God has abandoned me.

are you volunteering anywhere Megan? Service to others can take our spotlight off our own issues and open doors we didn't know existed.

megan_26 said:

All I ask of him is to show me that he's there and listening but he never does!! I was in a really, really, really dark place in my life and I needed strength and comfort, or at least one of those. I needed to know that I wasn't alone and he stayed silent. He didn't provide peace or comfort or even a sign that he was there. And that doesn't feel like love to me. What kind of person claims to love someone but stays silent when they're suffering?

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Did you receive the Holy Spirit as in Christ in Us? If not invite Him in ask for that gift using His own words you said ask so I am asking. Like Jacob don't let go until He blesses you.

megan_26 said:

I don't have any faith anymore. Call me what you like, but I have given up. I hear stories of God speaking to people, taking their pain away. Yet I have spent so many nights sobbing alone in my bed, begging for help, pleading for God to take away the pain or at least let me know that he's there. I've spent so many nights reaching up, desperate for him. But I'm just talking to my ceiling. I don't have it in me to try anymore. He has abandoned me or he never loved me in the first place. I'm not sure what to do. I believe he exists still but I don't believe he cares. He wasn't there when I needed him most and I don't know if he ever was.

Not sure what else to say. I just don't think there's a point in calling myself a Christian anymore. I don't know what I believe.

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Instead of sobbing at night about God not taken action, go out to help others in need, feed the hungry, cloth the naked, visit them in prison, then, I guaranty you, God will never leave you nor forsake you.

instead of playing the victim, become part of the answer to others. for God works in us all.

megan_26 said:

I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I'm glad that you're still holding on to your faith. I wish I could have.
But I just don't understand how someone who claims to love us so much can't take away our pain. it seems cruel.

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No pain, No gain... and I do mean that, really... been my experience in this life anyway... But the gain is usually only seen in hindsight as the pain starts to pass or starts to diminish, then you'll see and experience the gain...

This life is very, very short compared to eternity my dear, it is a little bit of temporary pain, for a whole heck of a lot of eternal gain...

I know it's hard right now, but there is some very valuable things you can take away from painful experiences that without them (those painful experiences) you wouldn't have or be able to get the great gain that comes from it, (that pain) only "afterward" though usually...

So, if you in it right now, or it's still pretty fresh, then I understand and can sympathize with the way you feel, and with your pain, and I can pray for you, but just don't really know how much help I can be or what more I can, or could tell you, that would really "help" if the pain is still pretty fresh most especially...

I hope you can get through it and experience the great gain from it afterward dear...

Praying...

God Bless!

Danielwright2311 said:

Instead of sobbing at night about God not taken action, go out to help others in need, feed the hungry, cloth the naked, visit them in prison, then, I guaranty you, God will never leave you nor forsake you.

instead of playing the victim, become part of the answer to others. for God works in us all.

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He kinda does have a point, getting your mind off yourself and on others can be a welcome distraction when your in pain... you'll find that it goes away for awhile, and can even help make it easier to deal with when you do have to deal with it...

And if you can find joy and pleasure and delight in helping others (to have the same maybe also maybe) or just in someway being a good help for others, in some way, you'll feel joy and delight and pleasure in it and can even find some happiness in it... Which does wonders for the pain...

Get out there and be a in some way a blessing to others and see what that can or does do to and for your feelings or with the pain...

God Bless!

megan_26 said:

I don't have any faith anymore. Call me what you like, but I have given up. I hear stories of God speaking to people, taking their pain away. Yet I have spent so many nights sobbing alone in my bed, begging for help, pleading for God to take away the pain or at least let me know that he's there. I've spent so many nights reaching up, desperate for him. But I'm just talking to my ceiling. I don't have it in me to try anymore. He has abandoned me or he never loved me in the first place. I'm not sure what to do. I believe he exists still but I don't believe he cares. He wasn't there when I needed him most and I don't know if he ever was.

Not sure what else to say. I just don't think there's a point in calling myself a Christian anymore. I don't know what I believe.

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If you are in Christ, the chain will only go so far, and He will draw you to Him. If not, then your doubts are confirmed. What I do not believe, is that we are able to break the Heavenly chain. And often people think the grass is greener in other pastures, but find themselves like a lost sheep without a Shepherd. As the late Keith Green once sang "you can run to the end of the highway, and still not find what you're looking for". If you leave and come back like the prodigal, of one thing I am certain, you'll be singing a different and beautiful song. In the meantime, be careful, it's a cruel world we live in, and much of it is hidden.

Apologetic_Warrior said:

If you are in Christ, the chain will only go so far, and He will draw you to Him. If not, then your doubts are confirmed. What I do not believe, is that we are able to break the Heavenly chain. And often people think the grass is greener in other pastures, but find themselves like a lost sheep without a Shepherd. As the late Keith Green once sang "you can run to the end of the highway, and still not find what you're looking for". If you leave and come back like the prodigal, of one thing I am certain, you'll be singing a different and beautiful song. In the meantime, be careful, it's a cruel world we live in, and much of it is hidden.

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Yes you do have to be careful around and with people and use some caution also, some people can be toxic, even dangerous... But, do you like animals? If you like animals but don't want to take on the responsibility of owing one, or just don't feel your ready for that, but like animals, maybe you could volunteer at and animal shelter or something...?

I find I like animals better than people sometimes...

Oh, and God has spoke to me through animals many times before also... And does I feel with my own pets sometimes...

God Bless!

megan_26 said:

I don't have any faith anymore. Call me what you like, but I have given up. I hear stories of God speaking to people, taking their pain away. Yet I have spent so many nights sobbing alone in my bed, begging for help, pleading for God to take away the pain or at least let me know that he's there. I've spent so many nights reaching up, desperate for him. But I'm just talking to my ceiling. I don't have it in me to try anymore. He has abandoned me or he never loved me in the first place. I'm not sure what to do. I believe he exists still but I don't believe he cares. He wasn't there when I needed him most and I don't know if he ever was.

Not sure what else to say. I just don't think there's a point in calling myself a Christian anymore. I don't know what I believe.

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Megan, get up and go out the door of your home and start helping people. Put on the armor of Christ and do what you can for others expecting nothing in return. Stop "begging God" and start doing what God wants you and all of us to do. To manifest the Glory of His son, Jesus to the world. That means to turn your blessings into works, not for salvation because that is a waste of effort and time. Turn your blessings into works because God wants us to be that blessing to others. Start small. One thing at a time. One day at a time. You are going to be shocked at how loud our God is when you step out and step up to volunteer to be for somebody else.

megan_26 said:

Yeah I'm really tired of having to make myself perfect in order for God to care about me

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You don't have to be perfect, that would be impossible and I think you already know that. You just can't be living in rebellion.

Did I miss where you said what kind of pain you have, Megan? Physical, spiritual, emotional?

I just ask, because I have had Rhuematoid Athritis for over 20 years. It is so excruciating, when not controlled, I cannot walk to the bathroom and back. I can’t feed myself, or give myself a drink, because I lose the range of motion in my elbows and shoulders. The pain is 10/10!

And of course, you feel helpless, and life doesn’t seem worth living. So then you get depressed.

Back when I first got RA, I had some Word Faith friends. They told me Iwasn't healed, because I didn't have enough faith! Talk about adding insult to injury.

I became angry at God. Stopped reading my Bible, praying and going to church. Turned my face to the wall, waiting to die. But God had other plans!

He told me to read 5 Psalms a day! I heard a lot of pain. People crying out to God! I did that for 2 years. Then, God called me to a little church where I found some supportive friends. Then God called me to seminary, and I have a ministry to the hurting and broken.

I’m still in a lot of physical pain, but I rejoice every day because of who God is. I don’t see God as a sugar daddy in the sky, who must give me what I demand. Instead, I know God is the sovereign Lord and Creator, the Saviour of those who believe. I trust God in all things, especially in pain. I know he is there through all the fires and floods.

“43 Now, this is what the Lord says,
the one who created you, O Jacob,
and formed you, O Israel:
“Don’t be afraid, for I will protect you.
I call you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I am with you;
when you pass through the streams, they will not overwhelm you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not harm you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your deliverer.” Isa. 43:1-3a

I challenge you to read the Psalms. You will find God’s People, and who God is. Please pm me if you want to talk more!

We live in a fallen world, but one day we will live with Jesus forever in Heaven. He will wipe every year from our eyes. He died on a cross for us. He was beaten, mocked, spit on, and hung there for us... He shed His blood, so that our sins can be forgiven. This is your hope to hang onto. The Bible says, "His grace is sufficient for us." And it is. God can give you what you ask for, but even if not, we must praise Him still. And we will find His peace if not in this life, but the next. But if you walk away from God, you will never find that peace and comfort you are seeking. God is the only hope in this fallen world. Without God, there is no hope at all. Serving others in His name, studying His Word, talking to Him...this is what brings purpose and peace in our lives. It is when we praise Him in the storms of life and serve Him while we are waiting, that the mundane becomes a miracle. I'd be dead if it wasn't for my Savior.

I've struggled with the thoughts a lot too in the past, that God has left me. Recently, I've had some possibly permanent physical ailments afflict me (that is rare/few people experience this type of thing. I'll spare the details in this thread), and I've been striving to fight off jealousy of those who aren't afflicted. Sometimes I've wondered if God even cares. That He is all "surrender or die."

My most recent struggle has been battling a torn heart. Half of me wants God and to serve Him, the other half absolutely despises Him. I kept trying to pray and get that 'moment', where I felt Christ fall upon me, where I felt my sin lifted from my shoulders, where I was totally new. And it never came. I kept seeking that experience. "I need to surrender more, I need to repent more. I'm not doing this enough." Etc. I kept hearing people say they felt majestic, glorious feelings of joy and relief at salvation, or at times in their walks. I've heard people discuss how they feel God's presence daily.

I've been battling this divided heart. I eventually learned and realized salvation is only through Christ. The strength of my surrender, repentance, etc. doesn't save me, but Christ does. So I realized it was simply a gift to be received. Yet, when I think of His salvation, I find myself going "meh, do I really want that? There's no going back and it's a 100% change." And I retort to those thoughts "of course I do. There has been change in me and I want to change and love Him." Yet I feel my heart and this sinful self in me distorting my perception. People say not to go on feelings, and that is absolutely true, but when it feels like the bottom of your heart is against Him and you try to change that and feel hopeless because you feel like you lie during every prayer feelings of giving up comes. I sought His presence, but never found it in the way I had thought I was supposed to have it. Every time I read the Bible I had to force myself, every time I prayed I had to force myself. Not out of hate, but out of everything in me pulling me away from Him. I thought I am too hard-hearted to be saved. Not that He isn't able, but that I truly don't want salvation. I have probably asked to be saved at least a literal 1000 times, each time trying to be more sincere. I thought "perhaps I am secretly dodging it and just hoping to be saved and not changed. Maybe it's only out of fear. Maybe its x. Maybe it's y."

I tried to force my mind and self to think of Him differently in another light, to try to make myself see Him as all satisfying. But I learned that the answer is to let HIM change me. I can't. I simply bring this before Him and pray "Please let me understand and see the glory of Christ. Please guide me and give me a new heart that loves you." And I never felt any "magical" moments. I have felt some moments of peace. Yet I don't use those or seek those to be the confirmation of my faith. I worried that due to my divided heart, He didn't hear me. I was not living a lifestyle of sin/going back and forth; when I prayed for change, I felt that I couldn't get 100% of myself to desire it, as I was unsure of what it's like and nervous of letting go completely. Then today happened. I was overwhelmed with my struggles and ailments. I started to get angry and tried to push that away. I read a devotional by John Piper, as I wanted to spend time with God and seek Him. And the passage was on 2 Corinthians 1:3-6:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer."

He connected another verse into His discussion, which was Romans 8:32:

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

I trusted that God did hear me. I wasn't trying to make a compromise for a half-walk, I was struggling to give in fully and go deeper in my walk with Him. But, if God gave up His own Son for me, how much more will He help me and give me a new heart and teach me how to love Him? Even if I felt condemnation a lot, and I tried to seek some great moment in which His presence would be known to me. But I just trusted. And I felt some comfort- the first I have in a loooong time. And in the last few months of seeking I haven't felt much, aside from condemnation (which I learned too isn't from God. He will convict us, but show us how to come back to Him. I was filled with feelings of being too evil and helpless).

In the verse above, it describes how He is the God of all comfort. That doesn't mean we get instant relief- which I sought, but that as we trust in Him He promises rest. I know what it's like to not feel God's presence- most of my walk I have been without it. At least, in the big flashy, supernatural-emotion way. I've learned that enjoying time with a friend and them caring for me and me caring for them is God's presence. I've learned that me struggling to fight to desire Him, even when my entire being wants to turn against Him is Him holding me and guiding me. His presence is in small ways, not always the big ways. I wanted to share what He has and is doing in my life. I was in months of agony and fear in my faith, and am slowly learning to trust Him and rely on Him, even when I feel nothing.

If I were to give you any advice, it'd be to pray and stay in the Word. It doesn't have to be flashy or a lot like reading several chapters a day. But just spending some time, even if a few minutes, to devote to Him. To trust that He is there and guiding you. Because He is. I have gone from a lifestyle of sin to struggling to love Him first to seeking Him more and more. And even though I haven't had any big revelations moment, a lot of small moments led up to me being able to look back, and say that it is only God who carried me through. If it was myself, I would be living in sin and not paying any heed to Him. And His grace sustains me even when I don't feel it.

For some people, big emotions or experiences of His presence are common. For others, they may feel little to nothing, but they are not less or farther from God than the others. From one never/rarely-feel-anything believer to another, He is there.

Also, about having to make yourself perfect for God to care about you. My heart is definitely not perfect. Like I said, even when I think of salvation there is this part of me that doesn't want it, a part that doesn't want the Holy Spirit in me. Another part is nervous of what it's like to let Him have full control, and fears Him. Yet, there is a small but growing part of me that hasn't been wiped away, but growing and developing that desires Him and His will and to love Him and praise Him. I desperately reach out and pray for a changed heart, and worried that since my heart is so divided He doesn't hear me. Yet, God is there and works with me. He loves me and is changing me. This hostile nature in me towards Him is changing and disappearing. I desire to honor Him. I desire to change. I don't need to be perfect; I don't need the perfect heart. And the same is true for you. He loves you too, even if you don't feel it. Jesus says "come to me", He doesn't say "come to me with the perfect heart, perfect repentance, perfect surrender." Yes, surrender and repentance are necessary, but He gives us and helps us with them. If you could perfectly repent and surrender, you would have the most perfect walk of all believers. He doesn't say "be perfect and then I'll accept you." We can't be perfect apart from Him, nor will we be fully in this life. That's what I realized. At times I slacked off too much seeking Him, and sometimes I pushed myself too hard (in the sense that I tried to change myself, not let Him change me). We go to Him and pray "help us surrender, help us turn to you." He calls us to come, and pray- and trust- that He hears us and will change us; He will give us these new desires. They can't be produced by self. Neither can we earn our way to Him. No matter what you struggle with, He accepts you as you are. Even if you feel nothing, that doesn't mean He isn't working in you, nor that He doesn't love you. He knows and cares for you. I know how frustrating it is when you feel nothing, yet see other people "flying into the sky" so to speak with overwhelming emotions of joy and peace.

I thought that the lack of a definitive moment of knowing when He saved me/an emotional experience meant I never knew Him and He was never with me. That every prayer was a lie and that I am damning myself. But now I know that we don't all have emotional experiences. I was upwards praying for salvation a legit 5-10 times a day, not feeling sincere enough as well as having a hard heart and trying to change myself each time to pray/accept it better. I kept seeking that "the Holy Spirit confirms with our Spirit that we are His" feeling. But feelings-wise, I felt empty. Yet looking back, I see His hand in my life. It sucks not having them, but regardless, don't trust feelings. Trust God. So many things are going haywire in my life, but by His grace I am learning to trust in Him. It's hard, it's frustrating at times, but He will never leave you nor forsake you. If you sincerely have asked Christ to save you from your sin and lead you, even with doubts or struggles or a divided heart that is struggling to choose Him, He will. If we could make ourselves perfect to receive Him and His love, there would be no point in Him dying for us. There may be joy, there may be nothing. Heck, I've heard of people who initially felt terrible after salvation! Like "what have I just gotten myself into." Yet, their walks were strong and fruitful.

Also, (last thing I promise, I apologize. I get carried away and a thousand different ideas when I participate in a conversation), the fruits of the Spirit are FRUITS. Even if you don't feel a lot of love, peace, or joy, that doesn't mean that He is not working in you, or heck much at all. Fruits start as seeds. Some grow at different rates than others, but even a small barely-starting to sprout seed is still a seed.

megan_26 said:

I don't have any faith anymore. Call me what you like, but I have given up. I hear stories of God speaking to people, taking their pain away. Yet I have spent so many nights sobbing alone in my bed, begging for help, pleading for God to take away the pain or at least let me know that he's there. I've spent so many nights reaching up, desperate for him. But I'm just talking to my ceiling. I don't have it in me to try anymore. He has abandoned me or he never loved me in the first place. I'm not sure what to do. I believe he exists still but I don't believe he cares. He wasn't there when I needed him most and I don't know if he ever was.

Not sure what else to say. I just don't think there's a point in calling myself a Christian anymore. I don't know what I believe.

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I don’t know if it is a comfort, but read the parable ‘footprints’.

Also you need to get to a decent church where people can help show you the love that God has for you.

megan_26 said:

I don't have any faith anymore. Call me what you like, but I have given up. I hear stories of God speaking to people, taking their pain away. Yet I have spent so many nights sobbing alone in my bed, begging for help, pleading for God to take away the pain or at least let me know that he's there. I've spent so many nights reaching up, desperate for him. But I'm just talking to my ceiling. I don't have it in me to try anymore. He has abandoned me or he never loved me in the first place. I'm not sure what to do. I believe he exists still but I don't believe he cares. He wasn't there when I needed him most and I don't know if he ever was.

Not sure what else to say. I just don't think there's a point in calling myself a Christian anymore. I don't know what I believe.

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With the little information I'm reading, the situation looks like it's provoking you against God. Is God being unjust with your circumstances? There's an entire book about a similar situation with Job. Thing is we don't know the full picture of what is going on in the heavenly realms and I only know a little more about this pain you're talking about.

I think one thing numerous Christians confront is the question, will God "... who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ"? Philippians 1:6

Like all people, Christians individually differ in how we respond to God and life. Personally my life hasn't been all rosy either but I'm convinced God is just and cares about me. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11 NIV. Albeit such a thing may not happen in this life time, giving up is a choice to struggle with.

megan_26 said:

I don't have any faith anymore. Call me what you like, but I have given up. I hear stories of God speaking to people, taking their pain away. Yet I have spent so many nights sobbing alone in my bed, begging for help, pleading for God to take away the pain or at least let me know that he's there. I've spent so many nights reaching up, desperate for him. But I'm just talking to my ceiling. I don't have it in me to try anymore. He has abandoned me or he never loved me in the first place. I'm not sure what to do. I believe he exists still but I don't believe he cares. He wasn't there when I needed him most and I don't know if he ever was.

Not sure what else to say. I just don't think there's a point in calling myself a Christian anymore. I don't know what I believe.

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Psalms 51:1-19 To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. (2) Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! (3) For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. (4) Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. (5) Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. (6) Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. (7) Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. (8) Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. (9) Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. (10) Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (11) Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. (12) Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. (13) Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. (14) Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. (15) O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. (16) For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. (17) The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (18) Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; (19) then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

It seems like you are going through trials that you are about to give up. I feel with you on this, I can assure you, and know exactly how it is like. I won't give you any other hope then what Jesus have already promised, but stopping to think about just what it means to know and believe in Him, with eternal life after this short and often seemingly meaningless life, the idea that death will not touch you, might give some comfort.

With Kind Regards

megan_26 said:

I don't have any faith anymore. Call me what you like, but I have given up. I hear stories of God speaking to people, taking their pain away. Yet I have spent so many nights sobbing alone in my bed, begging for help, pleading for God to take away the pain or at least let me know that he's there. I've spent so many nights reaching up, desperate for him. But I'm just talking to my ceiling. I don't have it in me to try anymore. He has abandoned me or he never loved me in the first place. I'm not sure what to do. I believe he exists still but I don't believe he cares. He wasn't there when I needed him most and I don't know if he ever was.

Not sure what else to say. I just don't think there's a point in calling myself a Christian anymore. I don't know what I believe.

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Hi,
I can assure you that God hasn't abandoned you, but I can appreciate that it feels like that.

I don't know what you are going through or what pain you are carrying, so it would be foolish of me to try to offer advice. Why doesn't God take that pain away? I don't know, but I do know that he has been through it all, and worse.
When Jesus was on earth, he was opposed by religious leaders and even his own family thought he was mad, at one point.
His closest disciples didn't understand or believe in him; he was eventually betrayed by one of them, and another swore blind that he didn't know him.
He endured an illegal trial (by night) on trumped up charges. He was innocent of them, but they still flogged him and nailed him to a cross.
Even without that, the whole reason Jesus came to earth was to die for our sin and wickedness - because it was the only way to reconcile us to his Father, and he wanted us to have a relationship with him. He was perfect and did no wrong, yet he felt the full weight of our sin and cried out, "my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
Jesus was, and is, God, so he understands exactly what you are going through.

I don't know what you mean by "God showing himself."
He has done this through creation, through the cross - even through you writing on this forum and people indicating that they will pray for you.
He is there, he cares and loves you very much and NOTHING will ever separate you from his love.

megan_26 said:

Yeah I'm really tired of having to make myself perfect in order for God to care about me

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You don't have to make yourself perfect - no one can, anyway, so if that were the case, God wouldn't love anybody.
Jesus died for sinners, Romans 5:8

megan_26 said:

All I ask of him is to show me that he's there and listening but he never does!! I was in a really, really, really dark place in my life and I needed strength and comfort, or at least one of those. I needed to know that I wasn't alone and he stayed silent. He didn't provide peace or comfort or even a sign that he was there. And that doesn't feel like love to me. What kind of person claims to love someone but stays silent when they're suffering?

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Have you looked for His avowals of love in the scriptures ?

Have you looked for His avowals of love through those around you ?