1 Timothy 3:2 Husband of One Wife

[Big Drew]

My family and I started attending a nondenominational church a little over a month ago. We have all really been enjoying worshipping there. They preach a solid, biblically based message...the worship is great, and the congregation has been very welcoming towards us.

We're not wanting to rush into anything, but we're feeling like this may be where God wants us...but, we want to know that we know that we know...so, I've been exchanging emails with the pastor over the last few days, and today he sent me a copy of the church's articles of faith.

In the articles it speaks on the positions of elders and of deacons, and of course, references 1 Timothy 3 as the guideline.

1The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.7 Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

I totally agree that this should be used as the criteria, but I had one question in regards to it, that I've emailed him about, but not yet received a response.

My question was this: My wife and I are both divorced and remarried. If I felt called to be involved in the ministry here, would this be a disqualification? There are several interpretations of what Paul meant when he said husband of one wife, so what is the church's official stance?

So, I thought while I was waiting to hear from the pastor that this could make a good discussion here on CF.

What is your interpretation of what Paul wrote here? And are there other scriptures that have helped you form this belief?

 

[Hank77]

What is your interpretation of what Paul wrote here? And are there other scriptures that have helped you form this belief?

If Paul meant that the man could only have one wife in his life time that would mean that remarried widowers could not serve or that maybe single men couldn't serve either.
Most think Paul was a widower and many who served, such as Timothy, were single men. Paul also advised that if a man could, because of the current situation, that men not marry at all.
So that is what I do not think the scripture was referring too.

What I do think Paul was referring to was literally being the husband of more than one wife currently at one time. The early church was mostly Jewish and the leaders were Jewish. The Gentiles who came in were aware of the Jewish laws that allowed men to have more than one wife, polygamy. That is what I believe Paul was referring to.
We can see from the history in the OT that having more than one wife and half siblings from those wives more than often created problems. Paul makes the point that the man needed to have order in his home.

 

[tulc]

I was always under the impression is meant one wife at a time? In other words you couldn't have multiple wives and be a deacon or elder. I found this and thought it had some really good things to say about this subject:
Can a man who is divorced and/or remarried be an elder?
tulc(hopes Big Drew's search goes well!)

 

[JingshenBianxi]

My family and I started attending a nondenominational church a little over a month ago. We have all really been enjoying worshipping there. They preach a solid, biblically based message...the worship is great, and the congregation has been very welcoming towards us.

We're not wanting to rush into anything, but we're feeling like this may be where God wants us...but, we want to know that we know that we know...so, I've been exchanging emails with the pastor over the last few days, and today he sent me a copy of the church's articles of faith.

In the articles it speaks on the positions of elders and of deacons, and of course, references 1 Timothy 3 as the guideline.

1The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.7 Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

I totally agree that this should be used as the criteria, but I had one question in regards to it, that I've emailed him about, but not yet received a response.

My question was this: My wife and I are both divorced and remarried. If I felt called to be involved in the ministry here, would this be a disqualification? There are several interpretations of what Paul meant when he said husband of one wife, so what is the church's official stance?

So, I thought while I was waiting to hear from the pastor that this could make a good discussion here on CF.

What is your interpretation of what Paul wrote here? And are there other scriptures that have helped you form this belief?

Matthew 19:9 - And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

 

[RaymondG]

I'm guessing this means that, since I don't aspire to be an elder, I can have multiple wives. I'll let my wife know. If you guys don't see me on CF for a week straight......call the police.

 

[Big Drew]

Matthew 19:9 - And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

1 Corinthians 7

15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I wonder what that means if both parties are backslidden?

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Matthew 19:9 - And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

What about a man who has been deserted by his wife, or his wife has run off with another man? What then? Jesus and Paul were both silent about that.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

If Paul meant that the man could only have one wife in his life time that would mean that remarried widowers could not serve or that maybe single men couldn't serve either.
Most think Paul was a widower and many who served, such as Timothy, were single men. Paul also advised that if a man could, because of the current situation, that men not marry at all.
So that is what I do not think the scripture was referring too.

What I do think Paul was referring to was literally being the husband of more than one wife currently at one time. The early church was mostly Jewish and the leaders were Jewish. The Gentiles who came in were aware of the Jewish laws that allowed men to have more than one wife, polygamy. That is what I believe Paul was referring to.
We can see from the history in the OT that having more than one wife and half siblings from those wives more than often created problems. Paul makes the point that the man needed to have order in his home.

Timothy had much to do with churches that were composed of more pagans than Jews by the time Paul wrote his letter to him. The letter to Timothy was written late in Paul's ministry and while he was a prisoner in Rome. Therefore his instructions would refer to pagan Christians who have come from a culture were polygamy was fairly common.

 

[Big Drew]

What about a man who has been deserted by his wife, or his wife has run off with another man? What then? Jesus and Paul were both silent about that.

Which would be my case...our marriage was already on the rocks, but she had moved out and started living with another man a few months before we were divorced.

 

[JackRT]

What I do think Paul was referring to was literally being the husband of more than one wife currently at one time. The early church was mostly Jewish and the leaders were Jewish. The Gentiles who came in were aware of the Jewish laws that allowed men to have more than one wife, polygamy. That is what I believe Paul was referring to.

I agree completely.

I'm guessing this means that, since I don't aspire to be an elder, I can have multiple wives. I'll let my wife know. If you guys don't see me on CF for a week straight......call the police.

Ha! You can point out to her that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in scripture that forbids polygamy. Having said that, it might be wise to purchase some body armour before you inform the missus. Good luck with that!

 

[Hank77]

Ha! You can point out to her that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in scripture that forbids polygamy. Having said that, it might be wise to purchase some body armour before you inform the missus. Good luck with that!

Well, can we discuss this a little further.
Seeing that the leaders in the church cannot have more than one wife and they are the example of what a Godly man should look like, wouldn't it follow that the church is to follow their example of having one wife?

 

[JackRT]

Well, can we discuss this a little further.
Seeing that the leaders in the church cannot have more than one wife and they are the example of what a Godly man should look like, wouldn't it follow that the church is to follow their example of having one wife?

That is what apparently happened early in church history.

 

[JingshenBianxi]

What about a man who has been deserted by his wife, or his wife has run off with another man? What then? Jesus and Paul were both silent about that.

Paul says..

1 Corinthians 7:15 - But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

If this should happen..he already stated this previously..

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 - To the married I give this charge ( not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband ( but if she does, she should REMAIN UNMARRIED or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Why? Glad you asked...

Romans 7:2 - For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.

So..if your wife LEFT YOU...Paul says let it be so...but if she marries another man..the sin of adultery is ON HER...AS WELL AS THE MAN WHO MARRIED HER...don't believe me...watch this..

Matthew 5:32 - But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

JESUS Himself is saying that if you should divorce anyone..it is ONLY..on the grounds of SEXUAL IMMORALITY. PAUL says...if the woman LEAVES...and there is not even sexual immorality COMMITTED...LET HER GO..for God has called you to peace. The sin will fall on her and the man she marries...NOT YOU. As for you, remain single...until she literally dies. Cause if you marry another woman while she's STILL ALIVE...now YOU are in sin. Is this bad news? No. Should it be? NO!!

Paul encourages SINGLE LIFE...marinate on that for a bit.

God doesn't force His Will upon anyone. You can't make a woman stay if she doesn't wish to stay. It is why PAUL in his divine wisdom given to him by GOD that is the HOLY SPIRIT had him to give the anointed CONCESSION...that he wished that all were like him...SINGLE. Problems like these..is what he was trying to help us men AVOID. But...because of sexual temptation and lack of self-control in this regard...we marry.

Go figure..

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Which would be my case...our marriage was already on the rocks, but she had moved out and started living with another man a few months before we were divorced.

So, I can't see how you can be punished in any way for what happened. You didn't do anything. It was done to you. God is more understanding than we give Him credit for.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Paul encourages SINGLE LIFE...marinate on that for a bit.

Not entirely. Paul gave his teaching on divorce to the Corinthians because the men there were divorcing their wives because they believed that the single life brought them closer to God. Notice that Paul does not teach about divorce in any of the other churches. Perhaps that is because the other churches did not have the problem. Paul says that believers have the right to have a wife (he refers to Peter having a wife) and does not see it as being a hindrance to successful living and ministry. Although he does point out some dangers in marriage through distraction of the affairs of the world and having to please his wife. I can see this because I am the head of my house: whatever my wife says shall be done!

 

[JingshenBianxi]

Show me in scripture where it exposes why these men were divorcing their wives with the idea that being single would bring them closer to GOD...and I'll show you scripture where PAUL HIMSELF suggested that all be like him....SINGLE.

 

[JingshenBianxi]

Not entirely. Paul gave his teaching on divorce to the Corinthians because the men there were divorcing their wives because they believed that the single life brought them closer to God. Notice that Paul does not teach about divorce in any of the other churches. Perhaps that is because the other churches did not have the problem. Paul says that believers have the right to have a wife (he refers to Peter having a wife) and does not see it as being a hindrance to successful living and ministry. Although he does point out some dangers in marriage through distraction of the affairs of the world and having to please his wife. I can see this because I am the head of my house: whatever my wife says shall be done!

Show me in scripture that exposes why these men divorced their wives with the idea that it would bring them closer to God and I'll show you scripture where PAUL HIMSELF suggests that all be like him....single...and how he was trying to spare men of coming troubles that came with married life.

 

[Forgiven57]

i have thought about this verse in trying to reconcile it with the seeming silence on polygyny in the OT. Arguments based on cultural norms of the time seem flimsy since God's view of any issue does not depend on what we think. I'm not well versed in translation, but perhaps the "must" should actually be "should"? As was pointed out earlier, Timothy was not married, but then again was he a deacon, or was he something else? Clearly to reconcile this verse with the rest of scripture requires thinking outside the box of what we think we know.

 

[JackRT]

Paul was convinced that the end times were immanent. He saw no point in marriage and children.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Show me in scripture where it exposes why these men were divorcing their wives with the idea that being single would bring them closer to GOD...and I'll show you scripture where PAUL HIMSELF suggested that all be like him....SINGLE.

It's written in the history of the Early Church that it was the trend at the time, and it never really went away and was an influence in celibacy for RCC priests.