Why does Matthew 22:30 cause me SO MUCH PAIN?

Ayel Lee said:

In heaven there is no need for marriage because God Himself will be your fulfillment. In this life, “man should not be alone” and therefore has to be completed by a wife. In heaven, God will complete you.

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Ayel Lee said:

In this life — I wrote, man must be completed by woman. In heaven, human companionship gives way to a more IMMEDIATE relationship with God. God, after all, is LOVE and is the fulfillment of human exustence.

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Jonathan Dahlin said:

Why did Adam need to be completed by a woman? Why didn't God just complete him? You didn't answer that.
If only the fall of sin had not occurred, romantic relationships with the opposite gender may be eternal. Then we wouldn't be filled merely by God.

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Ayel Lee said:

I am explaining why there is no marriage in heaven. You are speculating.

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Jamdoc said:

I will never marry in this life, circumstances put me in a position where it hasn't happened and likely would never happen. I have genetic based illnesses that I don't want to pass down so children would be a bad idea even if I want them too. For a long time I deluded myself thinking, well, maybe not this life, but in eternity I can make up for it.
But a nagging feeling kept hitting me, like something I'd been forgetting since it'd been a long time since I'd read the bible, and in my immaturity I always assumed what many people assume about heaven; you get everything you want, no desire of your heart unmet. But the nagging feeling was that not only was that not going to happen, but God never meant it to happen for me, He ALWAYS wanted me to be alone, and He made sure that I would fail every relationship I entered to keep it that way. I couldn't even fornicate, so yes, still a virgin at an embarrassing age to be one by the world's standards. I got in situations where I might have, but something would happen to stop it every time. Just seemingly random events that would break it up. I thought it was bad luck then, now I see it as the Lord telling me no, not even if I wanted to He was going to stop me.
Anyway, there was that dread, that the Lord MEANT for me to be alone, forever. Then I read the scripture that sealed the deal on that fear, and made it reality. Matthew 22:30.
That it wasn't just this life, it was NEVER.
To be told you will NEVER have something you want, but other people find a lot of joy in hurts worse than any physical pain (and I experience quite a bit of that). In fact it hurts so much that all it does is make you want it even more and feel like you're missing out on something awesome forever. It makes you think about what it is you're missing out on, to have a partnership exclusive between you and someone else that is special and nobody else has it with that person, as (relatively speaking anyway) equal partners. You love them more than anything but God, they love you more than anything but God. A person you can keep no secrets from, a person you share everything with, make decisions together with, start a family with, and those children that you love so much that you would die for them, that's something incredible, the only other thing people might be willing to die for is God right? A person you are united in 1 flesh with.

I share these fears and depression with people and they say "oh don't worry it'll be better and more intimate." Which.. to me doesn't make sense, the marriage relationship has you physically naked with each other even bodies inside each other.. and you're going to be more intimate than that at handshake distance as just "brothers and sisters" in Christ? They try to say you aren't missing out on anything, but their actions belie their words, like I said, they'd die for their families, and the only other thing they'd die for is Jesus Christ, and in some cases, they'd die for their family, but NOT Jesus Christ! How am I supposed to feel like I'm NOT missing out on something when it seems to give them that much joy? Why did God single me out to be single? Why is it one of the ONLY revelations I've had from God Himself have to be this one that causes me so much pain? When I ask for revelation in other areas of life.. I get nothing. This one area I got revelation but it's like asking God something in prayer and His answer is not silence, but a definitive, resounding "No."
Why does this verse cause me so much pain every time I think about it? A simple answer from Jesus and it feels like tearing off a scab off a wound that just won't heal.

Genesis 2:18
Why is it good for me to be alone specifically? Why would God create me to desire something that he wanted me to never have? Some people choose to be single and are happy with that, it doesn't hurt them to tell them they'll never be married because they never wanted any part in it in the first place. Why couldn't He create me like that if that's what He wanted for me? At least then it wouldn't hurt.

This single verse, this single thing, is the cornerstone that makes me think I won't even be happy in eternity, and my only way to manage with it is to devalue myself and think my happiness is inconsequential that God is not a genie in the bottle and that if I'm unhappy I just have to accept it and be content. Forever.
It has almost created 2 hells as the potential afterlives. Just 1 Hell where everyone is suffering eternally and 1 where I'm singled out in exclusion but everyone around me is happy.

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Jonathan Dahlin said:

I don't see how God makes romantic relationships with women redundant.

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stevevw said:

Jesus also never married or had kids. I think maybe one or two of the disciples as well. But it was common to be chast and given to God in the early church. I think its harder today because cultural norms make it so.

Nevertheless it is hard and our human nature has it that we have these instincts that drive us. In some ways I think we are all called to sacrifice something.

Basically I think living in Christs spirit is a burdon for the flesh. It goes against our flesh desires for which we may naturally be inclined to do. Even being a virgin in todays culture is seen as a denial of self. Yet in other times and cultures it is seen as an honor or of value.

Its rare to see sacrifice of self today. To accept and carry a burdon or thorn as Paul says in standing with Christ. Thats why I guess it is so valuable because its so rare today.

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Ayel Lee said:

For some people God is enough. You know there are celibates for the kingdom, like St. Paul.

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Jonathan Dahlin said:

But to say that romance is not necessary because we have God... That's like saying we don't need clothes, music, possessions, food, beverage, landforms, natural wonders, etc... And yet many of those things will be in Heaven?

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Jonathan Dahlin said:

God also feels boring. And why don't we feel euphoria with Christ the way we do with the opposite sex?
Could St. Paul have been influenced by the teachings of Plato in his celibacy.

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stevevw said:

I am not sure these things will be in the afterlife. Or at least not in the same way we see them now. They say there is no marriage in heaven or pain and suffering or death for that matter. That seems to be a completely different realm.

But I get what you are saying and I think it depends on the individual and their experiences as to how they see things. To some extent the whole romance and the need to find happiness and fullfillment in another person is itself psychologically unhealthy.

Modern norms make it that way that everything is transferred into human happiness bein g dependent on others making it so. Its really unreal expectations and its a wonder so many people are suffering anxiety and depression trying to live up to these unreal ideas and expectations.

Its a reality I think that we go against our inclinations for pleasure and desire that our fallen nature seeks. The imstant gratification and rewards of feelings rather than the rewards that come from sacrificing something. Which transcends what this world thinks is peace and happiness.

We know this intuitively anyway when we say that "all good things come to those who wait". Or "all that glitters is not gold". That sense of achievement and satisfaction of putting in the hard word and sacrificing something even when you don't feel like doing it.

So really its a relative perception of what is or value and worthy and much of what is being sold by the world as the answer and key to lifes fullfillment is a lie. Is an unreal expectation.

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stevevw said:

I am not sure these things will be in the afterlife. Or at least not in the same way we see them now. They say there is no marriage in heaven or pain and suffering or death for that matter. That seems to be a completely different realm.

But I get what you are saying and I think it depends on the individual and their experiences as to how they see things. To some extent the whole romance and the need to find happiness and fullfillment in another person is itself psychologically unhealthy.

Modern norms make it that way that everything is transferred into human happiness bein g dependent on others making it so. Its really unreal expectations and its a wonder so many people are suffering anxiety and depression trying to live up to these unreal ideas and expectations.

Its a reality I think that we go against our inclinations for pleasure and desire that our fallen nature seeks. The imstant gratification and rewards of feelings rather than the rewards that come from sacrificing something. Which transcends what this world thinks is peace and happiness.

We know this intuitively anyway when we say that "all good things come to those who wait". Or "all that glitters is not gold". That sense of achievement and satisfaction of putting in the hard word and sacrificing something even when you don't feel like doing it.

So really its a relative perception of what is or value and worthy and much of what is being sold by the world as the answer and key to lifes fullfillment is a lie. Is an unreal expectation.

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Jonathan Dahlin said:

God cannot replace a wife. Sure, he can replace my father, but not my spouse. Jesus is male, and I want a female companion.

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Jonathan Dahlin said:

Just because of one sin doesn't meant we should be totally depraved. Partially at best. It shouldn't mean we'd be inclined to evil. It should just mean we are imperfect but equally inclined to both good and evil.

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stevevw said:

Fair enough and there is nothing wrong with that. I think it is different for each person and theres no easy answer. People have different needs and its not just a matter of morality. So long as Gods word is followed. As our experiences are different and you can't put a universal ideal on these matters.

All I can say is trust in God with all your heart and mind and Gods will be done. But also I think God can work in ways that we don't understand. We can get too anxious about stuff and sometimes God works when we least expect it. When we are not looking for such things that we feel will make us happy.

Like God is making us ready before we can take on that responsibility. Or is transforming us so that we are better people to go on to take that path in life.

I can feel for you and I have been there. But I made the wrong decision. I put my desire to have companionship over Gods will and had to learn the hard way. Not that this is your situation. But to point out that we can also make it too much of a thing in itself that it trips us up.

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Ayel Lee said:

In heaven there is no need for marriage because God Himself will be your fulfillment. In this life, “man should not be alone” and therefore has to be completed by a wife. In heaven, God will complete you.

Click to expand...