LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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Today just before church service started, an argument broke out among a certain group of people who work closely with each other. I was not involved in it; I only witnessed it. I won't give details because I'm not trying to gossip or slam anybody. I'm only trying to use the incident to apply some observations.
One woman in particular was coming off as pouty and oversensitive, reading between the lines, letting emotions rule her thinking, taking things way too personally, and carrying the situation to far greater extremes than it needed to be. Efforts to calm her down and soothe her ruffled feathers were only answered with snark. In short, it would be easy to say she was acting like a spoiled four-year-old. I doubt anybody who was present (including her own husband) would disagree with that statement.
I'd like to point out that if some of my family members had seen this happen, they would have been quick to elbow me in the ribs. "See? That's how it looks when you act like that. Annoying, isn't it?" Well, yes, I do see, and giving me an "I told you so" isn't very productive. So I'm glad they weren't there to do that. It's true, what irks us most in other people is usually the very thing we need to work on in ourselves. Those are my weak spots too. They way she was acting, I have been guilty of myself, many, many, many times. I doubt anybody who knows me (including my own husband) would disagree with that statement.
As the lady in question quite petulantly insisted, she has a right to her feelings. And this is true. That's one thing I've learned in life. We are indeed allowed to feel whatever we do feel, even if they are negative emotions. Of course she has a right to feel that way.
But I would then be tempted to ask, so what if she (or I, or anyone) does have a right to feel that way? Because the next thing I've learned in life is, emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion. "I'm afraid of you; therefore you are dangerous." "I'm hurt; therefore you're being mean to me." No, not necessarily. Feelings aren't facts. I may feel like I've got butterflies in my stomach, but I'm sure an x-ray would reveal no actual butterflies. Also, while feelings are 100% OK to have, we don't get to act on them just any old way. For example, while anger is a natural human emotion, it's not acceptable to deal with that anger by hauling off and pounding somebody. No matter how much we may feel like it.
In my experience, we need to learn to balance emotions with logical reasoning. We don't want to tilt too far in one direction or the other. All logic and no emotion, and you don't have any heart or soul. All emotion and no logic, and at best you're erratic and subject to whim.
So here, I think, is the reason my immediate reaction ran along the lines of, "Gee, some people's grandchildren are more mature than she's acting." I get that way myself. Why did I instantly want to judge her?
Because, just for a split second, it feels good. If I can observe some bad behavior in somebody else, at a time when I am *not* indulging in it myself, then I feel virtuous. When we judge others, we are telling ourselves and them, "I am better than that."
And no, we're not. That's why Jesus Christ said not to do it.
One woman in particular was coming off as pouty and oversensitive, reading between the lines, letting emotions rule her thinking, taking things way too personally, and carrying the situation to far greater extremes than it needed to be. Efforts to calm her down and soothe her ruffled feathers were only answered with snark. In short, it would be easy to say she was acting like a spoiled four-year-old. I doubt anybody who was present (including her own husband) would disagree with that statement.
I'd like to point out that if some of my family members had seen this happen, they would have been quick to elbow me in the ribs. "See? That's how it looks when you act like that. Annoying, isn't it?" Well, yes, I do see, and giving me an "I told you so" isn't very productive. So I'm glad they weren't there to do that. It's true, what irks us most in other people is usually the very thing we need to work on in ourselves. Those are my weak spots too. They way she was acting, I have been guilty of myself, many, many, many times. I doubt anybody who knows me (including my own husband) would disagree with that statement.
As the lady in question quite petulantly insisted, she has a right to her feelings. And this is true. That's one thing I've learned in life. We are indeed allowed to feel whatever we do feel, even if they are negative emotions. Of course she has a right to feel that way.
But I would then be tempted to ask, so what if she (or I, or anyone) does have a right to feel that way? Because the next thing I've learned in life is, emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion. "I'm afraid of you; therefore you are dangerous." "I'm hurt; therefore you're being mean to me." No, not necessarily. Feelings aren't facts. I may feel like I've got butterflies in my stomach, but I'm sure an x-ray would reveal no actual butterflies. Also, while feelings are 100% OK to have, we don't get to act on them just any old way. For example, while anger is a natural human emotion, it's not acceptable to deal with that anger by hauling off and pounding somebody. No matter how much we may feel like it.
In my experience, we need to learn to balance emotions with logical reasoning. We don't want to tilt too far in one direction or the other. All logic and no emotion, and you don't have any heart or soul. All emotion and no logic, and at best you're erratic and subject to whim.
So here, I think, is the reason my immediate reaction ran along the lines of, "Gee, some people's grandchildren are more mature than she's acting." I get that way myself. Why did I instantly want to judge her?
Because, just for a split second, it feels good. If I can observe some bad behavior in somebody else, at a time when I am *not* indulging in it myself, then I feel virtuous. When we judge others, we are telling ourselves and them, "I am better than that."
And no, we're not. That's why Jesus Christ said not to do it.