Question for the guys

Faithfulandtrue · May 22, 2023

I have been talking to someone recently, been out on dates, and I don't feel much if anything romantic with him. He's younger than me and isn't a Christian so I feel like that's my deal breaker. What is the best way to I guess reject him without destroying his confidence. There's nothing really wrong with him just that I don't feel like he's right for me. I've been single my entire life and I don't want to fall into the trap of settling because I'm so lonely. I feel like being with someone I'm not in love with also is unfair to him. Any advice??

.Mikha'el. · May 22, 2023

You'll have to be honest with him. He's just not what you're looking for, and that is no fault of his.

TheLastGeek · May 22, 2023

Faithfulandtrue said:
I have been talking to someone recently, been out on dates, and I don't feel much if anything romantic with him. He's younger than me and isn't a Christian so I feel like that's my deal breaker. What is the best way to I guess reject him without destroying his confidence. There's nothing really wrong with him just that I don't feel like he's right for me. I've been single my entire life and I don't want to fall into the trap of settling because I'm so lonely. I feel like being with someone I'm not in love with also is unfair to him. Any advice??

I'm not a guy, but a lifetime of experience, and feedback from men in my life would have me advise this: Be honest. Plainly, bluntly honest. Women are all too often terrible with the "not wanting to hurt their feelings" thing, and we end up making our rejections so soft that they don't come across clearly as rejections at all, leaving the poor guy confused and dangling on with hope. Men value bluntness and plainness, so give it to him. "I enjoyed our dates, but I don't have any romantic feelings towards you. I also believe I shouldn't date anyone who isn't a fellow Christian. I wish you all the best in finding a partner in the future." And leave it at that. Don't leave him with any false hope. He may be hurt at first, but he'll appreciate the honesty so much more than you trying to soften the blow.

d taylor · May 22, 2023

-

An up and forward honest telling of how you feel about him, if he takes it hard, time will heal his hurt.

Citanul · May 22, 2023

TheLastGeek said:
I'm not a guy, but a lifetime of experience, and feedback from men in my life would have me advise this: Be honest. Plainly, bluntly honest. Women are all too often terrible with the "not wanting to hurt their feelings" thing, and we end up making our rejections so soft that they don't come across clearly as rejections at all, leaving the poor guy confused and dangling on with hope. Men value bluntness and plainness, so give it to him. "I enjoyed our dates, but I don't have any romantic feelings towards you. I also believe I shouldn't date anyone who isn't a fellow Christian. I wish you all the best in finding a partner in the future." And leave it at that. Don't leave him with any false hope. He may be hurt at first, but he'll appreciate the honesty so much more than you trying to soften the blow.

As a guy, I endorse this. Be direct, and do it sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it the more he'll start thinking there could be something there and the worse it will be for him when you break things off.

trophy33 · May 23, 2023

Faithfulandtrue said:
I have been talking to someone recently, been out on dates, and I don't feel much if anything romantic with him. He's younger than me and isn't a Christian so I feel like that's my deal breaker. What is the best way to I guess reject him without destroying his confidence. There's nothing really wrong with him just that I don't feel like he's right for me. I've been single my entire life and I don't want to fall into the trap of settling because I'm so lonely. I feel like being with someone I'm not in love with also is unfair to him. Any advice??

Truth and simplicity.

"I am looking for somebody who is not younger than me and who is a Christian".

These facts are neither unfair nor being related to his confidence. To make your dates more effective, it could be useful if you dated only men you know are Christians.

ReesePiece23 · May 23, 2023

He'll probably know something is awry anyway - your body language and lack of excitement would have been obvious.

Chances are, he has other girls on the boil as well. Most young lads these days have an app or two, ready to be utilised in events like these.

RileyG · May 23, 2023

Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy.

Niels · May 23, 2023

Those are valid reasons to call it off. He may not like it, but he'll understand.

Faithfulandtrue · May 25, 2023

Thank you everyone! Your input is appreciated. He wants to talk and I'm nervous, pray for me

Blaise N · May 27, 2023

Faithfulandtrue said:
I have been talking to someone recently, been out on dates, and I don't feel much if anything romantic with him. He's younger than me and isn't a Christian so I feel like that's my deal breaker. What is the best way to I guess reject him without destroying his confidence. There's nothing really wrong with him just that I don't feel like he's right for me. I've been single my entire life and I don't want to fall into the trap of settling because I'm so lonely. I feel like being with someone I'm not in love with also is unfair to him. Any advice??

Hello sister!

Blessings of the lord Jesus Christ be unto you!

I understand where you’re coming from,I too have been single my entire life and I’m almost 21,the only “Girlfriend” I’ve ever had was in middle school and was really like a close friend rather than a “girlfriend”.If you want my advice,foremost No boyfriend or husband will make any woman truly happy,only Jesus provides that.So it’s wise to make that a priority FIRST.Jesus is the only one who can cure loneliness.

Two,I would NEVER date anyone who isn’t a Christian like me,it’s a total dealbreaker,even the idea of dating an unbeliever and converting them is off the table as well.Dating and marrying an unbeliever will only set a Christian up for heartbreak and hurt.

Three,No man is truly a “man” unless he has Jesus.The strongest,smartest,best looking,richest,poorest,friendliest,etc man is no man at all unless he is a Christian.

Four,I honestly believe the Holy Spirit is telling you it’s a bad choice to date him.

I can’t make you do anything,but what I can do as a Christian man is say that my suggestion is to not continue a relationship with this man.Rely on Jesus and allow him to cure your loneliness.Take my advice,I used to pursue unbelieving women and now when I look back I think to myself “I was a total arrogant fool”

I too had the same mindset 5 years ago,I couldn’t imagine why I had romantic urges and be single and have no outlet for them,nor a cure for loneliness,unfortunately and regrettably I coped using pornography which I repented of 2 years ago.I came to realize only Jesus can make me happy,I remember seeing somewhere,though I can’t remember where is a million dollar question.

“if you never marry and it was only you and Jesus for the rest of your life,would you be happy?”

God bless my sister!

I hope the lord directs your path!

-Blaise N.

Faithfulandtrue · Jun 3, 2023

Blaise N said:
Hello sister!

Blessings of the lord Jesus Christ be unto you!

I understand where you’re coming from,I too have been single my entire life and I’m almost 21,the only “Girlfriend” I’ve ever had was in middle school and was really like a close friend rather than a “girlfriend”.If you want my advice,foremost No boyfriend or husband will make any woman truly happy,only Jesus provides that.So it’s wise to make that a priority FIRST.Jesus is the only one who can cure loneliness.

Two,I would NEVER date anyone who isn’t a Christian like me,it’s a total dealbreaker,even the idea of dating an unbeliever and converting them is off the table as well.Dating and marrying an unbeliever will only set a Christian up for heartbreak and hurt.

Three,No man is truly a “man” unless he has Jesus.The strongest,smartest,best looking,richest,poorest,friendliest,etc man is no man at all unless he is a Christian.

Four,I honestly believe the Holy Spirit is telling you it’s a bad choice to date him.

I can’t make you do anything,but what I can do as a Christian man is say that my suggestion is to not continue a relationship with this man.Rely on Jesus and allow him to cure your loneliness.Take my advice,I used to pursue unbelieving women and now when I look back I think to myself “I was a total arrogant fool”

I too had the same mindset 5 years ago,I couldn’t imagine why I had romantic urges and be single and have no outlet for them,nor a cure for loneliness,unfortunately and regrettably I coped using inappropriate contentography which I repented of 2 years ago.I came to realize only Jesus can make me happy,I remember seeing somewhere,though I can’t remember where is a million dollar question.

“if you never marry and it was only you and Jesus for the rest of your life,would you be happy?”

God bless my sister!

I hope the lord directs your path!

-Blaise N.

Thank you for your reply! I really do agree 100%. I don't feel comfortable staying with someone who doesn't know the Lord personally. I really needed to hear this. I don't know how to break up with someone so soon.

returntosender · Jun 11, 2023

You're Not equally yolked is a very good answer and is also witnessing.

aNewMan · Sep 10, 2023

How tall is he? Maybe say you were looking for a taller Man?

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