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My White Stone? 14 Years of Wrestling with God/Theology over "My" Rachel, like Jacob
- Thread starter AceWestfall08
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- Feb 13, 2021
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Ah i see you ment 2 corinthians 5:13, not 1 corinthians.
yes i am slightly out of my mind for god, yet sane in my mind for me.
I want to sing as a song bird, thats why i feel compelled to share. i've been silent for a long time. and its hard to keep a song or testimony bottled up. And at times i get excited and the floodgates are released and I start pouring my soul/spirit out. But I am not ashamed. I have zeal.
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- Feb 13, 2021
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- United States
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I got excited about finding a list of words that correlate with the term Sunshine/Shinesun. And when i discorvered them, my excitement led me to form those words into a tree.
And now that i have a tree, i found even more words that relate, and now i have a bird, a nest, a water and sunlight. To form an actual tree/picture.
This is how i combat/define my schizo.
I could just call my sympomps Schizophrenia and leave it at that. But the fact that my sympompts always pop up in relationship to god and rachel, i know how a clearer understanding and frame to fit that diagnosis under and name it.
The world see Schizo, I see the Sunshine tree.
It allows me to control it a bit better because i defined it and named it as opposed to accepting the world defination of it.
Before i was just a man, who couldnt get over his girlfriend, and was lost trying to seek god.
At least now , i have something tangible to show for that loss and spent energy crying out to god and expierencing those long years of pain and heartbreak and wandering and searching and wrestling. I got fruit out of it.
and because i have something to show for it now, It makes me joyful and excited. giving me some sort of proof of god's existence and that he knows me. because i didnt invent the majority of those words, i jsut combinded them based on similiar structure and how i felt internally inside about my journey. This "loose" proof in my eyes makes me happy, and my happiness makes me excited and i want to share.
And now that i have a tree, i found even more words that relate, and now i have a bird, a nest, a water and sunlight. To form an actual tree/picture.
This is how i combat/define my schizo.
I could just call my sympomps Schizophrenia and leave it at that. But the fact that my sympompts always pop up in relationship to god and rachel, i know how a clearer understanding and frame to fit that diagnosis under and name it.
The world see Schizo, I see the Sunshine tree.
It allows me to control it a bit better because i defined it and named it as opposed to accepting the world defination of it.
Before i was just a man, who couldnt get over his girlfriend, and was lost trying to seek god.
At least now , i have something tangible to show for that loss and spent energy crying out to god and expierencing those long years of pain and heartbreak and wandering and searching and wrestling. I got fruit out of it.
and because i have something to show for it now, It makes me joyful and excited. giving me some sort of proof of god's existence and that he knows me. because i didnt invent the majority of those words, i jsut combinded them based on similiar structure and how i felt internally inside about my journey. This "loose" proof in my eyes makes me happy, and my happiness makes me excited and i want to share.
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- Feb 13, 2021
- 64
- 53
- 36
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
I took 1 word from each section of the tree to have a main section. To have a pillar supporting the rest of the words in each category. i changed the bird from Sunson, to SushSon, which is a code name for "Sunshine Soldier". Rachel first met me when i was in the national guard, she met me when i was in uniform. So i was her soldier when we dated, and she was my sunshine. So how i see myself, is the overcomer in revelation who is conquering/overcoming for sunshine. I am the Sunshine Soldier. The name Sushson comes from [SU]n[SH]ine [SO]ldier, so sushso. then add the N at the end to make it a son/title.
ShineSun Rachel Nest
Shineson Jesus Taproot
SushSon Sunshine Soldier Bird
Shinseon Ascended Immortal Trunk
Shinson Mindfulness/Keep in ones Heart Leaves
Shinshon True Heart/intentions Roots
Shenshan Sacred Mountain Branches
Shosen Bright Selection Flowers
Shusan To Rest/Settle Fruit
ShineSun Rachel Nest
Shineson Jesus Taproot
SushSon Sunshine Soldier Bird
Shinseon Ascended Immortal Trunk
Shinson Mindfulness/Keep in ones Heart Leaves
Shinshon True Heart/intentions Roots
Shenshan Sacred Mountain Branches
Shosen Bright Selection Flowers
Shusan To Rest/Settle Fruit
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