I wish I were asexual

I've been there but regardless it's not easy to help. Just as it's not easy for you or any of us to be helped. Yet here we all are as Christians struggling every day and having faith in Jesus we endure our suffering. Try not giving your urges and fantasies power over you, remember your sins are forgiven and yourself is free from the uncleanliness of the flesh.

The reason God had to send his Son Jesus to die for our sins is to show us His understanding of our humanity. How difficult our lower being inherently opposes His own higher being as God who's in spirit having His own nature. Except also He lead the way in humbling Himself in Jesus, our Lord and Savior was focused and busy serving God and people.

It's about having the mindset and habit of putting doubts about yourself aside, then putting faith in Jesus. When he struggled against the flesh he in the spirit turned to God in prayer and walk. He relied upon the Father's word for remembrance and encouragement against Satan after his Baptism. Before it was his time to fulfill his purpose and finish his work on the cross, he too struggled knowing the suffering that was to come. Again he turned to the Father in prayer and with the disciples, long as it took for him and them; at the end it was an hour with them as he prayed. After he continued to walk with God to his last breath and finally his life after resurrected to Heaven.

Only advice I have is what has worked for me. Focus your mind and concentrate your efforts elsewhere. If you rather have another mindset and will, you must humble yourself seeking God in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Simply go to him confessing your struggles and suffering, listen for his response in spirit where ever he can be found (e.g. God's word/spirit). It helps to put the Holiness and righteousness of God in you when facing sin.

Next time or whenever you feel it's needed give Psalms 32 a read and here's a study of this Psalm:

It’s 2025 and as a 22 year-old girl, I’m in the same exact situation. As pleasurable as these feelings can be within the boundaries of marriage, I hate that I will be struggling with temptation for other men even after marriage. That I will struggle with staying faithful and turning away from these thoughts/sights for the rest of my life. I feel conviction when I look and it almost feels like I am committing adultery even when my flesh reacts against my will. I hate the very fact that I’m at all attracted to any man that is not the husband God has set apart for me.

Most days, I don’t want to get married for this exact reason. I also wish I was asexual. How different my life could’ve looked if I was. Perhaps I would’ve found it easier to dedicate myself to God. I find it discomforting (sometimes disgusting) when other men look at me and I feel disgusted with myself when I look at other men. I will be honest and admit that it does feel nice when others find you attractive, but I hate that I even feel this way. I ignore this feeling as often as I can, but some days, my flesh will force it onto me without mercy. I hate that my mood and self-worth are reliant on how attractive others perceive me. However, I have gained confidence and self-love because of Jesus Christ. I am considerably less reliant, but still, some days, my brain and flesh are particularly more sensitive and perceptive to the looks I receive. Why do we have to stare? Why are we made this way by God?

Some people will say it is part of our fallen sinful nature, but I also heard some absurd theory that before the fall, when Adam and Eve were in the garden of Eden, God had created Adam with a polygenist nature. If this is truly what God intended to be the nature of men, I want no part in it. I understand needing to be obedient, but I believe my Father would not force me to do something He knows would not sit well with me in intimacy. I am fine remaining single for the rest of my life if it means not partaking in a harem. Yes, loneliness is an impending doom for many singles, but anytime I feel that way, I need only to draw closer to Jesus Christ and He will comfort me. If it’s God’s will for me to marry, I do not know what God will do to resolve this in me. Please pray for me, thank you

I’ve been in this situation and it’s hard. Specially hard when people don’t understand the moral struggle and the pain in the heart. It hurts to feel you are constantly failing God. It also hurts when people pretend it’s easy and they are successful in overcoming without fail, when for most that is just unrealistic and impossible even.

I interpreted my struggles as a calling to pursue a relationship. Temptation was so pervasive and stressful it made me cry, feel inadequate, feel distant form God, be rejected by church friends who were judgmental, it was very very painful.

What helped me deal with this is:

1. Don’t torture yourself, as you’ve said it’s a natural desire God has placed on humans and that doesn’t make you a demon possessed individual. Most single Christian’s people struggle more than they are willing to openly admit.

2. Keep yourself occupied. Tire yourself, work long hours, exercise, create personal projects, spend time with people, volunteer, this helps keep the mind at bay and helps you fall asleep faster than temptation can come to you lol.

3. Remember the benefits of celibacy. No STD, no emotional harm by being sexually used or abused and discarded by men, you won’t drag past bad experiences into a new relationship, no unplanned pregnancy. Give thanks to God being celibate is good for you in more significant ways than abstinence causes suffering. You won’t regret it.

4. Pursue dating. I was single for 8 years and struggling, but I was never approached by any guy let alone any Christian so, contrary to common advice I took a more active approach to this situation. I started going to Bible study, I talked to guys I found attractive, I faced rejection, I was more open to dating men who were not necessarily my type. I finally met someone and now I’ll be getting married soon.

5. Be careful while dating and I mean it. In my country men are mysoginists. While I tried to be more proactive I faced disrespect, unwanted advances, manipulation and one time a guy restrained me. My life was endangered by a Christian guy from church. Don’t think a guy being Christian inmediately grants him the opportunity to be with you. Avoid being alone with men, try keeping some company with you. I didn’t have anyone who would help make us company me and that’s why I ended up in that tricky situation.

6. Learn what is a healthy relationship and how abuse looks like and avoid it. Don’t stand disrespectful men just because they are Christian. Manipulators, liars, jealousy, avoid that like the plague.

7. Be honest with yourself. It takes two to have a healthy relationship, try to see what you can do better, whether I’d be being more patient, more open minded, less superficial, more tidy, whatever it is. You can ask help from friends, family, pastors, elders. Make sure they are people that love you sincerely.

8. Be careful with people. I had fake friends at church that tried to sabotage me, the only explanation I can think of is that they didn’t want me to find a partner.

Choosing a partner is a very important decision, seek as much guidance as you deem necessary, but know that at the end of the day there will always be doubts.

Don’t do it alone, involve people because that will protect you in more ways that you may be aware of. Abusive men will not harm you if that would destroyed their reputation, always let them know people know what you are doing and that you are keeping them updated on how things go. Avoid being in dangerous situations like being isolated, alone in a room or a car with a man you don’t know much.

I wish you the best of luck ❤️ God sees your tears and knows your heart desire to please him, I believe that is way more important that having a perfect performance.