Every single day I am meant to feel that I am the problem. If I start going somewhere, people who hate me start going where I am going and then getting upset whenever they see me. An example of this is apparently when I started going back to my old school to volunteer (I am not sure if this is reality), then other people start to come into my space including my former best friend and father of my children and then whenever they see me they get upset at seeing me.
My former best friend, for example, lived in another country for several years, came back into my life, in my space, and through the issues, I have been having, used this to get as close as she could to the father of my children, who end up abandoning me. She tells him everything he wants to here, she buys him things, she likes what he likes etc. I remember in a dream where I saw she and another former classmate of mine laughing when I entered a classroom. When I asked them what class this was they listed subjects that I am sure not coincidentally, also seriously interested the father of my children, this is why they were doing these subjects. I got up to because I was not interested in taking these subject areas. I am not going to pretend as if I deeply like something because the father of my children likes something in order to manipulate him, to get him to like me back etc.
I constantly feel every single day that the father of my children is angry with me and blames me for everything, that he and my former best friend are both angry at me, for me disapproving of them hanging out. I feel like I am a third wheel. It is like I don't belong anywhere at any time.
These people around me forget that I am a human being just like them. If they were in the same position I was in what would they do? How would they act? How would they want others to treat them?
I wish that I wasn't here because people around me constantly make me feel bad that I exist. That if I wasn't here, their life would be better, it would be easier for them. That I am constantly in the middle of things creating problems.
There are persons in Jamaica who see my posts and find them funny, actually laughing, because they have no soul. God is not in them. They have no empathy, no care, no humility, there is nothing in them, no humanity, no heart, nothing.
My former best friend, for example, lived in another country for several years, came back into my life, in my space, and through the issues, I have been having, used this to get as close as she could to the father of my children, who end up abandoning me. She tells him everything he wants to here, she buys him things, she likes what he likes etc. I remember in a dream where I saw she and another former classmate of mine laughing when I entered a classroom. When I asked them what class this was they listed subjects that I am sure not coincidentally, also seriously interested the father of my children, this is why they were doing these subjects. I got up to because I was not interested in taking these subject areas. I am not going to pretend as if I deeply like something because the father of my children likes something in order to manipulate him, to get him to like me back etc.
I constantly feel every single day that the father of my children is angry with me and blames me for everything, that he and my former best friend are both angry at me, for me disapproving of them hanging out. I feel like I am a third wheel. It is like I don't belong anywhere at any time.
These people around me forget that I am a human being just like them. If they were in the same position I was in what would they do? How would they act? How would they want others to treat them?
I wish that I wasn't here because people around me constantly make me feel bad that I exist. That if I wasn't here, their life would be better, it would be easier for them. That I am constantly in the middle of things creating problems.
There are persons in Jamaica who see my posts and find them funny, actually laughing, because they have no soul. God is not in them. They have no empathy, no care, no humility, there is nothing in them, no humanity, no heart, nothing.
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