I'm not okay - Why?

Do you have a counselor or therapist or trusted friend you can talk to? Address the pain first, and the theological abstractions can follow later. I'm limited in how much I can do, as a stranger on the Internet, but someone close to you with a good listening ear can be valuable when you're in dark places.

This Wikipedia page (List of suicide crisis lines - Wikipedia) lists a number of suicide crisis hotlines, including a few in Italy, where your profile says you're from. Call one if you need it.

randomuzer said:

I've been a Christian since I was young, but lately, I'm struggling deeply with my mental health. I'm in a really dark place. I can’t stop thinking about ending everything. About a week ago, I walked away from God because I’m overwhelmed with questions — questions about why he would allow us to experience pain so intense it could drive someone to this point. How could a loving God allow this? My life has always felt difficult, but this is the worst it’s ever been… and I just can’t seem to escape it. Can someone help me, please?

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Hi randomuzer. I know *precisely* where you are at, have been to the brink of ending it all, endured exquisite emotional and physical trials, questions and confusion to the point of feeling like I'm in a swirling vortex of instability, and an irreparablely wounded heart. Sick of myself and sure I'm a fraud as a Christian. And angry at God.

And I assure you - coming to the end of yourself is actually a great place to be - in God's eyes. Seems counterintuitive, doesn't it?

I would like to invite you to talk privately, via pm, email, phone, zoom or carrier pigeon! If you find you aren't confident that I can help, then by golly we'll find a brother or sister who can - they're plentiful here and in 3D. You're already covered in prayer. Lemme know!

pm 'Joseph G'
joegunlock@gmail.com
phone or zoom upon request
carrier pigeon - ah well... I can try to capture a dove or sparrow or something around here!

Psalm 40:2 NKJV
"He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps."

randomuzer said:

I've been a Christian since I was young, but lately, I'm struggling deeply with my mental health. I'm in a really dark place. I can’t stop thinking about ending everything. About a week ago, I walked away from God because I’m overwhelmed with questions — questions about why he would allow us to experience pain so intense it could drive someone to this point. How could a loving God allow this? My life has always felt difficult, but this is the worst it’s ever been… and I just can’t seem to escape it. Can someone help me, please?

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Life can get very dark, even as a Christian. My story was full of emotional turmoil, but eventually God brought me out to a good place.

During the difficulties, I considered ending it all. But now I am glad I did not. At the time, I was devastated by continual relationship failures. But now God has brought me to a place where I am happily married, have kids, and a good job.

Everything about my life is bright, when before it was dark and hard to live each day.

Just stick with it. I had to often march up and down my room stating: "God will give me a good future", even though everything screamed, "It is hopeless".

God will bless you, just walk toward Him, even when you feel like going the other way.

Dear saint,
Begin to hold these things as true in your heart.

2 Timothy 1:7 KJV
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Romans 8:15 KJV
15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

Side with God and thank Him for these things.

People often ask if "if there is a God, why would he allow suffering?"
quoted from christianpioneer.com

Why There is Suffering

God is often seen by people as a meany because people can suffer in life. This assumes that the perfect life would be one of comfort and ease. That this is a false assumption can be seen in the story of the Prodigal Son. He had every advantage and comfort of a prosperous life. As a result, he rebelled against his father and sought to strike out on his own. He came to an understanding of the truth because of his suffering. It was suffering that helped rescue him.

We can suffer because of consequence such as hitting our thumb with a hammer. However, not all suffering is self-inflicted. People can look at the world and see injustice, hunger, homelessness, illness, and even old age and see suffering that they attribute to God’s failure to make life comfortable. The hardships of this fallen natural world are not God being unfair, but having love so great as to even see people suffer in the hope that they will learn to see truth. We have turned the world God gave us into a sinking ship. It is God’s love that allows this painful world to continue that some might come to see truth and turn to him.

It has been said that the place least likely for people to have an interest in God is a country club. The places more likely for people to have an interest in God are hospitals and prisons. God gave us free will. We also have suffering almost as a gift to rescue us from the soul destroying effects of using our free will to pursue selfishness. Some see prosperity and comfort as blessings from God, when they might more accurately be seen as deceptions from Satan.

Moses warned Israel that when they entered into the promised land they would transition from the hardships of wandering in the wilderness for 40 years to inheriting a land with wells already dug and orchards already planted. It was this prosperity that would tempt them to forget God (which is what happened).

Seeking truth, speaking truth, and following truth are not always activities that produce pleasure and comfort. Often we only undertake them in response to suffering. Old age is an example of a process of discomfort to disconnect us from this world and induce us to consider the next.

God could have chosen to wipe us all out for using our free will to inflict suffering on ourselves and others. Instead God chose to send Jesus to pay for all sin. If we trust in what Jesus did, we are placed into what is called “the body of Christ” by the Holy Spirit. This placement becomes the means we have to enter into the world to come. Jesus is our “lifeboat”.

As long as we are in this present world and live in the flesh, we will encounter suffering caused by ourselves, others, and the natural world. Even after we become Christian, we can experience difficulty and suffering. However, we have a more sure hope.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; - 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Our biology and a hostile environment can also be a source of suffering. We can deal with painful circumstances both by experimenting to discover what we can do to control things, medication, diet and exercise, sleep schedule, activities, etc.We can also find comfort in faith. Often faith is strengthened by difficulty.

randomuzer said:

I'm struggling deeply with my mental health. I'm in a really dark place. I can’t stop thinking about ending everything.

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Things will end on God's terms. He is God.

Trust Him to do what He really wants to do with you.

He is not the one telling you to end it all. Do not trust that.

God is good; so trust Him. Trust His word. And you have us praying for you

randomuzer said:

I've been a Christian since I was young, but lately, I'm struggling deeply with my mental health. I'm in a really dark place. I can’t stop thinking about ending everything. About a week ago, I walked away from God because I’m overwhelmed with questions — questions about why he would allow us to experience pain so intense it could drive someone to this point. How could a loving God allow this? My life has always felt difficult, but this is the worst it’s ever been… and I just can’t seem to escape it. Can someone help me, please?

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John 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. Run to God, not away He is your help not the problem.

randomuzer said:

About a week ago, I walked away from God because I’m overwhelmed with questions — questions about why he would allow us to experience pain so intense it could drive someone to this point. How could a loving God allow this?

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It is wise to answer to God, about this, versus demanding that He answer to us. Trust Him. The pain is proof we need to get with God in His love so we have His strength and "rest" > Jesus says >

"'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.'" (Matthew 11:28)

Jesus knows you are laboring and "heavy laden", and He cares about you; so Jesus who is God's own Son calls "all" who so suffer to come to Jesus, Himself. He is the Great Physician who understands the cause of your pain. And He is almighty to cure you . . . in His love.

God's love is all-loving, gentle and humble, soul-resting and soothing and satisfying while we do what He has us doing in sharing with Him in this love. This is *part* of what Jesus means by taking His "yoke" >

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)

Along with how we become with Jesus, is how Jesus is personally guiding us. There are things a person needs to turn from, and not do, and not invest their attention in such things . . . things which are not with Jesus. So you need, then, to turn from your stuff, and be guided by Jesus. He will guide your attention into a good place.

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

We ***p~r~a~y*** for this, because this is what God is able to do with us > we are all the same; not a one of us is able to get what is really right for ourselves.

"The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (in Luke 18:27) This is what Jesus Himself says. So, He understands how things are for you, and how God is the One able to take care of you right.