2 Months Ago My Father Committed Suicide. . .

[MrrrrrNiceGuy]

. . .and things have just gone downhill for me ever since.

It's not the fact that he's gone that bothers me; I am strong enough to handle that. But the way in which he left this world is most disturbing! It doesn't bring me any comfort in knowing this and I don't sleep well at night anymore just thinking about it.

Not only did my father kill himself, but the last time him and I had a serious discussion about religion and politics, his beliefs sounded very Pagan, liberal, secular and humanist, quite the opposite of my very Christian, compassionate, spiritual and sensible fundamentalist beliefs and that just takes away from my comfort.

My father had told me the story time and time again that he was saved when he was 12 and baptized shortly thereafter; I even saw his baptismal certificate once or twice. However, about that same time his father (my grandfather, whom I never knew) passed away. I wonder if that might have affected him negatively, because from all that I've seen and heard and just from knowing the man, he never really acted very Christian after his father died. Was God trying to put my father to a time of testing and he failed miserably?

Anyway's, at his memorial service I did make a nice speech about him and I will share that with you now. It has been put up in one my MySpace blogs. It is here: Click here. I really thought that if I just got up there during his memorial service and just let all the emotions come out of myself, that my grief would just disappear fast, but it hasn't worked.

I really need your prayers and words of comfort.

 

[ScottBot]

. . .and things have just gone downhill for me ever since.

It's not the fact that he's gone that bothers me; I am strong enough to handle that. But the way in which he left this world is most disturbing! It doesn't bring me any comfort in knowing this and I don't sleep well at night anymore just thinking about it.

Not only did my father kill himself, but the last time him and I had a serious discussion about religion and politics, his beliefs sounded very Pagan, liberal, secular and humanist, quite the opposite of my very Christian, compassionate, spiritual and sensible fundamentalist beliefs and that just takes away from my comfort.

My father had told me the story time and time again that he was saved when he was 12 and baptized shortly thereafter; I even saw his baptismal certificate once or twice. However, about that same time his father (my grandfather, whom I never knew) passed away. I wonder if that might have affected him negatively, because from all that I've seen and heard and just from knowing the man, he never really acted very Christian after his father died. Was God trying to put my father to a time of testing and he failed miserably?

Anyway's, at his memorial service I did make a nice speech about him and I will share that with you now. It has been put up in one my MySpace blogs. It is here: Click here. I really thought that if I just got up there during his memorial service and just let all the emotions come out of myself, that my grief would just disappear fast, but it hasn't worked.

I really need your prayers and words of comfort.

My prayers are with you as we ask the Lord for peace. Just remember that grief is a long process, it is a spiritual wound that may take years to mend. The best way through it is to actively engage it, and not try to hide from it or repress it. Seek professional assistance, take part in a grief support group. This is a period where YOUR faith will be tested. Times of pain and grief are when you are most open to the snares of the adversary.

 

[Terri]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Father MrrrrrNiceGuy.

Your speech was beautiful...made me cry.

Everytime I hear that song Forever Young I also think of my dear husband Jim who went to be with the Lord last year. We never had children and as the years went by we lost interest in pictures of ourselves so the only pictures I have of Jim are when we were much younger plus that is the way I always see him in my heart also.

Wish I could say something that would help, but know from my own experience that words really don't help that much. But, I will pray that our Dear Heavenly Father will wrap you in His loving arms and that you will feel His peace.

Terri

 

[Nilla]

Sorry about your loss.

I don't know if God tested your father or not. But I do know that God is with you know, in fact even carrying you through this rough time.

 

[Amin]

. . .and things have just gone downhill for me ever since.

It's not the fact that he's gone that bothers me; I am strong enough to handle that. But the way in which he left this world is most disturbing! It doesn't bring me any comfort in knowing this and I don't sleep well at night anymore just thinking about it.

Not only did my father kill himself, but the last time him and I had a serious discussion about religion and politics, his beliefs sounded very Pagan, liberal, secular and humanist, quite the opposite of my very Christian, compassionate, spiritual and sensible fundamentalist beliefs and that just takes away from my comfort.

My father had told me the story time and time again that he was saved when he was 12 and baptized shortly thereafter; I even saw his baptismal certificate once or twice. However, about that same time his father (my grandfather, whom I never knew) passed away. I wonder if that might have affected him negatively, because from all that I've seen and heard and just from knowing the man, he never really acted very Christian after his father died. Was God trying to put my father to a time of testing and he failed miserably?

Anyway's, at his memorial service I did make a nice speech about him and I will share that with you now. It has been put up in one my MySpace blogs. It is here: Click here. I really thought that if I just got up there during his memorial service and just let all the emotions come out of myself, that my grief would just disappear fast, but it hasn't worked.

I really need your prayers and words of comfort.

Hi,
I kinda feel like you do.
I lost a son to suicide. I always thought about that, trying to figure out his mind,
didn't do any good.
I'm really sorry for your loss.
I believe the bible to be the word of the one true God.
You were asking about your fathers salvation.
Read in John 10: 27-30. That answers alot of questions for me. I hope it does you too.
Bless You.
Chuck.

You were saying about God testing your father. The bible says we will not get more than we can handle.
That tells me, even if he was tested, he wouldn't have failed because God wouldn't give him more than he could handle.

 

[MrrrrrNiceGuy]

Thank you everyone for all your support. I really do appreciate it. God bless all of you.

You know, I've always known that someday I might have my own children. I am not married yet, nor is there any special lady in my life right now, but someday there will be. Someday I am going to cross paths with Ms. Right, and that may have already happened, I just don't know it yet.

I've always had this idea that if someday I have a son, I would want to name him after me, provided I can get my future wife to agree with me on it. He would not be called by his first name, however, he would be called by his middle name or called "Junior" so as not to confuse anyone.

But in the face of such great loss I now have a different idea. I am thinking about naming my future son after his late grandfather, my father, in order to honor my father. I'm not so sure whether I'd want to call him by his first or middle name, though. Also, I'm not so sure if it would be legal, but I would like to be able to add the suffix, II, to his name even though it has skipped a generation. Does anyone know if this is legal under U.S. law?

Anyways, if this ever happens, first thing that has to happen is I have to have a son and not a daughter or 2. And the second thing is I'd have to get my future wife to agree to it, of course.

What do you think?

 

[healy]

I am trying to understand why someone would kill themselves with kids left behind so I will just thank God you are close to the Lord and pray for you.And him!

 

[Gaia]

I have been and in some ways still am in your shoes.
I lost my friend to suicide after he found out he was dieing of cancer(I believe he was scaried of a long lonely death like his dad did. he was around the same age his dad was when he got sick). The months after that I was suicidal myself thinking that I should be there for him instead of being here. This man was 59 and I was 26 so that was a bit silly of me. I looked up to him though he was the greatest as fas as I was concerned and from what I knew of him. I didn't have a relationship with my father he left me when I was 3 months old and only had something to do with me when he wanted something. He died a lonely death in a VA hospital in 2001. So my friend kinda filled the emptiness my father left.
So to remember my friend I got a tattoo with his and his father's names (I really like both of them a great deal )and the year 2005. The year he left me. When I get lonely for someone I look at that and think of him. I'm just now in the past 4 months coming back to something that is semi-normal. I know I will never be normal because when he died I lost something in me and I'm never going to get that back.
I fully plan on naming a son after him when I get married when ever that happens. I have even though about change my surname to his instead of having my father's.
I'm more proud of knowing what little I know of him then I am my father.
I think you should ask you the one you plan to marry about the whole naming thing before marrying them. I thing somethings like this is really important. It's kind of a way of closure which really will never happen but naming you son after your father can be a really healing moment for you and a proud one as well.

You're in my thoughs and prayers. Btw what really got me through the tough time after Jeff's death was I wrote to him in a jounal. I would say what ever I felt like. If I was having a bad day I told him. I talked to him about the suicide and what I felt about it and that I was thinking of it too. I still write to him even now. It still helps.

 

[madison1101]

The death of a loved one is so painful, but suicide makes it hurt all the more. My father-in-law committed suicide 29 years ago, when my ex was just 20 years old. It was senseless. To add to the hurt, we were never sure of his spiritual condition either.

The Lord promises to never leave us nor forsake us, and that includes at our time of grief. Open your Bible and read the Psalms, and cry out to the Lord your pain and confusion. He understands it, and will comfort you, as He has comforted me in my recent loss.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[lavenderskies]

Grief counseling, its amazing!!! I lost my father in 1996 and it was 1998 or 1999 when I finally went. It really made a big difference for me.