Are Virgins More Worthy of Marrying?

correspondenceoftruth said:

I definitely won't be naive. I find more that I have to raise my self-esteem and realize who I am in Christ. Then I can expect the same from someone else. Right now is not the time it seems.

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Wonderful. Get yourself out there and get your crap together. We all have to at different levels, and so do I. Be the best version of yourself that you can be.

Lost4words said:

If you truly fall in love with someone, then, you will truly understand them and dismiss their faults / past errors in life.

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Yes. But if the other partner doesn't reciprocate, expect a relationship where the other partner is using you. It's not just some men who play women like a fiddle; women do the same.

Just wait till you catch her cheating on you, and then she divorces you and takes half your crap because men are always in the wrong and women are always the ones who are more responsible to raise children, of course.

correspondenceoftruth said:

Why does everyone have a checklist when dating? It's hard to meet the expectations some people have for a future spouse.

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True. I think you should be best friends first

No virgins available on my last vist to the dog pound!

In the genealogy of Jesus four women are mentioned --- Tamar, Rahab, Ruth and Bathsheba. All were sexually compromised women but Matthew did not regard that as compromising Jesus in any way.

correspondenceoftruth said:

Brother, let's not turn this into an argument leading to division. Please.

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okay

correspondenceoftruth said:

In the dating scene, there is an unspoken rule about marrying a virgin and rejecting those who aren't. I've seen instances where a friend of mine would out of the blue break up with a great girl/guy. After I ask them why, they simply state, "She/He isn't pure." Is this Biblical to reject a potential spouse just because they had sinned sexually?

That goes without saying, obviously I would not advocate marrying someone who is unrepentant of their sexual sins and most likely carry that into a future marriage. I'm merely asking as it pertains to past mistakes and judging someone on their life before becoming saved.

I myself am not a virgin, so I struggle when looking for a potential spouse as to not "defile someone pure".

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There are two measures by which a Christian can assess your question.

Sin and punishment: This is pretty straightforward, you committed a sin, and any sin that you commit proves that you are a sinner. Taking care of this is pretty straightforward too. Confess and foresake your sin (Proverbs 28:13, 1 John 1:9) and trust in the sacrifice Jesus gave to forgive it (1 John 2:2, John 3:16). This wipes your sin record before God clean (Jeremiah 31:34).

The consequences of your actions: Scripture teaches us that when people have sex, "the two become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, 1 Corinthians 6:16). This has plenty of implications for anyone who sins sexually. That means you are, or at very least were one flesh with someone else. You probably remember what happened, which will probably inform any future sexual encounters you might have - which can be a problem if you've acquired a taste for a sexual practice that a future wife would find distasteful. I don't know if you contracted a disease or fathered a child, but those are another couple of consequences that often happen. I don't know if the person you did it with is still alive, and how you two would think of each other if you were to bump into each other again - sometimes people who fornicate with each other get back together - which in turn has consequences for the future marriages of the two people, even if you don't commit adultery by getting together again (especially if you or your future wife has to work with your ex, for instance). And I don't know what dating has looked like since you would have repented of this - have you practiced self-control where you previously failed to, or not? If not, how do you know that you would be more controlled after you are married, should you find yourself in a similar situation?

If a virgin wouldn't want to get together with you for reasons in the first category, she's failing to understand the power and truth of the Gospel. If a virgin wouldn't want to get together with you for reasons in the second category, that's more understandable since there is nothing in Scripture that concretely deals with the second category for all believers while we live in this world. There is therefore no way to objectively know if there has been sufficient healing in those areas that the second category touches to make you a good spouse. I named those areas so that you can prayerfully address them in your own life to mitigate damage to them as much as possible.

JackRT said:

In the genealogy of Jesus four women are mentioned --- Tamar, Rahab, Ruth and Bathsheba. All were sexually compromised women but Matthew did not regard that as compromising Jesus in any way.

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Ruth wasn’t sexually compromised. She was a Moabite widow.

~Bella

Naomi, knowing that Boaz was kin to Elimelech, was also aware of the Jewish law requiring the male nearest of kin to a deceased husband to take the widow of his departed kinsman into his care as part of his harem, so she devised a plan to confront Boaz with his responsibility for herself and for Ruth. The plan involved seduction.

At the end of the harvest there would be a celebration at which wine would flow freely. Naomi instructed Ruth to bathe, anoint herself with perfume, put on her best dress and go to the party. Ruth was instructed to see that Boaz' heart was made merry with much wine. When well drunk, Boaz lay down on the floor and went to sleep. Ruth gave him a pillow and covered him with a blanket. Then she crawled under the blanket with him. When Boaz awoke the next morning, he found this woman at his side. He had no idea what he had done. "Who are you?" he asked. "I am Ruth," she responded. "Spread your skirt over me for you are next of kin." What she was saying was, "Marry me!" Boaz demurred, admitting his kinship but saying there was a nearer kinsman than he who must be given first refusal on this new wife. When this man declined, Boaz did the honorable thing and he and Ruth were married. They had a son, whose name was Obed. He in turn had a son named Jesse and Jesse had a son named David. That is where the book of Ruth ends. Ruth was a Moabite. She was David's great-grandmother. David, the hero of the super-patriotic Jews who were at that moment (of writing of the book) purging from the land all people whose bloodlines were compromised, was himself part Moabite! David would have qualified for purging. That is why the protest book of Ruth was written. It was designed to confront the reigning xenophobia and to reveal its inherent weakness.

JackRT said:

Naomi, knowing that Boaz was kin to Elimelech, was also aware of the Jewish law requiring the male nearest of kin to a deceased husband to take the widow of his departed kinsman into his care as part of his harem, so she devised a plan to confront Boaz with his responsibility for herself and for Ruth. The plan involved seduction.

At the end of the harvest there would be a celebration at which wine would flow freely. Naomi instructed Ruth to bathe, anoint herself with perfume, put on her best dress and go to the party. Ruth was instructed to see that Boaz' heart was made merry with much wine. When well drunk, Boaz lay down on the floor and went to sleep. Ruth gave him a pillow and covered him with a blanket. Then she crawled under the blanket with him. When Boaz awoke the next morning, he found this woman at his side. He had no idea what he had done. "Who are you?" he asked. "I am Ruth," she responded. "Spread your skirt over me for you are next of kin." What she was saying was, "Marry me!" Boaz demurred, admitting his kinship but saying there was a nearer kinsman than he who must be given first refusal on this new wife. When this man declined, Boaz did the honorable thing and he and Ruth were married. They had a son, whose name was Obed. He in turn had a son named Jesse and Jesse had a son named David. That is where the book of Ruth ends. Ruth was a Moabite. She was David's great-grandmother. David, the hero of the super-patriotic Jews who were at that moment (of writing of the book) purging from the land all people whose bloodlines were compromised, was himself part Moabite! David would have qualified for purging. That is why the protest book of Ruth was written. It was designed to confront the reigning xenophobia and to reveal its inherent weakness.

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While all of that is true, I'd characterize a couple of points differently.

First, Boaz's romantic attraction to Ruth had already been made very apparent. Naomi had every reason to believe Boaz only needed nudge. Second, in the overall view of the Abramic promise, the marriage of Ruth and Boaz brought the linage of Lot back "into the fold" and made the nation more complete.

correspondenceoftruth said:

In the dating scene, there is an unspoken rule about marrying a virgin and rejecting those who aren't. I've seen instances where a friend of mine would out of the blue break up with a great girl/guy. After I ask them why, they simply state, "She/He isn't pure." Is this Biblical to reject a potential spouse just because they had sinned sexually?

That goes without saying, obviously I would not advocate marrying someone who is unrepentant of their sexual sins and most likely carry that into a future marriage. I'm merely asking as it pertains to past mistakes and judging someone on their life before becoming saved.

I myself am not a virgin, so I struggle when looking for a potential spouse as to not "defile someone pure".

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It's a dangerous and foolish thing, to start trying to measure "worth" in terms of sin in our fellow men. None of us are worthy, if we wanna get right down to it. Virgins aren't any more sinless than anyone else.

I think it's far more important to find someone with whom you're compatible and to whom you feel close, safe, and happy.

God doesn't count our past sins against us, and neither should we count them against each other.

You wouldn't be "defiling" anything if you married a virgin. My goodness, he/she would be your spouse, and you'd have the right to celebrate your union with them!

These twisted perspectives are a long-standing poison among the Church.

JackRT said:

Naomi, knowing that Boaz was kin to Elimelech, was also aware of the Jewish law requiring the male nearest of kin to a deceased husband to take the widow of his departed kinsman into his care as part of his harem, so she devised a plan to confront Boaz with his responsibility for herself and for Ruth. The plan involved seduction.

At the end of the harvest there would be a celebration at which wine would flow freely. Naomi instructed Ruth to bathe, anoint herself with perfume, put on her best dress and go to the party. Ruth was instructed to see that Boaz' heart was made merry with much wine. When well drunk, Boaz lay down on the floor and went to sleep. Ruth gave him a pillow and covered him with a blanket. Then she crawled under the blanket with him. When Boaz awoke the next morning, he found this woman at his side. He had no idea what he had done. "Who are you?" he asked. "I am Ruth," she responded. "Spread your skirt over me for you are next of kin." What she was saying was, "Marry me!" Boaz demurred, admitting his kinship but saying there was a nearer kinsman than he who must be given first refusal on this new wife. When this man declined, Boaz did the honorable thing and he and Ruth were married. They had a son, whose name was Obed. He in turn had a son named Jesse and Jesse had a son named David. That is where the book of Ruth ends. Ruth was a Moabite. She was David's great-grandmother. David, the hero of the super-patriotic Jews who were at that moment (of writing of the book) purging from the land all people whose bloodlines were compromised, was himself part Moabite! David would have qualified for purging. That is why the protest book of Ruth was written. It was designed to confront the reigning xenophobia and to reveal its inherent weakness.

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Interesting story you made up about Ruth. I think the real story in the bible was more interesting though.

correspondenceoftruth said:

In the dating scene, there is an unspoken rule about marrying a virgin and rejecting those who aren't. I've seen instances where a friend of mine would out of the blue break up with a great girl/guy. After I ask them why, they simply state, "She/He isn't pure." Is this Biblical to reject a potential spouse just because they had sinned sexually?

That goes without saying, obviously I would not advocate marrying someone who is unrepentant of their sexual sins and most likely carry that into a future marriage. I'm merely asking as it pertains to past mistakes and judging someone on their life before becoming saved.

I myself am not a virgin, so I struggle when looking for a potential spouse as to not "defile someone pure".

Click to expand...

I have also seen Christians rejected by other Christians as someone to date based on their past and not being a virgin. Based on the fact that everyone has sinned, and that if you are a Christian, your sins are forgiven, I don't think that in itself someone not being a virgin is a biblical reason to reject someone. I think it is just a preference someone might have. But it isn't extra holy to make such a choice of rejecting someone for that. I do think it is wise to seek God's guidance and not everyone will be lead the same way on that matter.

I'm a woman and I don't think I would marry a guy who isn't a virgin. The truth is, that although the sin can be forgiven, it may say something about their overall mindset, about how they view themselves and others.

Skaria said:

I'm a woman and I don't think I would marry a guy who isn't a virgin. The truth is, that although the sin can be forgiven, it may say something about their overall mindset, about how they view themselves and others.

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Are you saying that if a 30-year-old man, a Christian for, say, 10 years, admitted to having had sex when he was a teenager, he would be beyond your consideration?

So I may have a different thought. Does God forgive the repentance of sexual sin - of course with true repentance. However the Bible also says sexual sin is against ones self. It gives you emotional and heart and mind baggage. That baggage is brought into a marriage and it creates Problems. I know today’s young people start sex in their teens and college is wild with experimentation of sex. But that all comes with a price and cost emotionally and to your marriage. Paul so to be wary of cheap Grace. I have heArd many a guy and girl in college say I will confess all my sexual sin and drunkenness after I graduate… it rarely works that way. Every additional partner increase the likelihood of Marriage problems and divorce. Purity is best. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Are the youth today any different than the youth of Soddam and Gemmorah?

StrikewFire said:

So I may have a different thought. Does God forgive the repentance of sexual sin - of course with true repentance. However the Bible also says sexual sin is against ones self. It gives you emotional and heart and mind baggage. That baggage is brought into a marriage and it creates Problems. I know today’s young people start sex in their teens and college is wild with experimentation of sex. But that all comes with a price and cost emotionally and to your marriage. Paul so to be wary of cheap Grace. I have heArd many a guy and girl in college say I will confess all my sexual sin and drunkenness after I graduate… it rarely works that way. Every additional partner increase the likelihood of Marriage problems and divorce. Purity is best. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Are the youth today any different than the youth of Soddam and Gemmorah?

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Your mention of baggage reminded me of a testimony I've repeated before. This was a testimony I heard from both viewpoints of two members of a church I was a member of back in the early 90s.

One of the pastors spoke of their first night of their new street ministry in the "red light" district of the city. They had set up a podium on a corner under a streetlight, and he had preached for an hour...with nobody stopping to listen. At the end, they began packing the van to leave. Then a woman, a prostitute, came into the light and walked right up to him. She had a defiant look on her face. She put out her finger and poked him right in the chest, demanding: "You said everybody in Christ a new creation and all the old is gone. Is that the truth?"

He assured her that it was true. She said, "Huh," and walked away. As the group drove away, they compared notes and realized that they'd actually seen the woman the entire time they were preaching. Although she'd never come over to be obviously listening...she'd never actually walked out of earshot.

They realized too that they'd made a critical error: They were not prepared for success. If she had given herself to Christ instead of walking away, what would they have done? Patted her on the head and invited her to church? She'd go back to her pimp, who'd demand the money she was supposed to have made. She'd have said, "I'm a Christian now...I don't do that stuff anymore." Then what? Talk about the gospel being choked out by the cares of the world!

So the pastor went back to the church elders. That was a congregation to which the pastor had said, "Every member has a resource, every member has a need." We members had made our resources and needs known, and the pastoral staff matched resources to needs. Some members had skills. Some empty nesters offered spare rooms in their homes for whatever need the congregation had. The pastor's wife had set up a program called "House of Ruth" using those offered rooms as confidential safe houses for abused wives. When the elders and pastors put out a call, they found plenty of support in the congregation to put a prostitute on a new path: A place for her to stay, medical help, job training, job opportunities. By that very next Friday, they were ready.

So that street preaching team went back to that corner. They were just setting up when they heard a woman's shout down the street. That very same woman was running toward them at full speed. She stumbled in her high heels and stopped to take them off and throw them into the street, running barefoot.

She fell to her knees and they brought her into Christ. Then they loaded her into the van and took her to a safehouse to begin a new life. As a side note, by the next weekend, her pimp had found out that she'd last been seen getting into a van with "those street preachers." Street preaching got very hair raising after that...fortunately the church also had a Security Ministry made up of police officers, soldiers, bouncers, and football players.

A couple of years after hearing that testimony from the pastor, I heard another testimony from a woman in the congregation telling how she came from prostitution into the Body of Christ based on a single sermon from that pastor. She said that she'd heard plenty of street preachers before. They'd point at her and tell her she was going to hell. She'd just say, "Whatever," because she felt like she was in hell already and had "too much baggage to carry" to change her life. But that had been the first time someone had said that in Christ, "all things become new." She would be able to drop the baggage.

But you're saying that you won't let a saved sinner drop his baggage, even though Christ does.