20 year old pastor

[amandaa]

My b/f and I have been dating for a year and a half now. Around four months ago he accepted a job as a pastor for a small church that he had been filling in for for around two months. However, this is his first church he has ever pastored and he only started preaching a couple months before he started there. I was very shocked when he took the church because the church was very un structured and it was just different. Ever since I have been attending my home church which is where my b/f had attended until he went to pastor this church. I do attend with him about once month but this is because the people there do not make me feel welcome and I do not recieve a blessing out fo the service.
Recently there has been a big problem at my b/f's chruch it is over who is to be Sunday school teacher. One of the people invovled is a 17 year old girl who started the whole problem. I wont go into details, however, my b/f has been talking to her trying to figure the problem out for around 3 weeks. Clearly he has taking her side to the problem and thinks that she right in the whole situation. Yesterday she walked out of services and he had to go talk to her to bring her back in the church. I have been out there when this was going on and she made it clear that only she wanted to talk to him. He told me yesterday that he had to take care of everybody in the church and that they came first before me. I don;t know what to think anymore. ANy opinions on this?????

 

[EmSchmem]

I don't think it is appropriate for him to be talking alone about emotionally charged issues with a 17 year old girl. In my church he would not be allowed to be alone with her at all. AS far as the church coming first I really don't have anything to say about that.

 

[bliz]

I don't think it is appropriate for him to be talking alone about emotionally charged issues with a 17 year old girl. In my church he would not be allowed to be alone with her at all. AS far as the church coming first I really don't have anything to say about that.

You said it! He should be insisting that other leaders in the church be involved in the discussions, especially an older woman. I have a feeling that if he does this, the problem will go away. So liong as there is a problem, she has his attention - to the point of chasing her out of church!

What kind of training has he had? What kind of Biblical education? I know that many denominations do not require formal training for pastors, but he at least needs a mentor he can turn to!

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

yeah agrees' with ppl above.

he shouldnt be left alone with her, not hat he isnt trustworthy i wouldnt know and dont want to judge.

and yeah church AKA God should come first in your life.

 

[Johnnz]

A 20 year old is not in a position to be a pastor. too little maturiry, too little experience of both life and God. he will inflict his inadequacies on others, and I have seen far too many cases where the pressures of ministry, and the problems that arise overwhelm a young person resulting in breakdowns, loss of faith and often divorce.

Pual set a standard that we ignore at our peril. He said that church leadership must be by men of recognised maturity and experience - good kids, good manager, good reputation in the community.

Your account of what is happening evidences immaturity and some potential problems.

John
NZ

 

[John the Engineer]

A mature man is ready to lead, at any age. God has called men out of boys at much younger ages to take care of their family, to lead in situations where we would judge age to be too young. God works in ways we can't understand, and God will move if he is welcome and called upon in this situation of having a young pastor.

With that said, I don't really think a 20 year old is ready to be pastor, but my statement above overrules my personal thoughts on the matter.

As for this, it is where the issue becomes difficult. He needs to understand several things about it. First is that, as a 20 year old it is going to look bad as a leader to be chasing after a 17 year old when she "has a fit" (which is quite literally what she is doing in this situation) And, though you didn't specify, I'm guessing she's vying for the position, which means she needs to be led, not catered to by a young man who's barely older than her.

I think your b/f needs to step up and create God's structure and plan. A group of elders who will help lead the church. My pastor took over leadership of the church at not much older, but he submitted his leadership before the elders of the church, and even today there is a church council of leaders in the church who help to making ongoing decisions. This is important to keep things moving with clear direction and not relying on his individual judgements in matters.

He needs to be careful, or he could end up looking like a kid trying to fill big shoes. Chasing a 17-year-old girl out of church is not a mature leader, nor is it a mature leader who spends time having talks with a young girl who is emotionally charged to say the least.

 

[MarriedinHim]

The Lord is telling me this is a confusing situation, and the boyfriend is confused Himself, and He is not supposed to be a pastor, and this church is not being lead by Him for the most part this church is lead by people who want to serve God, but do not, and who want to love Him, but do not fully understand how to love Him. There is much confusion in this church. Grace Grace unto the mountain in Jesus Christ's name I pray. Amayn.

 

[pegatha]

He told me yesterday that he had to take care of everybody in the church and that they came first before me.

Well, at least you know where you stand. Take him at his word; you are less important to him than the people he is pastoring. It's up to you to decide if you still want to stay with him on those conditions. You can stay, knowing that if your relationship progresses to marriage he will be even more inclined to take you for granted. Or you can leave, and look for a bf whose aspirations and expectations more closely match your own. If you were my daughter, I'd warn you that staying would just mean that you're setting yourself up for a heartache. If you stay, then learn to accept your second-class status, because he's made his priorities perfectly clear.

The church he is pastoring doesn't sound very healthy either. That a 17-year-old child (that's what she is, legally) can bring an entire service to a halt by flouncing out in the middle of it, shows that she has way too much power over the church and over your bf. Not good. Not good at all.