Hopeless

AlexB23 · Dec 27, 2023

Ajoj said:
So I'm 33 male and I'm feeling hopeless, I've been on auto destructive road for some time, I'have problems with anxiety, depression watching prn(I stopped for few years but in the middle ofthis Corona nonsense i fell again)
I resigned from my last job, four months ago, decided to drive uber for this summer and after that see what to do, I m living in a rented place, I have some money that I earned but it's going away with time.
I don't know how to cook, I'm eating a lot of ordered food.
I only had two girlfriends mainly because of my struggle with inappropriate content, and my feeling of not being good enough, so I dodn't even try. Because I always thought if I'm not happy not even close with myself how can I look for a girlfriend. First I should be decent enough man for my standards.
The irony I believe is that I'm
I guess normal looking
I'm 6.0 height in pretty good athletic shape(mostly genes, someone else with my way of life would be twenty kg fatter)
I was always great at sports...
I got pretty good result on some iq test that I solved when I was having anxiety and panic attacks problem, the doctor said I was above average.
So I guess smart enough
And I have job skills in telecomunications/electro stuff, also on PC. So I'm not on zero level
Also I lost my connection to God, I stopped praying and going to church, also wlused to go to confession every week or two but now I can't remember when I went
Usually I knew a way to get back to God, but now I'm paralyzed with anxiety, it's getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do

Hey brother. I will pray for you. For me, I don't view nasty content, but do struggle with OCD. Also, for cooking, it is pretty easy to make hard boiled eggs, and that would be a starting place for cooking. You place the eggs in the water inside the pot, then let it heat to boiling. Once boiling, wait 5-6 minutes for the eggs to fully cook, remove from stove, and fill pot with cold water. Let cool for 10 minutes and the eggs are done. YouTube can be a friend that can teach basic to advanced cooking.

You might want to talk to a priest about your anxiety. He/she can help you.

Anyways, Merry late Christmas and Happy New Year sir.

Ajoj · Dec 27, 2023

Sorry i didnt reply @studentinprayer

Anyway i came back home to my parents, because they have a lot of free space,

The reason was because my plan was to work whole summer,
so because of my weakness ,i get in bad mental place, and stay home instead go to work,
it was harder to do that with them,than living alone.
Also i had to work whole day so its harder to cook because of not that much free time and they cook great, and it was stupid to pay rent for practically only sleeping at rented place...
So i worked almost whole summer, it was ok althought i could worked more hours, and some days i took off, i could worked those.
Also i could have earned more with some differet things that i could do, but still it was ok summer working.

Problem is after i stopped working i came back to bad mental state i was before, while i was working it wasnt brilliant but it was much much better than now, also i
had a few opportunities for a new job,

One was a job that i imiddiately knew, its not that well payed, but it is easy job
The other was to work also something i already worked, but its a little more payed, and i thing it would be more opportunities to advance in that field on that job,but i had to work with a guy i worked before with, and i didnt get along with him before, although nothing critical,we were ok, but i also feel like my future is not in that field but rather in something closer to programing, so as i mentioned before i could try learning programming, but my anxiety and depression got the better of me, the only thing i felt good about are my two favorite sports teams that had decent first half of season.

So i practically did nothing for last three months, and although i usually feel pretty bad during Christmas time this year its like i numbed my feelings so it wasnt that bad...

Also living with my parents now even had some fights(not physical figthts) with my father.

So i feel like i gave up and i cant fight back to the light, i rarely go to church, and it was maybe a year or more when i went to last confession,
I always acted similiar to this, but i was always its dark now but i will get where i want to be in the future, like although depressed, i always had optimistic view about future that probably came from my catholic faith, but i dont have that anymore, i just want to be left alone and not bothered by anyone.

The reason i had a need to write this
is because a girl that is part of family,wants to fix me with her friend, and since from everything i know about that girl is great, she is everything i would want in a future wife..
This situation its actually making me feel even worse, she has a better job than me, she is pretty, and she is a practical Catholic, so i feel like if i was the best version of myself we would be a good couple, but in my current state i feel like i would embarrass myself and that im not a match for her, so i dont want even to go meet her.

So i dont know why im writing this, i guess just to throw it out of me, because i feel really really bad

Ajoj · Dec 27, 2023

@AlexB23 it extremely weird that you replied to topic i posted eight months ago, just at same time i started to write this huge update to my situation
Anyway i know offcourse some basic stuff like hard boiled egg, but i didnt mentioned that or some other basic stuff like that i could do...
As for Ocd, actually i think i was in even worse stages of my anxiety and depression years ago, and with that i also had Ocd, it wasnt huge Ocd but it wasnt light either, it was a big concern to me, but if i remember correctly i read some small book about it, that explained to me what Ocd was, why its happening and hownto get rid of it, and i actually listened to those advices and i actually got rid of it,for last i believe 8-10 years i dont have it, maybe only as in scripulosity...
As for priest yeah, i live in small town, i know a lot of them, at least by listening to them at Holly mass,
I had one that actually helped me before, he
was in my parrish, he was very deep, he was the person that could really give you advice and help you, bit unfortunately he was old and he died last yead, so i knew few more, i went to confessions and had talks with some of them, but some of them were transfered to othe cities, this one i feel like he has many many people asking him for talks and he has many responsibilities so i feel like his help is classic one just words, without depth... so to be honest i dont feel like there is priest i could go to that could help me in my town... although i would love that, to talk to someone who is smart and deep into faith...
Merry Christmas to you, your family, people who replied to my thread, and everyone else on this forum

AlexB23 · Dec 27, 2023

Ajoj said:
@AlexB23 it extremely weird that you replied to topic i posted eight months ago, just at same time i started to write this huge update to my situation
Anyway i know offcourse some basic stuff like hard boiled egg, but i didnt mentioned that or some other basic stuff like that i could do...
As for Ocd, actually i think i was in even worse stages of my anxiety and depression years ago, and with that i also had Ocd, it wasnt huge Ocd but it wasnt light either, it was a big concern to me, but if i remember correctly i read some small book about it, that explained to me what Ocd was, why its happening and hownto get rid of it, and i actually listened to those advices and i actually got rid of it,for last i believe 8-10 years i dont have it, maybe only as in scripulosity...
As for priest yeah, i live in small town, i know a lot of them, at least by listening to them at Holly mass,
I had one that actually helped me before, he
was in my parrish, he was very deep, he was the person that could really give you advice and help you, bit unfortunately he was old and he died last yead, so i knew few more, i went to confessions and had talks with some of them, but some of them were transfered to othe cities, this one i feel like he has many many people asking him for talks and he has many responsibilities so i feel like his help is classic one just words, without depth... so to be honest i dont feel like there is priest i could go to that could help me in my town... although i would love that, to talk to someone who is smart and deep into faith...
Merry Christmas to you, your family, people who replied to my thread, and everyone else on this forum

Well, I clicked on your name, as you were not here before in the time I joined this website, and I saw your post and had to reply to it. Just go to a nearby town and find a priest there if your town has run out of priests. It is sad that your priest passed away. OCD can never be fully ridden of, but can be reduced through medication potentially, and by help from psychologists. And thanks for the Christmas wishes as well. Hopefully you are better now from depression and anxiety in December 2023 compared to March 2023.

Ajoj · Dec 28, 2023

Offcourse it had to be some logical thing...

I dont trust those medical opinions, they are there to keep people in despair.
I did it without medication, without help from specialist, now i dont have it more than any other normal person, so it can be done, i will try to find a book it helped me, i had it on my phone somewhere...
Im a little better but not that much to be honest

Lukaris · Dec 28, 2023

I pray that you meet a good woman, marry, & raise a family if you truly want to and are able to. Whatever happens do not lose your faith and try to keep working. Working while necessary for survival, can actually be empowering if we can manage our resources. What I mean by empowering is that this can actually be a mustard seed to our faith. Having resources, usually a few spare dollars for charity, actually helps us help ourselves and our neighbors. How do these go together? Look at Matthew 6:1-13 as the Lord clearly shows us they do. Just giving some spare change to a Salvation Army bell ringer ( for ex.) is helping the poor and a faith based organization ( if that is all that is possible to do).

I am going to be 60 soon and have always had difficulty in human relationships in general. Never have I achieved any major milestones etc. and have struggled with depression ( never took any antidepressants, but not denying a person might need them also). I reached a point where all I basically wanted was to do what is right and to do it right. Back in my late 20s, for about a year I lost a couple jobs over incompetence and was at my wits end. All I wanted was to do my job right ( it happened at all levels from office work to warehouse work). Although I found faith later, I give thanks to God for being able to recover my basic necessary abilities and discipline to work.

I don’t mean to be ludicrous when saying this, but a good old school Bugs and Yosemite Sam looney tune ( for ex.) probably helped me with coping with depression than Prozac probably could. Still, I do not mean to ridicule another person’s needs and I had some deep depression.

I give thanks to God that i regained and discovered truly that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior when I was 40. Prior to that, my attitude was troubled and inconsistent wavering between the golden rule & being like Ebenezer Scrooge at times.

I remain a sinfully challenged person and need to work out my salvation ( Philippians 2:12). As I said earlier, I am also thankful that I am able bodied and have something to share. In this I remember the Lord’s commandments ( Matthew 19:16-19, Romans 13:8-10 in mind). The Lord says if we love Him, we will keep His commandments ( John 14:15-18). Do I really do this? Hardly. Do I maintain an awareness of these commandments and at least know what they involve? Yes, I do ( see Matthew 7:12, Matthew 22:36-40, 1 Timothy 1:5 etc.). There are many places to focus on in the Bible to help us live by faith ( look at Luke 18:1-30, Luke 10:25-37 for ex.). There is tribulation in this world and the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome this for us ( see John 16:33).

Ajoj · Jul 4, 2024

People help, i'm stuck in this dopamine loop of porn, internet scrolling, sugar and sleeping long addiction.
I have a job of driving (Uber,Bolt) but since im the owner and because of my situation i didnt drove that much so far, i have some money earned and i dont spend much so i have no imidiate need for money.
I basically get up at 10 am, and i need about an hour to wake up from waking up, then its too late to drive because its gonna be time for luch soon, and after that there is many cars on the road, traffic gets stuck, so i doesnt make sense to drive at that time because you get stuck in traffic for long time so its not profitable. And my state makes me not having any will to go and work.
The good thing was that i have a good friend who aasked me to work with him, so sometimes i do that so i feel better.

The thing is all this happened before.I was in similiar loop since i was 12 until i was 25, then it reached boling point,i basically said excorcism for myself, i comanded evil spirits in me i ln Jesus name, and after that i was in huge problem for few months, huge anxiety and everything, but i got rid of porn, started to feel much better and i started to get more productive, i was becoming a better version of myself.
But unfortunately with time slowly everything came back. Now since im older it feels even harder to get out of, but the feeling is i cant take much of this same dopamine loop day, every day, and feeling that i dont have a control of my life.
I feel like im using a 25 percent of me, of my talents in my life. I dont have a will to meet any girl, because i hate myself the way i am, and that is no state to be in relationship...

Ive been blessed that God gave me good metabolism so my laziness in this last year, combined with me eating a lot, and eating chocolates for comfort didnt result in me being fat, because if that happened it would be even harder to comE back from.

Before 25 i used to be like this, but i always had the view, the hope of me being better man, view of wife, children, family, friends, good job, being fit, running, and stuff like that, but right now i all that seems impossible.
And of course my relationship with God is bad, i stopped praying, going to church, going to confession...
I feel like confession would be my first thing to do to get out of this, but i wish there was a priest i feel i could go to, that would give me an hour of his time...

Lukaris · Jul 4, 2024

I pray that you will find a woman you will love, marry, & raise a family with all faith and harmony for blessings. am not Catholic, but I remember a time when finding a priest for confession was much easier for people and pray you do. Contact the archdiocese you live in; maybe an appointment could be set up.

There are practical things you can do also and much of this I have found over the years is often meeting the daily challenges of work & paying my bills. Keeping God in my conscience and remembering the commandments as I live as I posted earlier keeps me in focus. I am 60, remained solitary, & still have heterosexual desires. I also don’t want to commit adultery, drag another person down in my sin. In this aspect the golden rule, love of God & neighbor, and to not commit adultery all work hand in hand. Despite this I still commit adultery ( Matthew 5:28) but I avoid the worst consequences. I also realize this is my problem; I don’t soft pedal it or panic. I trust in the Lord, I try to find ways to do things to keep His commandments praying for my own salvation but also for others. I do not try to bribe the Lord and remember not to exalt myself ( see Luke 18:9-14); I also think the Pharisee is a better man than me & cry out further to the Lord for mercy like the publican. In all of this, I feel calm overall. In my state of mind I maintain a balance between remembering to fear the Lord in keeping His commandments ( see Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 & to love the Lord is to keep His commandments ( John 14:15-18). Better Christians than me are pivoted to the aspect the Lord gives in John where I need much of the aspect that Solomon states in Ecclesiastes.

I pray and hope for what you hope for as I originally stated. I only gave my personal take on my personal experience as to never lose hope in abiding in the Lord no matter what happens. I also did not find the Lord til later in life when practicality of marriage & family has passed. I had a lot of depression but also made steady progress. Even though I did not yet know the Lord, I still give thanks for getting through the worst.

The thing is you are still young and if you want to find the Lord first and raise a family, you have the time ( & challenges of course) to make it happen.

Ajoj · Jun 23, 2025

Year has passed nothing has changed, some things are getting worse, like i gained few pounds, i still not much, because i was pretty good at that my whole life, but if i continue i fear it will become worse.
The main problem is my inability to work, for some reason i dont do my job, i only go and help my friend at his job ocasionaly,not every day(he pays me), i feel completly blocked, paralyzed with anxiety.
Its getting hard to go to social events, tommorow i should be at local party (day of a Saint) at village of my sisters husband, but i wont go, i have a huge concert in two weeks with my family that i was supposed to go, it few hours drive from my city it should actually be world record concert, (the most people in history on payed concert) but i probably wont go, so if anyone calls me anywhere i say no...

I just feel like im so behind in every aspect of my life that even if i do everything good i will still be behind, and to even start is imposible because of my lack of will, energy and motivation
In my head i have a solution i even said it to that friend i work sometimes with, he is a good friend, solution is to go to confession , then Church every Sunday, pray Rosary every night, and go for a run every two days, i believe everything else would fit in its place, but i can't get over that step of going to confession, im emberassed about some stuff and i cant get over that

Lukaris · Jun 23, 2025

If there are certain matters you feel sensitive mentioning in confession, a general acknowledgment of what you struggle with should be ok ( I would think). As long as these are just involving yourself that is. This is my approach when I confess in regards to adultery since, to me, the golden rule ( Matthew 7:12)is so crucial to remember so as to not inflict my sin on another person. Surely if I did commit physical adultery, it is still confessible but requires more counsel ( above my pay scale). The crucial matter is that I acknowledge my sin and the general passions it involves, the Lord knows my sin already ( Matthew 5:27-28) and a good priest will offer practical guidance. If you would read Matthew 5:27-29, that verse 29 applies to our need to confess & try to overcome our passions & not literally.

You seem to be dealing with isolation issues and probably removing your stumbling block with confession will help you deal with these. You don’t want to become isolated from family and friends. Being solitary by nature might be ok but it can be a fine line in relation to isolation. Personally, I am rather solitary but almost all my immediate family is past away. My need to work, pay my bills & try to give something back & pray ( Matthew 6:1-13) keeps me plenty busy despite my solitary nature ( I still think it is better to try to be more sociable but it is not me).

A good Biblical lesson on the perils of adultery can be found in the account of the adultery of King David on Bathsheba ( an innocent party) ( 2 Samuel 11:1-27, 2 Samuel 12:1-31, & then read David’s confession in Psalm 51:1-19).

Ajoj · Jun 23, 2025

The people i hang out mostly are my sisters and that one friend, they know about big part of my strugles, so i can be me in front of them

I had like a chance to meet this girl, sisters friend asked my sister to meet with two of them on a cofee, after Mass, but i refused.
Also on those places i mentioned it will be a lot of people.

I just feel something in my heart that stops me from anything normal in my life, and i think good confession removes that
I always have a need to confess everything, so confession something generally woučd feel for me,like i intentionaly didn't mention somethimg, i probably even have scrupulosity, so before i stoped i used to confess few times per month
Good thing is that a priest that is in my parish is a guy who askes in confession all these questions like if you say that you drank to much, he asks how many times did it happen, so i would like to go to him to confess but he is in my parish so i feel if i go to him it would be weird afterwards

All this is starting to wear me down, when i see all the evil in the world, and sickness, people killed every they, and me just wasting my life , im scared that something similiar will happen to me, even if i repent

Ajoj · Jun 23, 2025

I feel like there is no me to get back too, like i become another person and there is no going back

Lukaris · Jun 23, 2025

The thing is if we can see the basic purpose of what the Lord wants us to do for ourselves and our neighbor, we have our basic motive to do it.

Maybe ask your sisters again to meet their friend but say to do something that both of you can do for those in need. For instance try to find time to maybe volunteer together at a soup kitchen for a couple hours on various occasions ( for example.). This way the two of you might interact in a way that will create a bond & instead of like a blind date.

As far as this world is, it is not encouraging to look at. The Lord wants us to help it yet He tells us it is sorrowful too and yet further to be of good cheer since He has overcome it ( by His cross, see John 16:33). The crucial factor here is to love our neighbor but not the ways of this world ( see 1 John 2:1-17). Think of Mother Theresa as a role model but don’t try to take on what she did ( it almost burned her out & she didn’t expect the average layperson to take on such a load).

I have to break off, hopefully my ramblings can be of help.

Unqualified · Jun 24, 2025

God can forgive your sins. Confess to Him.

Joseph G · Jun 24, 2025

Ajoj said:
The people i hang out mostly are my sisters and that one friend, they know about big part of my strugles, so i can be me in front of them

I had like a chance to meet this girl, sisters friend asked my sister to meet with two of them on a cofee, after Mass, but i refused.
Also on those places i mentioned it will be a lot of people.

I just feel something in my heart that stops me from anything normal in my life, and i think good confession removes that
I always have a need to confess everything, so confession something generally woučd feel for me,like i intentionaly didn't mention somethimg, i probably even have scrupulosity, so before i stoped i used to confess few times per month
Good thing is that a priest that is in my parish is a guy who askes in confession all these questions like if you say that you drank to much, he asks how many times did it happen, so i would like to go to him to confess but he is in my parish so i feel if i go to him it would be weird afterwards

All this is starting to wear me down, when i see all the evil in the world, and sickness, people killed every they, and me just wasting my life , im scared that something similiar will happen to me, even if i repent

The enemy is beating you down through a system that preaches salvation through works.

Flee.

Ask the Lord to lead you to a church where the 66 book canonical Holy Bible is revered and preached, where the congregation carries and studies and quote their own Bibles, where the true Gospel of Grace is preached, where each member courageously share their testimonies of a *personal relationship with Jesus Christ*, where all are freed from the shackles of worthless rituals and traditions of men, and above all - where the ONLY Heavenly Being worshipped and adored is the ONLY High Priest and Intercessor, the only Door through which one has access to the ONLY Holy Father... is Jesus and no One but Jesus.

Surrender all to the Person of Jesus, and then buckle up and be prepared to watch Him tear down all ancient strongholds planted within and elevate your walk into true purpose, inspiration, meaning, encouragement, and direction.

It's all a matter of trust in Who HE says He is and willingness to obey and follow His voice wherever He leads. Only the GOOD Shepherd Himself is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Are you willing to abandon all and trust Him alone as your personal Savior and Lord?

God bless and praying for you!

biblegateway.com

DragonFox91 · Jun 24, 2025

Oh man, I saw this was an older thread & was hoping to hear some good news. Keep trying, dude. We are praying for you. Fight the good fight & take hold of the eternal life you were called to

Joseph G · Jun 27, 2025

Joseph G said:
The enemy is beating you down through a system that preaches salvation through works.

Flee.

Ask the Lord to lead you to a church where the 66 book canonical Holy Bible is revered and preached, where the congregation carries and studies and quote their own Bibles, where the true Gospel of Grace is preached, where each member courageously share their testimonies of a *personal relationship with Jesus Christ*, where all are freed from the shackles of worthless rituals and traditions of men, and above all - where the ONLY Heavenly Being worshipped and adored is the ONLY High Priest and Intercessor, the only Door through which one has access to the ONLY Holy Father... is Jesus and no One but Jesus.

Surrender all to the Person of Jesus, and then buckle up and be prepared to watch Him tear down all ancient strongholds planted within and elevate your walk into true purpose, inspiration, meaning, encouragement, and direction.

It's all a matter of trust in Who HE says He is and willingness to obey and follow His voice wherever He leads. Only the GOOD Shepherd Himself is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Are you willing to abandon all and trust Him alone as your personal Savior and Lord?

God bless and praying for you!

biblegateway.com

Hey, Ajoj. I forgot to add that if you would like to chat via pm, please drop me a line. I'm blessed with really big ears!

SavedByGrace3 · Jun 27, 2025

I love this song... Amy Grant - Don't try so hard.

It does not mean to give up. It means realizing and coming to grips with your human limitations and how God has chosen to deal with them. You have to endure the slings and arrows of your own imperfections and failings. But He has taken steps to deal with all that. Keep trying to the end. Let Him forgive you, lift you back up, brush you off, and press you back to the walk. Like the song says... you are worth it.

Another Monday comes and I just wanna breathe
'Cause it's a long, long week for someone wired to please
I keep taking my aim, pushing it higher
Wanna shine bright, even brighter now
Wish I would tell myself

Don't try so hard
God gives you grace and you can't earn it
Don't think that you're not worth it
Because you are
He gave you His love and He's not leaving
Gave you His Son so you'd believe it
You're lovely even with your scars
Don't try so hard

Hopeless

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Saved and sustained by the grace of Jesus Christ

Jesus is Lord of ALL! (Not asking permission)

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