Growing up with Jesus vs coming to Jesus later in life

ThisIsMe123 said:

This kind of runs in line with those who suffered more in life. Had more trials and tribulations will be more compatible with those of the same ilk.

I got into an argument with someone that she found out the guy she was dating had very little struggle in life. No suffering. Barely any challenges, while she faced homelessness, loved one dying multiple times, emotional abuse, being a military spouse...while the man she's getting know has barely through any of these.

Thus enter the coming to Christianity later vs growing up in the church generation to generation. It appears there's a divisiveness between those with life experiences that don't match a future spouse.

My question is, if someone whose struggled most of their life meets someone that has not, will that mean they'll necessarily incompatible. Can this be a deal breaker?

To be honest, I am thankful to not suffered the same things others have. But to those people that tend to judge ME as a dating deal breaker for not having struggled AS much in life as THEY did? That' s jjust petty is it not?

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it's just your idea, you are lucubrating things that are not important when somebody meets somebody, people addap and nobody is jealous of the neighbor if that one loves

Not necessarily. I'm in a relationship (sorta) with a woman who has been a Christian all her life, while I'm a convert. There were some initial hiccups, but it's all good now. Peace in Christ.

ThisIsMe123 said:

To be honest, I am thankful to not suffered the same things others have. But to those people that tend to judge ME as a dating deal breaker for not having struggled AS much in life as THEY did? That' s jjust petty is it not?

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Not actually petty. The differences can be huge and the differences can be annoying, especially to the one who has struggled more in life.

That's just life. Don't take it personally. Just keep moving on.

I've had an amazingly easy life when it comes to trauma. I have a GF who has had a lot of trauma. This difference is from childhood all the way thru to our 60s. There are many ways to looks at this difference. Compare the number. Compare the severity. Compare how other people have treated you. But the one that has stood out to me is how quickly I forget and lot go negative things that happen to me while she can still go down a list of all the negative things that has happened to her and feels the emotions just as strongly today as when they first happened. While her bag of negative things is getting bigger and heavy. My bag is zero because I release the emotion as quick as things happen.

ThisIsMe123 said:

This kind of runs in line with those who suffered more in life. Had more trials and tribulations will be more compatible with those of the same ilk.

I got into an argument with someone that she found out the guy she was dating had very little struggle in life. No suffering. Barely any challenges, while she faced homelessness, loved one dying multiple times, emotional abuse, being a military spouse...while the man she's getting know has barely through any of these.

Thus enter the coming to Christianity later vs growing up in the church generation to generation. It appears there's a divisiveness between those with life experiences that don't match a future spouse.

My question is, if someone whose struggled most of their life meets someone that has not, will that mean they'll necessarily incompatible. Can this be a deal breaker?

To be honest, I am thankful to not suffered the same things others have. But to those people that tend to judge ME as a dating deal breaker for not having struggled AS much in life as THEY did? That' s jjust petty is it not?

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Who is "judging" you?

as odd as it seems, the more I grow in Christ, the more pain I endure. Almost like I'm being tested. My life seems to generally get worse as I age medically and emotionally speaking. Financially I'm better as my business grows.

In terms to your question, it's been proven people who go through rough times, either together or separate have stronger bonds than those that don't. I may not feel as drawn to someone who has not endured years of suffering like myself. I may even feel envoy or jealousy towards them which can be bad.

ThisIsMe123 said:

My question is, if someone whose struggled most of their life meets someone that has not, will that mean they'll necessarily incompatible. Can this be a deal breaker?

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Interesting!

It has never cross my mind that life experiences are part of a consideration of compatibility in a relationship. I appreciate anyone, whether he/she lives a comfortable life or has tough experiences from the past or the present.

I feel that life is about sharing, showing gratitude and appreciation.

Both have their advantages.

If you were born in a religious household with good parents, you have the benefit of that experience to guide you in how to raise your own children in the faith - what to do, and what not to do.

If you came to faith later in life, you're not taking as many things for granted as those of us from religious households. The friends I've had who did come to faith later had more of a love for God's ways, since they experienced more of the world and found it wanting. They've seen more apart from Jesus, and gave up more to follow Jesus.

Now, my expectation is that if a believer who grew up in a Christian home married a believer that did not, that the believer who did not will lean a bit more heavily on the believer that did for guidance in how to establish a Christian home themselves. I may be right, I may be wrong on that. Ultimately, I believe communication and respect are going to be more important to making a relationship work than faith growing up.

I can understand why someone would feel resentful after experiencing a lifetime of tremendous suffering and their partner had an easy life. But I don't see how looking for people who have had a horrible life would be the goal for anyone. You don't get out of a hole by finding someone down there with you. Maybe it will make you feel better that someone else is also down there with you but the goal should be to get out of that hole not dwell in your past misery.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Apparently, to some it's a clash of personalities practically. After a few experiences of dating people with differing experiences...they've come to realize they cannot relate to each other and call it off....and it becomes a deal breaker when coming across future prospects....silly I know.

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If a person is not able to appreciate another, then it is not worth the time to carry on a relationship that is not going to be fruitful. If one is to just focus on the negative side of another and not able to see the good side of people, then it's better to call off the idea of finding a partner.

It seems like it has a lot to do with one's attitude rather than just solely on life experiences a person had or has. It would be a blessing if the two with such differences in attitude and view of life to be not continue the relationship. Perhaps just be common friends.

Sometimes, it is the small things in life that always pull people apart.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Well, the examples given where say...person A lived with their parents until their mid-20s, while person B moved out of their homes at 18 and had to work 2 jobs to pay their own bills and struggle doing so. Person B will think Person A won't have their act together because their parents are supporting them until they have money saved...while person B...well, they aren't able to put away money because they moved out.

I know, right? Sounds like someone thinks they are better than someone else because of it. But I coudln't help to have had a woman discount me because I lived with my parents until my mid-20s to save money while she moved out. Turns out she had a live-in boyfriend, so she had no real struggle...splitting the bills and all.

But, she still thought her situation was not aligned with my own...and I was judged because of it.

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I don't think having to move out at an early age and supporting oneself is considered as having a tough or bad life experience. There are plenty more bad things happening to people. In fact it is just part of growing up. Life is a learning process. As we go through life, anything that happens to us is always a part of our life journey.

For someone to stay with his/her parents longer than usual, it doesn't mean that the person is not able to hold responsibility. Reality is cruel. Our society has become so financially demanding that everything comes with a price. Cost of living is very high - housing is expensive, taxes are going up; even education fees are not cheap. If parents are able to support temporary, I don't see that as an issue. There will be a day where we will be giving them back, particularly when they grow older and they need our support.

Perhaps it is just different perspective of life. Why bother about how people feel about you? It is what the Lord feels about us that matters and He is not condemning us for anything we do but accepts us as who we are, including all our sins.

Don't let anyone put you down. Our standing should be on the Lord's. He is our righteousness, without a doubt.

Take care, and blessings, brother-in-Christ!

depends on the individual.

we all want someone we can relate to or who can at least empathize with us. if neither takes place then things will probably not work out.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Well, the examples given where say...person A lived with their parents until their mid-20s, while person B moved out of their homes at 18 and had to work 2 jobs to pay their own bills and struggle doing so. Person B will think Person A won't have their act together because their parents are supporting them until they have money saved...while person B...well, they aren't able to put away money because they moved out.

I know, right? Sounds like someone thinks they are better than someone else because of it. But I coudln't help to have had a woman discount me because I lived with my parents until my mid-20s to save money while she moved out. Turns out she had a live-in boyfriend, so she had no real struggle...splitting the bills and all.

But, she still thought her situation was not aligned with my own...and I was judged because of it.

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She "judged" you based on her view of compatibility. She doesn't believe that she can share her life with someone who has lived a different life than she has experienced. She is allowed to make that judgment call to filter through those people she wants to spend her life with. For her this must be an important shared experience. She is allowed to set her own standards for a relationship just like you are. She isn't a match and would never be.

I am puzzled by the title of this thread. Just because someone has grown up as a Christian in a Christian home does not mean that they have had less trials in life.