes on and on about how she's happy that finally someone accepted her as she is (her bf isn't christian either). And she's five years younger than me, and I feel like such a loser!! And that makes me feel worthless, again.. And it hurts, that people in the world get that, and God, who's supposed to love me, doesn't want me to have that -a love from a man, which I've never had... I just somehow can't be able to see my worth in God. I don't know what to do!! Why hasn't any man ever wanted me? Wanted to love me? What have I done wrong? Everyone else (even weird cases *lol*) get a man, but not me.. What's wrong with me!! I've been hurting myself badly again and I'm afraid I can't stop!!

I guess I'm pretty, but I'm not a thin stick, I have a full figure, so to speak. (I'm not overweight, though) And I feel that nowadays you shouldn't be like that, if you are, you're ugly (just look at the models, magazines and so on..)..

 

[phoebe573]

hi zefora,



i'm a newbie here too. i have had depression ever since i was 9, so i can feel your pain there. it is never easy dealing with depression. are you in treatment for your depression?

maybe you haven't found your 'man' yet because it's not time for it yet, sometimes we make plans or want something so badly but if we are patient enough we will receive. i prayed for somebody to understand me and come live with me, be with me, care for me and love me for who i am... and it didn't happen over night but i kept praying and crying, told him all my sorrows etc... and about a year later i found somebody, it didn't work out with him... but through my ex i found a good man that i've been together with for almost 4 years now.

don't compare yourself to models in magazines... most of them have eating disorders to look that way, as long as you are healthy and you like who you are... it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you feel comfortable with yourself. it's okay to accept yourself for who you are =).
you are beautiful and worthy! try telling that to yourself instead of the negative self talk.... that may help it a little

keep us posted on how you are doing!

 

[Amin]

Hi,
I'm really sorry about the way you feel, it must be very uncomfortable.
I've never met you or seen you, yet i can be certain that your not worthless.
I see nothing wrong with a full figure either.
In my opinion most models are too thin, and they have to keep very bad eating habits to stay that way.
Eventually they have nothing anyway.
If you've had people tell you that you're pretty, there's a good chance you are.
I'm not just talking to hear myself talk.
I believe what i say to be true.
Sometimes we can be our worst enemy, we'll have enough of them in our lives, try being a friend even if it's the hardest thing you've done.
You have worth, you really do.
Take Care, Okay?
Chuck.

 

[Lisa0315]

I have battled depression my whole life as well. Have you received treatement for it? If not, let me say, I went untreated my whole life until this past August. Believe me, the difference is day and night. If you have not seen a doctor, please see on asap. You will feel so much better, and you will be better able to serve the Lord.

Lisa

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

I have battled depression my whole life as well. Have you received treatement for it? If not, let me say, I went untreated my whole life until this past August. Believe me, the difference is day and night. If you have not seen a doctor, please see on asap. You will feel so much better, and you will be better able to serve the Lord.

Lisa

I agree.
It took me many years to figure out what my problem was.
Going through a divorce and at a point of hopelessness and considering the "value" of my life I sought help. The other option
I considered..... will have to wait. I've been on meds for a few weeks now and am still trying to see how they effect my "moods". It
takes a little while to get them dialed and to figure which one
is best for a particular person. I've started seeing a counselor too.
I like the part of Lisa's post "You will feel so much better, and you will be better able to serve the Lord."
You're worth the investment in yourself. Insurance covers most of it.
For what it's worth.... I prefer a girl with curves.

 

[zefora]

I dunno why, but I just didn't know what to reply to such nice replies before.. But now I am!!

phoebe573: Hi there other newbie!! Sorry to hear about your depression also.. It sucks.. And thank you about telling about your experience of finding the right man. And yup, it could be that my time hasn't just come yet. But I tend to think if I'd be pretty as a model I would've had tons of guys hitting on me and many boyfriends by now. But since I haven't had lotsa those, I must be ugly and fat.. And since I never had a father to tell me what men are really like -I can't really change my view on this.. And sometimes the longing for love is too much for me to take.. And that's when I feel there's something wrong with me, since no-one seems to "answer my call", so the only thing that helps my emotional pain -is the physical pain I cause..


But yes, definately I shoud accept myself FIRST! (But it's so hard, when all you've ever heard from men is hurtful words …)


Chuck: You really seem like a nice person. Thank you for believing in what you say! It means a lot, though we have never met! Yes, I do feel that I myself am my worst enemy at times… And I really shouldn't be..


Lisa0315: Aww, I feel you my fellow depressed one.. Yup, I have medication for it. And it does help a lot. But I still have the urge to hurt myself -since I feel so ugly at times and feel like I deserve it My depression isn't so bad, that I could get free therapy. I'd have to pay for it and don't have that kind of money..

But I do want to serve the Lord better!!! I love Him so much!!

Brotherfromanothermother: (Wow, that's a long username ) Yes, it is worh mentioning (the last sentence)!!!

 

[Lisa0315]

I dunno why, but I just didn't know what to reply to such nice replies before.. But now I am!!

phoebe573: Hi there other newbie!! Sorry to hear about your depression also.. It sucks.. And thank you about telling about your experience of finding the right man. And yup, it could be that my time hasn't just come yet. But I tend to think if I'd be pretty as a model I would've had tons of guys hitting on me and many boyfriends by now. But since I haven't had lotsa those, I must be ugly and fat.. And since I never had a father to tell me what men are really like -I can't really change my view on this.. And sometimes the longing for love is too much for me to take.. And that's when I feel there's something wrong with me, since no-one seems to "answer my call", so the only thing that helps my emotional pain -is the physical pain I cause..


But yes, definately I shoud accept myself FIRST! (But it's so hard, when all you've ever heard from men is hurtful words …)


Chuck: You really seem like a nice person. Thank you for believing in what you say! It means a lot, though we have never met! Yes, I do feel that I myself am my worst enemy at times… And I really shouldn't be..


Lisa0315: Aww, I feel you my fellow depressed one.. Yup, I have medication for it. And it does help a lot. But I still have the urge to hurt myself -since I feel so ugly at times and feel like I deserve it My depression isn't so bad, that I could get free therapy. I'd have to pay for it and don't have that kind of money..

But I do want to serve the Lord better!!! I love Him so much!!

Brotherfromanothermother: (Wow, that's a long username ) Yes, it is worh mentioning (the last sentence)!!!

Hey,
Tell you what. Stop comparing yourself to other girls, and look in the mirror to see what God sees. What do you think God sees in you? He saw someone so beautiful that He knew her before the foundation of time. He lovingly formed you, and all the bad experiences in your life, God allowed so you could minister to others. Someday, another young girl will come along and think she is ugly because of the verbal or physical abuse she has experienced. If you overcome this through God, you will be able to help her and tell her how beautiful she is.

Do you know how much God loves you? The Bible tells us that God knows the very number of hairs on our head. We lose hair and grow hair on a daily basis, so this means that God tenderly and lovingly looks down on you every single day and thinks you are so beautiful that He MUST know how many hairs you have today, and tomorrow, and every day.

Psalms 67:1 God be merciful unto us, and bless us; and cause his face to shine upon us; Selah

Do you know what it means for God's face to shine upon us? It means we should lift our faces up to Him in prayer because He is SMILING down upon us.

Lisa

 

[ArmouredSaint]

Please
do not think you are a loser.
I had a girlfriend commit suicide.Life is so worth the effort and these depression times do leave.

I pray this is a good holiday for you and know that i and others will pray these thoughts get better so love yourself.

 

[zefora]

Please
do not think you are a loser.
I had a girlfriend commit suicide.Life is so worth the effort and these depression times do leave.

I pray this is a good holiday for you and know that i and others will pray these thoughts get better so love yourself.

That's horrible to hear... I have thought about it at times... It's SO difficult in this world.. I feel like everyone hates me

But thank you for your encouraging words and prayers... Thank you.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

Hi everyone! I'm new here...

I feel that it will never be possible for me to overcome my depression.. I've been depressed since the age of 14. I've had many years of loneliness, untill God helped my a year back and I finally found a church that I felt welcomed to and joined it. Since I've had more friends than ever (all girls, though ) and they've all been a gift from God -I know it and that's why I trust that they'll stay.. (I've lost almost all of my friendships before ).. But I have one gap in my life.. I never had a male-figure.. My father left before I was born, he is dead now. I've never had a boyfriend. Therefore I feel, that I'm too ugly and too worthless to be loved by a man... I do feel nowadays that I am beautiful, and many people tell me so.. But that doesn't change the inner-me, that says "you're ugly, you're worthless".. When I have my worst self-hatred days, I cut myself or burn myself with cigarettes...

And lately.. Though God has been able to do so much in my life (even though I'm stubborn and unwilling sometimes, but He still helps me <3), I feel I'm going back to the worst depression, that I had a few years back... It's because I don't feel accepted by men. And I've had a good non-christian friend, who's just like me -feeling ugly, afraid she'll never find someone. And now she has&#8230; And she goes on and on about how she's happy that finally someone accepted her as she is (her bf isn't christian either). And she's five years younger than me, and I feel like such a loser!! And that makes me feel worthless, again.. And it hurts, that people in the world get that, and God, who's supposed to love me, doesn't want me to have that -a love from a man, which I've never had... I just somehow can't be able to see my worth in God. I don't know what to do!! Why hasn't any man ever wanted me? Wanted to love me? What have I done wrong? Everyone else (even weird cases *lol*) get a man, but not me.. What's wrong with me!! I've been hurting myself badly again and I'm afraid I can't stop!!

I guess I'm pretty, but I'm not a thin stick, I have a full figure, so to speak. (I'm not overweight, though) And I feel that nowadays you shouldn't be like that, if you are, you're ugly (just look at the models, magazines and so on..)..

know what your sayin sis but we have to keep in mind that this follywood thing out there is satans handywork and we should not fall for it although i do alot of the time, im in the same boat as you, anyway your not alone keep fightin soldier

 

[Jeshu]

Hi.
My humble opinion is that we have to remember that we are God's handywork. No wonder that it hurts when we think that we are ugly or no good. Also when we walk around thinking that we are ugly we give all the wrong body signals to the opposite sex.
So a change of heart is recommended to get rid of the pain so we can give glory to God also with how we feel about our physical being.

 

[zefora]

cantthinkofusername: (Hehe, funny username ) Yes, you are totally right! The way people think of "beauty" is indeed the devils handywork!!! My mother has been telling that to me for years! I't just that even in the churches nowadays all the young couples look like barbies and kens, and I can't handle it.. *lol*

Jeshu: You are right, absolutely right. I wish I could overcome this dark valley I have fallen into -see myself through God's eyes and not try to find acception through men! And this is SO true with me: "Also when we walk around thinking that we are ugly we give all the wrong body signals to the opposite sex." When I feel pretty (yes, I sometimes do ), I feel that guys are easier around me. But when I am down, I guess I show it without realizing it -I can't stand myself, argh!

 

[Amin]

I dunno why, but I just didn't know what to reply to such nice replies before.. But now I am!!

phoebe573: Hi there other newbie!! Sorry to hear about your depression also.. It sucks.. And thank you about telling about your experience of finding the right man. And yup, it could be that my time hasn't just come yet. But I tend to think if I'd be pretty as a model I would've had tons of guys hitting on me and many boyfriends by now. But since I haven't had lotsa those, I must be ugly and fat.. And since I never had a father to tell me what men are really like -I can't really change my view on this.. And sometimes the longing for love is too much for me to take.. And that's when I feel there's something wrong with me, since no-one seems to "answer my call", so the only thing that helps my emotional pain -is the physical pain I cause..


But yes, definately I shoud accept myself FIRST! (But it's so hard, when all you've ever heard from men is hurtful words …)


Chuck: You really seem like a nice person. Thank you for believing in what you say! It means a lot, though we have never met! Yes, I do feel that I myself am my worst enemy at times… And I really shouldn't be..


Lisa0315: Aww, I feel you my fellow depressed one.. Yup, I have medication for it. And it does help a lot. But I still have the urge to hurt myself -since I feel so ugly at times and feel like I deserve it My depression isn't so bad, that I could get free therapy. I'd have to pay for it and don't have that kind of money..

But I do want to serve the Lord better!!! I love Him so much!!

Brotherfromanothermother: (Wow, that's a long username ) Yes, it is worh mentioning (the last sentence)!!!

Hi zefora,
I wish you weren't so hard on yourself.
I can't believe you're fat and ugly.
You said once someone said you were pretty, I believe that person.
Also, I'm a guy, and having a bunch of us hitting on you wouldn't mean you're as pretty as a model. Men seek women for different reasons, as do women seek men for different reasons.
I really believe you to be a nice person.
You're concerned about yourself, as is everybody. I'm going to ask a favor of you. Try and see yourself as a better person in all aspects. Promise?
God made you a one of a kind unique person with abilities only you possess.
Do me another favor. Look at Gods' creation how beautiful it is. Look at yourself, one of much more value than this earth. If this earth is so fantasticly
beautiful, being of more value, what does that say about you and your worth, and your beauty. You have as much beauty and worth as anything in Gods' creation.
Don't ever let anyone tell you any differently, Okay? K.
Chuck.

 

[iannassah]

Hey there!
I feel very strongly that if you have a true desire to be married then God (JESUS) already has that person out there waiting for you...maybe your guy's isn't ready for you yet! Maybe you're ready and he's not or vica versa ! Only The LORD knows!
It seems like you have the right idea in there! Focus on JESUS and your insides not your outward appearance. Beauty fades...people grow old and sometimes ugly, they might get in an accident and be horrible mangles, lose a hand or finger, maybe they might end up being paralyzed and not be able to wrestle with their buddy anymore....if you were on the receiving end of any of those situations wouldn't you want your husband to really truely love you for who you are down inside? i'm kinda plain...brown hair, brown eyes...pretty untalented and slow at almost everything that i do (even when i try to go fast) and God created this incredible man that loves me for what he sees inside of me, and i know that he loves me with the love of The LORD JESUS CHRIST which i can be certain will not falter and it hasn't for about 11 years! Trust in HIM! Pray about what you want in a husband ( i did and when my prayers finally lined up with God's will and i gave up that's when HE worked a miracle and put the man of my dreams in my life!!!) be as specific as you can about what you want!!! HE wants to hear your hearts desire and believe it or not JESUS is your hearts desire, and i hope that you will see that some day soon! God is perfect in love! HE is love and he created you and HE thinks that you are wonderful and beautiful and HE will never leave you nor forsake you... In the end only HIS opinion is really what will matter!!!

 

[zefora]

Chuck: You always manage to make me "speachless". I promise.. I'm trying, I really am. A little bit of improvement has happened in my self-image! It went to good, when I found my church and God's love started to change me. But after that I made some bad choices, and through that the old habits came back I do believe people are praying for me right now. Some really weird power has come over me and I do have some sort of self-worth belief right now. The worth that I am in God, and also, that perhaps I am not ugly after all. Maybe me never having a boyfriend is because of other matters. Such as 1. God has seen I'm not ready to be with my future man yet -I would destroy the relationship with my insecureties. 2. I was lonely, without any social contact, when I was 18-22, so meeting someone was impossible. 3. I do act weird around men, cold even, because of my insecureties, therefore they are afraid to contact me, because I seem not-accepting. Which is SO not the case, but I'm working on it

ianassah: "maybe your guy's isn't ready for you yet! Maybe you're ready and he's not or vica versa !" This is SO true!!!!!!! You have so much truth in the things you say&#8230; And I don't think brown hair and eyes are plain -I think they're pretty! My ex-best friend had those and I was jelaous I so want a man who will love me with the love of Jesus Christ -that would be the best love of all!! I want to wait for it, when Jesus knows I'm ready, not when I think I am ready! I will really start to pray for my future husband, thank you for inspiring me!!