I wish I were asexual

[pinkjess]

I wish I didn't have a sexuality. I wish I were asexual where I felt no desire at all. I am tired of struggling with unclean urges and fantasies. It has destroyed me. It has just destroyed me.



Don't tell me that it is a gift of God or that it's normal to have a sex drive--I've heard it all before. Is it a gift from God that I sin against my body and Him weekly, sometimes daily? Because of said "drive"? Is it a gift that as a single woman I am forced to supress a seemingly "natural" desire and feel shame about it?



"Pray for a godly spouse!" everyone says, but marriage isn't a guarantee for every Christian. There are some people who will battle these desires for the rest of their lives, unless they fornicate. It is a life sentence for singles who have no godly outlet to relieve themselves. And I'm left feeling cut off from God and completely ashamed.



I'm a single 25 year old girl. I never pictured my relationship with God to be marred this way. Do you know how hard it is to keep your eyes on Christ when your flesh is screaming for gratification? Or have dirty pictures flash by in your mind that causes you to lose all thought of anything godly?



At this rate I'm nothing but a perverted castaway. I can get close to God for a few days and then something always triggers my lust and I fall back into it. It's gone on for so long I am starting to wonder if I have a demon or unclean spirit. I need deliverance. I don't believe in those snake oil churches but I am willing to have someone lay hands on my head and make me wither on the ground if it cures me of this hell.



Please pray God turns my desires off. It is the only way I will find peace in my life again.

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

I've been there but regardless it's not easy to help. Just as it's not easy for you or any of us to be helped. Yet here we all are as Christians struggling every day and having faith in Jesus we endure our suffering. Try not giving your urges and fantasies power over you, remember your sins are forgiven and yourself is free from the uncleanliness of the flesh.

The reason God had to send his Son Jesus to die for our sins is to show us His understanding of our humanity. How difficult our lower being inherently opposes His own higher being as God who's in spirit having His own nature. Except also He lead the way in humbling Himself in Jesus, our Lord and Savior was focused and busy serving God and people.

It's about having the mindset and habit of putting doubts about yourself aside, then putting faith in Jesus. When he struggled against the flesh he in the spirit turned to God in prayer and walk. He relied upon the Father's word for remembrance and encouragement against Satan after his Baptism. Before it was his time to fulfill his purpose and finish his work on the cross, he too struggled knowing the suffering that was to come. Again he turned to the Father in prayer and with the disciples, long as it took for him and them; at the end it was an hour with them as he prayed. After he continued to walk with God to his last breath and finally his life after resurrected to Heaven.

Only advice I have is what has worked for me. Focus your mind and concentrate your efforts elsewhere. If you rather have another mindset and will, you must humble yourself seeking God in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Simply go to him confessing your struggles and suffering, listen for his response in spirit where ever he can be found (e.g. God's word/spirit). It helps to put the Holiness and righteousness of God in you when facing sin.

Next time or whenever you feel it's needed give Psalms 32 a read and here's a study of this Psalm: