Teenager having sex

CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN

My dad died 1/12/2023. I'm still devastated.
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I think you were right about that.
Too bad our coddled spoiled 14 yo's of today wouldn't last a week.

What you were not right about was about sex = marriage.
If that were the case, some of us have multiple spouses out there.

kwim?
I read that in the bible somewhere,so many people have many spouses.
 
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sunlover1

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I read that in the bible somewhere,so many people have many spouses.
No, actually you didn't read that in the Bible.

In fact, what did Jesus say to the woman at the well?

You're sleeping with that guy and so he's your hubby?
Nope.

Remember that cool story?
Check it out.
 
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CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN

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Remember this story,she was a virgin,he had to marry her,because he had sex with her.
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 (New International Version, ©2010)
28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.
 
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CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN

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No, actually you didn't read that in the Bible.

In fact, what did Jesus say to the woman at the well?

You're sleeping with that guy and so he's your hubby?
Nope.

Remember that cool story?
Check it out.
But was the first guy,she slept her husband,mean every guy she sleeps with wouldn't be her husband.
 
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sunlover1

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Remember this story,she was a virgin,he had to marry her,because he had sex with her.

So he wasn't married to her even though he had had sex with her.

So then we can see that if you have sex with someone
it means nothing except that you've ..had sex with someone.

It does NOT mean you're married.
:thumbsup:
 
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sunlover1

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lawtonfogle

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No, actually you didn't read that in the Bible.

In fact, what did Jesus say to the woman at the well?

You're sleeping with that guy and so he's your hubby?
Nope.

Remember that cool story?
Check it out.

Guy sleeps with three virgins, they are all his wives (in OT times). Woman does the same, she is put to death for adultery (as too are the other guys). The Old Testament was of the 'one man, one or more females' form of marriage.
 
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lawtonfogle

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So he wasn't married to her even though he had had sex with her.

So then we can see that if you have sex with someone
it means nothing except that you've ..had sex with someone.

It does NOT mean you're married.
:thumbsup:

Depends upon the sexes. You used married female having sex with a man, which is listed as adultery and punished by death. The 'you are married to them' is for a man (virgin or not) having sex with a virgin female. And they were married, per Deuteronomy.
 
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sphsjags

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This is one thing that made me so mad with sex education in schools. Most of the sex-ed today is abstinence only. They basically tell you that protection is pointless and don't have sex. The thing is, they are going to have sex anyway. However, while they are having sex, they don't use protection because they've been told (by important, official, knowledgeable school people) that protection is pointless.

Now, I am a 21 year old male who is a virgin. I know there are others like me out there, waiting for marriage. BUT! Kids are going to have sex. Just accept it. It's going to happen. Many parents I know are making fools of themselves by thinking that their son/daughter won't drink before 21, won't have sex before marriage, won't try drugs, etc. I feel bad for them because when they find out, they're going to be humiliated in front of their family and friends because they put their kids on this "better than that" pedestal.

Make protection available for your kids. If they're going to wait, then they will wait. Worst case scenario there is that a $12 box of condoms is wasted. However, if they are going to have sex, then the money was worth reducing the worry about a potential grandchild, or them contracting some disease. I know I've deviated a little from the OP, but I think this is something that all parents need to hear.
 
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What is the basis for this advice you are giving? I am just curious as how so many people keep coming to this same conclusion. What if the kid is in a gang? Do you purchase a gun for him, so he can protect himself from getting killed, jumped etc?

A gang is different from sex. A gun is an instrument of destruction, condom is an instrument of prevention.

How did I come to this conclusion? The boy has a choice, it's up to him to live up to Christian principles or not. It's obvious he has chosen the opposite which comes along with a lot of negative implications. A condom will stop those things from happening to him while attempts to stop him from having sex are continued.
 
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united4Peace

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I had sex before I was married (without my parents knowing it).

The best thing they could've done, if they'd found out, is accepted that I was an adult (because I was, at the time) and that I was making my own decisions. They didn't have to agree with them, of course. But they couldn't really stop me, either.

I say it's better to provide protection to your son and educate him than to just condemn his actions. Sure, you may not support what he's doing. But is contracting an STD or getting a girl pregnant really worth avoiding getting him protection? I would contest that it is not.

Just my personal opinions... so sorry for your pain :hug:

Totally agree!
We bought our kids protection...HOWEVER we also had a long talk about waiting for marriage or being in a long term relationship as once one loses their virginity they cannot get it back. My husband stressed that fact that the first time is very special.
We are giving them the benifit of the doubt that they will wait...however if hormones do take over they will have some protection which is better than none at all. :)
 
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quintessentialramble

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This is great advice which actually aligns with the The Word of God. Why are so many parents surrendering to their children's will?? Do we please men or please God? As someone who works with kids 12-17 and knows many, many of the "secret" things they do, I will tell you -- KIDS WANT TO BE DISCIPLINED. So many times it is apathetic or scared parents who lead kids to see themselves as "CEO of their own destiny." If a parent cannot be a spiritual leader, following God's Word and the example of Christ, how can you ever expect your child to? This does not mean your child is going to automatically listen, but believe me, kids don't want "buddies" as their parents, they want authority figures.

And to give a picture of the kids I am working with, I have 8th graders who are in real gangs that deal drugs pummel other kids, etc. I am not working with a bunch of squeaky clean, home-schooled preachers kids. I am friends with them and have earned their trust, but I make no mistake about where I get my morality from: it's from GOD. I am not going to co-sign or turn a blind eye to any of the bad things they tell me they do. I chastise them for it, show them how they are doing wrong in God's eyes, losing their fellowship with The Lord and exposing themselves to even greater punishment (since we know God will chasten His children). And tell them they need to stop because they are working for the Devil and giving him glory with every sin. And I stay on top of them about it. Yet, they keep confiding in me and coming to class each week (many of them coming on their own as their parents don't even come to church). Structure and discpiline provides emotional security for kids. And God's Word will work on their hearts.

Deuteronomy 6: 6And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.


We are not exempt from this command. I understand that the child in this instance is clearly not walking with God and seems to be in complete rebellion. But this can all be changed. For one, have the girl's parents been contacted?? Do they know she was pregnant? Do they care? Bringing them in can help to control the behavior of the kids as they can now keep an eye on their own daughter. I would contact them immediately. And even consider having all of you meet together and discuss this openly (including the kids). Sins should be EXPOSED not hidden. Kids should feel ashamed for their wrong doing. HOw else can they be moved to repentance??

I would then pray to God for faith and get in The Word with your son. What is his spiritual life like? Is he saved? Are you? I would work on building a foundation during this time that he is grounded.

And if possible, I would just take him down a notch electronically. This sounds like a young man who probably has his own phone, computer in room, etc. Take them. They are the main tools to bring in satanic influence into the home for kids.

Surrendering authority to a child and assisting them in fornication is not the answer. Loving your child with Godly love is. That means letting them know the spiritual ramifications of their decisions and that God is running your home and sets all the rules. Will your kid be angry and resist initially? Of course because he is obviously used to getting whatever he wants. But I'd rather my kid get an STD than burn in hellfire. This is what it's all about. Salvation in Christ Jesus. And please don't buy into the illusion that giving your kids condoms ensures they are going to use them. They're children! They are not responsible. 1 out of every 4 teen girls is having an abortion. Do we really want to turn a blind eye to a situation that can lead to a baby being killed?

If you have any other questions about my advice, please feel free to ask. I have already prayed for you and I sincerely hope that God can restore order in this situation. God bless.


The only problem with your theory is that people, including teenagers, are sinners, and even the most well-disciplined and most well-brought up christian teenagers have still rebelled; sometimes they just question things. On the other side, there parents who lack all moral compass and sometimes their children will seek to be better. I know many a PK who wish to be atheist. What is very odd is that I am the only person I know (besides celebs) who came from a non-religious background and joined the church...this seems to be a dying breed.

Now, as to why people don't rebuke? Well, because of society. Society has developed in such a way that we are actually not able to do or say anything to anyone over 18, even if we are related to them, if they wish us not to. An 18-year old can ask their parents to no longer contact them, and the parents either have to, or risk being arrested for harassment. The reality is that the law, and culture surrounding the law has developed into a compass of what's best for everybody, and since everybody's different and has different views, you can't please everyone...so everything becomes socially unacceptable. In other words, we have created a relative truth to be above absolute truth.
 
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JAM2b

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Sexual protection should always be encouraged. Although I don't know if you should provide it for him directly or take him somewhere that he can obtain it himself. We live in a time of casual and easy sex, and people are just going to do it. In our society as a whole, sex is pretty much expected, especially if the relationship has lasted any length of time. The temptation is too much for many to bear, especially adolescents.

However, at 16 that is too young to be making those kinds of decisions, especially if he is breaking laws and not being responsible. Even if it is legal for a 16 year old to consent to sex in your state, he is still too young. That is evidenced by the other choices he is making. I think therapy would be called for for this level of behaviors. Your whole family could probably benefit from it.

It is illegal to enter someone's house without their permission and to damage their property. It would not be unreasonable to get the authorities involved. He probably felt he could get away with it because it was his grandparent's home, but it's still not OK. If consequences at home are ineffective for whatever reason, some real world consequences might be helpful. There's a billboard near where I live that has pictures of a sherif's deputy, state police officer, and city police officer, all with their arms crossed and stern expressions. It says, "If your parents can't stop you, we will." At the very least, he can be on the radar for officials in the community to offer interventions.
 
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