I just wish for you and everyone to know that I have not been told by God that this is my fate. I very much fear it though. I am always afraid that God is going to screw me over. The last time this happened God said that he gave me this desire for marriage but that Satan uses this desire to attack me. I know I should submit to anything God has planned and probably take what was said as a promise but I am frightened and the doubts torment me until I do something sinful and stupid and I cannot connect with God because of my fear. I should know better but the doubts nag me horribly. The other day I was connected with and on very good terms with God putting him first but then something happened and the fear came back and now I'm in a bad place. I don't know how to deal with this; I want to not worry about this, trust his promise and follow him first as I was doing but now I have resentment again.
Hi aspie3000,
"Doubts" is the issue that most troubles you. Although our innate desire to have a personal relationship with someone else in every way is also a huge factor.
I am single. And at this point in my life, I am so happy I remained single. Yes, I went through decades of unfulfilled desires and searching, which I feel now was a waste of precious time that I could have used to be a servant of Good in this world.
I will tell you truthfully, marriage is no bowl of cherries. I was in a line of work where I was in the position to learn of many horror stories of those who were married. Over half the marriages today end in divorce. Those that remain married, I would say many are stuck in a living hell, or at least limbo, and others are not happy. Only about 3% to 5% of those marriages are likely happy, but that is because one or both were emotionally stable to begin with, and humble. So such partners worked hard to make it happen, sacrificing much of themselves and their potential in the process.
I have found that, in more than a few marriages that do last, the marriages last because they weren't able to use the weaknesses of their mate against them to emotionally destroy them. In such cases, since their partner was too strong to be destroyed by them, they are obliged to live with them. Such marriages can be "happy."
I can honestly say that my life is very happy as I use my life to serve God. I feel at peace with God, and I feel close to God. I am just so sorry it took me so long to get to this point. But I have the rest of my life to make it count for what really matters.
I am not wealthy, and I have very little that is of value in this life. But I do have my health. And I do work to make sure I am healthy so that I am a vessel that lives up to its potential to be of value to others.
The sinful nature always will try to find a weakness to gain entry into my life and slowly try to make me a slave again to vices. Every day I give my life as an offering to God, not allowing any temptation to take hold of me.
As faithfully walk with God in this way, the Spirit frees me from slavery and control to such desires. If I do sin in weakness, I am assured in my conscience that God is merciful to me.
Why? The reason God is merciful to me is because I do not deliberately plan to sin - which is a sin against God alone.
Regarding doubts - Counting the Cost
A true faith in Christ is all about counting the cost every day of your life.
Why? The reason is that, if you choose to follow Christ by faith, then you have to die to the old life controlled by your own lusts and desires and the fulfilling of those desires in this world (see:
Romans 6). This is what is meant by "
counting the cost."
Luke 14:15-35 (NIV)
The Parable of the Great Banquet
15 When one of those at the table with him heard this, he said to Jesus, “Blessed is the one who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God.”
16 Jesus replied: “A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. 17 At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’
18 “But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, ‘I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.’
19 “Another said, ‘I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I’m on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.’
20 “Still another said, ‘
I just got married, so I can’t come.’
21 “The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.’
22 “‘Sir,’ the servant said, ‘what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.’
23 “Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full. 24
I tell you, not one of those who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.’” . . .
The Cost of Being a Disciple . . .
25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “
If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
28 “
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and
count the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
31 “
Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand?
32
If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace.
33
In the same way,
those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.
34 “
Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? 35 It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.
“Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
God desires a relationship with YOU. If your desires are divided between the master of the flesh and the master Lord Jesus then that is not the kind of faith that will give you peace with God or the salvation you seek.
Continue with your life dear Brother. If you can accept this, do not be concerned with what you can get out of this life. Die to your life here so that you may live a New Life in the Spirit.
The Spirit of God lives in those who's faith is true to Christ. The Spirit will
free you from the control of your desires as you faithfully deny self and follow Him. By this true faith, walk in the Spirit, and you will live that New Life in Christ.
Romans 6:4-23 (WEB)
4 We were buried therefore with him through baptism to death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we also might walk in newness of life...
20 For when you were servants of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness.
21 What fruit then did you have at that time in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.
22 But now, being made free from sin, and having become servants of God, you have your fruit of sanctification, and the result of eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Galatians 5:16-24 (WEB)
16 But I say,
walk by the Spirit, and you won’t fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, that you may not do the things that you desire. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are obvious, which are: adultery, sexual immorality, uncleanness, lustfulness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, strife, jealousies, outbursts of anger, rivalries, divisions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these;
of which I forewarn you, even as I also forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom.
22 But the
fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24
Those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts.
With the mind, body, talents and gifts that you possess and develop, and within whatever circumstances you reside, cleanse yourself from slavery to your desires, and be thankful to follow Christ as a noble vessel in radiating God's love to a lost world. When you do this, the Spirit frees you from sin's control.
Now I leave you with this important message from Saint Peter...
1 Peter 1:3-25
*3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade.
*This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.
*6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
*8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
*10 Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, 11 trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow. 12 It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.
*13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written:
“
Be holy, because I am holy.”
*17 Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
*22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24 For,
“All people are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
25 but the word of the Lord endures forever.”
Blessings to you Brother
