How do I gracefully let my Priest know that/why I resent him?

Lain Iwakura said:

Orthodox only.

I feel great amounts of despair over certain abnormalities about how I was brought into the Church. For example, I lack godparents in any real sense, because some stranger recieved me from the baptismal font and left the Church sometime afterward. I was baptized into abandonment. Even the paperwork appears to be inaccurate, bearing someone else's name. And even the Saint's name that had been chosen for me was not used in the rite and was inserted later into the paperwork. And in a much more painful instance, I was accidentally prevented from being the godfather of the person I love most in this world. And as a result, also, the relationship between that person and who their sponsor ended up being grew to overshadow our relationship.

And maybe this might not seem like a lot to any of you, but these are issues that I repeatedly fall apart over and sometimes spend days weeping about. Because I believe what I was taught about the nature of these relationships - that there is something ontologically real and something ontologically, and is some way eternally, defining about them - that there is some kind of real and special sacramental nature which these relations have. But this is not abstract, because it clearly has real effects in the social and material world I live in.

And then, of course, here is no redeeming these things which have happened, so I have no hope and despair. There is no way to make it right.

But this is a repeating pattern and looking at the pattern I feel like God wants to exclude me because He hates me. God hates me.

I love my priest and I see the Holy Spirit working in him towards me. But he has hurt me. And I don't know how to talk to him about it.

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Lain Iwakura said:

Orthodox only.

I feel great amounts of despair over certain abnormalities about how I was brought into the Church. For example, I lack godparents in any real sense, because some stranger recieved me from the baptismal font and left the Church sometime afterward. I was baptized into abandonment. Even the paperwork appears to be inaccurate, bearing someone else's name. And even the Saint's name that had been chosen for me was not used in the rite and was inserted later into the paperwork. And in a much more painful instance, I was accidentally prevented from being the godfather of the person I love most in this world. And as a result, also, the relationship between that person and who their sponsor ended up being grew to overshadow our relationship.

And maybe this might not seem like a lot to any of you, but these are issues that I repeatedly fall apart over and sometimes spend days weeping about. Because I believe what I was taught about the nature of these relationships - that there is something ontologically real and something ontologically, and is some way eternally, defining about them - that there is some kind of real and special sacramental nature which these relations have. But this is not abstract, because it clearly has real effects in the social and material world I live in.

And then, of course, here is no redeeming these things which have happened, so I have no hope and despair. There is no way to make it right.

But this is a repeating pattern and looking at the pattern I feel like God wants to exclude me because He hates me. God hates me.

I love my priest and I see the Holy Spirit working in him towards me. But he has hurt me. And I don't know how to talk to him about it.

Click to expand...

Lain Iwakura said:

Orthodox only.

I feel great amounts of despair over certain abnormalities about how I was brought into the Church. For example, I lack godparents in any real sense, because some stranger recieved me from the baptismal font and left the Church sometime afterward. I was baptized into abandonment. Even the paperwork appears to be inaccurate, bearing someone else's name. And even the Saint's name that had been chosen for me was not used in the rite and was inserted later into the paperwork. And in a much more painful instance, I was accidentally prevented from being the godfather of the person I love most in this world. And as a result, also, the relationship between that person and who their sponsor ended up being grew to overshadow our relationship.

And maybe this might not seem like a lot to any of you, but these are issues that I repeatedly fall apart over and sometimes spend days weeping about. Because I believe what I was taught about the nature of these relationships - that there is something ontologically real and something ontologically, and is some way eternally, defining about them - that there is some kind of real and special sacramental nature which these relations have. But this is not abstract, because it clearly has real effects in the social and material world I live in.

And then, of course, here is no redeeming these things which have happened, so I have no hope and despair. There is no way to make it right.

But this is a repeating pattern and looking at the pattern I feel like God wants to exclude me because He hates me. God hates me.

I love my priest and I see the Holy Spirit working in him towards me. But he has hurt me. And I don't know how to talk to him about it.

Click to expand...

Lain Iwakura said:

I don't know any other priests. I guess I could try to meet one, but how am I to know if that priest is going to be experienced?

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Lain Iwakura said:

(Edit: Glad to see someone else who loves Lain.)

"sponsorship creates a spiritual relationship considered by the Church in this canon to be more important than "the union according to the flesh."" Well, this highlights the unique nature and importance of sponsorship. It is bound in sacrament.

And how does an assigned mentor meet this requirement? It doesn't. I cannot receive the sacrament again to be given such a relationship. What could be never was and can't - the whole potentiality is lost.

But the article does highlight some less significant issues with how things went down - like afterwards I had to go and get my own cross. And I was given no candle except one of the beeswax ones for prayers.

But this sponsorship relationship being lost, while painful, is not the most painful.

Now, for my friend, I had even already bought a cross to give and everything ready - and then all potential was taken away.

And in all things, always, I am left and the potential is taken away from me. I am truly alone.

...

And remember I did not receive my Saint name - that was taken away from me too. Every time someone asks what my Saint's name is, I am forced to lie. And I know that nothing can ever change the reality that my 'so-called' Saint's name isn't my Saint's name at all and there is now no Saint that I have that relationship with.

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Lain Iwakura said:

And it's not like I had anyone when I entered the Church. I had no friends left, they had all gone away and we do not correspond, when I entered the Church. I do not have a talking relationship with my biological family for reasons. I entered the Church from abandonment into abandonment.

I am not a person. That is what is consistently illustrated. I am not a person. I'm something else. All basic relationships which would make me a person is denied me, always - I have no real connections to anyone. I'm the monster in the corner of the sanctuary with the dog's head that nobody recognizes and can never really be a part of the Church family.

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gurneyhalleck1 said:

My godparents treated me like absolute GARBAGE when I joined the Orthodox Church. They were ultra controlling and fanatical, totally nuts. They ended up abandoning Orthodoxy. My priest was good friends with them and, at the time, I was overwhelmed by some scandalous, lousy stuff. I ran into a few unsavory folks at my parish. Many if not most have left since.

I did leave for about 8 months. It was a big mistake in retrospect, but the pain and unacceptable treatment I had at the time, I felt, warranted leaving.

My first 3 years in Orthodoxy just plain SUCKED in so many ways. However, I hung in there. I'm a Reader now, have a wonderful relationship with my same priest, have many friends, am deeply involved, and love the Church.

Point is: life might suck temporarily. God tests us. Our metal gets stronger as we undergo some fire. The fire is never fun though!

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