Anyone else struggle with feeling like they are not worthy for heaven compared to other christians?

NothingIsImpossible said:

Oddly enough I am on here usually helping people like me currently. But here I am feeling nervous. Since covid has gone on I haven't been to church since the start. Haven't even caught an online service from our church. Still do my daily bread and read the "bible in a year" and pray...etc though. Obviously this gives you all lots of time to think.

I see many christians I know and I see how amazing they seem. They always bring up God on social media. They are always at events (safe masked...etc of course) praising God, singing...etc. They are giving God glory. While I know they are not perfect, I look at my life and feel like I am no where near how they are and thus maybe I am one of those who will be "Gnashing the teeth" after realizing I didn't get it.

I truly believe of course in God. I believe in Jesus my whole life. I know I am saved. But currently doubts are creeping back in. Even despite more changes like being free of many "chains" now.

I see that my wife works and I am the "stay at home" husband who manages things, does the chores, takes care of the house, makes the lunch for my wife... and so on. I wonder "Maybe that won't get me in because the roles are wrong, even if I am disabled!". Or I may play a bit of a game and say "Am I not worthy because of this?", even though I know the game for example is not my priority. It does not take up my time that I need to pray, read...etc. Which is how it should be of course.

I see other couples (as stated) and say "Do I need to be like them to be worthy really?". Again, I know we are saved and obviously not by works. But when I see others lives I really feel like I don't compare at all. I sometimes just cry out and want to hug God.

I also wonder if this has to do with the fact I am about to turn 40 and the fact my dad is almost 70 now and not doing well. Death is something I am starting to think about with him. Something I never really thought about before. How much I will miss him. How hard it will be...etc. I myself don't fear death of course, I know where we go. Again, I just pray I could be like others.

I often wonder what my mother in law thinks if she knew how my wife and I are since she (my MIL) is a pastor. Would she think I am doing good or bad as a christian husband? This is also why I miss church. It feeds you. It makes you feel fresh. You feel close to Him. And with my wife being third shift we never can catch a stream of our church since we go to bed about 8am.

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