99 problems and anxiety is probably to blame for all of them...

Boss_BlueAngels · Jun 15, 2018

I'm sorry this is so long... but I'm at such a loss for words or hope. I wish I was extroverted, but I'm painfully not. I tried a career in teaching, which ended up being a nightmare, thought I'd try working in the non-profit sector, which I LOVE but I just cannot keep track of everything. I love the mission of what I'm doing, finding employment for adults with developmental disabilities, but cold calling businesses, arranging meetings, and managing paperwork is causing disabling anxiety. I don't get panic attacks, or anything and I manage to appear to act normal. But inside I'm just absolutely freaking out.

It's so frustrating. I know the right thing to do. But when I pick up the phone, I just freeze and put it back down. If I'm in the office, I hide in the restroom. The further I get behind, the more anxious I get, and the worse I make the situation. I've ignored calls from my supervisor three times this week. I feel so helpless. I have talked to my supervisor about the struggle, and they really are amazing. I mean, our job is working with people with developmental disabilities... I don't think I could possibly find a more understanding group of people to work with... which then makes me feel worse, like I'm taking advantage.

I don't know what to do. I've been here six months. I love the clients I work with, and do exceptional with them 1:1. But I'm horrible at keeping up with paperwork. I don't know why... it isn't difficult. I have a meeting with them tomorrow first thing in the morning... I think I have to ask if there's another job in the company that better suits my abilities and is more suitable for someone who is introverted like myself. I think I do better behind the scenes.

It just comes down to the fact that I want to be left alone to do my own thing. I've spent my entire adult life looking after others, while my own life situation seems to fall to pieces. We live in an apartment surrounded by gang members and we don't have a prayer of ever getting out of here with our current financial situation. We are both dying to start a family... but we can't afford to buy both gas AND groceries every month for just the two of us. The only thing that has been consistent the last 20 years of my life and that has gotten me out of bed in the morning is flying and aviation photography. Every day it's all I think about. I haven't piloted an aircraft in ten years. As a photographer I do get to go flying as a passenger a couple times a month, but it isn't the same. Every new job (4 in last 6 years) I accept them with the hope that "this time I can get back into flying" when the reality is it's just another step further from that. I read about aviation, I write about it, I edit photos and videos during all my free time, practice on simulators, and literally dream about it at least 3 nights a week. But... I'm not an engineer or a mechanic, and I don't have a commercial pilot certificate, which will cost me some $50,000 which I don't have a snowballs chance in you-know-where of acquiring.

Also, I really don't have any friends. I talk to my wife about everything, and she knows my struggles... but, you know... it's nice to have someone else to vent to so she doesn't have to take it all.

Inkfingers · Jun 15, 2018

Boss_BlueAngels said:
I tried a career in teaching, which ended up being a nightmare

Modern teaching is a nightmare (yup I'm another one who knows from experience). I could have thrived in teaching 100 years ago, but today I'd be in the clock-tower with a rifle if I'd stayed in it.

I love the mission of what I'm doing, finding employment for adults with developmental disabilities

That's a really good thing to do. :oldthumbsup:

but cold calling businesses, arranging meetings, and managing paperwork is causing disabling anxiety. I don't get panic attacks, or anything and I manage to appear to act normal. But inside I'm just absolutely freaking out. ... The only thing that has been consistent the last 20 years of my life and that has gotten me out of bed in the morning is flying and aviation photography. Every day it's all I think about. I haven't piloted an aircraft in ten years. As a photographer I do get to go flying as a passenger a couple times a month, but it isn't the same.

You can handle being 20,000' in the air in a beancan filled with kerosene but not paperwork. :swoon:

Rather you than me. The only time I intend to fly is the second coming.

On the job matter though, could I ask what you wear to work (yes, serious question)...

Tolworth John · Jun 15, 2018

You can call an unknown air traffic controller, but cannot call an unknown worker on the phone.
Try treating each client as a flight, submitting flight plans and contacting air traffic controllers etc.

It is all in how you see your work and how methodically you do it.

You make no mention of being involved in a church, why not?

Boss_BlueAngels · Jul 2, 2018

Inkfingers said:
You can handle being 20,000' in the air in a beancan filled with kerosene but not paperwork. Rather you than me. The only time I intend to fly is the second coming.

On the job matter though, could I ask what you wear to work (yes, serious question)...

No beancans for me, I like the small planes and especially love old planes. Anything before 1980 is great, and anything from the 30's-40's even better.

As for job, I'm kind of weird in that I enjoy dressing up and wearing a tie, especially when I'm job developing and meeting with managers. Others don't go that far, but I find it gives me a bit of a confidence boost. I may not know what I'm doing, but I at least look like I do.

Tolworth John said:
You can call an unknown air traffic controller, but cannot call an unknown worker on the phone.
Try treating each client as a flight, submitting flight plans and contacting air traffic controllers etc.

It is all in how you see your work and how methodically you do it.

You make no mention of being involved in a church, why not?

Well, it's really not the same at all. In the airspace system everything is scripted and predictable. I know what I'm going to say ahead of time, and what the reply will be. Even in changing environments, the formula is always going to be the same and the options will be limited.

I make no mention of church because that's not where the problem is. I'm not selling anything to anyone and I don't have piles of paperwork to complete.

Inkfingers · Jul 2, 2018

Boss_BlueAngels said:
No beancans for me, I like the small planes and especially love old planes. Anything before 1980 is great, and anything from the 30's-40's even better.

Will you be posting pictures of your Grumman Goose collection?

As for job, I'm kind of weird in that I enjoy dressing up and wearing a tie, especially when I'm job developing and meeting with managers. Others don't go that far, but I find it gives me a bit of a confidence boost. I may not know what I'm doing, but I at least look like I do.

Ah, that was going to be my suggestion - dress up in a smart and formal suit and use it as costume to play the role.

Oh well, back to the aeroplanes instead.

Tolworth John · Jul 3, 2018

Boss_BlueAngels said:
But I'm horrible at keeping up with paperwork.

Boss_BlueAngels said:
I don't have piles of paperwork to complete.

Make up your mind either you have no problem with the paperwork or you do!

As for the telephone. All calls start with a script. ' Hellow this is xyz, I'm dogsbody, how can I help you.' Even cold calling a firm you follow a script.
Just like calling an airtraffic controller. A scripeted start to the conversation.
It's when the caller starts talking that it goes off script, but that is the part of the job you enjoy, dealing with and helping people.

Treat each call as a priority flight, make notes as the call progresses and call a halt/pause to enable yourself to catch up with the notes.

It is a case of learn the script, learn the emergency alternative routes and landing places and keeping on top of the notes that tell you where you are and where you are going.

Boss_BlueAngels · Jul 23, 2018

Tolworth John said:
Make up your mind either you have no problem with the paperwork or you do!

Context is everything, my friend. Try again.

At any rate, have done a lot more talking with my wife about the topic and came to a pretty significant conclusion... and also made a very important discovery along the way. And ultimately... I'm just tired of having to take care of everyone. Sounds horrible to admit, but compassion fatigue is a real thing. I spent 30 hours this weekend surrounded by aircraft, editing photos, processing video, reading and writing about it, and I don't want to stop. I've been like this my entire life. Can't get enough.

First of all, I pretty much end up hating every job I get because I resent the fact that it keeps pushing me farther and farther from my real passion and skill set.

Secondly, I discovered that when I quit flying 8 years ago, I had actually met all but one requirement for getting my commercial pilot certificate. All the hours were met except for the long cross country. Long story short, my nose is back in the books and as soon as I get the written tests out of the way, I'm getting back in the saddle and getting my commercial pilot certificate, and immediately after that, my certified flight instructor certificate. Long term goal is to move out of this hole we're living in now and get into ag flying/crop dusting. Heading out in a few weeks to meet with some aerial application operations to see how the business works and see if its something that I really want to pursue.

Boss_BlueAngels · Dec 26, 2018

Six months later, God has opened my eyes and blessed me and my family beyond my wildest dreams.

I have a new job and a whole new career in a field that has been calling my name since childhood. It provides enough for my family and me to move out of this gang-infested neighborhood. And most amazing of all is the bundle of joy we hope to have in about 7 months.

I am now working in structures engineering at Boeing with a group that provides training resources for all of structural engineering. My key role is shooting and editing educational videos, maintaining our groups website, and recording and uploading technical lectures. Which, for me, is the most amazing job I could have ever imagined. When I was a child I was obviously obsessed with airplanes, but specifically I loved learning how they were built. I would take my balsa wood models and do "stress tests" on the wings, to see how much weight they could hold. I would then remove material to make it light as possible, but still able to fly. I would also use the smoke from incense sticks to visualize airflow over wings to "see" how lift worked.

My favorite hobby has literally become my day job, and it is WONDERFUL! It's super challenging and will definitely be something that will keep me interested and wanting to learn more and do better. AND if I decide I want to pursue this further and get my masters degree in engineering, Boeing will foot 100% of the bill.

When this opportunity presented itself, it instantly made everything make sense to me. All the struggles, all the tears and pain... it all just clicked.

yeshuaslavejeff · Dec 26, 2018

p.s. I am over-joyed you are not doing crop dusting...... I see that as poisoning America over and over and over again, as proven almost 100 years ago and ever since then.... but big money / politicians/ corporations control that with a stranglehold beyond imagination ! Farmers who increase their yield several times more than their corporate neighbors have to stay quiet even, or risk losing a lot more than their property!

Boss_BlueAngels · Dec 28, 2018

yeshuaslavejeff said:
p.s. I am over-joyed you are not doing crop dusting...... I see that as poisoning America over and over and over again, as proven almost 100 years ago and ever since then.... but big money / politicians/ corporations control that with a stranglehold beyond imagination ! Farmers who increase their yield several times more than their corporate neighbors have to stay quiet even, or risk losing a lot more than their property!

Ag flying is an amazing and essential component of the agriculture industry. Without it you wouldn't have anywhere near the produce we have now as they tend to tens of thousands of farms every season all across the United States. I spent a good portion of lat summer/early fall with ag-pilots learning what they do and how they do it. I guarantee that any food you've eaten, that wasn't grown right in front of your eyes, has been sprayed. Especially organic produce. In fact, they are sprayed MORE than non-organic because the chemicals they use have significantly shorter effective lifespan than chemicals used for non. The benefits of doing it by air, however, far outweigh those of application by land.

If I ever have an opportunity to do this, I'd still take it up in a heartbeat.

yeshuaslavejeff · Dec 28, 2018

The truth is, which we won't even get to more in this thread unless a small miracle happens, that farmers/ even gardeners/ who use no poisons, who know the truth, who know what to do,
who have 4 to 8 times the productivity of all the farmers around them, they
stay quiet ..........

Wisdom from Yahweh (God the Father and Jesus), is deep , like deep well water, when in any man also ..... it takes time and patience to draw it out , and how many are wise according to God's Word ? (stated in OT and NT)

Lost4words · Dec 28, 2018

Well done op on your career move. God works in mysterious ways my friend.

May God bless you and your growing family.

Boss_BlueAngels · Dec 28, 2018

Lost4words said:
Well done op on your career move. God works in mysterious ways my friend.

May God bless you and your growing family.

Thank you! Indeed He does!

Boss_BlueAngels · Dec 9, 2019

1-year update! Thank you all for your prayers and support! I can honestly say this has been the most amazing year of my life. My wife gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, boy back in July and we're right in the middle of figuring things out as we go. My job has been absolutely amazing. I've been able to see and do some incredible things at work and, even with a company that has 150,000+ employees, I'm able to feel like I'm making a positive impact. Every day I'm faced with new and intriguing challenges and get to work with outstanding individuals and absolutely am excited about every single day. It's been magical. Having said that... I actually have applied for a different job. There is only one job that would ever have me looking elsewhere, and sure enough, it came up just a couple weeks ago. The job would be as one of two flight test photographers, meaning I'd be flying in the back seat of Boeing's chase planes... T-33 Shooting Star and T-38 Talon, taking air-to-air photos of their new passenger jets during their flight testing and certification phases. If I don't get it, I'm still at the best job I've ever had and one that I'm incredibly happy with. If I do get it... it'll definitely require some life adjustments, but will be the achievement of the biggest dream of my life. Not a bad position to be in, really.

Al Gammate · Jan 12, 2020

Boss_BlueAngels said:
I'm sorry this is so long... but I'm at such a loss for words or hope. I wish I was extroverted, but I'm painfully not. I tried a career in teaching, which ended up being a nightmare, thought I'd try working in the non-profit sector, which I LOVE but I just cannot keep track of everything. I love the mission of what I'm doing, finding employment for adults with developmental disabilities, but cold calling businesses, arranging meetings, and managing paperwork is causing disabling anxiety. I don't get panic attacks, or anything and I manage to appear to act normal. But inside I'm just absolutely freaking out.

It's so frustrating. I know the right thing to do. But when I pick up the phone, I just freeze and put it back down. If I'm in the office, I hide in the restroom. The further I get behind, the more anxious I get, and the worse I make the situation. I've ignored calls from my supervisor three times this week. I feel so helpless. I have talked to my supervisor about the struggle, and they really are amazing. I mean, our job is working with people with developmental disabilities... I don't think I could possibly find a more understanding group of people to work with... which then makes me feel worse, like I'm taking advantage.

I don't know what to do. I've been here six months. I love the clients I work with, and do exceptional with them 1:1. But I'm horrible at keeping up with paperwork. I don't know why... it isn't difficult. I have a meeting with them tomorrow first thing in the morning... I think I have to ask if there's another job in the company that better suits my abilities and is more suitable for someone who is introverted like myself. I think I do better behind the scenes.

It just comes down to the fact that I want to be left alone to do my own thing. I've spent my entire adult life looking after others, while my own life situation seems to fall to pieces. We live in an apartment surrounded by gang members and we don't have a prayer of ever getting out of here with our current financial situation. We are both dying to start a family... but we can't afford to buy both gas AND groceries every month for just the two of us. The only thing that has been consistent the last 20 years of my life and that has gotten me out of bed in the morning is flying and aviation photography. Every day it's all I think about. I haven't piloted an aircraft in ten years. As a photographer I do get to go flying as a passenger a couple times a month, but it isn't the same. Every new job (4 in last 6 years) I accept them with the hope that "this time I can get back into flying" when the reality is it's just another step further from that. I read about aviation, I write about it, I edit photos and videos during all my free time, practice on simulators, and literally dream about it at least 3 nights a week. But... I'm not an engineer or a mechanic, and I don't have a commercial pilot certificate, which will cost me some $50,000 which I don't have a snowballs chance in you-know-where of acquiring.

Also, I really don't have any friends. I talk to my wife about everything, and she knows my struggles... but, you know... it's nice to have someone else to vent to so she doesn't have to take it all.

Hello Boss_BlueAngels,

If you want to put fear/anxiety in the casket, here's what you need to do:

1) Begin taking St. John's Wort or some other serotonin booster daily. Serotonin is the anti-anxiety neurotransmitter found in the brain. If you maintain high levels of serotonin in your brain, you will experience little to no anxiety or fear in your daily life. It takes about a month before a serotonin booster fully kicks in. You can cheaply buy St. John's Wort at anyplace that sells vitamins. Please follow common sense. Do not overdose on this, since you can end up in the emergency room.

2) Say positive affirmations several times a day, everyday. For example, say: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13). This will condition your thoughts from beta male thoughts to alpha male thoughts.

3) Take Inderal on an as needed basis. For example, if you have to give a speech in front of a thousand people, you can take a dose of Inderal 30 to 60 minutes before the speech. Do not use this drug daily. Use only during extremely scary situations. Inderal is a powerful drug that slows down your heart. Overdosing on this can lead to very serious consequences. So use common sense. You can get Inderal by requesting it from your doctor or ordering it through the Internet. This drug requires a prescription.

I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Al A. Gammate

99 problems and anxiety is probably to blame for all of them...

Life is better when you're flying upside down.

Somebody's heretic

Well-Known Member

Life is better when you're flying upside down.

Somebody's heretic

Well-Known Member

Life is better when you're flying upside down.

Life is better when you're flying upside down.

simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

Life is better when you're flying upside down.

simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

Jesus I Trust In You

Life is better when you're flying upside down.

Life is better when you're flying upside down.

Newbie

Similar threads