Fear

seaofsand said:

cannot shake the feelings of fear and anxiety around religion.

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seaofsand said:

Afraid that I'll never be worthy of Jesus

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Welcome to the forum, I hope I can help with my reply.

Fear around Christianity, is understandable as the promise is that those who are not Christian will be excluded from God's presence and that is called Hell.

How does one get to be worthy of Jesus?

That answer to that is simple. One doesn't.

No Christian is worthy of Jesus's Love,, of his attention etc.

We are all sinners, deservin only God's judg and condemnation.

In John Ch 3 verse 16 Jesus says who ever believes in me shall not perish but have eternal life.

May I suggest you check out the Christianity explored web site for churches in your area who run this course and contact them.

Shalom @seaofsand

Thank you for sharing and being so honest in your post. It's an exciting sign of a change on the horizon for you!

seaofsand said:

When I was growing up, church was mostly a negative experience for me, from the social aspects to the actual religion.

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It's important not to judge the Creator by the church. Yes, that is a place where people congregate to worship Him, but the general state of the church in our life time is far removed from what it should be - as prophesied. So forget church for the moment, and concentrate on you and God - as ultimately that is what matters. He wants a relationship with you directly, not to know what church you are affiliated with.

seaofsand said:

God was scary and jealous and enjoyed inflicting pain and punishment. Jesus was unknowable.

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I wonder where you got these ideas from... Is this just the general impression you get or were you referring to particular parts of Scripture that you were struggling with?

seaofsand said:

I felt like he was impossible to reach, that he was just an idea and not a real man.

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Even non-Christians now accept that the Jesus was a real man. There is historical evidence in secular history and even in the Jewish Talmud. In fact, there would have been enough eye-witnesses for the resurrection that would have convinced a court of law.

seaofsand said:

I meditate sometimes on God and his power, and sometimes this does bring peace. However, I cannot shake the feelings of fear and anxiety around religion.

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Try to forget this "religion" thing. In actuality, Christianity is not a religion at all, but a citizenship. Citizenship to the forthcoming city of New Jerusalem, which is due to arrive in these last days in my opinion. Religion is not the most accurate term for Christianity, and also brings negative connotations of heaviness, legalism, restrictions and even darkness.

seaofsand said:

For me, I find beauty and mystery in it, but I feel afraid of it. Maybe even afraid of God.

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Amen. Fearing God is the beginning of wisdom, as the Bible says. And how true that is. Some Christians do not have a healthy respect and reverence for Yahweh - the Creator. But He absolutely should be honoured as such. That said, He is also my Father who I love more than anyone or anything. But just as a child should have respect for his father and not test him or push him to his limits, so we ought to be with Yahweh.

seaofsand said:

Afraid that I'll never be worthy of Jesus and that I will be punished if I make mistakes going forward.

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The criteria for being worthy of the Messiah is being humble before Him and repentant of your wrong ways and attitude. That's all. I'm quite sure you are capable of those things from reading your post, so don't become disillusioned that you need to be perfect first. As the Messiah said "I came to call the sinners, not the righteous".

seaofsand said:

It feels so dark sometimes. I do not find the joy that others do.

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When you receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, life will change. It feels like there is a fountain deep within you that springs up joy instead of water. Notice I didn't say happiness, but joy. There is a difference. Happiness is more transient and is affected by your day and outer stimuli. I can have good days and bad days (really bad days too!) but that joy doesn't go away deep inside. It's like an anchor within your soul, securing you in rough or calm waters. The baptism of the Holy Spirit will also open the Bible even further to you and it will almost be like you have never read some passages before.

seaofsand said:

I can't get rid of those feelings I had when I was younger that God wants servants who live to obey and whom he can punish when he feels like it.

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This is often the response from people who do not understand Yahweh's heart. I'm not saying I'm a master at that! But I am always in the Word and feel His gentleness and love pour out of it. In fact, I would say the depth of His love scares me more than the depth of His wrath!

Yahweh has servants in His dimension in the form of Malakhim (angels) of varying types and powers. As for man, it's different. We were created in His image to be His sons and daughters to inherit and rule in the Kingdom to come, New Jerusalem. We're not just some insignificant beings who He wants to obey Him mindlessly. He wants family with Him, I'm very sure of that. A set apart group of people who He can show His goodness, love and wonders to and be one with them, as a father is one with his children.

Yahweh seems to have such great love, care and consideration for all of us. And, if you are in the place at the moment of reconsidering Him, it's surely because of His hand directing your heart, like a potter shaping clay. Because it definitely won't be the world that encourages towards Yahweh and His Son. On the contrary, Christianity is the most attacked faith in the world at this stage.

These are the days of grace. He blesses you and those who even curse Him, day after day in ways you don't even realise. This is the time to willingly turn to Him and learn His ways. But judgment day is coming. And no one knows themselves like Yahweh knows them. When the time comes for punishment, you can be sure it will be perfectly just - because the even the conscience of the punished will stand as a witness against them. Therefore, these are the days to sort our heart now.

seaofsand said:

I also have supernatural fears that, if I return to Christianity, I may be attacked by negative spiritual forces.

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It's not likely. But, if it was, then what's your alternative?

seaofsand said:

Ultimately, I fear that I don't know Jesus and that I'm not worthy of knowing him, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. How do I release my past fears and doubts and start anew? How do I find joy in Christianity?

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seaofsand said:

Ultimately, I fear that I don't know Jesus and that I'm not worthy of knowing him, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. How do I release my past fears and doubts and start anew? How do I find joy in Christianity?

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I think it would be best for you to forget all the preconceived ideas you have of God, Jesus and the Bible and start from scratch. I'd like to recommend some things for you to help you in this journey.

• Why bother with the Bible at all
• Why bother re-reading the Bible (how to read it)

Here's a reading plan of the below, which will help take you through the whole story of the Bible, at the very least. You will still come across the odd genealogy and lists of names, as much as I tried to exclude the bulk of them. For now, just skim your eyes past these long lists of names to get back to the main narrative interspersed in the text.

1. GENESIS

2. EXODUS – Only up to 20:17

3. NUMBERS – Only Chapters 11, 12, 13 & 14

4. DEUTERONOMY – Only Chapter 31

5. JOSHUA – Up to and including Chapter 11 & Chapter 23 to end

6. JUDGES

7. 1 SAMUEL

8. 2 SAMUEL

9. 1 KINGS

10. 2 KINGS

11. EZRA

12. NEHEMIAH

13. ECCLESIASTES

This closes out the Old Testament. Then, after around 400 years of silence from Yahweh's prophets, the Messiah arrives.

14. LUKE

15. ACTS

16. ROMANS

17. 1 PETER

18. REVELATION

As you go through each of these books, I recommend watching one of the videos by Bible Project on Youtube, which will help give you the background of the book clearly. Here's LUKE for example.

I suggest getting an Audio Bible as well, to hear when you're on-the-go or it may be your preferred way of studying the Word. I recommend one by David Suchet - sample HERE (Some can be cheesy but this one is excellent)

Anyway, hopefully something in my response helps you there. But if you have any questions feel free to let me know or of course post them on here.

May Yahweh bless you with wisdom, strength and joy, in the name of the Messiah Yahushua (Jesus Christ)

Love & Shalom

seaofsand said:

For months now, I have been feeling that I want to return to Christianity. I started this account around the time I had the original desire to go back to church. Then the pandemic struck, and I never went because every church in town was closed. During these few months, I have been thinking a lot about my past with Christianity and where I want to go from here. There are still issues that have me stuck, the main problem being fear.

When I was growing up, church was mostly a negative experience for me, from the social aspects to the actual religion. God was scary and jealous and enjoyed inflicting pain and punishment. Jesus was unknowable. I struggled as a young adult to get to know Jesus, but never felt that he was present in my life. I felt like he was impossible to reach, that he was just an idea and not a real man. I read the Bible daily at that time, and eventually decided there was nothing there for me. I left religion sixteen years ago and vowed I would never return.

For some reason, I do feel a desire to try again now. Maybe it is the state of the world, or maybe it is just that I am getting older, but I want to try again. I have been praying more lately, and that has helped some. I pray for others and for the world. I meditate sometimes on God and his power, and sometimes this does bring peace. However, I cannot shake the feelings of fear and anxiety around religion.

So many people seem to find comfort with Christianity. For me, I find beauty and mystery in it, but I feel afraid of it. Maybe even afraid of God. Afraid that I'll never be worthy of Jesus and that I will be punished if I make mistakes going forward. It feels so dark sometimes. I do not find the joy that others do. I can't get rid of those feelings I had when I was younger that God wants servants who live to obey and whom he can punish when he feels like it. I also have supernatural fears that, if I return to Christianity, I may be attacked by negative spiritual forces.

Ultimately, I fear that I don't know Jesus and that I'm not worthy of knowing him, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. How do I release my past fears and doubts and start anew? How do I find joy in Christianity?

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I can understand what you are saying about wanting "...to return to Christianity" my friend, but the fundamental truth must be: returning to the Gospel (good news) of Jesus Christ. Christianity is a sphere and state of spiritual belief. You seem to already have that, but I think you may be missing the CENTER and object of Christianity, which is the Lord Jesus Christ. Have you thought about that? See John 3; John 14; Romans 8; etc., and hear God speaking about salvation and blessing to all who receive His "...beloved Son": the Lord Jesus (see also 1 Jn. 5:10-12). I can guarantee on the authority of our Holy Bible: that "he that HATH the Son of God, hath eternal life" and God's care and blessings for eternity. I have learned that over study of God's Word for 60+ years. Try reading your Bible, friend, and make the Lord Jesus your best Friend, beside Lord of your life!