My insecurities have gotten to my head.

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I want to be a loving wife to a wonderful Christian man. But I've been struggling with this horrible mindset.
It started when my family implied and then got angry that my body wasn't as "womanly" as expected. Their comments never really left me. Afterwards, I began to take too much notice of other people's relationships. If I hear in the news, word of mouth, or in entertainment about divorce, cheating, abuse, or an emotionally dead marriage: i seem to make it about me. I assume that what I saw and heard is my future. Now I'm been comparing myself to other women. I can't just admire them and move on. I have to tear myself down. I ask myself "why can't you look like them? What's wrong with your body? Why would a man stay faithful to you?"
I don't want to think like this anymore. I believe that the devil has taken advantage of my thoughts. I really appreciate any comments or advice you post. Thank you for reading.
 

coffee4u

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I would ask for the church to pray over you as it sounds like their words placed a curse upon you. Even if it was not a curse it has affected how you think about yourself and it's given the devil an entryway to torment you.

Psalm 139:14-18
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Remind yourself of this each day. If bad thoughts come, say the verse. Replace the bad thoughts with good ones.
You were made the way that you were supposed to look. His being faithful is not to do with how you look because marriage is for better and worse, sickness and in health. His being faithful is on him and his character as a Christian man. The body grows old, we lose our looks, this is not a licence to cheat.

Ephesians 5
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might [g]sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, [h]of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Only marry a man you love and are committed to and he to towards you.
 
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ajcarey

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I would guess that what they told you probably stemmed from animosity they have towards you that has nothing to do with your looks (possibly your Christian witness?). The comments about your body were probably just a way to release anger towards you and make you feel worthless without doing anything violent or otherwise criminal which would get them in trouble from society. It's doubtful that you could have escaped comments like that no matter how attractive you were, since that was almost certainly not even the issue.

Regardless, consider Proverbs 31 and how God defines what is praiseworthy in a woman there. Consider too as the previous poster said that all get old and looks in a spouse won't be the deciding factor in whether their marriage partner stays faithful. Consider too that looks should not be the main factor in whom you marry nor in whether they marry you- obviously that should be love for the Lord, and His Word, Christian character, shared goals for a home and Christian service- and other related things. Consider nevertheless also that not all men have the same ideal of outward beauty and attractiveness- there is not even such thing as a woman that every man finds attractive nor such thing as a woman whom no man finds attractive. The concept that such could exist is a myth.

Trust God for the best with marriage going forward and focus on doing what pleases Him in confidence that He can bring the best man for you into your life when and if He sees fit. And pray for your family who insulted you but heed not their words.
 
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joshua 1 9

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body wasn't as "womanly" as expected. Their comments never really left me.
Women has to do with the womb and it means to bring life into the world. This is what attracts a man to a women is her ability to be a mother. Marriage is actually very easy to understand. They say that the wife is a: "helper" so we have to understand what this word means. In the hebrew the middle letter has to do with a weapon. What this word means is an ally as in people are are allied. This means they stand together against a common enemy. They defend each other. They have unity and agreement. The Bible says a house divided can not stand. When they fight and bicker and do not get along with each other then this is when a marriage can fail. God has called us to peace, not division, contentions and strife. The wife should always be for the husband and the husband should always be for the wife. Not all marriages have children. Even a marriage without children can prosper if they support, stand by and defend each other. So we have peace in our home and there is no division.
 
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I would ask for the church to pray over you as it sounds like their words placed a curse upon you. Even if it was not a curse it has affected how you think about yourself and it's given the devil an entryway to torment you.

Psalm 139:14-18
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Remind yourself of this each day. If bad thoughts come, say the verse. Replace the bad thoughts with good ones.
You were made the way that you were supposed to look. His being faithful is not to do with how you look because marriage is for better and worse, sickness and in health. His being faithful is on him and his character as a Christian man. The body grows old, we lose our looks, this is not a licence to cheat.

Ephesians 5
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might [g]sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, [h]of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Only marry a man you love and are committed to and he to towards you.
Thank you so much! I will be sure to read these verses if the bad thoughts come back.
 
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Women has to do with the womb and it means to bring life into the world. This is what attracts a man to a women is her ability to be a wife and a mother. Marriage is actually very easy to understand. They say that the wife is a: "helper" so we have to understand what this word means. In the hebrew the middle letter has to do with a weapon. What this word means is an ally as in people are are allied. This means they stand together against a common enemy. They defend each other. They have unity and agreement. The Bible says a house divided can not stand. When they fight and bicker and do not get along with each other then this is when a marriage can fail. God has called us to peace, not division, contentions and strife. The wife should always be for the husband and the husband should always be for the wife. Not all marriages have children. Even a marriage without children can prosper if they support, stand by and defend each other. So we have peace in our home and there is no division.
I see. Thank you for responding.
 
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SkyWriting

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I want to be a loving wife to a wonderful Christian man. But I've been struggling with this horrible mindset.
It started when my family implied and then got angry that my body wasn't as "womanly" as expected. Their comments never really left me. Afterwards, I began to take too much notice of other people's relationships. If I hear in the news, word of mouth, or in entertainment about divorce, cheating, abuse, or an emotionally dead marriage: i seem to make it about me. I assume that what I saw and heard is my future. Now I'm been comparing myself to other women. I can't just admire them and move on. I have to tear myself down. I ask myself "why can't you look like them? What's wrong with your body? Why would a man stay faithful to you?"
I don't want to think like this anymore. I believe that the devil has taken advantage of my thoughts. I really appreciate any comments or advice you post. Thank you for reading.

There are men who get implants to make their muscles look bigger. Such problems are rooted in childhood experiences rather than physical inadequacies.
As a man married to a woman in a wheelchair, I can tell you firsthand that sexual desire stems from a person's character rather than conforming to physical standards.
 
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Aug 19, 2019
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I would guess that what they told you probably stemmed from animosity they have towards you that has nothing to do with your looks (possibly your Christian witness?). The comments about your body were probably just a way to release anger towards you and make you feel worthless without doing anything violent or otherwise criminal which would get them in trouble from society. It's doubtful that you could have escaped comments like that no matter how attractive you were, since that was almost certainly not even the issue.

Regardless, consider Proverbs 31 and how God defines what is praiseworthy in a woman there. Consider too as the previous poster said that all get old and looks in a spouse won't be the deciding factor in whether their marriage partner stays faithful. Consider too that looks should not be the main factor in whom you marry nor in whether they marry you- obviously that should be love for the Lord, and His Word, Christian character, shared goals for a home and Christian service- and other related things. Consider nevertheless also that not all men have the same ideal of outward beauty and attractiveness- there is not even such thing as a woman that every man finds attractive nor such thing as a woman whom no man finds attractive. The concept that such could exist is a myth.

Trust God for the best with marriage going forward and focus on doing what pleases Him in confidence that He can bring the best man for you into your life when and if He sees fit. And pray for your family who insulted you but heed not their words.
Thank you so much for your advice and guidance. I'm going to work on doing what God wants and letting go what my family said.
 
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SkyWriting

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Women has to do with the womb and it means to bring life into the world. This is what attracts a man to a women is her ability to be a wife and a mother. Marriage is actually very easy to understand. They say that the wife is a: "helper" so we have to understand what this word means. In the hebrew the middle letter has to do with a weapon. What this word means is an ally as in people are are allied. This means they stand together against a common enemy. They defend each other. They have unity and agreement. The Bible says a house divided can not stand. When they fight and bicker and do not get along with each other then this is when a marriage can fail. God has called us to peace, not division, contentions and strife. The wife should always be for the husband and the husband should always be for the wife. Not all marriages have children. Even a marriage without children can prosper if they support, stand by and defend each other. So we have peace in our home and there is no division.

My wife could have no children when I met her. So even a working womb is not required for a partner.
 
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joshua 1 9

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My wife could have no children when I met her. So even a working womb is not required for a partner.
God made them male and female so that they could be joined together or united. A house divided can not stand so the main requirement is that they are allied and work together to support each other. The comment about the women and the womb is that they are the same word. Only the letter b is changed to the letter n. The letter n represents the union of male and female energy.
 
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SkyWriting

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God made them male and female so that they could be joined together or united. A house divided can not stand so the main requirement is that they are allied and work together to support each other. The comment about the women and the womb is that they are the same word. Only the letter b is changed to the letter n. The letter n represents the union of male and female energy.

Not all women have a womb. So the word analysis is just for fun.
Any two people can be allied in union.
Scripture even requests that no one get married, "unless you really have to".
 
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As a man married to a woman in a wheelchair, I can tell you firsthand that sexual desire stems from a person's character rather than conforming to physical standards.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I appreciate it.
 
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joshua 1 9

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So the word analysis is just for fun.
The ancient Hebrew is very exact and very precise. We are told that: "Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living." You can be a women without being a mother, but you can not be a mother without being a women. To have a womb does not make you a mother but you can not be a mother without a womb. A mother makes a choice to preserve and protect a child inside of her for 9 months or however many weeks it is.
 
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coffee4u

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The ancient Hebrew is very exact and very precise. We are told that: "Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living." You can be a women without being a mother, but you can not be a mother without being a women. To have a womb does not make you a mother but you can not be a mother without a womb. A mother makes a choice to preserve and protect a child inside of her for 9 months or however many weeks it is.

All this talk about wombs is not helping the OP. Since I have both a womb and children I vote this gets back on topic- giving the OP help.

Proverbs 31
The Wife of Noble Character
10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
 
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All this talk about wombs is not helping the OP. Since I have both a womb and children I vote this gets back on topic- giving the OP help.

Proverbs 31
The Wife of Noble Character
10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Thank you so much for showing me this! I appreciate it. ❤️
 
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