19, pregnant, & desperate !

[scaredmommy2b]

Hi everyone ​

Im new here and decided to join because I need some advice for my current situation. I'm 19 and pregnant with my first child. I'm not in school, although I wish I was, and I'm working full time. Right now I'm 26 weeks pregnant, about 5 1/2 months along. I just had my first ultrasound yesturday and found out I'm having a boy. I couldn't tell you how secretly happy I was because I've always wanted my first child to be a boy.
But unfortunately this pregnancy was not planned and for the last 5 months I was seriously considering an abortion. I definitely would have gotten it but I couldn't afford it. Knowing that its against God, I just didn't know what else to do. I hated the fact i was pregnant, hated looking at myself, and i secretly tried to harm the baby hoping that it would die. I was ashamed of it and ashamed that I wasn't more serious about using protection. I admit that I've been avoiding this situation and not caring about the health of the baby at all I've been very selfish.
I'm not financially prepared for this and neither is my boyfriend but ive decided to accept the fact that I am very pregnant. Surprisingly, even after everything ive done over the past 5 months, I found out that my baby is healthy. Seeing him yesturday and hearing his sturdy heart beat I couldn't deny him anymore. I was so emotional i cried. Now I want to do everything I can to make sure he comes into this world.
The only dilemma is I have to finally break the news to my mother. I live with her and we also work together. I also live with my 16 year old sister. Neither one knows about my little secret. I've been terrified to tell anyone. Only my boyfriend knows and my doctor. I've been trying to think of a way to tell my mom since I left the ultrasound and I'm completely lost. My mom and i never were too good with communication, and she wasnt good with her mother with it. Weve never talked about sex or relationships or anything on that personal level. It makes telling her so much more difficult. My boyfriend is afraid to tell his family also but we both want the baby (he's wanted it from the beginning).​

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how I can finally let my mother know she's going to be a grandma in about 4 months? I want her to know so badly. I know once she knows I can finally relax and not walk around the house on egg shells. I've been hiding my belly and staying in my room for so long and Im tired of feeling ashamed of my baby. I feel trapped and scared. My mental and emotional health is extremely unstable. I just want my mother to be happy and supportive, which I'm sure she will be eventually but I really need help getting over this milestone. Its causing me stress and I know stress can harm a baby.
Can somebody please help me! I don't know what else to do. I've tried praying but I feel like my prayers aren't being answered. Im ready to get past the embarrasment and take responsibilties for my actions but i can't find the words to say. Once my mom knows, then I can get past telling everyone else (my boss, other family). I just need to tell her first, and soon! ​

 

[mnolen82]

Hi everyone ​

Im new here and decided to join because I need some advice for my current situation. I'm 19 and pregnant with my first child. I'm not in school, although I wish I was, and I'm working full time. Right now I'm 26 weeks pregnant, about 5 1/2 months along. I just had my first ultrasound yesturday and found out I'm having a boy. I couldn't tell you how secretly happy I was because I've always wanted my first child to be a boy.
But unfortunately this pregnancy was not planned and for the last 5 months I was seriously considering an abortion. I definitely would have gotten it but I couldn't afford it. Knowing that its against God, I just didn't know what else to do. I hated the fact i was pregnant, hated looking at myself, and i secretly tried to harm the baby hoping that it would die. I was ashamed of it and ashamed that I wasn't more serious about using protection. I admit that I've been avoiding this situation and not caring about the health of the baby at all I've been very selfish.
I'm not financially prepared for this and neither is my boyfriend but ive decided to accept the fact that I am very pregnant. Surprisingly, even after everything ive done over the past 5 months, I found out that my baby is healthy. Seeing him yesturday and hearing his sturdy heart beat I couldn't deny him anymore. I was so emotional i cried. Now I want to do everything I can to make sure he comes into this world.
The only dilemma is I have to finally break the news to my mother. I live with her and we also work together. I also live with my 16 year old sister. Neither one knows about my little secret. I've been terrified to tell anyone. Only my boyfriend knows and my doctor. I've been trying to think of a way to tell my mom since I left the ultrasound and I'm completely lost. My mom and i never were too good with communication, and she wasnt good with her mother with it. Weve never talked about sex or relationships or anything on that personal level. It makes telling her so much more difficult. My boyfriend is afraid to tell his family also but we both want the baby (he's wanted it from the beginning).​

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how I can finally let my mother know she's going to be a grandma in about 4 months? I want her to know so badly. I know once she knows I can finally relax and not walk around the house on egg shells. I've been hiding my belly and staying in my room for so long and Im tired of feeling ashamed of my baby. I feel trapped and scared. My mental and emotional health is extremely unstable. I just want my mother to be happy and supportive, which I'm sure she will be eventually but I really need help getting over this milestone. Its causing me stress and I know stress can harm a baby.

Can somebody please help me! I don't know what else to do. I've tried praying but I feel like my prayers aren't being answered. Im ready to get past the embarrasment and take responsibilties for my actions but i can't find the words to say. Once my mom knows, then I can get past telling everyone else (my boss, other family). I just need to tell her first, and soon! ​

I don't know if there is a "right way" to tell your mother that you are pregnant. It will be hard for her to hear no matter how you tell her. I think just asking her if you two can talk and then tell her. She may act disappointed at first but most mothers that I know will love their children and support them in times of need. When I look at my son, he is like a gift sent from God. While raising a child is never easy, no matter what your age or situation, children are truly a blessing. Continue to pray. God answers prayers but it may not be how you believe they should be answered. God is our Heavenly Father and just like our earthly parents, he has our best interests at heart. Here are a couple of Bible verses to help you:
1 John 5:14-15
Philippians 4:6
Psalm 127:3

May God bless you and keep you and your child healthy and may he give you comfort and peace.

 

[docpotter]

Yes, tell her today : )

You will fell 1000 times better . She is going to find out anyway. Just pray to God to give you the strength and tell her.

God is good, and He does not make mistakes ! Take action do not be afraid , God Bless you and your child : )

 

[mnolen82]

Yes, tell her today : )

You will fell 1000 times better . She is going to find out anyway. Just pray to God to give you the strength and tell her.

God is good, and He does not make mistakes ! Take action do not be afraid , God Bless you and your child : )

I agree with the "tell her today." The longer you put off the inevitable, the more anxiety and stress you will put on yourself. God bless!

 

[scaredmommy2b]

I know that getting it over with sooner is better but I'm too scared to do it today. I can't face her today I want to build up the confidence first... but thanks for your replies! You guys are really helping a lot.

 

[LilLamb219]

You could always start with telling her how scared you are and that since she's always been there for you in the past that you hope she could still be there for you. That makes a good intro! Prayers for you and your little one!

 

[paul1149]

Dear sis,

I would say just do it. You know the best way to wrap it emotionally, depending on your relationship with your mother. But the important thing is to get it out and behind you.

Reading your story, it was the story first of denial, then of acceptance. And the more you have accepted your condition, the more at peace - and indeed, happy - you are about it. Going public is the next step. Once it is out, all the hiding will be over, and you can really let your joy be unrestrained. And that, BTW, is the best thing for your baby as well.

May everyone involved here be blessed by this new life brought into the world.

 

[Albion]

Isn't there a good chance that she suspects already but doesn't want to raise the point before you do?

 

[shakenNotshattered]

We would love to know how things are going for you. Please let us know soon.

 

[SharonL]

Mothers have a way of knowing, she probably already knows and is waiting for you to talk to her.

In this day and time when life seems to be an inconvenience to many and they just cast it away, you are brave and to be commended. You made a mistake, the same mistake that 75% of the population is involved in - you just got caught - that will not make your mother love you any less.

Usually the thing that hurts is 'what will people think' - well people don't think - they know. Put the mistake behind you and plan for the future - never let your baby know it was a 'mistake' - take full charge of it - OK - the mistake is made - now you have a life developing within you - speak positive to the baby, they pick up on your moods. Never hang your head in shame - you can be proud of the baby and thankful it is healthy. Life will change for you, but since you are 19 and still living at home, your mother will stand behind you. Square your shoulders, hold your head high and face it with knowing you made a mistake, but your baby will not be a mistake, it will be a Blessing. The sooner you and your boyfriend get it out in the open the sooner you can plan for this beautiful baby. Look people in the eye and don't let them put guilt on you. We all make mistakes. But I am proud of you that you allowed this precious baby a chance to live and be a Blessing to you.

As you go along - let me know how you are doing - I have loads of baby clothes from my twin grandsons - I'll get some to you. Get it over with so you can enjoy the rest of the beautiful development of this precious baby.

 

[Albion]

 

[Sketcher]

You should tell her within the week. If you're scared about that, call up a Christian pregnancy center first. They may have something useful for breaking the news to your mother, because they're there to deal with young women who are scared just like you, from different backgrounds - with mothers who are supportive, and mothers who are not. They may be able to advise you on telling your mother, and if worst comes to worst with your mom, you'll at least have somebody who you can go to as backup.

 

[scaredmommy2b]

Hey Everyone,

So I know some of you probably have been wondering how my situation has been progressing with my pregnancy. Well, there's good news. It took me a few days to think of a good aproach to break the news to my mother, but I'm proud and glad to say that I've told her . You cant imagine the burdern thats been lifted from my shoulders and my spirit. I told her last night and I was instantly so relieved, I felt a whole new wave of excitement wash over me. Honestly, getting advice and ideas from you all, and heaing your stories on this site has helped tremendously. I just want to thank everyone for your blessings and prayers becuase they really helped a lot.

My mom's reaction wasnt as bad as I predicted. She seemed more sad and disappointed, rather than angry. Definitely shocked, though I have a feeling she knew all along. I gave her a Mother's Day card and also showed her pictures of the ultrasound (which she kept). The card was perfect, it had all the right words to describe how I felt about her and our relationship and my mom really loved it. She smiled after reading it .

After seeing the ultrasound pictures, my mom didnt say much. I ended up crying because I felt so ashamed. There was a sad smile on her face, the disappointment was clear. I wanted to say I was sorry but I couldnt bring myself to it. But I am glad to say that I can expect loads of support from her now on, she just has to get past the shock of the news and get her feelings together about it. My mother isnt very verbal when it comes to certain emotional situations but I know she'll come around over the next few weeks. We still have until August to get adjusted and when my due date approaches I know she'll be by myside the entire time .

Now that I've done my part, I've motivated my boyfriend to step up to the plate and face his parents. He may give his mother a card with pictures of the ultrasound too. Hopefully their reaction wont be too hostile, I'm praying it doesnt. But once again, thank you to every single person whose given me advice on my situation. Thank you to all who've prayed for me and my new family. I'm so glad I joined this site and made connections with you fellow christians .

Although it's going to be difficult, I see happiness and joy in my future for myself and my baby. I'm so thankful for everything and keeping him is the best decision I could have made. I do believe that everything happens for a reason; me getting pregnant, how I felt about the pregnancy in the beginning, and how I've matured and grown into a different mindset today. This will give me the wisdom to help someone else in need one day. There's more young girls who are in difficult situations and need encouragement and I would be honored to share my experience with those who need it.

I'm sooo excited to be a mom, my motherly instincts have doubled in the past few days. I pray that I get to meet my son in a few more months because he has changed my life forever. I'd be heartbroken if I lost him. God has brought him this far and I thank Him for that.
Now on a lighter note, any name suggestions???
We've come up with Gavin Jayden. The last name will be Myers. What do you guys think?

 

[docpotter]

Awesome : )

Glad you feel better. The truth always sets you free.

 

[SharonL]

Oooohhh I am so happy that part is over. Proud of you for being so brave. You'll enjoy preparing for your precious boy. If you are in need of clothes in the future, just let me know. I do have a bunch of boy's baby clothes.

Just be gentle with mom right now, she is having to absorb a lot of new feelings and concerns, but she will be fine. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. The name you picked out sounds great.

 

[Catherineanne]

I'm sooo excited to be a mom, my motherly instincts have doubled in the past few days. I pray that I get to meet my son in a few more months because he has changed my life forever. I'd be heartbroken if I lost him. God has brought him this far and I thank Him for that.
Now on a lighter note, any name suggestions???
We've come up with Gavin Jayden. The last name will be Myers. What do you guys think?

I am delighted that you told your mother; that is superb, and really the most difficult part over; nothing will ever be that hard again.

How you are starting to feel about your son is a small part of how your mother feels towards you; I think once she gets over the surprise you will be amazed how supportive, how loving she will be. And it may be time to stop thinking in terms of mistakes; as someone has said, God does not make mistakes, and this baby is a gift from God. He is an unexpected blessing, but nonetheless a very real, very important blessing to you.

I hope your boyfriend has the same supportive reaction from his parents as you have from your mother. A bit of shock is natural, at first, but a baby is a very precious gift, and in time I think everyone will come to realise that.

I wish you all the best for the coming months; how lovely to have such a lovely event to look forward to.

 

[shakenNotshattered]

Hey Everyone,

So I know some of you probably have been wondering how my situation has been progressing with my pregnancy. Well, there's good news. It took me a few days to think of a good aproach to break the news to my mother, but I'm proud and glad to say that I've told her . You cant imagine the burdern thats been lifted from my shoulders and my spirit. I told her last night and I was instantly so relieved, I felt a whole new wave of excitement wash over me. Honestly, getting advice and ideas from you all, and heaing your stories on this site has helped tremendously. I just want to thank everyone for your blessings and prayers becuase they really helped a lot.

My mom's reaction wasnt as bad as I predicted. She seemed more sad and disappointed, rather than angry. Definitely shocked, though I have a feeling she knew all along. I gave her a Mother's Day card and also showed her pictures of the ultrasound (which she kept). The card was perfect, it had all the right words to describe how I felt about her and our relationship and my mom really loved it. She smiled after reading it .

After seeing the ultrasound pictures, my mom didnt say much. I ended up crying because I felt so ashamed. There was a sad smile on her face, the disappointment was clear. I wanted to say I was sorry but I couldnt bring myself to it. But I am glad to say that I can expect loads of support from her now on, she just has to get past the shock of the news and get her feelings together about it. My mother isnt very verbal when it comes to certain emotional situations but I know she'll come around over the next few weeks. We still have until August to get adjusted and when my due date approaches I know she'll be by myside the entire time .

Now that I've done my part, I've motivated my boyfriend to step up to the plate and face his parents. He may give his mother a card with pictures of the ultrasound too. Hopefully their reaction wont be too hostile, I'm praying it doesnt. But once again, thank you to every single person whose given me advice on my situation. Thank you to all who've prayed for me and my new family. I'm so glad I joined this site and made connections with you fellow christians .

Although it's going to be difficult, I see happiness and joy in my future for myself and my baby. I'm so thankful for everything and keeping him is the best decision I could have made. I do believe that everything happens for a reason; me getting pregnant, how I felt about the pregnancy in the beginning, and how I've matured and grown into a different mindset today. This will give me the wisdom to help someone else in need one day. There's more young girls who are in difficult situations and need encouragement and I would be honored to share my experience with those who need it.

I'm sooo excited to be a mom, my motherly instincts have doubled in the past few days. I pray that I get to meet my son in a few more months because he has changed my life forever. I'd be heartbroken if I lost him. God has brought him this far and I thank Him for that.
Now on a lighter note, any name suggestions???
We've come up with Gavin Jayden. The last name will be Myers. What do you guys think?

I'm so happy for you dear heart

 

[parsley]

I'm sooo excited to be a mom, my motherly instincts have doubled in the past few days.

Isn't that funny, how the hormones kick in this thrill to take care of your baby? Get used to it, for more shifts and surprises.

It's so good to hear that your mom is supportive. I think most parents hold their breath and push their kids to make sure nothing deters their success, but then when something happens it's a little relief, because they know what they're dealing with. No need to fear the unknown any more.

Your doctor might give you things to read on baby development. Make sure to read them, because time passes so quickly when you start losing energy. In the later stages it's harder to sleep, but you'll also feel like you need more sleep. And then the year after he's born, sleep -- aw, a thing of the past.

So get all the rest you can now, and preparations. It's good that your mom knows now, because she will have grandma nesting urges and will help you gather things you'll need. (Hopefully!)

If you haven't told people at work yet, plan your strategy well. If you tell too early, you might find people write off your commitment there; if you tell too late, supervisors won't have time to plan for your maternity leave. Be firm with your boss about your intention to keep working hard, so they have no grounds for odd assumptions. People do think things and say things that you'd never expect.

Congratulations! May God be involved in his development, and keep Gavin healthy.