2 year old son is just straight up mean to us sometimes

[Larniavc]

We do spankings,

There’s your problem. Find another way.

I have a two year and a half year old.

It’s a safe bet he would say he did not love me if I spanked him.

Think about it this way: when you hurt him he will want to hurt you. The only way he can is with words as he is not able to defend himself physically: so he uses words.

Don’t spank someone then tell them you love them. Do you honestly think he’ll grasp that you actually do love him when you act as if you don’t?

Find another way to teach him to behave: positive or negative reinforcement works.

Punishment does not.

Good luck.

 

[Larniavc]

but it doesn’t seem to factor into his thought process when he’s acting out.

He’s. He can’t process cause and effect like an adult: that’s why punishment will not get the desired results but it will teach him you cause him physical pain.

Is that really what you want: him to associate you with fear and pain?

 

[Larniavc]

He’ll hit us and be belligerent and blatantly defiant.

Where could he have learnt that behaviour from?

 

[Larniavc]

Is this just kind of status quo with toddler boys, or is there some way to correct the behavior?

No it’s not the status quo.

Don’t use punishment as it will not work on a toddler (and on older children it only works if whilst they fear you- is that really what you want.

Reward positive behaviour and (I can’t stress this enough) ignore bad behaviour!

Be very patient in ignoring bad behaviour and reward good behaviour every single time.

Both parents need to follow the same play book or the child will learn who is the soft touch.

Stick to these three principles and things will improve.

Again, just to be clear: punishing a 2 year old is pointless- it does not work.

 

[Hammster]

Again, just to be clear: punishing a 2 year old is pointless- it does not work.

I have five kids. I couldn’t disagree more.

 

[Larniavc]

I have five kids. I couldn’t disagree more.

Feel free.

But do you really want to teach your children that might makes right when it does not have to be that way?

Or have them grow up learning that one expression of love is to physically hurt them?

My mum and dad would spank me and all that left me with was a low level lack of respect for their ability to bring me up.

 

[Hammster]

Feel free.

But do you really want to teach your children that might makes right when it does not have to be that way?

Or have them grow up learning that one expression of love is to physically hurt them?

My mum and dad would spank me and all that left me with was a low level lack of respect for their ability to bring me up.

That’s not what my children learned. I’m sitting here right now with my four and six year olds. We’ve played games all weekend. They still like sitting on my lap.

I have long conversations about all sorts of things with my 19, 17, and 15 year olds. They are respectful of me and others. We enjoy being with each other.

So if you don’t respects your parents, it’s not because of the spanking.

 

[JAM2b]

He’s. He can’t process cause and effect like an adult: that’s why punishment will not get the desired results but it will teach him you cause him physical pain.

Is that really what you want: him to associate you with fear and pain?

Actually two year olds do process cause and effect, in fact infants begin learning it. This is one of the things that drives toddler behaviors. They want to see what will come about when they do something. Then they will repeatedly do it again and again to see if it continues to create the same outcome. They will test things and people over and over again. This is why consistency is so important.

 

[Larniavc]

Actually two year olds do process cause and effect, in fact infants begin learning it. This is one of the things that drives toddler behaviors. They want to see what will come about when they do something. Then they will repeatedly do it again and again to see if it continues to create the same outcome. They will test things and people over and over again. This is why consistency is so important.

I agree about consistency but what you are describing is operant condition.

Understanding cause and effect and operant conditioning are not the same.

 

[meyerjd]

Our daughter in flat out mean to her older brother. Its been that way since she could walk. No other way to describe it other than she attacks her brother without warning. My wife feels its a good thing in that she isn't afraid to fight if need be.