Broken People

Light of the East · Mar 6, 2025

After three wonderful years of being a member of St. Mary's Orthodox, I find that the more I learn about the Orthodox faith and the saints and martyrs of the Church, the less Orthodox I feel. In short, I can't seem to get my life in line with what appears to be a healthy relationship with God through Orthodoxy. This is not new to me, nor is it the fault of Orthodoxy. The problem, as I see and understand it, is my coming from a dysfunctional family and being a dysfunctional person myself as a result. As my former spiritual director once said (he was assigned to another parish quite far away) "Dysfunctionalism is the gift that just keeps on giving."

Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

I ask this because my sense is that I one of those people. I feel am stuck - that I am really going nowhere in my attempts to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the work of theosis in my life. Yes, I am doing the things you might suggest to me: the fasts, regular attendance at Liturgy and the various services of the Church, keeping a prayer rule at home, etc. My priest knows of my struggles and the particular sin(s) that plague me since I make regular use of Confession.

The single biggest problem I have is in sensing a relationship with our Lord. My spiritual director used to remind me that God is not at all like my earthly father - cold, distant, unemotional and unexpressive of love, yet those are the very thoughts under which I labor. When I do something wrong, I find myself waiting to get whacked in some manner. It seems that this dysfunctional manner of relating to God and the world, while having lessened somewhat over the years, is going to be with me until I die. I just can't see to shake it off and enter into a place of fervent love for Christ. This is why I asked the question I asked.

Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

Lukaris · Mar 6, 2025

I am on break at work so this reply is a quick take.

In a basic sense I try to focus every little thing I do as working out my salvation but also praying for the salvation of anyone & everyone. The deeds of alms giving & fasting are all a part of this. There are things that aggravate me so I am not highly progressed in theosis. The sense of purpose though I am referring to is very real to me ( I am also single). I am plenty busy at my day warehouse job & janitor at the parish but I also don’t have the burdens of raising family ( just for perspective).

ArmyMatt · Mar 6, 2025

Light of the East said:
Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

yes.

Light of the East said:
Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

nope, you gotta wander the desert for a while to actually grow.

E.C. · Mar 6, 2025

Light of the East said:
Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

Yes and I've had the misfortune of encountering some of them.

Light of the East said:
Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

Nope. I'm just a jaded millennial trying to make the best of things, so I highly doubt that I could have any insight beyond just keep on keeping on.

nestoj · Mar 6, 2025

Light of the East said:
After three wonderful years of being a member of St. Mary's Orthodox, I find that the more I learn about the Orthodox faith and the saints and martyrs of the Church, the less Orthodox I feel. In short, I can't seem to get my life in line with what appears to be a healthy relationship with God through Orthodoxy. This is not new to me, nor is it the fault of Orthodoxy. The problem, as I see and understand it, is my coming from a dysfunctional family and being a dysfunctional person myself as a result. As my former spiritual director once said (he was assigned to another parish quite far away) "Dysfunctionalism is the gift that just keeps on giving."

Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

I ask this because my sense is that I one of those people. I feel am stuck - that I am really going nowhere in my attempts to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the work of theosis in my life. Yes, I am doing the things you might suggest to me: the fasts, regular attendance at Liturgy and the various services of the Church, keeping a prayer rule at home, etc. My priest knows of my struggles and the particular sin(s) that plague me since I make regular use of Confession.

The single biggest problem I have is in sensing a relationship with our Lord. My spiritual director used to remind me that God is not at all like my earthly father - cold, distant, unemotional and unexpressive of love, yet those are the very thoughts under which I labor. When I do something wrong, I find myself waiting to get whacked in some manner. It seems that this dysfunctional manner of relating to God and the world, while having lessened somewhat over the years, is going to be with me until I die. I just can't see to shake it off and enter into a place of fervent love for Christ. This is why I asked the question I asked.

Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

Ah, my beloved, that was the idea. Do you think we’d be orthodox in the face of the most holy, and ONLY orthodox One? We wont.

RileyG · Mar 6, 2025

(posting in fellowship)

I am not allowed to give advice or teach, but I will offer prayers for your comfort, if that means anything.

It's the very least I can do.

Peace.

Yeshua HaDerekh · Mar 6, 2025

Light of the East said:
After three wonderful years of being a member of St. Mary's Orthodox, I find that the more I learn about the Orthodox faith and the saints and martyrs of the Church, the less Orthodox I feel. In short, I can't seem to get my life in line with what appears to be a healthy relationship with God through Orthodoxy. This is not new to me, nor is it the fault of Orthodoxy. The problem, as I see and understand it, is my coming from a dysfunctional family and being a dysfunctional person myself as a result. As my former spiritual director once said (he was assigned to another parish quite far away) "Dysfunctionalism is the gift that just keeps on giving."

Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

I ask this because my sense is that I one of those people. I feel am stuck - that I am really going nowhere in my attempts to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the work of theosis in my life. Yes, I am doing the things you might suggest to me: the fasts, regular attendance at Liturgy and the various services of the Church, keeping a prayer rule at home, etc. My priest knows of my struggles and the particular sin(s) that plague me since I make regular use of Confession.

The single biggest problem I have is in sensing a relationship with our Lord. My spiritual director used to remind me that God is not at all like my earthly father - cold, distant, unemotional and unexpressive of love, yet those are the very thoughts under which I labor. When I do something wrong, I find myself waiting to get whacked in some manner. It seems that this dysfunctional manner of relating to God and the world, while having lessened somewhat over the years, is going to be with me until I die. I just can't see to shake it off and enter into a place of fervent love for Christ. This is why I asked the question I asked.

Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

Go and do good and help others. This will take away your focus on your dysfunction...

The Liturgist · Mar 7, 2025

Light of the East said:
I ask this because my sense is that I one of those people.

Remember what St. Silouan the Athonite said:

Understand two thoughts, and fear them. One says, “You are a saint,” the other, “You won’t be saved.” Both of these thoughts are from the enemy, and there is no truth in them. But think this way: I am a great sinner, but the Lord is merciful. He loves people very much, and He will forgive my sins.

Having knowledge of the Holy Spirit, thou didst attain unto Adam’s lamentation and didst yearn after Christ insatiably. Keeping thy mind steadfastly in hell thou didst show love for us men that was past nature. Holy Father Silouan, ever pray unto God that we be granted great mercy.

-Apolytikion from the Akathist to St. Silouan the Athonite by Hieromonk Zacharius

gurneyhalleck1 · Mar 7, 2025

Might take on the spiritual journey of being orthodox is that we never feel that we’ve arrived on the in this life every day I look around me and see all the people praying and sometimes my thoughts are somewhere else and I assume everybody else’s thoughts are lifted up to God maybe they are maybe they aren’t. I don’t know. All I know is how simple I am and how chaotic my brain can get And how I am naturally turned inward focused on myself all the time. I worry a lot I get paranoid sometimes I care about what people think of me. I focus on my work too much and forget sometimes at work to pray some days. I don’t feel like going to church because it’s so much effort to drive so far need to get up so early. I’m naturally oriented towards laziness, but I think in the realization that we are failures and the realization that no matter how much we fast and no matter how much we keep a prayer rule and no matter how much we think we’re doing the right thing or following this Church strictly; Will it will be revealed that we’re inadequate that no amount of fasting will ever make us like God that we need his grace I think the fact the great fast is designed to help us revealed to ourselves how needy we are of God, so if we have failures and pitfalls along the way with the great fast if any blessing comes from it, it’s the realization that we need God so much and we’re so fragile we’re so small in this universe, but God loves us enough that He condescends down to our level into the holy mysteries and cares so much for us that he would die for us…that Ge would go through so much suffering and resurrect himself to death by death and save us. Great Lent really reveals our inadequacies and how small we are. And in a way that’s a blessing the fast isn’t for us to use to show how great we are. It is used to help reveal how brittle our spiritual bones are so I’m constantly aware that I’m probably the worst center at my church. I’m probably the most weak spiritually of the people around me. I may wear a cassock and be a Reader, but in the end, I’m just muddling along and struggling and fighting and scratching and clawing to keep God‘s grace; never underestimate the intercessions of our holy Theotokos ask her intercessions! ask her intercessions constantly pray and ask us to ask as many Saints as you can for help never give up. This is a marathon, not a race You are a sinner… so am I, but aren’t we all God is good and he loves you and he loves me hang in there my friend God‘s blessings.

The Liturgist · Mar 7, 2025

Light of the East said:
After three wonderful years of being a member of St. Mary's Orthodox, I find that the more I learn about the Orthodox faith and the saints and martyrs of the Church, the less Orthodox I feel. In short, I can't seem to get my life in line with what appears to be a healthy relationship with God through Orthodoxy. This is not new to me, nor is it the fault of Orthodoxy. The problem, as I see and understand it, is my coming from a dysfunctional family and being a dysfunctional person myself as a result. As my former spiritual director once said (he was assigned to another parish quite far away) "Dysfunctionalism is the gift that just keeps on giving."

Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

I ask this because my sense is that I one of those people. I feel am stuck - that I am really going nowhere in my attempts to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the work of theosis in my life. Yes, I am doing the things you might suggest to me: the fasts, regular attendance at Liturgy and the various services of the Church, keeping a prayer rule at home, etc. My priest knows of my struggles and the particular sin(s) that plague me since I make regular use of Confession.

The single biggest problem I have is in sensing a relationship with our Lord. My spiritual director used to remind me that God is not at all like my earthly father - cold, distant, unemotional and unexpressive of love, yet those are the very thoughts under which I labor. When I do something wrong, I find myself waiting to get whacked in some manner. It seems that this dysfunctional manner of relating to God and the world, while having lessened somewhat over the years, is going to be with me until I die. I just can't see to shake it off and enter into a place of fervent love for Christ. This is why I asked the question I asked.

Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

Aside from quoting St. Silouan, I would also like to say that comparing yourself to the saints you read about is unlikely to be spiritually profitable.

I also suggest that without replacing your priest, who sounds quite good, you might want to find an additional elder, a starets, perhaps at a monastery, who can help you make progress, with the blessing of your priest. He might even know of someone who has gotten Orthodox in a spiritual slump out of it. You might want to spend a bit of time in a monastery, engage in some prayer. By the way I am hoping to go on a pilgrimage this year after Pascha, perhaps in the summer.

We are saved together in Christ, so reaching out for help is a very good thing to do.

linux.poet · Mar 7, 2025

[posting in fellowship]

I pray that the Lord would guide you through the ways of Orthodoxy into the healing I have found. I have personally had a dysfunctional father as well and had to fight this problem.

Aside from cultivating other male relationships to establish my father’s behavior as not typical, I found that meditating on Scripture that says that God is not like my father, God’s commands that my father violated, and also the Scriptures that said that God is like my father (when my mind will not let go of a feeling, it makes a case for it, so addressing how my mind was interpreting certain teachings really helped). For me, healing this was a matter of mental technique, and moving forward in obedience with God’s will for my life in an area where I and everyone else in my life was resisting.

I have very little idea what Orthodox folk believe though, so I hope that God will guide you in accordance with how you have chosen to approach Him.

The Liturgist · Mar 8, 2025

linux.poet said:
[posting in fellowship]

I pray that the Lord would guide you through the ways of Orthodoxy into the healing I have found. I have personally had a dysfunctional father as well and had to fight this problem.

Aside from cultivating other male relationships to establish my father’s behavior as not typical, I found that meditating on Scripture that says that God is not like my father, God’s commands that my father violated, and also the Scriptures that said that God is like my father (when my mind will not let go of a feeling, it makes a case for it, so addressing how my mind was interpreting certain teachings really helped). For me, healing this was a matter of mental technique, and moving forward in obedience with God’s will for my life in an area where I and everyone else in my life was resisting.

I have very little idea what Orthodox folk believe though, so I hope that God will guide you in accordance with how you have chosen to approach Him.

That is a very nice post, thank you for it!

Rest assured, regarding our beliefs, they’re very Orthodox. But seriously, they can be summarized with the Nicene Creed which we call the Symbol of Faith and regard as being particularly important (and unlike Western churches we use it exclusively, although there is an Orthodox version of the Athanasian Creed, but it is not used in the liturgy, and I can find no fault with the Apostle’s Creed, but the former was originally a canticle sung in the early church, primarily in the West, and the latter was an ancient Roman baptismal liturgy from before their schism with us.

Thus I can assure you:

We believe in one God, Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all ages; Light of Light, true God of true God, begotten, not created, of one essence with the Father through Whom all things were made. Who for us men and for our salvation came down from heaven and was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary and became man. He was crucified for us under Pontius Pilate, and suffered and was buried; And He rose on the third day, according to the Scriptures. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father; And He will come again with glory to judge the living and dead. His kingdom shall have no end.

And in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the Creator of life, Who proceeds from the Father, Who together with the Father and the Son is worshipped and glorified, Who spoke through the prophets.

In one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church.

We confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the age to come.

Amen.

Light of the East · Mar 9, 2025

gurneyhalleck1 said:
Might take on the spiritual journey of being orthodox is that we never feel that we’ve arrived on the in this life every day I look around me and see all the people praying and sometimes my thoughts are somewhere else and I assume everybody else’s thoughts are lifted up to God maybe they are maybe they aren’t. I don’t know. All I know is how simple I am and how chaotic my brain can get And how I am naturally turned inward focused on myself all the time. I worry a lot I get paranoid sometimes I care about what people think of me. I focus on my work too much and forget sometimes at work to pray some days. I don’t feel like going to church because it’s so much effort to drive so far need to get up so early. I’m naturally oriented towards laziness, but I think in the realization that we are failures and the realization that no matter how much we fast and no matter how much we keep a prayer rule and no matter how much we think we’re doing the right thing or following this Church strictly; Will it will be revealed that we’re inadequate that no amount of fasting will ever make us like God that we need his grace I think the fact the great fast is designed to help us revealed to ourselves how needy we are of God, so if we have failures and pitfalls along the way with the great fast if any blessing comes from it, it’s the realization that we need God so much and we’re so fragile we’re so small in this universe, but God loves us enough that He condescends down to our level into the holy mysteries and cares so much for us that he would die for us…that Ge would go through so much suffering and resurrect himself to death by death and save us. Great Lent really reveals our inadequacies and how small we are. And in a way that’s a blessing the fast isn’t for us to use to show how great we are. It is used to help reveal how brittle our spiritual bones are so I’m constantly aware that I’m probably the worst center at my church. I’m probably the most weak spiritually of the people around me. I may wear a cassock and be a Reader, but in the end, I’m just muddling along and struggling and fighting and scratching and clawing to keep God‘s grace; never underestimate the intercessions of our holy Theotokos ask her intercessions! ask her intercessions constantly pray and ask us to ask as many Saints as you can for help never give up. This is a marathon, not a race You are a sinner… so am I, but aren’t we all God is good and he loves you and he loves me hang in there my friend God‘s blessings.

Gosh, Gurney, you and I sound like twins!

Light of the East · Mar 9, 2025

The Liturgist said:
Aside from quoting St. Silouan, I would also like to say that comparing yourself to the saints you read about is unlikely to be spiritually profitable.

I also suggest that without replacing your priest, who sounds quite good, you might want to find an additional elder, a starets, perhaps at a monastery, who can help you make progress, with the blessing of your priest. He might even know of someone who has gotten Orthodox in a spiritual slump out of it. You might want to spend a bit of time in a monastery, engage in some prayer. By the way I am hoping to go on a pilgrimage this year after Pascha, perhaps in the summer.

We are saved together in Christ, so reaching out for help is a very good thing to do.

I have been praying for a new spiritual director. I believe there is a monastery within an hour's drive of where I live. Perhaps I should look into it further and see if there is perhaps someone there who could help.

I agree. To compare myself to the saints is a losing battle. They were who they were BY THE GRACE OF GOD, and I am who I am, also by the grace of God. The problem for dysfunctional people is that they tend to view the world and themselves in a warped manner. Let me see if this makes sense to you:

(WARNING: On several levels, this will be painful to read, and you will be horrified at how screwed up my thinking is. But in order to understand what a dysfunctional person goes through and the struggles we have in our relationship to our heavenly Father, I wrote this piece. IT IS NOT CORRECT THINKING AT ALL!! It is just me telling the world of my particular problems)

Orthodoxy & the Dysfunctional Soul

(I wrote this piece over a year ago. When I showed it to some friends in the Orthodox Church, rather than express concerns for my spiritual struggles, they were horrified at my audacity to criticiz…

http4281.com

Did you read it? Do you understand how easy it is to transfer from an earthly father to our heavenly Father the need to try to be perfect in order to gain His love? Yeah, that's messed up. So, yes, indeed it is self-defeating and a real trap to keep my eyes on my performance and lament that I am not like the saints.

My eyes need to be firmly on Christ. I believe that as I accomplish this, it will be the cure for that which ails me.

The Liturgist · Mar 9, 2025

Light of the East said:
I have been praying for a new spiritual director. I believe there is a monastery within an hour's drive of where I live. Perhaps I should look into it further and see if there is perhaps someone there who could help.

I agree. To compare myself to the saints is a losing battle. They were who they were BY THE GRACE OF GOD, and I am who I am, also by the grace of God. The problem for dysfunctional people is that they tend to view the world and themselves in a warped manner. Let me see if this makes sense to you:

(WARNING: On several levels, this will be painful to read, and you will be horrified at how screwed up my thinking is. But in order to understand what a dysfunctional person goes through and the struggles we have in our relationship to our heavenly Father, I wrote this piece. IT IS NOT CORRECT THINKING AT ALL!! It is just me telling the world of my particular problems)

Orthodoxy & the Dysfunctional Soul

(I wrote this piece over a year ago. When I showed it to some friends in the Orthodox Church, rather than express concerns for my spiritual struggles, they were horrified at my audacity to criticiz…

http4281.com

Did you read it? Do you understand how easy it is to transfer from an earthly father to our heavenly Father the need to try to be perfect in order to gain His love? Yeah, that's messed up. So, yes, indeed it is self-defeating and a real trap to keep my eyes on my performance and lament that I am not like the saints.

My eyes need to be firmly on Christ. I believe that as I accomplish this, it will be the cure for that which ails me.

The Theotokos is always helpful in finding her son.

The way to appreciate the saints is not as historical benchmarks but as examples of extreme love for God and our neighbor which persists even now. There are saints such as our glorious lady Theotokos and ever-virgin Mary, Nectarios of Pentapolis, Nicholas of Myra, and the child martyr Abanoub, among others, who have appeared after their repose, or have in the case of St. Nicholas miraculous myrhh-streaming relics.

The Orthodox Church is Trinitarian and Incarnational, and we are called to be an icon of the Holy Trinity in our love for each other in our family, the church, our neighbors and humanity as a whole, while loving God even more.

rusmeister · Mar 9, 2025

Light of the East said:
After three wonderful years of being a member of St. Mary's Orthodox, I find that the more I learn about the Orthodox faith and the saints and martyrs of the Church, the less Orthodox I feel. In short, I can't seem to get my life in line with what appears to be a healthy relationship with God through Orthodoxy. This is not new to me, nor is it the fault of Orthodoxy. The problem, as I see and understand it, is my coming from a dysfunctional family and being a dysfunctional person myself as a result. As my former spiritual director once said (he was assigned to another parish quite far away) "Dysfunctionalism is the gift that just keeps on giving."

Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

I ask this because my sense is that I one of those people. I feel am stuck - that I am really going nowhere in my attempts to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the work of theosis in my life. Yes, I am doing the things you might suggest to me: the fasts, regular attendance at Liturgy and the various services of the Church, keeping a prayer rule at home, etc. My priest knows of my struggles and the particular sin(s) that plague me since I make regular use of Confession.

The single biggest problem I have is in sensing a relationship with our Lord. My spiritual director used to remind me that God is not at all like my earthly father - cold, distant, unemotional and unexpressive of love, yet those are the very thoughts under which I labor. When I do something wrong, I find myself waiting to get whacked in some manner. It seems that this dysfunctional manner of relating to God and the world, while having lessened somewhat over the years, is going to be with me until I die. I just can't see to shake it off and enter into a place of fervent love for Christ. This is why I asked the question I asked.

Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

You’re not alone. But nevertheless, you ARE in the right place.

The Liturgist · Mar 10, 2025

rusmeister said:
You’re not alone. But nevertheless, you ARE in the right place.

Indeed. One thing I love about the Holy Orthodox Church is that among our saints, we venerate so many who love God and their neighbor in different ways. For example, St. Anthony the Great while in the desert as a hermit had a vision, in which it was revealed to him “there is one in the city” (of Alexandria one would assume, based on context) who is your equal - he is a doctor by profession, who gives to the poor, and every day he sings the thrice-holy hymn to the angels.” We have saints such as St. NIcholas, who used the church treasury to secretly give money to three young girls for dowries so they would not be forced by the poverty of their family into prostitution, due to the perverse nature of Egyptian civilization in the early fourth century, and then we have St. Basil the Great, who used the rich treasury of the Church of Cappadocia to build the first hospital that we would recognize, where the sick could receive treatment from doctors regardless of their ability to pay, and we have St. Athanasius who defended the Holy Trinity, and the unmercenary healers and other physician saints such as St. Panteleimon, St. Cosmas and Damian, and St. Luke the Evangelist, and wonderworkers such as St. Gregory, and confessors such as the great ascetic St. Seraphim of Sarov.

And in the previous group I have mentioned people of Greek, Cappadocian, Egyptian, Russian and Arab ethnicity, and these are just some of the ethnic groups present in the Holy Orthodox Catholic and Apostolic Church of Christ, which has now expanded to include people of virtually every ethnicity.

E.C. · Mar 10, 2025

Light of the East said:
I have been praying for a new spiritual director. I believe there is a monastery within an hour's drive of where I live. Perhaps I should look into it further and see if there is perhaps someone there who could help.

I agree. To compare myself to the saints is a losing battle. They were who they were BY THE GRACE OF GOD, and I am who I am, also by the grace of God. The problem for dysfunctional people is that they tend to view the world and themselves in a warped manner. Let me see if this makes sense to you:

Knowing where you live, and having briefly met you in person a time or two, if you're referring to the monastery in Spotsylvania, VA; I would strongly recommend visiting a different monastery. Feel free to message me for details.
St Tikhon's is a 3-4 hour drive from the greater DC area and always a worthwhile visit. There's a Greek women's monastery in Saxonburg, PA not horribly far from St Tikhon's. There's St Nina's under the Georgian Church in Union Bridge, MD (they just changed their name, but I believe the website still reads St Nina)

Actually, since you attend a Romanian-OCA parish, I would highly recommend visiting Holy Transfiguration Monastery in Elwood City, PA (about twenty minutes or so north of Pittsburgh). It is a women's monastery and a wonderful place! Every year for their feast day, they hold liturgy in their outside chapel. I believe they are having something there soon for the 10th anniversary of Fr Tom Hopko's repose too (he's buried there).

Nevyn Atall · Mar 10, 2025

Set aside quiet time for contemplation and the Jesus Prayer. Use it to drive away intrusive thoughts, and don't give up. Keep at it with concentrated effort, and you can get your mind quiet enough to hear His voice.

Gregory Thompson · Mar 10, 2025

Light of the East said:
After three wonderful years of being a member of St. Mary's Orthodox, I find that the more I learn about the Orthodox faith and the saints and martyrs of the Church, the less Orthodox I feel. In short, I can't seem to get my life in line with what appears to be a healthy relationship with God through Orthodoxy. This is not new to me, nor is it the fault of Orthodoxy. The problem, as I see and understand it, is my coming from a dysfunctional family and being a dysfunctional person myself as a result. As my former spiritual director once said (he was assigned to another parish quite far away) "Dysfunctionalism is the gift that just keeps on giving."

Here's the question du jour: is it possible that there are people who are just so messed up by life, by people, and by things that have happened to them that they will never get it right in this life?

I ask this because my sense is that I one of those people. I feel am stuck - that I am really going nowhere in my attempts to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the work of theosis in my life. Yes, I am doing the things you might suggest to me: the fasts, regular attendance at Liturgy and the various services of the Church, keeping a prayer rule at home, etc. My priest knows of my struggles and the particular sin(s) that plague me since I make regular use of Confession.

The single biggest problem I have is in sensing a relationship with our Lord. My spiritual director used to remind me that God is not at all like my earthly father - cold, distant, unemotional and unexpressive of love, yet those are the very thoughts under which I labor. When I do something wrong, I find myself waiting to get whacked in some manner. It seems that this dysfunctional manner of relating to God and the world, while having lessened somewhat over the years, is going to be with me until I die. I just can't see to shake it off and enter into a place of fervent love for Christ. This is why I asked the question I asked.

Other than telling me to just keep on plugging away one day at a time, do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

[Posting in fellowship]

The journey matters. God teaches and transforms us through it.

The more we are transformed inwardly, the more we see Him as He is in the day to day.

Broken People

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Traditional Liturgical Christian

A Russified American Orthodox Chestertonian

Traditional Liturgical Christian

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Change is inevitable, feel free to spare some.

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