Love for others vs. personal freedom: Must it be either/or?

LovebirdsFlying you said:

A desensitization process needs to be done gently, gradually, and with compassion, not with judgment.

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You said:

But I suspect that the motivation is not actually love for the overly sensitive person, but having fun at their expense, and feeling superior to them by holding them up to ridicule.

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LovebirdsFlying you also said:

My "two cents' worth" here is that yes, we do live in a free country. But "free" doesn't equate to "I get to do as I please, whenever I please, regardless of its effect on anybody else, and phooey on you if you don't like it." That is anything but a loving, Christian attitude.

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LovebirdsFlying said:

Posted by me on my Facebook page, in response to the flap over "Baby It's Cold Outside":

People were offended because Jesus and His disciples didn't ceremonially wash their hands. Those people were silly to be offended, and Jesus said so. But He didn't tell His disciples to respond by smearing mud all over their hands and waving it in those people's faces in a deliberate attempt to offend them. Do with that whatever you like.​

I'm still seeing, it feels like every other post in my news feed, some variation on "Oh, some people are offended? Well, they're stupid, so let's keep playing/singing/referring to that song, just to annoy them." I ask again, is that really how Jesus would have it? Is that what He taught? Funnily enough, some of the people endlessly passing those posts along also liked and agreed with what I said above--but then, it seems, totally disregarded it. OK, I get the point that's being made, but at this stage, I'd say it's been made. And hammered into the ground. And then dug up and hammered in again.

To illustrate it another way, let's say that for whatever reason, you're offended by the word "pancake." Well, that certainly seems silly to me. I can't think of any situation in the world where it could even remotely be seen as offensive. But I'm not inside your head. I don't know your reasoning, or your personal history with it. However, hey, now. You've just infringed on my personal freedom to use whatever word I want, whenever I want to. In response, I follow you around all day, constantly getting up in your face, screaming, "Pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake!" In doing this, am I acting out of love for you?

Some people think so. They may believe they're desensitizing the other person, showing them that this "horrible" word isn't so big and bad after all, and teaching them not to be so easily offended. I know from personal experience, that's not how exposure therapy works. A desensitization process needs to be done gently, gradually, and with compassion, not with judgment.

But I suspect that the motivation is not actually love for the overly sensitive person, but having fun at their expense, and feeling superior to them by holding them up to ridicule. Even if you think the ridicule is justified, you're still elevating yourself above them. My "two cents' worth" here is that yes, we do live in a free country. But "free" doesn't equate to "I get to do as I please, whenever I please, regardless of its effect on anybody else, and phooey on you if you don't like it." That is anything but a loving, Christian attitude.

No, I'm not suggesting anybody should stop playing or hearing a song they don't have a problem with, just because somebody else does. But is it too much to ask, not to *make* them listen to it if they don't want to?

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LovebirdsFlying said:

True. But what if we're not the ones in control of the radio? If we're in a shopping mall or something, and the song is playing overhead, what are we going to do? Tell them not to play it? We don't get to make that decision for everybody, but we can choose to step outside for the maybe three minutes or so it would take for the song to stop playing. Or use headphones so we can listen to the music of our own choosing.

If I'm in my house or my car, for example, and one of my guests or passengers was disturbed by a song, I'd just listen to it later, when they're not around. If they have a problem with me listening to it at all, even in their absence, then that's controlling me, and that would be them in the wrong.

If the situation is reversed, if I'm the one bothered by the song playing in somebody else's house or car, I think I'd just grit my teeth and bear it. If I know the person well enough, I'd tell them why it bothers me. But if their response is to laugh at me, call me names, and then put the song on repeat and turn up the volume just to spite me, I seriously believe I should rethink associating with that person. I may be oversensitive, but that's mean-spirited, and that's not good either.

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