In 1999 I had just gotten out of the psych ward - things were maybe not as bad as just before I went in, but pretty bad. I was living with a friend (the friend I had left my wife for, I was now an adulterer and divorced and a few other things - completely disentegrated spiritually, pretty much an enemy of God, or at the least I had decided that He would view me way for the rest of my life. I don't think He did, I think there was a gross misunderstanding by me of who and what He was. I think there was also a gross misunderstanding by me of me of who and what I was.
This is key though, as far as anxiety goes; understand who and what God is, understand who and what you are. If your view is that you can only be enemies, you live a life that feels damned (or at best hopeless and pointless) no matter what you do, and that will be huge source of anxiety. If you change (or more importantly, ask to have changed, your spiritual orientation), then you can only be friends. This is a huge source of comfort, and if you look at the Christian scriptures, this is exactly the offer that Christ put on the table through his sacrifice and resurrection. It's what God wants. He desires all to be saved from being enemies of God.
Recovery has what is called the 3rd Step prayer, it is this:
God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.
Most of us change the wording a little as we are led; I say "to those
you would help"
To this, I often add something like this or similar, "Please keep my thinking divorced from selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, anxiety, depression, fear and anything that is not of your Spirit. Please pour your Spirit into me, and from me out onto others. Please open my eyes to your miracles that I may see them, and show me the part you would have me play in them. Make me a blessing to all I meet today through your Spirit. In Jesus name, amen"
Pray things like that daily, and know they are prayers your Father will gladly grant as you learn to be his servant, child and friend. Life will change, anxiety will slip away. Can't turn your back on God and walk away and find anything else but growing fear and anxiety, insanity, hopelessness, unholiness and darkness. Can't turn your front to God and walk towards Him and find anything else but growing faith, peace, joy, light, sanity, humility, truth, holiness and all the fruits of Spirit
because He is the source of all these things.
Why would I want to be an enemy of THAT??? Being an enemy of that would destroy me by definition!
It's like a campfire in the woods - you walk towards it, and as you get closer there is more warmth and more light. You will probably find friends gathering around the campfire, smiling and welcoming you. Some of them have been there for a long time before you got there. More are on their way every day.
But if you turn and walk away from the campfire, you will find it gets colder and darker the further you go. Eventually, you will find some wolves, smiling and welcoming you... But not in
quite the same way as the friends that were around the campire would have welcomed you.
Took me a loooooooooooonnng time to learn this. I don't think I ever really learned it, He just popped in started revealing it to me. Had some other servants along the way to encourage me. But it made sense, and doing anything else
doesn't make sense. Had to be sober to see all that too, had to let go of everything else I had made God in my life.
But. He IS there. And it did work. Thank God, thank Christ, thank Spirit.
