3 months postpartum very depressed (disturbing sexual dreams)

[SavedByGrace2020]

Sorry this post is gonna be a bit long but I really need help as This has been making me very depressed to the point where it’s basically all I can think about. My mind is stuck in a loop and I’ve been praying everyday but as the day goes on i keep analyzing it over and over again till the guilt becomes so unbearable I just end up sobbing. So I’m 3 months postpartum I’m a mother to a beautiful baby girl whom I love so so much. One morning after her feeding I let her fall back asleep on top of me while holding her in my arms. I ended up dozing off and had some pretty disturbing sexual dreams where I did feel aroused the first one was kinda vague and the second one was of my husband and me. I’ve had experienced these kind of dreams before and I would wake up and repent and also I pray before I go to sleep that I don’t have these dreams they cause me a lot of distress after I wake up I truly hate them. The reason why I’m so upset and feel so disgusted and repulsed is because I was able to feel in those dreams and it’s disgusts me bc I was dreaming about this stuff and feeling sensations while my daughter was sleeping on top of me! Even though the dreams did not involve my daughter in any way I still feel this overwhelming guilt and disgust and I can’t even fully explain why maybe I’m overthinking it but what if her laying on me got incorporated into my dream? I don’t know that for sure and that’s what drives me crazy I can’t remember much but I keep having a bunch of WHAT IF thoughts. The dreams are getting more vague the more I recall them. I feel like the devil really used these dreams to trap me in this endless mind loop and I feel so helpless and hopeless at this point. This has caused me to fall back into deep depression and it’s hard for me to ask the people around me for prayer Bc I don’t even know how to explain this stuff to them. I’ve also struggled with depression my whole life and have had similar problems in the past ( where I just over analyze evrything and can’t get over stuff due to me thinking about it all the time). I feel like a terrible mother and it’s been affecting my relationship with my baby everytime I look at her I feel guilt I don’t even take her to sleep in my arms in the morning anymore. I’m praying for a breakthrough bc this whole things is just eating me alive.

 

[Broken Fence]

I wouldn't feel so guilty happens to me sometimes too. I'll dream and wake up my dog will be laying next to right on my groin area I get pray and exercise self control.
This is an old man or old woman thing. Attack of the flesh and a natural part of our corrupt bodies. Just confess your dream and move on.

 

[Michie]

Sorry this post is gonna be a bit long but I really need help as This has been making me very depressed to the point where it’s basically all I can think about. My mind is stuck in a loop and I’ve been praying everyday but as the day goes on i keep analyzing it over and over again till the guilt becomes so unbearable I just end up sobbing. So I’m 3 months postpartum I’m a mother to a beautiful baby girl whom I love so so much. One morning after her feeding I let her fall back asleep on top of me while holding her in my arms. I ended up dozing off and had some pretty disturbing sexual dreams where I did feel aroused the first one was kinda vague and the second one was of my husband and me. I’ve had experienced these kind of dreams before and I would wake up and repent and also I pray before I go to sleep that I don’t have these dreams they cause me a lot of distress after I wake up I truly hate them. The reason why I’m so upset and feel so disgusted and repulsed is because I was able to feel in those dreams and it’s disgusts me bc I was dreaming about this stuff and feeling sensations while my daughter was sleeping on top of me! Even though the dreams did not involve my daughter in any way I still feel this overwhelming guilt and disgust and I can’t even fully explain why maybe I’m overthinking it but what if her laying on me got incorporated into my dream? I don’t know that for sure and that’s what drives me crazy I can’t remember much but I keep having a bunch of WHAT IF thoughts. The dreams are getting more vague the more I recall them. I feel like the devil really used these dreams to trap me in this endless mind loop and I feel so helpless and hopeless at this point. This has caused me to fall back into deep depression and it’s hard for me to ask the people around me for prayer Bc I don’t even know how to explain this stuff to them. I’ve also struggled with depression my whole life and have had similar problems in the past ( where I just over analyze evrything and can’t get over stuff due to me thinking about it all the time). I feel like a terrible mother and it’s been affecting my relationship with my baby everytime I look at her I feel guilt I don’t even take her to sleep in my arms in the morning anymore. I’m praying for a breakthrough bc this whole things is just eating me alive.

You should see your doctor. Sound like a shift in hormones.

 

[IronSharpensIron]

Are you on medication for your depression your hormonal changes after pregnancy may mean you may need to up your dosage or switch to something else.

It would be a good idea to see a doctor please don’t feel bad the devil is doing what he has always done. Revelation 12:10

 

[SavedByGrace2020]

No I’m not on any medications, my depressive episodes seems to vary. I was a bit depressed for a couple weeks after birth but I gradually started feeling better until now. My husband is against anti depressants and I honestly don’t know how I would bring it up to him.

 

[SavedByGrace2020]

I just know the devil attacks me like this all the time. Most of my spiritual battles happen in my mind and even though most of the time I know I’m under attack and able to pray and get through it sometimes it gets so overwhelming and I get too caught up in guilt and ocd thoughts.

 

[SavedByGrace2020]

I wouldn't feel so guilty happens to me sometimes too. I'll dream and wake up my dog will be laying next to right on my groin area I get pray and exercise self control.
This is an old man or old woman thing. Attack of the flesh and a natural part of our corrupt bodies. Just confess your dream and move on.

Thank you for your response I feel a lot better now, I need to focus more on God’s truth and His word.

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you for your response I feel a lot better now, I need to focus more on God’s truth and His word.

Honest there is nothing to worry about. God knows that we are sinners but He loves us nevertheless. The best is to lay such dreams and things before His feet and ask Him to protect you from evil. After that keep looking at Jesus each time these sins come up - satan - that accuser - does that to make us feel guilty and ashamed so that he can torture us. Jesus on the other hand washes away the wrong and brings us out clean. That is why going to Him is so important. Let His loving truth defend you from your accusers.

The more you think about the 'bad thing' the more bad life you will collect for it is the wrong way, God warns about the accuser in His Word and tells us to defend ourselves with His truth. WE have Jesus as our advocate when we have done wrong and He will bring His blood over you so that washed from any stain of sin you stand. The glory in God and thank Him. Each time again. That is how the accuser stops the quickest, when we glory in Jesus when he rakes us over our sins. i know satan hates that badly and he soon lets go of us then.

You might be wise to go and visit a doctor if you try to do the right thing but your mind doesn't co-operate. You might be ill. Mental illness is hard to fight on your own medication can be very helpful in the battle. i know they helped me.

Be of good courage and know that God loves you even while you were a sinner. So try to do the same to you, love yourself with God's love, to find Christ when you are hurting your sin, for that is not what Jesus had in mind for you. He loves you to grow away from sin, not in it, which is what happens when we obsesses about our sins with guilt and shame and don't let Jesus set us free from all of that.

Praying you find Jesus in His graceful love the hurting one.

Peace.


To God's Depressed Child,

To think less of yourself then God's own
Brings you much pain and suffering.
Your worth is an incredible high price
For you as well did Jesus die on the cross.

Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

His loving truth brings you His good life
While to believe lies brings pain and grief
So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
and don't let Satan your good life squander.

Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.

 

[Leet]

Nocturnal clitoral tumescence - Wikipedia
It's a thing, it's scientific and perfectly normal. Your hormones will be all over the place, too. Let go of the guilt, tell your hubby you've been feeling frisky. He'll be happy I'm sure.

 

[Tempura]

I’ve also struggled with depression my whole life and have had similar problems in the past ( where I just over analyze evrything and can’t get over stuff due to me thinking about it all the time). I feel like a terrible mother

Oh that's what we do, when our minds are ill (and when they aren't), they just throw stuff at us and then we can trap ourselves into endless, useless speculation as if that's something we should do. We shouldn't. We can learn to step out of it, it's alright. You're not a terrible mother, if anything all of this suggests you're not, you have your daughter's best interests in mind and you're just over-stressing about it.

Also what other people said about hormones. Michie and Leet seem to know what's going on. I sure don't, I don't even pretend to understand women's biology especially when it comes to pregnancy and afterwards. It's a whole another world for a simpleton like me, almost science fiction.

Try not to worry!

 

[caring 2018]

Thank you for sharing. I am glad you reached out. I have struggled too on and off with depression most of my life. As a Christian we tend to feel guilty about it, but that is not what God wants. He loves us unconditionally. As for your dreams, they are just that dreams. Often it is because we are overwhelmed or stressed about something. Without getting too personal, how is your intimacy with your husband since your daughter was born? It could have something to do with your dreams. But first and foremost, don't address those thoughts of feeling guilty. Remind yourself you are human. God knows we are. As we sin, which we will and regularly, the goal is to not focus on the sin, but learn from it and repent. When I am struggling and feeling bad or guilty. I stop and talk to God. Praying is talking to God and sharing all that we are feeling. He wants to bear our burdens. He does not want us to suffer in our emotions and feelings. We are too hard on ourselves and we need to learn to let go and let God. Each day I need to remind myself of that. Here a a few verses that may be encouraging to you. I will be praying for you. Psalm 68:19-21 (tpt -The Passion Translation) What a glorious God! "He gives us salvation over and over,then daily he carries our burdens! Our God is a mighty God who saves us over and over! For the Lord, Yahweh, rescues us from the ways of death many times. But he will crush every enemy, shattering their strength. He will make heads roll for they refuse to repent of their stubborn, sinful ways. I will be praying for you and know God loves you and wants you to allow Him to love you. God Bless

 

[caring 2018]

Hi SavedByGrace2020, Just wanted to see how you are doing this week. I have been praying for you. Hugs and God bless. By the way, I love the username you chose.

 

[SavedByGrace2020]

Hi SavedByGrace2020, Just wanted to see how you are doing this week. I have been praying for you. Hugs and God bless. By the way, I love the username you chose.

I’m doing much better! Thank you for asking, and I really appreciate your prayers God bless <3

 

[Jeshu]

I’m doing much better! Thank you for asking, and I really appreciate your prayers God bless <3

That is great to hear. i hope and pray you will keep on improving

 

[caring 2018]

I’m doing much better! Thank you for asking, and I really appreciate your prayers God bless <3

Glad to hear you are doing much better. Just remember give everything to God. Nothing we do He doesn't already know about us. He loves us and always will. We are the ones who put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. God never expects us to be perfect, just to have a willing heart, which I know you do. Hugs to you and stay well. God Bless

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Sorry this post is gonna be a bit long but I really need help as This has been making me very depressed to the point where it’s basically all I can think about. My mind is stuck in a loop and I’ve been praying everyday but as the day goes on i keep analyzing it over and over again till the guilt becomes so unbearable I just end up sobbing. So I’m 3 months postpartum I’m a mother to a beautiful baby girl whom I love so so much. One morning after her feeding I let her fall back asleep on top of me while holding her in my arms. I ended up dozing off and had some pretty disturbing sexual dreams where I did feel aroused the first one was kinda vague and the second one was of my husband and me. I’ve had experienced these kind of dreams before and I would wake up and repent and also I pray before I go to sleep that I don’t have these dreams they cause me a lot of distress after I wake up I truly hate them. The reason why I’m so upset and feel so disgusted and repulsed is because I was able to feel in those dreams and it’s disgusts me bc I was dreaming about this stuff and feeling sensations while my daughter was sleeping on top of me! Even though the dreams did not involve my daughter in any way I still feel this overwhelming guilt and disgust and I can’t even fully explain why maybe I’m overthinking it but what if her laying on me got incorporated into my dream? I don’t know that for sure and that’s what drives me crazy I can’t remember much but I keep having a bunch of WHAT IF thoughts. The dreams are getting more vague the more I recall them. I feel like the devil really used these dreams to trap me in this endless mind loop and I feel so helpless and hopeless at this point. This has caused me to fall back into deep depression and it’s hard for me to ask the people around me for prayer Bc I don’t even know how to explain this stuff to them. I’ve also struggled with depression my whole life and have had similar problems in the past ( where I just over analyze evrything and can’t get over stuff due to me thinking about it all the time). I feel like a terrible mother and it’s been affecting my relationship with my baby everytime I look at her I feel guilt I don’t even take her to sleep in my arms in the morning anymore. I’m praying for a breakthrough bc this whole things is just eating me alive.

There's nothing sinful about those dreams because we can't control them. I can totally understand being bothered by them though.

 

[JulieB67]

I know this post is kind of old but being a new member I've been trying to hit different forums.

I agree with others in that we really can't control our dreams. I've had some crazy ones believe me and always wake up feeling awful and then I make myself move on from them. If you feel bad about them, talk to God about it. He understands but there's nothing that needs to be forgiven. But I totally understand that you feel like there does. I've been there with dreams.
Prayers for you and congrats on your newborn daughter!