Cant believe hes dead

sparkle123 · Sep 25, 2018

My dad was hit by a motorist on the 15th while walking his dog. He would have died at the scene but they put him on a ventilator. He was brain dead right away. 59 years old. Healthy. We just saw him a few days ago. He just became a grandpa to our 9 mo old baby.

It feels unreal. We are half the country away now staying with my mom. She cant believe it either.. no family around her. So it looks like we have to move down here. I cant just leave my mom alone after dad died like this. 18 hours away from any family in a town she and dad only lived in a year.

We have to sell our house. Someone's watching our animals still. I dont know what's going on.

To make it more complicated my only sibling decided it was a good time to act out her grudge against me and made the past week a nightmare by refusing to stay in the house with all of us, not speaking to me, and taking off for hours in my dad's Corvette. my husband is exhausted by our family dysfunction and I'm not sure we will move down here because hes afraid we will see my sibling more which means trouble...

But I cant leave my mom. Shes strong but no ones that strong. She doesnt work, dad provided for her. Shes alone somewhere she knows no one. I pray that we will make it through this. I pray my husbands job will let him work remote for a while. I pray my sibling will get help of some kind. I pray we will be able to move here to support my mom.

Mostly I pray my dads soul will find rest with the Lord. His faith was private and he was not a church goer. He didnt talk about God. He was not a saint but was a good man. My mom told me today about a Christian movie they saw and enjoyed together. I might watch it tonight after baby sleeps if I can handle it.

I just had to get this off my chest. Please pray for my family.

Dan the deacon · Sep 25, 2018

In prayer for you and your family.
Don't rush to move. Mom may be just fine. Give it the required time. Your mom is still young.

SashaMaria · Sep 25, 2018

Sparkle, I’m so sorry about your dad and my heart goes out to you and your family.

May your dad Rest In Peace.

Prayers for you, your mom and family.
Lord have mercy!

Sam91 · Sep 25, 2018

Hi. Praying. Was just thinking/posting of my own grief then I read your post.

I am sorry for what has happened to you. Such a shock too. Remember the Lord will be watching over you all.

I don't think you should make any decisions about moving. Your mum might be better moving home. Maybe she could come and stay with you for a while when you return home. She might want some solitude after the funeral. Who knows? Everyone is different. I also pray that your sister calms down, she needs your mum too at a time like this. Maybe blowing up is part of the way is coping.

God bless you all.

sparkle123 · Sep 25, 2018

Dan the deacon said:
In prayer for you and your family.
Don't rush to move. Mom may be just fine. Give it the required time. Your mom is still young.

Thank you. My uncle suggested she would be ok by herself too and that she would move to be near us in time. But shes said she wants us to stay here a while. She also said she finds where we live depressing (northeast city vs the deep south, i cant blame her) So I don't know. We will see.

Sam91 · Sep 25, 2018

sparkle123 said:
Thank you. My uncle suggested she would be ok by herself too and that she would move to be near us in time. But shes said she wants us to stay here a while. She also said she finds where we live depressing (northeast city vs the deep south, i cant blame her) So I don't know. We will see.

You can video phone, ordinary phone and check in on her as often as you want to appease your mind. I know when my partner went (only 4.5 years together, not like your parents, and everyone is different) I needed solitude.

sparkle123 · Sep 25, 2018

Sam91 said:
You can video phone, ordinary phone and check in on her as often as you want to appease your mind. I know when my partner went (only 4.5 years together, not like your parents, and everyone is different) I needed solitude.

Yes I've thought of that. Its complicated by having her first and only grandchild and wanting to be a part of their life. They were dad to have to move here a year ago when dad lost his job. Our last conversation before he died was about wanting all of us to be closer. So sad. Thanks for your prayers.

sparkle123 · Sep 25, 2018

SashaMaria said:
Sparkle, I’m so sorry about your dad and my heart goes out to you and your family.

May your dad Rest In Peace.

Prayers for you, your mom and family.
Lord have mercy!

Thank you.

eleos1954 · Sep 25, 2018

sparkle123 said:
My dad was hit by a motorist on the 15th while walking his dog. He would have died at the scene but they put him on a ventilator. He was brain dead right away. 59 years old. Healthy. We just saw him a few days ago. He just became a grandpa to our 9 mo old baby.

It feels unreal. We are half the country away now staying with my mom. She cant believe it either.. no family around her. So it looks like we have to move down here. I cant just leave my mom alone after dad died like this. 18 hours away from any family in a town she and dad only lived in a year.

We have to sell our house. Someone's watching our animals still. I dont know what's going on.

To make it more complicated my only sibling decided it was a good time to act out her grudge against me and made the past week a nightmare by refusing to stay in the house with all of us, not speaking to me, and taking off for hours in my dad's Corvette. my husband is exhausted by our family dysfunction and I'm not sure we will move down here because hes afraid we will see my sibling more which means trouble...

But I cant leave my mom. Shes strong but no ones that strong. She doesnt work, dad provided for her. Shes alone somewhere she knows no one. I pray that we will make it through this. I pray my husbands job will let him work remote for a while. I pray my sibling will get help of some kind. I pray we will be able to move here to support my mom.

Mostly I pray my dads soul will find rest with the Lord. His faith was private and he was not a church goer. He didnt talk about God. He was not a saint but was a good man. My mom told me today about a Christian movie they saw and enjoyed together. I might watch it tonight after baby sleeps if I can handle it.

I just had to get this off my chest. Please pray for my family.

Such a difficult time ;o( ... Have you asked your mom what all she feels she needs to help her get through all this? I would say be around as much as possible (in person and many many phone calls) but not make the huge change of moving ... difficult .... very difficult. Does your mom have a relationship with the Lord? If so, I'm sure if you contacted any church in the area they would be willing to provide all kinds of support as well, even if she isn't a member of it. I watched my sister-in-law struggle with the decision to take her husband off life support ... and she did finally made that very difficult decision, took her over a month to do so ... difficult ... very difficult. Because of going through this time with her .... my husband and I made sure we have in place ... I think they call it a living will ... whereas .... no life support ... we make that decision now so loved ones don't have to.

May the Lord wrap His loving arms around you, your mom, your family and hold you especially close. Amen.

Lost4words · Sep 25, 2018

Me he rest in peace. God bless you and your family.

sparkle123 · Sep 26, 2018

eleos1954 said:
Such a difficult time ;o( ... Have you asked your mom what all she feels she needs to help her get through all this? I would say be around as much as possible (in person and many many phone calls) but not make the huge change of moving ... difficult .... very difficult. Does your mom have a relationship with the Lord? If so, I'm sure if you contacted any church in the area they would be willing to provide all kinds of support as well, even if she isn't a member of it. I watched my sister-in-law struggle with the decision to take her husband off life support ... and she did finally made that very difficult decision, took her over a month to do so ... difficult ... very difficult. Because of going through this time with her .... my husband and I made sure we have in place ... I think they call it a living will ... whereas .... no life support ... we make that decision now so loved ones don't have to.

May the Lord wrap His loving arms around you, your mom, your family and hold you especially close. Amen.

Thank you for your words. Yes my mom has faith but no church. Shes Lutheran daughter of a deacon but has let her issues keep her away from joining a church for many many years. She did have a pastor for my dads service and has expressed interest in his church. I will likely need to go with her because shes nervous about it. It will help with friends too I hope. Dad was her sole support here and she has a few neighbors shes friendly with but no real friends or community. We need to work on that asap.

We have talked and she wants us close. My last conversation with my dad was about the difficulty of being far apart. 18 hours away from their kids and first grandbaby. Then he dies. I am slowing down on the move idea but there's no way I'm willing to be so far apart from my only parent. Life is too short and no guarantee we will be able to be close in a few years if we wait.

Dynamaniac · Oct 2, 2018

I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayers for you and your family that God wraps you in His loving arms and guides you through this process of change and grief. Keep an open heart and don't rush into any decisions right now. Take the time to grieve together and to come to a semblance of some kind of new normal. There are a lot of things to go through and your mom is going to need you. Can you just stay with her for a while to help her to get through the next few weeks at least? Maybe your husband could work remote for a little while like you said, or commute back and forth. The Lord will work it all out.

As for your sister, remember that she is grieving. She's trying to make sense of everything just like you are. She is afraid of the changes that are coming and misses her dad also. What kind of relationship did she have with your father? Do you know if she's going through any other type of grief -- boyfriend issues, school issues, etc.? Death affects everyone differently and grief is different for everyone -- some of us deal with it and some of us don't. My father passed from cancer 20 years ago. I have three siblings and none of us are over it. My youngest brother passed three years ago, and the rest of us are still shocked by that. All of this to say, keep an open heart and an open mind. Be open to the still quiet voice of the Lord and follow His lead.

God bless you and your family. God loves you and He is in control. God grieves with you and only He truly knows the pain that each of you is experiencing. I pray that He will make you aware of how close He truly is to you and that His will is made evident and undeniable in your decisions regarding the future. In Jesus name, Amen!

sparkle123 · Oct 2, 2018

Dynamaniac said:
I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayers for you and your family that God wraps you in His loving arms and guides you through this process of change and grief. Keep an open heart and don't rush into any decisions right now. Take the time to grieve together and to come to a semblance of some kind of new normal. There are a lot of things to go through and your mom is going to need you. Can you just stay with her for a while to help her to get through the next few weeks at least? Maybe your husband could work remote for a little while like you said, or commute back and forth. The Lord will work it all out.

As for your sister, remember that she is grieving. She's trying to make sense of everything just like you are. She is afraid of the changes that are coming and misses her dad also. What kind of relationship did she have with your father? Do you know if she's going through any other type of grief -- boyfriend issues, school issues, etc.? Death affects everyone differently and grief is different for everyone -- some of us deal with it and some of us don't. My father passed from cancer 20 years ago. I have three siblings and none of us are over it. My youngest brother passed three years ago, and the rest of us are still shocked by that. All of this to say, keep an open heart and an open mind. Be open to the still quiet voice of the Lord and follow His lead.

God bless you and your family. God loves you and He is in control. God grieves with you and only He truly knows the pain that each of you is experiencing. I pray that He will make you aware of how close He truly is to you and that His will is made evident and undeniable in your decisions regarding the future. In Jesus name, Amen!

Thank you for that. My dad has been gone a little over 2 weeks now and my mom is only getting worse. I understand what you mean about everyone being different. She has a lot of anger toward the driver who killed my dad while I work hard to see it as an accident and not dwell on that part of things. I am praying she can let this part of it go in time because it's only making things worse.

I'm starting to not want to move so much but really, no alternative it seems. My sister is under contract and cant come any sooner than April. We are 18 hours away and flying can get pricey. I also pray that God will be working this situation for the best for us all because its uncertain now.

I am letting it go with my sister. She is having difficulties with her boyfriend and she and I have always had our differences. Life is too short...

Grief is a wilderness. Hoping we can begin to see some order but fear it may be a while ... until then, just praying. Still cant believe he wont be home but in time, maybe. Really, thank you for your prayers. God bless.

Dynamaniac · Oct 2, 2018

How long were your parents married? Try to remember that her life has been turned upside down. Someone she intended on growing old with has been ripped from her life and all of plans have now changed in the blink of an eye. She is reeling and a part of grief is anger and a part of anger is blame. She is still in a state of shock and each morning when she wakes up, she remembers it all over again -- that suddenly, she's alone, and her life partner is no longer here.

It's only been 14 days/2 weeks. Moving may very well turn out to be your only option, but again, allow God to lead this. If it is meant to be, it will be undeniable and it won't be so much your decision as God's. Things will just fall into place if it is His will.

Do you have more than one sister? In your initial post, it sounded like you were dealing with one, but your second post makes it sound like two. Maybe I misunderstood something. I would say, just pray for her/them. It sounds like you're the rock in your family and that is probably because you're relying on Jesus to see you through. Be that witness for them in your actions, your support, your words. That will bless them, but most of all, it will bless you.

In my first post, I really didn't want to make it about me, but I understand what you're going through, and I know things are rough right now. Like I mentioned, my father passed from cancer 20 years ago. It was a rough time, to be sure, and one that my sisters and I struggled through differently and for different reasons, and those are not irrelevant, but they're not important to my point. What I didn't say was that my little brother committed suicide. I was not saved when that happened three years ago and my world crashed in on me, and my mother was (and in some ways is still) a basket case. Through all of that, God used this tragedy to reach me.

A week after this life-altering event, I was saved. God showed me that He was in ultimate control. I tell you this to encourage you so that you will keep your faith and continue to trust that God has a plan, and it's not a plan to harm you, but one to make you prosper (spiritually, that is). He works all things out for good for those who love Him and are called for His purpose. (Romans 8:28) Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and who's trust is the Lord (Jeremiah 17:7, NASB). He is in control and He is working it out because He loves you and your family.

sparkle123 · Oct 2, 2018

Dynamaniac said:
How long were your parents married? Try to remember that her life has been turned upside down. Someone she intended on growing old with has been ripped from her life and all of plans have now changed in the blink of an eye. She is reeling and a part of grief is anger and a part of anger is blame. She is still in a state of shock and each morning when she wakes up, she remembers it all over again -- that suddenly, she's alone, and her life partner is no longer here.

It's only been 14 days/2 weeks. Moving may very well turn out to be your only option, but again, allow God to lead this. If it is meant to be, it will be undeniable and it won't be so much your decision as God's. Things will just fall into place if it is His will.

Do you have more than one sister? In your initial post, it sounded like you were dealing with one, but your second post makes it sound like two. Maybe I misunderstood something. I would say, just pray for her/them. It sounds like you're the rock in your family and that is probably because you're relying on Jesus to see you through. Be that witness for them in your actions, your support, your words. That will bless them, but most of all, it will bless you.

In my first post, I really didn't want to make it about me, but I understand what you're going through, and I know things are rough right now. Like I mentioned, my father passed from cancer 20 years ago. It was a rough time, to be sure, and one that my sisters and I struggled through differently and for different reasons, and those are not irrelevant, but they're not important to my point. What I didn't say was that my little brother committed suicide. I was not saved when that happened three years ago and my world crashed in on me, and my mother was (and in some ways is still) a basket case. Through all of that, God used this tragedy to reach me.

A week after this life-altering event, I was saved. God showed me that He was in ultimate control. I tell you this to encourage you so that you will keep your faith and continue to trust that God has a plan, and it's not a plan to harm you, but one to make you prosper (spiritually, that is). He works all things out for good for those who love Him and are called for His purpose. (Romans 8:28) Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and who's trust is the Lord (Jeremiah 17:7, NASB). He is in control and He is working it out because He loves you and your family.

Hi. Thanks again, your words are a comfort and I can tell you've been there which is helpful to me now. My parents were married 36 years. They met at 13 though. My moms love was in some ways sacrificial as she took care of my dad and their life revolved around his career and his interests with her tending to the house. I guess I'm just frightened of her anger and worry that she will get stuck in it but I do understand its normal. I also felt angry at first and still do when I think too much about it. It's hard not to given the circumstances but somehow I have found it easier to let go of anger toward the young man who did this. I truly believe it was an accident and that he will have to suffer for it too, whether he feels responsible or not his moment of inattention killed a man... so, I'd rather not be him.

I have a cousin who died by suicide as well and I'm sorry to hear you experienced that in your family. His parents were some of the most comforting and wise people around during the memorial. I am probably worrying too much about everyone else but I do feel like as much as this is causing me pain I will be ok. I do feel God is present in this and I have felt comforted. I just fear what will happen next as far as the life of my family. I'm afraid of making a wrong move so to speak. I will be praying and trying to give up my sense of control around this...

It was my grandmother's death that brought me to back to the Lord. So I have hope. I think I might know what you mean about these events and God being able to reach us in and through them as I was very very lost at the time. I'm glad you shared about yourself because you reminded me of this. I feel like the only good that cam come of all this is to move closer to the Lord and rely more and more on Him. I know I will never be able to see life the same after getting that call just a couple weeks ago.

Sam91 · Oct 2, 2018

Don't worry about your mum's anger yet. The anger is the probably the way she is dealing with the immense shock and emotionally she isn't ready to face the true ones. It is a coping strategy and she needs to do something to deal with what has happened.

It will be three years in December that my partner of only 4.5 years passed. Best friends before that for a few months. My case wasn't a shock and hadn't spent 35 years with him. So what has happened to your mum is very different. But I am mentioning that because even now I can not face that my partner is really....

sparkle123 · Oct 2, 2018

Sam91 said:
Don't worry about your mum's anger yet. The anger is the probably the way she is dealing with the immense shock and emotionally she isn't ready to face the true ones. It is a coping strategy and she needs to do something to deal with what has happened.

It will be three years in December that my partner of only 4.5 years passed. Best friends before that for a few months. My case wasn't a shock and hadn't spent 35 years with him. So what has happened to your mum is very different. But I am mentioning that because even now I can not face that my partner is really....

4.5 years is no short time when you love someone. I've been with my husband about that long. Lord have mercy. I will say a prayer for you tonight. Yes, my mom knew my dad so long. Its heartbreaking and part of the reason I dont want to leave her alone in her grief.

eleos1954 · Jul 7, 2020

sparkle123 said:
My dad was hit by a motorist on the 15th while walking his dog. He would have died at the scene but they put him on a ventilator. He was brain dead right away. 59 years old. Healthy. We just saw him a few days ago. He just became a grandpa to our 9 mo old baby.

It feels unreal. We are half the country away now staying with my mom. She cant believe it either.. no family around her. So it looks like we have to move down here. I cant just leave my mom alone after dad died like this. 18 hours away from any family in a town she and dad only lived in a year.

We have to sell our house. Someone's watching our animals still. I dont know what's going on.

To make it more complicated my only sibling decided it was a good time to act out her grudge against me and made the past week a nightmare by refusing to stay in the house with all of us, not speaking to me, and taking off for hours in my dad's Corvette. my husband is exhausted by our family dysfunction and I'm not sure we will move down here because hes afraid we will see my sibling more which means trouble...

But I cant leave my mom. Shes strong but no ones that strong. She doesnt work, dad provided for her. Shes alone somewhere she knows no one. I pray that we will make it through this. I pray my husbands job will let him work remote for a while. I pray my sibling will get help of some kind. I pray we will be able to move here to support my mom.

Mostly I pray my dads soul will find rest with the Lord. His faith was private and he was not a church goer. He didnt talk about God. He was not a saint but was a good man. My mom told me today about a Christian movie they saw and enjoyed together. I might watch it tonight after baby sleeps if I can handle it.

I just had to get this off my chest. Please pray for my family.

Sorry to hear about your loss. May the Lord comfort you and your family during this difficult time.

I lost my husband of 37 years unexpectedly this last November. Very difficult. But I do take comfort in knowing I will see Him again some day ... when we are in Heaven with Jesus together ... until then... I carry him and wonderful memories in my heart.

After his passing ... my son moved down here and we purchased a property we can both live on yet separately. He has been a great comfort and help to me. He was glad to move out of a much bigger city anyway ... I live in a small town ... we always have lived rural and he was glad to get back to his "roots" of rural living ... we were always blessed in that regard.

The Lord looks at hearts ... no doubt your father had a good one. Time does heal. The Lord will comfort you.

May you be encouraged ...

Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Isaiah 25:8
He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken.

Numbers 6:24-26
May the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

May the Lord draw all of you near to Him. Amen.

SANTOSO · Aug 15, 2020

sparkle123 said:
My dad was hit by a motorist on the 15th while walking his dog. He would have died at the scene but they put him on a ventilator. He was brain dead right away. 59 years old. Healthy. We just saw him a few days ago. He just became a grandpa to our 9 mo old baby.

It feels unreal. We are half the country away now staying with my mom. She cant believe it either.. no family around her. So it looks like we have to move down here. I cant just leave my mom alone after dad died like this. 18 hours away from any family in a town she and dad only lived in a year.

We have to sell our house. Someone's watching our animals still. I dont know what's going on.

To make it more complicated my only sibling decided it was a good time to act out her grudge against me and made the past week a nightmare by refusing to stay in the house with all of us, not speaking to me, and taking off for hours in my dad's Corvette. my husband is exhausted by our family dysfunction and I'm not sure we will move down here because hes afraid we will see my sibling more which means trouble...

But I cant leave my mom. Shes strong but no ones that strong. She doesnt work, dad provided for her. Shes alone somewhere she knows no one. I pray that we will make it through this. I pray my husbands job will let him work remote for a while. I pray my sibling will get help of some kind. I pray we will be able to move here to support my mom.

Mostly I pray my dads soul will find rest with the Lord. His faith was private and he was not a church goer. He didnt talk about God. He was not a saint but was a good man. My mom told me today about a Christian movie they saw and enjoyed together. I might watch it tonight after baby sleeps if I can handle it.

I just had to get this off my chest. Please pray for my family.

Sister,
I grief with you for your lost. You share that your mother, sibling and husband take their grief differently and add burdens to you.

May God grant you, your mother, husband, and sibling’s wisdom and strength to bear up with what happened around you.

May God grant you wisdom and strength to forgive those who trespass you.
Amen

Your kind concern for your mother is wonderful. Just reassure your mother and believe that God provide all her needs in Christ.

Your concern for your husband is thoughtful.
May God provide your husband longs for.

Yes, you come to remember what good your father have. It is good to remember the good things !

God also, our Heavenly Father !
There is power in His name.
God able to redeem you out of all troubles.
Trust Him and glorify Him that You receive His help. It will come to pass what you believe.

This is what I find commendable written:
1 Timothy 5:4
But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.

1 Timothy 5:5
The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.

I hope in this you find something enlightening and comfort — the right thing you and your mother could do in God.

Blessed be God who daily bears your burdens!
God is our salvation.

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