You do seem a bit "works" oriented. This means you might be grading your relationship with God based on some of the things you do. Can you find rest in your heart and learn to know that God loves you and that his son took all your sins and sin nature? It is that kind of grace that will help free you to love and do more, knowing that you have a clean conscience and right-standing with God because of what Jesus did for you.
So even as you look at that, are there some things that might move your forward in God? It is certain that God is at the door, desiring a deeper relationship. But how can you proceed? I would consider a topical and practical approach. To me this would consist of trying to learn to know God by examining certain aspects of your Christian walk. It might include a study of how the hear the voice of God, how to conduct spiritual warfare, knowing who you are in Christ and all the things that he has given you authority over. It should include lessons on wisdom, giving, fulfilling the idea that you can win others to Jesus. How to pray more effectively, finding faith, the gifts of the spirit, and how to have a life of praise and worship to him, and others, all are great candidates.
Find too other things that interest you about God, maybe even try to fast to help you connect more spiritually with God. All from a position though that you have arrived and are In Christ, and that you do these and other Christian things not because you feel obligated, but because you want to love God and people more. The good news is that you seem super sincere and recognize your need to be closer.
I don't know this minister but I searched for something that might encourage one to know how to go deeper with God and this woman's scriptures should apply to every seeking God.
12 Bible Verses to Help You Draw Closer to God
Perhaps too you could study some of the great women of God, their lives and what they did? Hopefully you can find someone that can mentor and encourage you or at least someone like minded that will help you move into all that God has for you. Just remember to try and do everything from a position of resting in God. I pray you make some serious advances, that you push through setbacks and really come to know God in a fuller way. God bless!
