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Well, that’s not how forums work and I can post whatever I please.
I think yours is a possibility worth considering. It was a thought I had, also, that it could be that the priest is wanting to maintain 'boundary' lines between his family life and his life at the church as a priest.
I hate to put it this way, but he's always been very friendly and apparently doesn't see boundaries when he contacts me to help him with some kind of manual labor, which I've always agreed to do.
That's a valid point about forums. If you acted towards me in real life as you do on these forums, I'd probably call the police to file stalking charges.
Not addressing how this is entirely different story than before and thus what your concerns are entirely different than you led us to believe… Yes, you’re firmly in the “you’re the one making it weird” category now.@Isaac the Recluse @mourningdove~ @Michie @Jermayn @comana @RileyG @FireDragon76 @2PhiloVoid
Got more replies than expected. Thank you everyone for reading, and for your input. There's some info left out of the OP because I like to keep posts as short as possible, and because I didn't think it relevant, or because I thought it was too personal.
I apologize for this post being long, which I try to avoid usually, but it seems necessary here.
The man I'm talking about is my priest, and I didn't really know if I should say that. I know most of you don't have priests, some of you have pastors maybe.
He's a very kind and caring man. He knows me well. I've confessed my sins to him. He knows me better than I know him, but I do know that even before becoming a priest he lived a very straight-laced life. Never smoked, never drank, that kind of thing. In 10 years with him as my priest, I've had to confess to him two brief illicit relationships I've had. With women, grown women. There was no adultery involved. I confess every sin of significance. If I ever had that abominable inclination towards children, he would know.
The incident I'm talking about happened at our church's Halloween party. I and some other guys had been there that morning to clean and set up for the party. Another adult at clean up told me he'd be at the party later, and I went to the party to talk to him about some real estate business.
When I first arrived at the party, walking in, the priest waved me over to sit with him. First thing he said after "hello" was "You came to a children's Halloween party?" The human brain works quick, and I said something like "Oh yeah, I love seeing the kids in their costumes." I mean, yeah, I like kids seeing kids in cute costumes on the same level any normal person might like it, so it wasn't a lie. I just thought maybe saying I was there for business might seem un-festive and maybe even crass. This may have been a mistake on my part. I've been to other kids events in the past, like Halloween and Easter egg hunts, but I go to socialize and have fellowship with the adults.
There's one thing I got wrong in the OP. I said I'd never said a word to any of his children, but I had forgotten one single exception with the boy. Many years ago, one Sunday morning during our church service, the priest's son was throwing a loud tantrum in the narthex, screaming and crying. I was in the narthex being an usher. I watched his mom try to calm him, and his mom's mom try, and others try, all in vain. He wouldn't stop, so his mom put him outside on the balcony, where he continued the tantrum.
I had a hunch that I might be able to calm him, and the hunch was actually based on the fact that I'd never spoken to him. I had the idea that he might feel awkward acting out in front of an adult stranger, because the other adults who unsuccessfully tried to calm him were the more gregarious types who I frequently see talking and playing with the kids after church. So when his mom walked back in, I asked her "Do you mind if I go out and speak with him?" She said "please do ", so I went outside and made small talk.* It worked. He calmed down, was happy and smiling, came back inside, and the mom and grandmother were grateful and thanked me.
I should add that that morning, we were having our service at a vacant retail office space. While I was talking to his son, it was right outside the front of the building which is made up of wall to wall, floor to ceiling plate glass windows. I was alone with the kid, but in plain view of about a dozen people, including his mom and grandmother, in the narthex.
I have no idea if the priest's wife ever told him about that, but I wonder if she did, that perhaps he got the wrong idea about me wanting to talk to his son alone outside the wall of clear glass windows?
But I don't really think he thinks I have any perverse "thing" for kids. The thing that insulted me most was when he said "but you can hang around us here", which seems to imply that he thinks that I want to glom onto his family, as if I'm some lonely loser or something. He knows my immediate family is all deceased, but I'm an uncle and a great uncle, and my nephews and nieces and I have always gotten along great our entire lives, and always spend time together throughout the year.
I'm going to talk with him next week. I really do appreciate everyone's input, especially the part about parents wanting to be protective. I never had children, but I have a beautiful doggie that I love, and if anyone ever tried to harm it, it would be better if a millstone were tied around their neck...
* This was in January. During the small talk I asked him what he got for Christmas. He said all he got was a tomato. A single tomato. I suspect this isn't the whole truth, but if it is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to have a second talk with my priest and his wife about how Santa Claus is supposed to work.
And they’d laugh at you for not understanding how group discussions work tell you that somebody telling you something you do not like because it’s against what you want to hear in a group setting, leaving you embarassed, is not a crime.
Okay. Well maybe that rules out my idea.
Then what you are saying is that bachelor equals diddler. Which is simply not true. My point was that the priest is unfairly judging you as something that you are not.
It doesn't necessarily rule out your idea.
It's always been about church stuff, because we'd been building a new church, except when he asked me to help a friend of his. The friend was a retired priest and my priest (hereinafter referred to as "John"
) asked if I'd mind driving over and taking him a plate lunch to his apartment after our coffee hours on Sundays. He told me this priest was very sick and couldn't get around. I asked what was wrong with him, and John wouldn't tell me, he said something about privacy and mentioned the government HIPAA thing. (This is another thing I felt was odd. My priest is not a provider nor an insurance company.) I'd kind of like to know if I'm going to be interacting with a leper or something. That's fine for Jesus and the apostles, but I'm not holy like them. Would you think it odd if a friend of yours told you that a friend of hers was sick, and you asked what she was sick with, and your friend wouldn't tell you?Some boring trivia - my church is much older than America and American English. In other languages there is a single word which refers to "the priest's wife". In American English we don't have a single word, so we have to say "the priest's wife". The point is the single word in other languages represents an honorary title, like "president" or "supervisor", which indicates a sort of office is being held. My point is that a priest's wife knows what she's willingly getting into.
I enjoy hanging out with him when I do, but ultimately I only want the relationship of priest and parishioner. When I said in the OP that John and I were not friends but friendly, that was the best way I could think of to describe it. I've played basketball with him, had lunch with him, had a few long deep talks with him, but he's a family man, and not like one of my actual friends that I'd call up and say "hey, you wanna go do such and such".
Yes, you've been helpful and I thank you. It could be I'm just being neurotic like a Woody Allen - George Costanza character, and overthinking things. Hopefully I'll find out one way or the other.
You mentioned judging people by their "lifestyle"; my point was about U.K. immigration policy. England should be more judgmental, if it has any interest in remaining England.
After reading all that you've shared, I can better understand why you're now questioning John's recent peculiar response regarding the ballgame. While not close personal friends, you two do definitely appear to have a relationship on some level, and some good history. To approach him with your concerns about this matter sounds very wise to me.
Why on Earth bring immigration into your story?
That’s not odd at all. Asking someone about their medical health is NOT a polite thing to do.
Maybe he wants to remain professional yet friendly? Sounds fair to me!
No.
Speaking of blind spots...you said I'm weird in your first post. Fair enough, I asked for that. But you've reiterated it umpteen times in this thread. The overkill is unneeded. That seems to me a behavior you might want to consult with one of your colleagues about. While you're at it, ask one of them what personality defect exists in a man who so desperately wants people to think he's smart that he calls himself "so smart" under his avatar.
In response to your implication that it is not weird. It’s like you asked for a response but did not agree with the answer or expect a counter point.
That would be narcissist. And it is not me that I imagine is so smart; it other people that I imagine think that I am so smart.
You're not helping yourself.
Y'know, I imagine everyone thinks I look like a young Brad Pitt.
