Being an "effeminate" Christman man, and wanting a masculine Christian woman--Is this normal or right?

ViaCrucis said:

The core question I'd have is:

What does "a feminine man" even mean? Or "a masculine woman"?

Like, let's say I'm not a boxer, but there's this lady down the street that is. Is she more masculine because she can box? Because, like, she seems pretty feminine. And, well, me, I can't box but last I checked I'm pretty sure I'm a dude.

-CryptoLutheran

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You'll get differing opinions, but the way I see it this involves a deliberate choice. A woman who tries to be stereotypically masculine, or a man who tries to be stereotypically feminine. Not necessarily trans, but an affectation. Those strike me as feminine men and masculine women.

On the other hand, a woman can become a competitive boxer, or a man can enjoy arranging flowers for instance, simply because they like those things. They're not trying to be affectatious or other than what they are. They just have hobbies that are less common for their demographic. Likewise, things like voice pitch and physical build vary naturally between people without changing how much of a man or a woman they are. They're not trying to be effeminate for a man or manly for a woman. "Tomboys" are an example of this. They're just girls acting in ways that are more stereotypical for boys. This doesn't mean that they're "masculine girls" in my opinion, if that makes sense.

I do not believe masculinity or feminity is something that is 100% clear-cut. At the same time, I do not believe masculinity or feminity are just social constructs. Instead, they have biological underpinnings that are molded and influenced by culture. While they are not 100% clear-cut, I do not believe that makes them built on sand. I do believe there is a degree in which we can understand what masculinity and feminity actually are, more than people give it credit for. Nor does trying to understand what they are, and thinking they have biological underpinnings means one has sexist motives. On the contrary, as an egalitarian myself, I believe it is important to understand how things work. Even if the mechanisms behind it may be unsettling.

My model of masculinity and feminity is one of a parent/child model. It evolved to deal with reproductive realities. A woman can only give birth every 9 or so months while a man can impregnate as many women as he is able. Evolution is blind and works incrementally. Our evolved psychology is based on a lot of what I like to think of as psychology programs that are reused over and over. Psycholgy, I believe, is helped looked at as systems slightly modified and complied on top of each other. Masculinity and feminity being one such example. Not only are women more reproductivley vauable than men they are also more vulnerable for long periods of time when they are pregnant. It is easier to piggyback a more ancient psychological program (the care and nurturing we have towards children) onto how we treat the different sexes.

Women are more neotenous on average compared to men. Smaller skeletal structure, higher pitched voice, less muscle mass and etc. Growing up in a socially conservative environment as a kid I came to the conclusion on my own that masculinity and feminity resembles a parent/child relationship. I didn't have an evolutionary framework as a kid, but when I learned about neoteny as an atheist and an adult it made so much sense to me. I was like... bingo.

I do not really want to get into a heated gender debate topic on here, but I also see a lot of the parent/child dynamics I hated as a kid during my socially conservative upbringing also in the "progressive" places I tried finding solace in as an adult.

TheRisingSun said:

How common is this in the Church? Is this normal? Is my own condition something to worry about?

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since you have not posted this in the Christians only section, I'm assuming you are open to comments by atheists. My advice. For what it's worth. Accept yourself for who you are. Are you kind, generous, helpfull? All traits I believe women are looking for in a man.

If you find a woman that likes you and that you like too. Then that is great. Be confident in yourself, live for you, dont try to be what others expect.

ViaCrucis said:

The core question I'd have is:

What does "a feminine man" even mean? Or "a masculine woman"?

Like, let's say I'm not a boxer, but there's this lady down the street that is. Is she more masculine because she can box? Because, like, she seems pretty feminine. And, well, me, I can't box but last I checked I'm pretty sure I'm a dude.

-CryptoLutheran

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It's rather simple in the Bible. A biological male who is being a man is one who isn't a "crossdresser" and doesn't have sexual relations with another man.

Same for women, a biological female and isn't a cross dresser and doesn't have sexual relations with another woman.

Anything else doesn't doesn't define you as being "masculine" nor "effeminate" according to the Bible.

Courage isn't a masculine trait, it is simply a positive trait in the Bible.

Cowardice on the other hand is negative trait in the Bible and we should strive to avoid being one and be courageous instead.

TheRisingSun said:

In answer to your question, a "feminine man" is a man who has more feminine traits (physical, mental, emotional, virtues, vices, interests) than masculine ones. A "masculine woman" is the inverse; a woman with more masculine traits than feminine ones.

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That doesn't really say anything unless you define what those traits are, and explain what makes certain traits either masculine or feminine.

-CryptoLutheran