Hi
@carolina16
For the last 2 years (not exactly), the presence of the Holy Spirit left. I am no longer full of Him. Which obviously hurts a lot.
I understand your pain and frustration. I think we've all been there once or more times in our walk!
It's important to remember that the lives of the Patriarchs and Prophets' that are chronicled in the Bible are by no means a 'day-by-day' or even 'year-by-year' account. It would be unwise to say that Abraham or Ezekiel heard from Yahweh every day, week, month or year of their life. In fact, I would even argue decade in some instances. They seemed to go long periods between hearing from Him. Consider that deeply.
I don't think it's reasonable for us to expect guidance and spiritual closeness to the Messiah or the Holy Spirit all the time. On the contrary, I think those pleasant times are going to be minimal in our lives, unless we are chosen for a specific mission. One day we will be close as wish, but now is not the time.
So then, what are we to do? Exactly what we have been taught to do in the Bible, from the OT to the NT. The Bible IS our daily guidance and closeness to Him. Now, if we don't feel spiritually close to Yahweh and we have clean consciences towards Him, then we should carry on with a "business as usual" attitude. Serving as wise and loyal servants until we are called upon (if indeed we are).
Our walk is not about feelings or getting a daily one-to-one from Jesus. Rather, it's about what we choose to do with our lives, our choices and each day. And sometimes Yahweh can only see how we do things when He removes His presence from us to simply observe. How will you react in the face of adversity? How will you react when it doesn't seem like God hears you? How we you react when everything goes against you and it's easier for you lash out? How is your love towards Him when you don't 'feel' anything spiritually back? In those times your faith is truly tested for its worth. For what glory is it for you if you only sing His praises and walk righteously when you feel close to Him? But is it not worthy of reward if you remain righteous, diligent and faith even though you feel distant from Him?
Accept the distance, walk righteously, circumspectly and prepare your mind with the Word and heart for a wilderness pilgrimage. I assure, you haven't escaped His knowledge. So make Him proud and carry on, business as usual.
The Psalms are full of moments when the Psalmist feels far from Yahweh, but the author will not forget to praise Him and lift Him high. I recommend you read Psalm 42, which has also brought me much peace the more I meditated and reread it in such times. It's like the 'blues for a Christian'. For those moments you feel like you are far from Him, dust yourself off and ask yourself, like Psalm 42 does, "Why are you so downcast, o my soul! Hope in God!"
Peace.