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[pantingdeer]

We're experiencing the results of a changing culture. The breakdown of communities and relationships has a cost. You've lost a portion to abandonment and disbelief. Increases in earning power for women in many places shifted the focus from marriage to careers instead. It's no longer necessary (for most) to secure their welfare by forming a union in their twenties. There are options that exist today that weren't possible in the past.

Autonomy is seductive. Being free of demands and responsibilities is very appealing for some. Coupling and child-free unions are the result. The global economy expanded opportunities in the dating landscape. You're no longer limited to the person in your neighborhood. You have options and the grass is greener and so on.

Good enough is not enough and the drought is growing.

~Bella

What are your thoughts on dating websites

 

[bèlla]

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[bèlla]

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[pantingdeer]

I'm of two opinions. Ideally, they aren't the sole resource the person uses but part of a greater strategy which includes several options: church, activities, hobbies, friends, etc. The possibility of letdowns is greater if alternatives aren't utilized.

My primary concern is the person's ability to handle rejection without growing despondent or questioning their attractiveness and worthiness. If you've experienced a stream of no's without explanation or reasons which seem shallow or minor in your mind. It can be difficult to continue without negative consequences to your esteem or mindset.

Many become embittered and throw in the towel. They expected fairness and considerations that don't exist in that realm. It's not a fair fight. The market is biased and heavily slanted towards physical attractiveness, wealth, or demonstrative experiences (e.g., travel, events, etc.) captured in technicolor for all to see.

Social media is the same. Certain people garner a lot of attention for similar reasons. Other content is barely noticed. Even though the substance may be of greater value than the other. That's my sticking point. If being ignored or turned down will mess with your head I don't advise it.

You have to know your limitations. It isn't the only avenue. I wouldn't fracture my self-esteem for a possibility which may never yield the spoil I'm hoping for. I don't use them. I've connected with men through forums which had a dating component embedded in the site.

I don't think you can grasp someone's character through a few paragraphs. Forums allow me to see their mind at work and the values they espouse openly. Depending on the topic, there's greater transparency and less pretending to a point. I don't believe everything I read. But it's a starting point.

I met the gentleman I'm engaging with now through a forum I used to frequent. He posed a question about a piece I'd written on the art of being a lady and how to utilize the skills for positive reinforcement (in the relationship) and public gravitas. He messaged me and asked how to find a woman like the one I described.

The question on its own revealed his substance and our discourse reinforced the idea many times over. But without the catalyst which inspired the question. We're limited to the brevity of profiles and snap judgments. You can miss a diamond in disguise because the depth is absent. And you're basing your decision on less important factors.

You're on a site with Christian women seeking the same. Get to know a few and see what happens.

~Bella

I don’t think I’d like people to judge me without knowing me. You are right.
And regarding last sentence, you never know lol

 

[WanderedHome]

We're experiencing the results of a changing culture. The breakdown of communities and relationships has a cost. You've lost a portion to abandonment and disbelief. Increases in earning power for women in many places shifted the focus from marriage to careers instead. It's no longer necessary (for most) to secure their welfare by forming a union in their twenties. There are options that exist today that weren't possible in the past.

Autonomy is seductive. Being free of demands and responsibilities is very appealing for some. Coupling and child-free unions are the result. The global economy expanded opportunities in the dating landscape. You're no longer limited to the person in your neighborhood. You have options and the grass is greener and so on.

Good enough is not enough and the drought is growing.

~Bella

I think you’re both right. Somewhere around the middle of the 20th century the family has started falling apart and many people are growing up without the same level of interpersonal skills as in the past. People are getting married much later, if at all, and questioning traditional Christian morals and values.

This wandering from Christ, or being born into a culture that has wandered, causes one to suffer... causes His Church to suffer. The good news is we often see Christ more clearly in our suffering and the Church has exploded in growth as a result of persecution. His children come wandering home.
I always believed that when Christ returned He would not find a comfortable popular Church according to the world’s standards, but He would come at the height of suffering, in our hour of greatest need. It is at that moment the Church is adorned with the grace of God.

 

[bèlla]

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[JustSomeBloke]

So, why are you single?

It probably has something to do with the fact that it's not something I'm looking to fix at the moment.

What's holding you back?

What's holding me back is the other things in my life that have higher priorities, and that I'd far rather remain single than try and gel with someone who clashed with my modest, simple lifestyle.

Don't focus on a person or situation in your answer. Consider your contribution to the dilemma.

My contribution to this dilemma is that I lead a simple, modest life that is probably quite unappealing to most single women. Relative to Western standards, I do not consume much, and I am not overly bothered about material possessions or curating an image on social media. In particular, I care very little for the status that so many people seem to attach to exotic holiday destinations, clothes, international travel, cars, phones etc. I'm well aware that my behaviour and values most likely render me invisible to most single women, but I've always been a stubborn, unconventional, non-conformist, and I intend to continue.

/HUGE GRIN/

 

[bèlla]

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[ewq1938]

 

[Noxot]

Autonomy is seductive.

That reminded me of a quote I recently read from "freedom and the spirit" -
"The autonomy of ethics, science, art, law, & economics asserted by modern history is not the autonomy of man himself. In fact it means freedom for everything but man, who thus becomes the slave of autonomous ethics, science, law, and economics."

Berdyaev's general solution could be summed up by what he said a few pages earlier "a free theonomy transcends both autonomy and heteronomy." That was the first time I heard the word theonomy. it sounds a lot better than the other two.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

If she's looking for cozy, hygge or a slower life you've probably found a winner.

PS. #minimalism #hygge #cozy #simpleliving #konmarie #mariekondo

~Bella

I'm not sure how many of the people who have those interests would have the same motivations that I do. My objective is to earn as much as possible, and give away as much as possible to the causes I believe in. I believe that God calls Christians to live relatively modest, simple lives, giving generously to others who are less fortunate, and that's where my motivations come from. As the saying goes, 'Preach the gospel at all times, when necessary, use words'. The quote comes from Francis of Assisi, and although I'm not a Catholic I think it's an excellent mantra to live by.

 

[bèlla]

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[bèlla]

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[Noxot]

I don't believe man is capable of ruling fairly. No matter the structure. Whether you have a theocracy or theonomy. We are flawed and have proven our ability to commit atrocious acts in the name of God or divine inspiration of some sorts. Power corrupts. We aren't spared from its sting. I would have no part of it.

~Bella

I looked the word up and of course it has corruption all around it. If you break down the word to the most simple and basic meaning without any of the baggage then the word is good. Autonomy means self law. Heteronomy means others law. That is what you're speaking about, religion as something outside of us and god as someone far away, humans blindly conforming to their perception of the law. Theonomy means divine law. In a non-worldly form this means god-centeredness. It means life in the kingdom of God. It is life in the spirit.

Boy do I get sick of people corrupting words into inferior Concepts. They even use the word godliness to mean religious now, how sickening.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

A lot of people think if they were rich, they'd serve the less fortunate, poor, and needy of society. While that's true to a certain extent, especially with their money. I think what would most likely happen, however, is that with a lot of money would come influence and power and you'd soon be hobnobbing with famous people. I'm ready to be corrected if I'm wrong about this, though.
As strange of a transition it might be for me in getting used to it, I think I might be able to pull it off. I'd have to take a note from Paul where he talked about becoming all things to all people. But it's definitely doable with the grace of God.

 

[bèlla]

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[bèlla]

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[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I'm glad I grew up lower-middle class. After I was done with high school, it was either find a job or get out of the house. I was taught a strong work ethic by my parents. I spent countless nights staying up trying to think of get rich quick schemes (most of which would have landed me in jail if I actually pulled them off) But when God became a fixture in my life all that changed. I really don't mean to sound overly spiritual but there's no other way to put it than
to give Him the credit. And when doors wouldn't open on certain things
it caused me to go to Him and Him alone. Fast-forward years after obedience and some strange trials and testings, I know what's ahead. And even though I'm not walking in those things at this moment, I believe therefore I speak.

I'm glad I've had the opportunity to walk with the poor and destitute. And even though I haven't had to live that way as a constant lifestyle, I can honestly testify as Paul did when he said he knows how to be abased and abound.
how to have all things and yet have nothing. I'm glad you're here posting.

You're obviously well to do. I've never known a single rich person that was a Christian. Sure, they had some money and lived comfortable. But I don't think nearly as much as you have it. And I'm not baiting you by saying this either. I could care less. I'm going to shut up now. But I'll end by repeating the Proverb
"A man's gift makes room for him and ushers him into the presence of the great."

For me, the catalyst for this is initially going to be money. But once that door opens I'll use my spiritual giftset to minister from then on. Noone will be off-limits. Not even Presidents.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Oh, and I agree with what you said about financial inequalities can place a strain on relationships. That's why I'm going to marry someone already famous and with their own money.

 

[Noxot]

I really don’t think about things like this to be honest. Not because it lacks merit. But it isn’t related to my purpose or a concept I’d need to expound on for those I serve. That’s foremost. Developing expertise in my mission is my priority. Waxing on something unrelated has little appeal.

~Bella

Jesus seemed to have a single-minded focus as well, I just hope you have it in the right place.