Vow Of Silence

AnglicanPeace · Jan 25, 2019

So my psychiatrist diagnosed with schizophrenia. I thought the abusive voices were intrusive thoughts but she explained OCD in detail so now I know it's not OCD (i.e. people counting 1-2-1 in their minds, people washing their hands).

I have recently tried:

1. The Jesus Prayer - unsustainable
2. Internet escapism - voices sneak through

Yes I take my meds and therapy is secular and useless. It makes me suicidal when someone says to have sex and play video games to distract myself. Recall Ecclaisiastes "meaningless! Meaningless everything is meaningless!" I'm just shocked that people can go through life without turning on a light switch in their brains and wondering what they're "doing" exactly.

Anyway, I don't ever want to talk again unless I have to. I want to be a fake nun/cloister/hermit and take a vow of silence. I have a feeling that inasmuch as many homeless alcoholics are schizophrenics, many nuns are too.

I just didn't want to be rude to people. I don't want to be forced to talk by someone with zero understanding of mental illness or the existential crisis I fly into when someone starts chatting about Netflix and Cheerios.

I guess I just want your support.

Thanks.

SkyWriting · Jan 25, 2019

Help others. This helps.

chevyontheriver · Jan 25, 2019

AnglicanPeace said:
So my psychiatrist diagnosed with schizophrenia. I thought the abusive voices were intrusive thoughts but she explained OCD in detail so now I know it's not OCD (i.e. people counting 1-2-1 in their minds, people washing their hands).

I have recently tried:

1. The Jesus Prayer - unsustainable
2. Internet escapism - voices sneak through

Yes I take my meds and therapy is secular and useless. It makes me suicidal when someone says to have sex and play video games to distract myself. Recall Ecclaisiastes "meaningless! Meaningless everything is meaningless!" I'm just shocked that people can go through life without turning on a light switch in their brains and wondering what they're "doing" exactly.

Anyway, I don't ever want to talk again unless I have to. I want to be a fake nun/cloister/hermit and take a vow of silence. I have a feeling that inasmuch as many homeless alcoholics are schizophrenics, many nuns are too.

I just didn't want to be rude to people. I don't want to be forced to talk by someone with zero understanding of mental illness or the existential crisis I fly into when someone starts chatting about Netflix and Cheerios.

I guess I just want your support.

Thanks.

See if there might be a place you can go to live a bit of the monastic lifestyle for a while. A place where you have a cell, meals, a spiritual adviser, and an expectation to be at the communal prayers. I'm thinking best for you might be the Carmelite nuns. I knew a woman that went on a week long retreat with them every year. My own retreat each year is also silent but only three days. Hardly enough. The first day is just decompression.

I think most nuns of any sort of strict or semi-strict observance are probably more sane than most of us. That because they have learned silence so as to concentrate on what really matters.

John Bowen · Jan 25, 2019

Most people have seeds of schizophrenia just in some its more severe . The people who have it have boundary issues they can't differentiate from what is real and not real . A book to read on the subject is Remarkable Healing by Dr. Shakuntaua Modi . I understand you can't pray its disturbs you. You can message me give me your name I can add your name when I do mine.

Southernscotty · Jan 27, 2019

Hello friend, I was wondering if you journal? This is a wonderful help for many people.
Write your feelings for the day and find a scripture that matches that feeling and then at the end of the week see what you have.
Hope this helps, Bless you

Deut 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, Do not fear nor be afraid of them for the Lord your God, He is the one who goes with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you.

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Vow Of Silence

AnglicanPeace

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SkyWriting

The Librarian

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chevyontheriver

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John Bowen

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Southernscotty

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