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Why does Matthew 22:30 cause me SO MUCH PAIN?

Discussion in 'Christian Scriptures' started by Jamdoc, Mar 28, 2020.

  1. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    I will never marry in this life, circumstances put me in a position where it hasn't happened and likely would never happen. I have genetic based illnesses that I don't want to pass down so children would be a bad idea even if I want them too. For a long time I deluded myself thinking, well, maybe not this life, but in eternity I can make up for it.
    But a nagging feeling kept hitting me, like something I'd been forgetting since it'd been a long time since I'd read the bible, and in my immaturity I always assumed what many people assume about heaven; you get everything you want, no desire of your heart unmet. But the nagging feeling was that not only was that not going to happen, but God never meant it to happen for me, He ALWAYS wanted me to be alone, and He made sure that I would fail every relationship I entered to keep it that way. I couldn't even fornicate, so yes, still a virgin at an embarrassing age to be one by the world's standards. I got in situations where I might have, but something would happen to stop it every time. Just seemingly random events that would break it up. I thought it was bad luck then, now I see it as the Lord telling me no, not even if I wanted to He was going to stop me.
    Anyway, there was that dread, that the Lord MEANT for me to be alone, forever. Then I read the scripture that sealed the deal on that fear, and made it reality. Matthew 22:30.
    That it wasn't just this life, it was NEVER.
    To be told you will NEVER have something you want, but other people find a lot of joy in hurts worse than any physical pain (and I experience quite a bit of that). In fact it hurts so much that all it does is make you want it even more and feel like you're missing out on something awesome forever. It makes you think about what it is you're missing out on, to have a partnership exclusive between you and someone else that is special and nobody else has it with that person, as (relatively speaking anyway) equal partners. You love them more than anything but God, they love you more than anything but God. A person you can keep no secrets from, a person you share everything with, make decisions together with, start a family with, and those children that you love so much that you would die for them, that's something incredible, the only other thing people might be willing to die for is God right? A person you are united in 1 flesh with.

    I share these fears and depression with people and they say "oh don't worry it'll be better and more intimate." Which.. to me doesn't make sense, the marriage relationship has you physically naked with each other even bodies inside each other.. and you're going to be more intimate than that at handshake distance as just "brothers and sisters" in Christ? They try to say you aren't missing out on anything, but their actions belie their words, like I said, they'd die for their families, and the only other thing they'd die for is Jesus Christ, and in some cases, they'd die for their family, but NOT Jesus Christ! How am I supposed to feel like I'm NOT missing out on something when it seems to give them that much joy? Why did God single me out to be single? Why is it one of the ONLY revelations I've had from God Himself have to be this one that causes me so much pain? When I ask for revelation in other areas of life.. I get nothing. This one area I got revelation but it's like asking God something in prayer and His answer is not silence, but a definitive, resounding "No."
    Why does this verse cause me so much pain every time I think about it? A simple answer from Jesus and it feels like tearing off a scab off a wound that just won't heal.

    Genesis 2:18
    Why is it good for me to be alone specifically? Why would God create me to desire something that he wanted me to never have? Some people choose to be single and are happy with that, it doesn't hurt them to tell them they'll never be married because they never wanted any part in it in the first place. Why couldn't He create me like that if that's what He wanted for me? At least then it wouldn't hurt.

    This single verse, this single thing, is the cornerstone that makes me think I won't even be happy in eternity, and my only way to manage with it is to devalue myself and think my happiness is inconsequential that God is not a genie in the bottle and that if I'm unhappy I just have to accept it and be content. Forever.
    It has almost created 2 hells as the potential afterlives. Just 1 Hell where everyone is suffering eternally and 1 where I'm singled out in exclusion but everyone around me is happy.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
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  2. gospels

    gospels God said: "Let us make a baby girl in our image." Supporter

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    I used to feel that way before when I compared myself to others but not anymore. Now, it makes me feel like I’m more special to God than all the rest and He loves me too much that He keeps me for Himself. I don’t think God stops anyone from getting married when someone is doing it the right way. Of course he tries to stop us from getting ourselves into wrong relationships and fornication. You said you don’t get an answer for other prayers. So it looks like you are forcing this on yourself. And, I see children is not a issue if you think that’s a bad idea because God can do miracles and there are kids in need of love and care whom you can adopt.
     
  3. Goodhuman

    Goodhuman Member

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    Deleted.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
  4. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

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    WHY ... are you so sure ... that God meant for you to be single ?

    Why not just be sure not to have children, ... by one method or another ?

    Perhaps God is keeping you from procreating, ... but that doesn't necessarily mean that you can't find happiness with another. There are many childless love stories out there. Yours could easily be one of them.

    In any case, (perhaps except for this period in time), ... God has placed us in the midst of numerous people. Take advantage of that ... make friends, learn to appreciate the people God has placed in your life. From that may come that one special relationship ... or not. But ... you will no longer be alone ...
     
  5. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    couple problems I have with that
    #1 "I'm more special to God" nowhere in scripture has God ever had favorites that I'm aware of and in fact that's one of the foundations for some people's faith, is that God loves everyone equally, even if they're not the best person in the world as a Christian
    #2 The other prayers I don't get answers to is for healing, and for guidance in what He wants me to do. I tried to do something I thought would be good, that I would be good at, and He told me "No, not this" in a pretty definitive way (He crippled me in a way that I can't work in that field pretty specifically). I ask Him, well if that's not what you want me to do, what DO you want me to do?
    Silence.
    So so far, God has been very clear about telling me No, but not much else.
    I really need His guidance because I don't have any ideas of my own, and the few I did have God said no.
    and #3. I'm disabled, I can't provide for an adopted child even if they'd let single men adopt them, which is usually not something that happens. That's part of the circumstances. Not being able to be a proper man who provides for a family. Pretty emasculating. Not to mention the one intimate relationship you're allowed to have forever being with another male being.. as the bride.. also quite emasculating.
     
  6. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    Because I prayed about it, and that was the answer, and scripture confirmed it, my whole life confirmed it.
    He wants me to be single forever for some reason. I don't know why, and I don't know why He'd create me with a desire He expressly doesn't want fulfilled.
    It'll have some meaning and purpose at some point I'm sure, but for now it causes me intense distracting pain.
     
  7. klutedavid

    klutedavid Well-Known Member

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    You have been watching to many romance movies.

    Most marriages end in divorce. The marriages that do stay together due, more than likely, to protect the children and for others there are financial reasons.

    I went through a period of asking guys in their fifties and sixties. Whether they would get married; if they lived their lifetime over again. Almost no one said they would get married again. Nearly all said they loved their kids and I don't remember even one saying that they loved their wife.

    Marriage is work, love in a marriage is something you have to put into practice and often. Sound, healthy marriages, rarely occur naturally.

    Your concept of marriage is more of a fantasy than the reality of living, with another person for the rest of your life. Choose your wife carefully and wisely, otherwise you will seriously regret ever getting married.

    Every marriage I have ever known ended in divorce or separation.
     
  8. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

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    While your desire is natural and normal, there is a much higher calling that God calls some people to. I'm 68 and I was married for 9 years, getting divorced in 1996. I was a Christian at the time. Marriage is like a lot of what makes us human, a really mixed bag. It can be great or hell, sometimes in the same day. Children can melt your heart or break it.

    Divorce was tough. All the guilt, all the shame of failure, sense of loss, self accusation was bad enough. Then people I thought were friends turned on me. My ex disappeared with my two children. I still had to pay child support. The legal system did nothing. By a miracle, I found my kids 15 years later. That is also a mixed blessing.

    God led me through this terrible time. He used it to break my strong self will, independence and pride. I learned how to deal with unforgiveness. I learned how to trust the advice of other Christians, one in particular who had suffered even more than I had. Would I marry again? I suppose if I met the right person. I'm not sure she exists! At my age, it seems a little pointless.

    The secret to enjoying life and not just enduring is to accept what is as what it is. Pray, yes. Complain to God, for sure. Complain about God? About the dumbest thing anyone can do. Paul said that he'd learned to be content. He said that we should give thanks no matter what. I suggest that you read some of Merlin Carother's books, "Bringing Heaven Into Hell" or "Prison to Praise" for example.

    James tells us to "Consider it all joy" when we are going through hard times. It does not say that we have to feel joyful. The trials have a purpose and there is tremendous reward for those who endure.

    You need to realise that you won't have the slightest interest in marriage in heaven. No one will. You will have a new body and new desires to go with it.
     
  9. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    I don't watch romance movies. But I do know several people who are very happily married. As far as I know, if you marry the right person, it's a blessing from God, and who doesn't want blessings and gifts from God?
     
  10. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    I always hear that last part and it always sounds like a copout, it sounds more like a lobotomy than anything else. That your desires are just removed and forgotten. That's actually the worst possible means of coping. To think that God would gouge out parts of your personality that aren't sin, just out of convenience so He didn't hit a stumbling block in the question from the Sadducees. There's a better reason for it, I'm sure, but I don't know what it is now.
     
  11. Amittai

    Amittai monitor evaluator

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    Fallacy. It's not THE answer. There will be many answers. And neither you nor I know anything about "forever". Why get hung up on our "desires"? I want a Josephite marriage when I DO marry (I'm almost Pete's age) and I think lots of women would only want a Josephite marriage. What is God's providence in a range of circumstances? There is not only one "right person". Don't compare how you feel with how others look. They are propagandising unconsciously from the kraal mentality nd lack any empathy with you.
     
  12. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    No it was a pretty certain answer, that's why I was guided to scripture on it as well.

    as for the Josephite marriage... you do know that Jesus had younger brothers and sisters right? Mary was a virgin when she conceived and gave birth to Jesus but afterward she had other children the regular way with Joseph.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
  13. Amittai

    Amittai monitor evaluator

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    God the Gouger!

    What's stopping you getting a whole range of other preoccupations and developing your much tastes and aptitudes and potential. As you share Scripture and prayer with your fellows, it will become apparent over 10, 20, 30 years which several out of all of those, are nicest to carry on carrying on.

    In 30 years time you might snap up the Honorary Patroness of the model railway society just after she's inherited from the dowager aunt.

    In any case life is just as risky now as it ever was for anybody. My mum saw a full bus split apart by a bomb and she was on the bus behind. My mum and her rather littler sister got their effects put on the pavement when they went shopping when they were staying with their aunt (they went to a grandfather). My first 11 years were in a house with not enough rooms.

    Yes a great many of us have been lonely in more ways than one.
     
  14. Amittai

    Amittai monitor evaluator

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    There are times things HIT us in the face. Yes pain is intense and distracting. I've been there years on end, myself. You've answered yourself that there will be a clearer meaning some time. I have SpLDs and slight encephalitis and for years people in churches looked askance at me. I reacted from shame to brazenness. Rambling so stopping here.
     
  15. Hazelelponi

    Hazelelponi Well-Known Member Supporter

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    If you don't want to marry in this life that's your prerogative... but it doesn't sound like you have God to blame for it.

    So what you have genetic diseases... cancer runs in my family and my daughter died at a young age. That doesn't mean I don't rejoice for the time I had with her, or blame God for her death, and I wouldn't have foregone giving life to her had I known how it would all turn out.. I am grateful I was her mother, and grateful for her life.

    So your not a smooth talker, don't worry, most men aren't and women love them any way...

    Women just want to feel secure, needed, and loved. That's all, we are fairly simple to figure out.

    Not marrying in the resurrection just means after death when we are with God, He is our relationship, He is our all in all and we need nothing else.

    Most people cannot imagine being without their spouse in heaven. I love my husband more than life itself but I understand the total sufficiency of God in heaven. Most people probably don't but He will be more than your current wildest imaginings.

    If you want to get married now then do. Don't let fear stand in your way - fear is not from God.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
  16. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I know there has to be a reason for it, I just detest when people say "well you'll have different desires" or "you won't desire that anymore" like that's just a matter of convenience so that God can not allow marriage in eternity but then still claim He fulfills every desire of the heart as Psalm 37:4 says.
    They treat it as if it's sinful for me to desire such a thing because I can't have it.
    There are other things pointed out to me in scripture that distress me about eternity like it's tailor made to be lacking in things I like and focused on an activity I hate (singing). It gets to a depressing point when people use that coping mechanism of "well God will change you so that you don't like those things anymore and you love singing!" that becomes a thought of "God created me the way I am just to destroy me and leave a lobotomy patient in my place"
    I put all my hope in that is not how God operates, that He wants free willed children who love Him, that make their own choices, and have their own tastes and likes and dislikes but all the choices they make are good and glorify Him. Not robots who are all the same.

    If I'd never desired marriage and have wanted to be a bachelor all my life, well than this would all be fine, there'd be no pain with this scripture, there'd be no need to lobotomize me either because that would just be the way I was on my own. But because God created me with these desires, created me with these likes and dislikes, and then promises an eternity that will run contrary to a lot of it (and I don't mean sin, sin I don't want).. there has to be a reason for it aside from causing me pain.
     
  17. Amittai

    Amittai monitor evaluator

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    Please tell us more about the subject of singing!
     
  18. Jamdoc

    Jamdoc Well-Known Member

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    lol, no, I've been over that, suffice to say, it's not something I enjoy doing for any reason
     
  19. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

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    God removes nothing from us without giving us something far better in its place. If you are born again, your life is in Christ, not the things of the world. Yes, God instituted marriage and it is still the norm for most people. I don't subscribe to the negative view that all marriages are doomed. However, God knows far better than we do what is the best for our lives. In some issues, I've asked God to change my desires to match His desires for me. Peace comes when there is no conflict. When self will and God's will clash, how can we be at peace?

    Lord Jesus, in His humanity, did not want to go through the ordeal of the cross. He was not obliged to die for us. He chose the shame of the cross, to become a curse for us, to suffer the pain of rejection of by God His Father. Nothing that we give up for Him compares with what He gave up for us. Because Lord Jesus obeyed, God highly exalted Him.

    Taking up your cross is the evidence that you are a disciple. Rejecting the cross means that you miss out on the blessings of God's kingdom. The grace of God will get you through. It is sufficient. But you do need to come to the place of "Not my will but yours be done". And that also is possible by God's grace.
     
  20. Amittai

    Amittai monitor evaluator

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    Sorry didn't check your posts enough :(
     
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