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My White Stone? 14 Years of Wrestling with God/Theology over "My" Rachel, like Jacob

Fervent

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13 “You are the world’s seasoning, to make it tolerable. If you lose your flavor, what will happen to the world? And you yourselves will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. 14 You are the world’s light—a city on a hill, glowing in the night for all to see. 15-16 Don’t hide your light! Let it shine for all; let your good deeds glow for all to see, so that they will praise your heavenly Father.

This verse comes to mind.
I hiit a 1 when i meant 2..."If we are ‘out of our mind,’ as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you" - NIV
 
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AceWestfall08

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I hiit a 1 when i meant 2..."If we are ‘out of our mind,’ as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you" - NIV
Ah i see you ment 2 corinthians 5:13, not 1 corinthians.

yes i am slightly out of my mind for god, yet sane in my mind for me.
I want to sing as a song bird, thats why i feel compelled to share. i've been silent for a long time. and its hard to keep a song or testimony bottled up. And at times i get excited and the floodgates are released and I start pouring my soul/spirit out. But I am not ashamed. I have zeal.
 
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Fervent

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Ah i see you ment 2 corinthians 5:13, not 1 corinthians.

yes i am slightly out of my mind for god, yet sane in my mind for me.
I want to sing as a song bird, thats why i feel compelled to share. i've been silent for a long time. and its hard to keep a song or testimony bottled up. And at times i get excited and the floodgates are released and I start pouring my soul/spirit out. But I am not ashamed. I have zeal.
I get that, especially since I have had my own moments of excitation.
 
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AceWestfall08

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I got excited about finding a list of words that correlate with the term Sunshine/Shinesun. And when i discorvered them, my excitement led me to form those words into a tree.
And now that i have a tree, i found even more words that relate, and now i have a bird, a nest, a water and sunlight. To form an actual tree/picture.

This is how i combat/define my schizo.
I could just call my sympomps Schizophrenia and leave it at that. But the fact that my sympompts always pop up in relationship to god and rachel, i know how a clearer understanding and frame to fit that diagnosis under and name it.
The world see Schizo, I see the Sunshine tree.
It allows me to control it a bit better because i defined it and named it as opposed to accepting the world defination of it.
Before i was just a man, who couldnt get over his girlfriend, and was lost trying to seek god.

At least now , i have something tangible to show for that loss and spent energy crying out to god and expierencing those long years of pain and heartbreak and wandering and searching and wrestling. I got fruit out of it.
and because i have something to show for it now, It makes me joyful and excited. giving me some sort of proof of god's existence and that he knows me. because i didnt invent the majority of those words, i jsut combinded them based on similiar structure and how i felt internally inside about my journey. This "loose" proof in my eyes makes me happy, and my happiness makes me excited and i want to share.
 
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AceWestfall08

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I took 1 word from each section of the tree to have a main section. To have a pillar supporting the rest of the words in each category. i changed the bird from Sunson, to SushSon, which is a code name for "Sunshine Soldier". Rachel first met me when i was in the national guard, she met me when i was in uniform. So i was her soldier when we dated, and she was my sunshine. So how i see myself, is the overcomer in revelation who is conquering/overcoming for sunshine. I am the Sunshine Soldier. The name Sushson comes from [SU]n[SH]ine [SO]ldier, so sushso. then add the N at the end to make it a son/title.

ShineSun Rachel Nest

Shineson Jesus Taproot

SushSon Sunshine Soldier Bird

Shinseon Ascended Immortal Trunk

Shinson Mindfulness/Keep in ones Heart Leaves

Shinshon True Heart/intentions Roots

Shenshan Sacred Mountain Branches

Shosen Bright Selection Flowers

Shusan To Rest/Settle Fruit
 
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