Friendship

I posted something on this a few days ago on the mind thread that’s really insightful. The best way to form connections is to lead with interest. Dale Carnegie was right. People are more interested in themselves.

The way you get acquainted is by asking questions. Discover their likes and interests and look for common denominators. Chime in with your own.

Tier your expectations to the measure of familiarity. You’re not going to have deep conversations with strangers or share your personal struggles off the bat. You haven’t developed trust and investment and that must occur beforehand.

Oversharing is a common mistake. Don’t share your woes or life story. It isn’t time for that. You’re looking for mutuality in the beginning. As the relationship builds you share more personal things over time.

Friends aren’t therapists. There has to be balance in your discourse. If its always heavy or heavy laden they’ll begin to pull back. Everyone has challenging seasons but it can’t be the norm.

When you find common denominators explore them. Ask for suggestions in that are or recommend some yourself. That’s the initial step in helping. Find ways to be of assistance. And offer encouragement. If they’re working towards something offer to pray on their behalf and ask how they’re doing. That’s where investment begins.

Deep connections are formed over time. They don’t happen overnight. Look for a group for young catholics in your area. And if you can’t find one look for one at a protestant church. They usually have a twenties group. You don’t have to be a member to join.

You’ll counter the loneliness by doing so and have others willing to pray on your behalf. You’ll have more social opportunities in that setting. Don’t allow differences to keep you away. If they have a prayer list or intecessors talk to them and share your burdens. Let them pray on your behalf.

Pray for godly friends and for assistance on how to be the same in return. Here’s something on the subject addressed to men. The book is really good and I recommend reading it.

According to Justin Erickson, Seven Friendships Every Man Needs includes:

Paul - Godly mentor to Disciple you
Timothy - Faithful Disciple to follow you
Barnabas - Solid Peer to Encourage you
Jonathan - Best Friend to uphold you
Nathan - Courageous Brother to confront you
Zacchaeus - Lost Seeker to hear you
Jesus - Gracious Savior to redeem you

In my experience you make friends with people when you share something in common. I met my best friend in high school. I was a scrawny 90lb freshman who was fascinated with computers. I found out that I could skip study hall by asking my teachers for a library pass. Every day I would ask for a library pass to go to the library where I could play with computer (an Apple IIe).

It just so happened there was another guy who did the same thing, so I was competing with him to see who could make it to the computer first when the bell rang. Whoever got to the computer first got to play, and the other person had to sit there and watch.

The other guy's name was John. We bonded over our fascination with computers, and became good friends. We started getting together outside of high school and to this day we're still friends. We just had a cookout at a local park a week or so ago.

In my junior and senior years I met two people at vocational school who shared my sense of humor. Those friendships would extend beyond high school. After we graduated, I would get together with them pretty much every weekend.

It was through one of these friends that I met several other friends, through activities, and started to get together with each of them, both together and separately. It was a nice group of friends.

And then one of them met a guy at work who was recruiting for a competitive team. He being the captain. We got together one weekend to learn about the sport, and that became a years-long hobby that would bring more friends.

These are just some of my own life experiences. I never went out looking, I stumbled upon them, and I've had some really great experiences just hanging out with friends and doing things we enjoy together.

Explore your hobbies and interests, and by doing so, putting yourself out there to meet others, you will meet people who share your interests, and will make friends. It can be online, it can be in person, it doesn't matter, you will make friends if you take the initiative to be where you can meet people. It might be a local book club, or an online community. Start talking to people and sharing your interests, and the next thing you know you have friends to talk to and do things with, and your friendship pool will grow.

Friends are people who share at least one or more things in common with you. The more you have in common, the more you will get together and do things. Just because a person only has one thing in common with you doesn't make them any less of a friend, it just means you both have other different interests, and so you may not get together with them as much.

I've met people when I least expect it. I'll be out doing something I enjoy, like a hike in a state park, and stop and talk to someone. You just never know when you'll meet someone who will become your next friend.

These days we tend to isolate ourselves, but you can't do that, you have to put yourself out there by doing/exploring your interests in places where people gather, whether online or in person.

As far as online, you can make a list of interests you have and see if anyone shares some of them. Or find someone else looking for a friend that you think you could relate too.

In person it's about being places where you might meet someone. Getting involved in any kind of charity work should help people see your character and make them more likely to befriend you.

For me: Bible studies, online forums, and chess club have been the ticket to success. I imagine that if I went to a sewing class, the result would be similar.

The idea is to look over your interests and ask yourself: which one of these am I comfortable sharing with others (and which of these do I never want anyone to know about and hide in my dark basement? ). Contact with other people on your interests is the fastest way to build friendships and the place to start.

But you also need to convert your advantage. True friendship is not truly based on interests, but on valuing a certain person's contribution to your life. By showing your interests in where you go and what you do, you start to show other people your value and what they can contribute towards.

For me, i just have to wag my little tail and roll over a few times!